


To Be King

by Folie_a_duex



Series: Titan Kings [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, F/F, F/M, Follows the general plot of canon, It’s kinda dark, M/M, Misunderstandings, Omegaverse, Red Heat, Slow Burn, There’s A LOT of cussing I’m just gonna warn you now, but then again this is the snk fandom everything is on drugs or angsty, hidden sexes and genders, mostly angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-04-09
Packaged: 2019-10-28 16:44:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 99,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17791058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Folie_a_duex/pseuds/Folie_a_duex
Summary: Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.The floor is cold but my body is warm.My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.The floor is cold but my body is hot.My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.The floor is cool and my body is fire.My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.~~~I know it’s an oc fic but give it a chance, okay?





	1. The Alpha

**Author's Note:**

> So I made this fic, posted it, then deleted it, and now I’m reposting it? I dunno, I’m just really proud of this fic even if not many people are gonna read it.
> 
> Context points:  
> \- sex means being an alpha, beta, or omega.  
> \- alphas can impregnate omegas  
> \- betas are biological dead ends - usually  
> \- omegas can become pregnant  
> \- gender means if you’re a boy or girl, but it’s mostly just visual appearances. Like if someone is black or white or asian or blond or brown-haired or you know.  
> \- heats and ruts for omegas and alphas, respectively, are monthly, and think it about like it’s a period but instead it’s mating cycles. And guys get it too. HA. They usually last about 48 hours, but it varies.

_ Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

The floor is cold but my body is warm. 

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

The floor is cold but my body is hot.

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

The floor is cool and my body is fire.

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

~~~

 

“Farlan! Over here!” 

 

“What do you mean, over there? An omega died over there! I’m not going anywhere near there!”

 

“That’s because you’re a big, dumb alpha! They’re not dead!”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I mean  _ they’re not dead _ .”

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

The floor is cold and so am I. 

 

Thuds sound and the wood in my room creaks. Someone is here. Is this how they collect the souls in the afterlife? In cold rooms?

 

Hands touch me and I weakly try to roll away. Of course I barely move but apparently it’s not enough for the person touching me.

 

“She’s alive!” She shouts - oh dear god she really  _ shouts _ \- and soon I’m in her arms. 

 

Stop touching me.

 

Someone else comes in - an alpha, my brain gently reminds me. Someone who was supposed to take care of me before this happened. They drop down next to me and feel the pulse in my wrist. 

 

“How the hell is she alive? Her heat is already over, and this is…”

 

“Red heat,” the girl confirms. “She survived.”

 

“How?”

 

“Beats me. But we gotta get her back to big bro, he’ll know what to do,” the girl - a beta, I decide - begins gathering me in her arms, but I can tell she’s straining from my weight. This beta was small, not a lot of muscle on her. Not a lot of fat, either.

 

“But he’s gone! And look around! The people downstairs were killed, and probably assumed that she was already dead - she reeks. They probably just left her to rot. Someone wanted her and her friends dead.”

 

“I know that!” The girl snaps. “But… but we gotta do something! She survived  _ red heat _ , we have to help her! Look at her!” I assume she gestures to me.

 

The alpha sighs. “Fine. We’ll take care of her, but she stays here. We’ll come visit and clean the house up, but Levi doesn’t know  _ anything _ , got it? We don’t know how he’ll react.”

 

The beta shifts and I assume she tries jumping up but fails - due to me in her arms like some damsel in distress. “YES! Thankyouthankyouthankyyou!”

 

A few hours later I’m strong enough to drink water and nibble at some food. 

 

A day later I can whisper out my name. 

 

A week later I can bath myself.

 

Two weeks later I can open my eyes.

 

You see, red heat is a rather fickle thing. Red heat occurs when an omega’s mate is killed in front of them or they have been rejected by their mate during heat. It’s basically the body’s way of saying there’s no point in life anymore. So you go into heat one last time in an attempt to create life again, but you smell different. You smell angry. Destroyed. Other worldly. Or so I’m told. 

 

The heat, however, turns deadly if the omega is not mated again by the fifth day. Then, your body begins to shut down. The eyes go first. Then the rest of the body, muscle by muscle, organ by organ. You begin bleeding out of every crevice in your body and trust me, it hurts like hell. There’s a fire in you and a despair that just swallows you whole. Blood stains every damn thing you touch and you literally ooze blood out of your skin. It’s nasty. 

 

You aren’t supposed to survive. 

 

So when I can see a head of red washing my skin and talking to me a comforting voice, I wonder for a moment if this is what the afterlife is supposed to be like. Little betas come and clean you up before they take you to their master. The little beta’s name is Isabel, and she’s kind. She doesn’t know much about red heat, but she is gentle and patient. Not to mention she doesn’t seem to mind my scent, which I’m sure reeks. Everything smells like blood in this house. 

 

The alpha is named Farlan, and he’s not as kind. He’s respectful and helpful, but I can tell he’s wary. I don’t blame him. I’m an omega who smells like death, it’s not comforting to anyone, and it’s the worst for alphas. To them, the scent basically screams failure at them. There was an uncared omega before them that they failed to protect. Not to mention he’s unmated - that’s just the cherry on the top. 

 

For about a month, the two come and take care of me. I don’t talk much, but Isabel talks enough for the three of us. Bright green eyes and a matching soul, she goes on and on about anything. The food she prepares for us - which I will admit is oddly comforting despite how far it is away from a proper meal - is often a topic, which usually leads to her rants about “big bro.” He’s off on some mission with another group, but he needed Isabel and Farlan to stay behind and hold down the fort, and he won’t be back until a week later. Apparently he’s a hero to the two - some god that has given them his grace and protection. I don’t blame them for worshipping him. Anyone who provides any sort of kindness or protection in the underground is worth everything. The underground is a cold place in every sense of the word. 

 

Isabel makes me tell her my name, my age, but never about my mate. She strays away from that topic, knowing that it was what caused me to be in this situation in the first place. And it doesn’t matter what my mate was like - they’re dead. 

 

However, there is something about it that bothers me.

 

As my strength comes back, my mind begins sharpening again. The thoughts come more clearly, and I can infer more about the two. I know my name, my age, my favorite color, and my favorite possession. Elliot Kingston, 16, gold, and my necklace. I could tell you everything about literature, I know I received good education from the upper grounds. I know maths and the sciences. But I can’t remember my mate. I don’t know their name, their gender, how they treated me, how we met, anything. I don’t know how I was thrust into red heat. 

 

Of course this can be excused to suppressing traumatic memories, so I let myself forget the person who did this to me. But the thing is, I don’t remember my parents either. Or my siblings. My friends. My home. My teachers. My pets. My school. I don’t remember any of it. All I know is myself. My name is Elliot Kingston, I am sixteen years old, I like the color gold and soup, and I was supposed to be an alpha when I was born. Anything else involving other people is gone.

 

I tell Isabel that I don’t remember much on the fifth week. She asks me to elaborate, and I do. Isabel seems shocked and a bit mournful for my memories, but Farlan doesn’t seem surprised.

 

“I can’t be surprised by much more in your situation by now,” he says when I ask why. “You’re alive, that enough of an enigma and miracle.”

 

When I can manage myself without Isabel fluttering her hands around me, we begin discussing what happens next. I don’t know where I am or who the dead men in this house are, and Farlan seems against letting me join their group. Isabel wants me to join, however she’s surprisingly realistic about it. 

 

“You need to be able to pull your own weight with big bro. He makes sure everyone is there for a reason, and he won’t hesitate kicking you out if you don’t help out,” she explains. “He’s done that, a lot.”

 

I nod. “Then he’s a good man. He knows how to survive.”

 

Isabel seems proud. “Yeah! He’s the best at that. No one can take down big bro!”

 

I chuckle as her pride. The three of them must be like family. 

 

Farlan coughs before joining in the conversation. “But he doesn’t like omegas.”

 

Isabel seems to try to kill him with her glare at that comment, but she accepts it. “It’s only because most of them drag people down.”

 

“And Elliot’s already done that,” Farlan points out.

 

“She hasn’t done anything!” She stands up in a huff of rage. “She saw her mate  _ die _ and then nearly died herself! She bled from her skin and eyes for  _ weeks _ , Farlan! And then she lived through that hell! She came out alive, something no one else has ever done before! The only thing she has done is survive! Like we have! She’s strong and worthy to join us!”

 

Farlan steps back in her wrath and looks to me with gentle eyes. He bows his head and murmurs to me. “I’m sorry, Elliot. It wasn’t my place to say that.”

 

The boy has honor, I’ll give him that. He just wants to protect his pack, like any good alpha. 

 

I now my head in return. “I accept your apology.”

 

He smiles softly at me, and Isabel grins, pleased. 

 

“Okay! Then when big bro comes back, we’ll take Elli with us!” Isabel jumps up and takes me by the hand. “Come on, I wanna go show you our 3DM gear!”

 

“Isabel!” Farlan hisses. “She isn’t supposed to know about that!”

 

“But she’s joining our group!”

 

“We don’t know that yet. He might not say yes.”

 

Isabel frowns for a moment before replying. “But if she knows more before she joins then she’s more likely to stay with us. If we show her the ropes now, then she’ll be less of a burden to big bro!”

 

Farlan groans. “Fine. But that’s it!”

 

It turns out that Isabel did not intend to stop at 3DM gear. Once I had learned the basics of the gear, Isabel was soon explaining maps and strategies of attacks to me. Most of them her brother designed, however she shows off the few she specializes in or came up with. Farlan stands there, judging his friend and keeping an eye out for enemies, but he doesn’t do much to stop her. I chuckle inwardly, realizing that Isabel has him wrapped right around her finger. Which leads me to another odd thing about my saviors.

 

Isabel isn’t a beta. Sure, she doesn’t smell and doesn’t look like an omega or alpha, but betas have more muscle. And considering how much work she does in the underground here, she should have more muscle on her. She doesn’t have enough to qualify as a beta. And not to mention Farlan is crazy protective of her. She has this spark that you don’t usually see in betas. Omegas are supposed to have gentle curves and comforting scents, but the underground can crush a lot of things. A healthy omega would have curves and a motherly scent - but an omega born to the cruelty of the darkness would not be the same. Less fat and less of a scent, but the biology would be the same. Her scent glands are larger than a betas. 

 

Isabel is an omega. 

 

When I ask her in private and confirm it, I find that it comforts me. Isabel was flustered and refused to look me in the eye when she admitted it, but she let her scent come out a little more. She smelled like warmth. 

 

~~~

 

“Big bro” comes back two days after I fight off some scum.

 

They came to investigate after they saw Farlan and Isabel coming to the house. Apparently, they were the ones who killed the men in the house, and when they found people going in and out, they just had to come to investigate. Three dark alpha men came to the house during the night. They weren’t quiet, so when the doors creaked open I was awake immediately. Isabel and Farlan were back at their home - which I still haven’t gone to or known the location of - and I was alone. There was a knife under my mattress and I had a corner to hide behind. There was no hesitation in me as I grabbed my weapon and waited by the stairs. The alphas murmured their plans quietly, then stalked away in separated directions throughout the house. The first one to come by the stairs reeked of alpha. 

 

Most people either release more smells when scared or less. I learned that I was the latter. As the alpha neared I realized how little I smelled. How calm I was. I didn’t mull over it that much, just simply taking advantage of it in the moment. 

 

The first alpha died quietly. 

 

I stalked down the hall for the next one, and he fell just as silently. 

 

The third one was trickier. 

 

At first I couldn’t find him, and he didn’t have a strong scent. He was obviously alpha, but he seemed to just float around the house. I checked every room and lurked in the dark corners as much as I could, but I was still weakened from my heat. 

 

He came up to me from behind, slamming me into the walls and shoving the knife out of my hands. Snarls filled the house and I was pinned against the wall far too quickly. He kept me still as possible as I thrashed under his grip - kicking and biting wherever I could. He was big and his eyes glowed softly in the lantern-light.  _ He was just another dumb alpha, _ I thought.  _ Stupid and big and so egoistic. _

 

I was tempted to use my sex against him - in a desperate last attempt, of course - but his next words stopped me.

 

“So you’re the little alpha who hid while we killed those guards.”

 

_ Alpha.  _

 

“The others didn’t think there was someone alive left in the house, but I smelled you. A little alpha hiding somewhere with his dead omega friend. Well I’m glad we found you in the end, now no one will know about that monster you were smuggling out of Wall Sina.”

 

_ He thinks I’m an alpha. _

 

Tentatively, I smelled the air around us and stilled at what I realized.  _ I smelled like an alpha _ . And, oddly enough, I wasn’t surprised by my scent. An alpha was trying to kill me, so I gave him a challenge. Alphas don’t kill other alphas without establishing dominance first. It’s stupid, but they have a weird code. 

 

Alphas are only true victors if they get other alphas to bow.

 

So I had let my scent flare out and the man choked. I used the moment to knee his now useless reproductive system and escape his grasp. I shoved him into the wall and snarled into his face. I was the one in control here. I saw and smelled the fear radiating off of him and I grinned at it. Before I knew what was happening, he was dead on the floor, his throat slit and my nails were claws. But they were not the normal claws alphas get during a blood lust. They were stronger, more like talons, and they glowed softly in the dark. I felt a similar material growing out of my elbows, and I shook the weariness off. I had bodies to dispose of. 

 

By the time the bodies were thrown into someone else’s fire, the talons had fallen off along with the horn things on my elbows. I kept one of them and let the rest of them burn with the bodies. 

 

~~~

 

When Isabel and Farlan come to the house the next morning, they’re greeted with strong, alpha scents. They both bristle at it, but when they see me, Isabel immediately relaxes. Farlan is more wary, as usual, but Isabel is excited about my new scent.

 

I explain what had happened the previous night, and they both listen attentively. They both seem insulted that some filthy scum would dare enter the house, but they accept the news. 

 

“Is it hard, keeping up an alpha scent?” Isabel asks, poking at my neck curiously.

 

I shrug. “Not really. I just have to get into a certain mindset, and then I’m set. I feel kind of like… an alpha.”

 

Isabel brightens at my words. “That is so cool! Do you think you could teach me? Maybe then big bro would let me go on trips with him, instead of having Farlan babysit me.”

 

“Oi. You know he does it to protect us.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m not that weak! I’m strong!” She sits up straighter and narrows her eyes as Farlan before giggling.

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” He ruffles her hair. “But now, about Elli joining us.”

 

I nod.

 

“How long can you keep up this scent?”

 

I think for a moment, but instinct gives me and answer. “For years.”

 

Farlan widens his eyes. “Four years, as in  _ four _ ,” he holds up four fingers. “Or  _ for _ years?”

 

“The second.”

 

“Wow.” He leans back and takes in the information. “So if we introduce you to big bro as an alpha, could you keep it up?”

 

“Yes.” I answer without hesitation. This was a part of me. I was meant to live up to these lies. “I can be an alpha.”

 

“What about your heats?” Isabel asks. 

 

Farlan answers for me, his voice soft. “She won’t have them anymore.”

 

Isabel looks to him for an explanation as I mentally praise him for realizing it.

 

“After she was healed enough from her red heat, I realized why her scent was so different. The exact reason why. She doesn’t smell fertile anymore. Alphas wouldn’t want her, because she can’t bear pups. The red heat made sure of it.”

 

I nod, watching the floor. I’ll never have children, and I wonder if I’ll mourn for them later. I can never bear children to my mate, never carry out the primary duty of an omega. But honestly, it doesn’t matter anymore, for me. I’m supposed to be dead, anyways. My mate is dead. Now my only purpose is to survive. 

 

We agree to introduce me as an alpha. 

 

~~~

 

Levi is a small alpha. Black hair falls in front of his face, hanging around his undercut, framing his silver-blue eyes. He carries himself with this earned arrogance, and his are steps calculated and his gaze is unforgiving. He comes home in his 3DM gear still on while cleaning on of his knives with a cloth, which is stained red. His clothes are a bit too big on him, I note, and I smile softly at it. His eyes are downcast and tired when he enters, and I assume he lets his guard drop because this is supposed to be his safe space. His home.

 

He doesn’t like me at first.

 

“Who the hell is this?” He snarls quietly when he smells me, and I don’t blame him. He comes home from a long and presumably dangerous trip, and the first thing he smells his another alpha in his territory. A strong alpha with both his pack mates next to her. 

 

Isabel jumps up to defend me. “This is Elliot. We found her a little after you left.” She starts with passion and pride, but by the time she finishes speaking her eyes are on the floor and her stance becomes submissive. This is someone who respects their alpha.

 

Levi stares Isabel down as she looks down in submission. “As soon as I left you went running to another alpha?” The words are quiet, almost bored - but there’s an under layer of rage in his voice. 

 

“No!” Farlan speaks now. “We found her while she was dying, and Isabel insisted we help her.” His voice becomes pleading, in a way. 

 

“Really now? Is that true, Elliot?” He rolls every syllable of my name on his tongue, and as he says my name he looks to me, challenging me. 

 

I stare right back. “Yes. I was left for dead by some shitty alpha that couldn’t carry out a murder well enough. Isabel and Farlan found me and got me back in my feet. But my whole pack is dead. Along with my mate.” I add the mate part quietly, to pacify him, and to be as honest as possible. Losing a mate is nothing easy, and maybe it can help him understand I’m not here to fight.

 

“Your mate, eh?” He saunters over to me, his eyes never leaving mine. “Why join my pack?”

 

“Because I have nowhere else to go. And because these two saved my life.”

 

He scoffs. “Save the sob story. We all have one. Why should I trust you?”

 

In reply I look away and bare my neck. It’s covered by a tight cravat so he can’t see my mating bite and not much of my glands, but the action is enough. An alpha submitting to another alpha in the most humbling sense. 

 

I hear his breathing stop and I know I’m in. Isabel gasps softly with Farlan, and I feel awe radiating off of her. I have just given him my life and reassured that I’m not here to steal his power. But also at the same time, I’ve given him the perfect opportunity to kill me on the spot. I try to decide if the action is stupid or brave. 

 

“I’m not here to fight. I just want to join your pack.” I stick with brave.

 

Levi doesn’t speak, and instead stalks even closer to me. I shrink away slightly, but keep my feet planted. This is a challenge to see what type of alpha am I. One that has no backbone and just wants someone to take care of them, or one that needs a pack to be respected in. Needs a family. 

 

“Follow me,” he whispers before brushing past me and exiting the house. He leads us down a few streets, twisting and turning here and there, and soon we’re in a rather large and empty cave. Well, I guess its a smaller section of the entirety of the cave that makes up the Underground. 

 

“How much do you know about me?” He asks, not even looking at me. He’s perched on a boulder and still cleaning that knife of his. 

 

“Not much. Just what Isabel tells me. You like to clean - .” Obviously. “And you’re like Isabel’s big brother.” And also how many people and gangs you’ve taken down, whispered to me as a threat from Farlan before you returned. 

 

“Hm. I guess you need to be educated then.” He hops down from the boulder and walks up to me until we’re chest to chest. “I am the number one thug, down here. Everyone knows me and respects me, and if they don’t, they usually end up dead. I have crawled my way up this shitty food chain, and the only reason why I keep Isabel and Farlan with me is because they are useful. So tell me,  _ Elliot _ , why should I let you into my pack? Hm?” He cocks his head to one side and his gaze is unforgiving. His eyes are really narrow, I mentally note, and he has these strange grey eyes that have some fire hidden by years of pain.

 

“Isabel trusts me,” I whisper. “Farlan trusts me.” Somehow, he actually does. “I can carry my own weight. I’m smart. I’ve been to hell and back. I have the best nose in town. I can control my scent - sometimes coming off as a beta or even omega when I want to. And I respect you.”

 

Levi’s expression doesn’t change the slightest, and neither does his scent. He keeps himself in the utmost control, and I respect that. For someone of his power, he meets most of my expectations. Although he’s shorter than I expected, even if Farlan already told me his height situation. 

 

So, due to his perfect self control, I don’t see the punch coming. 

 

His fist hurls out of nowhere and it connects with my right cheek, sending me stumbling away. I numbly notice Isabel yelling at Levi in the background, but the throbbing pain and shock in my cheek takes priority. I stumble around before regaining my footing, but when I finally do, there’s a foot connecting with my stomach. 

 

I fall, and for a moment I see something that isn’t Levi stalking towards me. Blonde hair and raised fists. The image is enough to send me scrambling to my feet and raising my arms. A growl hums in the back of my throat, and I feel a comforting warmth in my cheek and stomach. My stance steadies and I glare Levi down. Instinct tells me to screw it all and kill him in the spot, but I remind myself why I’m doing this. I’m proving my worthiness to Levi. Proving that I am not some helpless and damaged alpha with no honor. 

 

So I duck down and slam my body into his chest, rolling off of him as soon as we’re down. The wind is knocked out of him and it gives me more time to recover.  _ Rest. Save your energy for the real fight. _ The voice in the back of my mind is not my own, but I listen to it. It seems to know what it’s doing. 

 

Levi gets up and snarls at me in taunting way, as if he’s asking me how much of a fight I can offer to him. Fine. Be that way. 

 

I offer him everything. 

 

I don’t try to seriously maim him, but soon we’re moving and dodging with each other like some dance. The sounds of kicks and thuds of fists and feet falling on flesh fill the air, and I smell the pleased aroma of Levi’s decision. He’s seen all he needs to see. Now the fight just needs a victor. His moves become more purposeful as he tries to end the fight, and I respond in equal. Our breaths become heavier and the attacks more dangerous. Eventually, he snaps his teeth at my neck and when I snap back, any remaining civilized fight tactics are abandoned. It becomes two alphas fighting, just fighting for the sake of fighting. We’re not fighting over something, someone, and neither of us have done something to offend the other - I think. Unless I knew him before my heat - but I doubt it. He would have called my bluff about me being an alpha. 

 

But I am an alpha. In this moment, with bruises forming under my skin and my lips painted in blood, I am an alpha. I am dominant and unsubmissive. I cannot bear children; I am respected; and I smell like the third of the population that rules our society. 

 

I am an alpha. 

 

The fight ends with Levi pinned under my hands and my teeth hovering over his throat.  _ Right where the mating bite would be.  _ It’s a very personal spot - but also not the place you’d want to go for if you were trying to kill someone. It’s a place only trusted people can go near. 

 

I want Levi’s trust. That is my goal in this moment; to have Levi on my side. I will submit to him when I join his pack, but at the moment I need to convince him to accept me. To make him accept me. I need to prove my worth. 

 

So I stand there, with my teeth at the side of his neck, just below his scent gland, and let my scent calm down into something passive; the ghost of an omega’s scent. 

 

“Can you clean?” 

 

I lean back and look to Levi’s eyes to make sure I heard correctly. “Sorry?”

 

He huffs out in annoyance, calming his scent and letting his stance drop to something more relaxed. “I said, can you clean?”

 

Well of course I can bloody clean, who doesn’t? But why the hell would you bring this up when I could  _ kill  _ you right now?  “Yeah, I can clean,” I say uncertainty. 

 

He nods. “Good. Now let me go, you have filth all over you, and now it’s on me.”

 

I back away instantly and he curls his lip at the sweat and grime on him. 

 

“Tch. Now I’ll have less time to clean myself, with you here.”

 

What?

 

“Come on, we can’t stand here all day,” he says before walking off to the house again. 

 

We all follow him, confused, but Isabel seems to be on the verge of exploding. When we get to the house, Levi goes straight to the bathroom and we hear the water sloshing about. 

 

The room holds its breath for a moment after he leaves the living room, and when I turn to Isabel in confusion she jumps up in joy and the breath is released. 

 

“YOU DID IT!” She screams before throwing her arms around me, and Farlan laughs with her. 

 

“Nice job, Elli,” he chuckles.

 

“I’m sorry but why are we happy? Am I in?” I hold Isabel back and look her in the eye. She’s got these happy tears in them and I swear if her face gets any redder she’ll explode. 

 

“Yeah! You did it! You’re with us, now!” She laughs and pulls me in for another hug. “I was so scared that Levi would kill you, or you would kill him, or he would turn away another alpha, or if he could tell if you were an omega, or if he just didn’t like you because Levi doesn't like anyone besides me and Farlan and I’m just. So. HAPPY!” She throws herself off me and onto Farlan and he accepts her affection easily. 

 

When Levi comes back into the room - his face now clean of grime and sweat - the celebration is cut short, but only after Isabel hugs Levi in thanks. When she does, he stiffens so much it’s like there’s an entire tree being shoved up his ass. 

 

“Oi. Get off me, brat,” he orders quietly but it’s not meant in a mean way. Somehow, there’s affection in the word “brat,” as if he means the word as an endearment. Dear God, alphas are so weird. Though, I’m an alpha now, meaning I’m weird too. Psh, I’ve always been odd, this is nothing new. 

 

He walks over to me after Isabel releases him and he sizes me up with a half-bored expression on his face. “You’re kinda small for an alpha, aren’t you?”

 

I snort slightly. “Funny, coming from you.”

 

“Oi. I make up for my size in strength and political power. All I see in you is an alpha who looks like they came back from the dead.” 

 

“An alpha who kicked your ass, remember. Imagine what I can do when I’m at my peak,” I raise my head in a friendly challenge.

 

“I do imagine, and I look forward to seeing it.” He holds out his hand. “Welcome to the pack.”

 

Isabel squeals in delight as I shake his hand, and even Farlan laughs in excitement. 

 

But the real amazing thing is the corners of Levi’s lips twitching upwards into a hidden smile. 


	2. For What It’s Worth

The months blew by after I joined Levi’s pack.  Isabel remained the closest to me, always staying with me during the night and I assume she found comfort in my omegan presence. Farlan and Levi were both strong alphas, and even though I was an alpha with them, Isabel still saw me as an omega. A strong one, yes, but an omega nonetheless. Someone who was born to comfort and care for their family. 

 

And we did become a family, slowly. Levi threw me into weeks of training with 3DM gear, analysing every little mistake I made, and making sure I was flawless before he let Isabel even talk about involving me in missions. We practiced in larger caves that had cracks in them which bled sunlight onto us. Levi flew around like a bird with his 3DM gear, darting here and there like a hummingbird looking for nectar to drink. Except it wasn’t flowers that Levi looked for, it was people. He would fly around the buildings or cavern and suddenly he would be right next to one of us. He would play a game with us, to test our ears. We would stand around the cavern with our eyes open, and he had to try to sneak up on us with his gear. If he got his hand on our necks, he would win. If we got our hands on his neck, we would win. If you win while your eyes are open, you then had to close your eyes for the next round. Isabel would be the flightiest, always turning her head to every corner of the cavern to try to see or hear where Levi would go next, and she would squeal so loudly when he caught her. But Isabel actually had the best ear among us. When she really tried, she would just stand there with her eyes closed, listening to every whisper and hiss of the 3DM gear’s cords. Then, when Levi was just close enough, she would whip around and dart out her hands to his neck. She always heard him coming, even if his hands were often faster. Farlan was also good, and his hands were faster than Isabel’s. He sometimes focused too much on the echoes, but he did well. 

 

I was a disaster at first. The chorus of echoes would confuse me too much, and I couldn’t rely on my nose to find Levi. The air carried his scent far slower than his actual movements. Not to mention, the first time Levi’s hands touched my neck, I nearly ripped his head off in fear. His fingers had just barely grazed the cloth covering my mating bite when I had lunged five feet away and thrown myself into a protective stance. It happened again the next time, and the next, and the next, all the way until I had picked up the air whooshing around his body without the little hisses of his gas tank accompanying it. I turned around quickly enough, but his hands still got to my throat. But I improved. The next time I turned in time to dodge his hands, and the third time after that my hands just skimmed his neck. 

 

“Your ears are improving,” he would say as we walked back to the house. “But what was that pivot? You looked like a startled lamb, and your response was shit. Definitely not the control I saw when I first fought you. I’m starting to think that was just luck.”

 

Levi always managed to find fault in my practices, unlike Isabel.

 

“YOU DID SO GOOD, BIG SIS!” Isabel screamed, latching herself on to me as the praises began to pile out. The adoration I received from her was greatly appreciated, and she was kind to those who deserved it. Whenever I struggled with something, she would be patient and help me figure whatever the thing was out - my turns, my balance, my ears, and even the simple structure of the underground towns. But of course, Isabel was no liar. Whenever a mistake was made over and over again, she was not hesitant to point them out. She sometimes sounded like Levi, the way she judged my actions. 

 

Farlan was not what I expected. When I was in heat, he was extremely wary and protective over Isabel, never letting her stray to far and he watched me far too closely. But once I joined Levi’s pack, all of his judgement just seemed to disappear. He was the softest of the group, his words chosen carefully, but not like the way Levi chose his words. Farlan chose his words so that they made sense and would benefit the group and not offend anyone. Levi chose his words carefully so he wouldn’t have to say anymore. Isabel clung to me and protected me fiercely, but Farlan protected me just the same. A quieter type of rage that would only come out when necessary. He was funny, too. At dinner and breaks, he would be telling some story he heard from the market, or explaining the ideas behind a joke. His goal often seemed to be to make Isabel laugh, and he almost always succeeded. I smiled softly when his eyes glazed over when Isabel laughed, and I realized how smitten the boy was and how oblivious Isabel was. 

 

When I get to join a mission - a simple and easy one that I wouldn’t be possibly able to mess up, according to Levi - it involves 3DM gear. There is a supply caravan passing through our town, and Levi had made deals with multiple thug leaders to hit it and get a share of the supplies. Our job is to dispose of the guards and distract them as the rest of the gangs gets the supplies. Simple and easy. Supposedly.

 

“The key thing is that we need to lure them away from the supplies, otherwise this whole operation is going to be shit. You need to take their honor and have them running to get it back,” Levi explains. “So use that scent of yours to lure them in. Can you smell like an omega while you carry out the operation?”

 

Can I? “I’ll do my best.”

 

Levi sets down his cup as he glares at me through his freakishly long eyelashes. “Your best?” His voice is low. “What the hell makes you think your best will be enough?”

 

“I can’t control everything, Levi. I might mess up.” Great. Go ahead and admit you might fail.

 

He stands up from the table, staking over to me. Normally Isabel would make him sit back down at this point, but her and Farlan are out getting more info. “If you fail, this entire operation goes to shit,  _ Elliot _ .” Why does he have to say my name in such a taunting way? Like it’s an insult? “I let you into this pack because you told me you’d be useful. This is your chance to prove it. Disprove it, and you’ll be out on the streets again.”

 

Oh ho ho that’s not why you let me in. “You let me join because I already proved myself.”

 

He slams his hands on the table. “That’s not enough. That was a single, controlled fight. I need to see you on the field. With other people, with other  _ alphas _ . Alphas that you aren’t trying to sway or join. Alphas that you can crush.” His last words are a deadly whisper, and there’s a glint of madness in his eyes. 

 

“Fine,” I sat quietly. “I can do it.”

 

“Then do it now.”

 

I look at him confusedly.

 

“Well?” He gestures to me. “Come one, fire up that scent. Make me swoon to your faux-omega.”

 

Ha, that’s not as easy as you think,  _ Levi _ . I’ve been trying to hide my scent from you for months and now you want me to let it out? Bad choice, even if I don’t have one. If I don’t show him now, he won’t let me join the mission.  _ Dammit _ . 

 

So I look down, hiding as much of my neck as I naturally can, and focus on omegan thoughts. Warmth and caring words, little pups in my arms. I only let myself see glimpses of these images, but they’re enough. My scent softens and soon it’s not like rough leather, more like the softer kind used for clothes. I let myself become an omega again, just for a moment. 

 

I see Levi tense at my scent and try to gain eye contact. I immediately shut down my omega, bringing back my alpha.  _ I am not weak. I am not weak _ . Levi’s scent has turned into something more protective, but it’s not comforting.  _ Dangerous, _ a voice says.  _ Alphas are dangerous, and omegas are only property to them. Omegas belong to alphas. _ I inwardly snarl at him, refusing to open up my true scent to him again. 

 

“Is that enough for you,  _ Levi? _ ” I snap.

 

It takes him a moment to respond. Ha, good. I still have some control as an omega. “Yes, if you can pull that off while fighting off heaven’s thugs. That’ll be enough.” The ‘ _ more than enough _ ’ goes unspoken. 

 

The next day is the raid. 

 

We wake up early to double check all of our gear. Mine was newer, having been recently stolen from the Wall Guard for me. There were no blades with them, but all of us had our own knives to fight with. It took me three weeks to be able to fly at a level of expertise suitable to Levi, even though Isabel had taught me the basics before. There was always something wrong in my moves, my feet, my hips, my neck, it was always something. Although a part of me knows he was just testing my patience, I still bristle with discontent. A part of me thought he believed I was never going to be good enough. But most unloyal alphas would have snapped by the time Levi was satisfied. I wasn’t unloyal, and I am better than some alpha. That thought makes me proud.

 

We all sit around the table as Levi runs through the plan one more time, a hand-drawn but accurate map laying in the center. Little rocks are placed strategically in certain places, lightly drawn on arrows marking the movements of people. The plan was simple and easy to understand, but Levi still goes over it a thousand times. Levi sips at his tea while he explains, his fingers gripping the rim instead of the handle and his eyes no less concentrated on the map. He’s meticulous for details, and his plans must be just as clean as the house. Dust is Levi’s sworn enemy, and mistakes are meant for “useless military police hiding away behind a corrupt government.” As Levi explains the escape routes one more time, Isabel becomes cocky and leans back in her chair in an arrogant way, her hands behind her head.

 

“Eh, big bro, we’ll be fine! Elli already knows every little detail about the raid, and you gotta have faith in us!” She shines her trademark smile at him. “We got this!”

 

I swear I can see Levi’s eye twitch at her comment and smile.

 

“Then when you mess up, don’t expect me to be kind,” he hisses softly. Isabel doesn’t move, but I see her smile turn into something sour. Farlan notices, too.

 

“Levi, we’ll be okay. When we do mess up, it’s never that bad,” Farlan says soothingly, his hand making its way to Isabel’s under the table. 

 

“Ha!” Levi snorts into his tea. “Just wait till we get back, I’ll be telling Elliot about the time you told our captors that I was an omega.” His eyes carry a glint of deadly amusement and threats for Farlan. 

 

I chuckle at his threat under my breath. “You’re small enough to be one,” I mutter. 

 

Levi glares at me. “I did not take you in only to have you insult me,” he mutters into his tea. 

 

“Hey, I’m just stating facts here.” I raise my hands in mock surrender.

 

“And I’m just contemplating the best way to feed you to a titan.”

 

Isabel gasps. “Big bro! Don’t say something like that!” She whacks him not so gently on the arm, and he doesn’t even bother reacting to it, only keeping his eyes on me while he waits for my response.

 

“Well, you have quite a lot of contemplating to do, then. Since you haven’t even seen a titan before,” I drawl. Levi prides himself in knowing everything, so I know the comment will bug him just a bit.

 

He wrinkles his nose at my words. “Pft. And you have? Unlikely.”

 

“I have, actually.” The words are out of my mouth before I realize what I’ve said. How do I know this?

 

All eyes are on me, now. 

 

“You’ve seen a titan before?” Farlan asks softly. “A real, live titan?”

 

I actually use my brain before responding. “Yeah,” I say. “I lived up in heaven before…” Before my mate died. Before I went through red heat. Before I lost all of my memories. “Before she died.” 

 

They acknowledge my loss before prodding more. 

 

“But just living up in heaven doesn’t mean you’ve seen a real titan before,” Farlan states. We called the upper ground “heaven,” due to the supposed riches the people had up there, and because of the sun. People were in heaven if they could see and feel the sun. We’ve only ever seen glimpses of it through cracks, down here.

 

“My mate had access to the outer walls. She took me there, once, to show me what the world looked outside of the walls.” Brief images flash in my mind. There are no faces in the memories that surface, but I remember the vastness of what I beheld, the limitless sky and green. “It was so beautiful.” And yet so dangerous. “But there were titans staining that beauty,” I spit out. “Unproportional monsters that roamed about pointlessly, the occasional one pounding at the walls, begging to be let in.” 

 

The entire table is quiet, drinking in my words, and Levi’s cup is suspended halfway up in the air. Isabel and Farlan look to me with some sort of awe in their eyes, but Levi looks at me with blank eyes. Eyes that seem to not care at all about how ruined the world was, inside and outside of these walls. 

 

“So, yes, Levi, I have seen a titan. I have seen a whole world that knows nothing but those monsters and the soldiers that go out there to try to kill them and make a difference.” My voice shakes towards the end, and I don’t even know why I brought up the Scouting Legion. Why they matter to me. 

 

“Why does that sound like an accusation?” Levi says softly, his words dangerous. “You think killing those monsters will make a difference? Killing never makes a difference. Nothing can change anything. Even if every single damn titan was wiped off the face of the earth, there would be other monsters coming out to play. The world can never change, Elliot.”

 

“It will never change if we don’t do anything about it!” I say, and Isabel joins in, nodding vigorously.

 

“And it won’t change even if we do do something about it!” Levi stands up now, slamming his hands onto the table, spilling just the slightest bit of tea. He doesn’t notice it, and now we know he’s really pissed. “The world is cruel, and disgusting, and empty. There is nothing worth living for, nothing worth dying for, so get your head out of the clouds and start realizing exactly how shitty the world we know is!”

 

We are all stunned to silence, our eyes cast anywhere besides Levi’s angry form. The world is cruel, I will not disagree with that, but there is something worth living for. Love, right? Friendship? Family? Hope? Dreams? Surely the world isn’t as hopeless as Levi describes it. He’s just someone who has seen the worst of humanity and now refuses to see good in anything, or at least admit anything good about the world we live in. However, the world we live in is quite cruel. Levi, Farlan, and Isabel have never seen the sky. All of our families are dead. My memories are gone. Stealing and killing is the only way to survive. Omegas are raped every other day, alphas are drunk on hormones and pitiful power, and betas are worked to death as labourers. And heaven? Heaven doesn’t actually exist, so the world where people can see and feel the sun must suffer just as much as us. The only difference is the sun and types of monsters they face. We do not have the sun, but we have no titans dictating our fear. They have the sun, but they are birds in a birdcage for those naked beasts to ogle at. The world really is cruel. 

 

After a minute or two of frustrated silence, Levi sighs and runs his hands through his hair. “We don’t have time for this, the raid is in a few hours. Just let me run through the plan one more time and we’ll clean a bit before leaving.” 

 

So that’s what we do. The plan is discussed for a few minutes, all of our enthusiasm thrown out of the house, and when we finish we clean the beds and clothes. It’s a small tradition, apparently, for Levi’s pack. Before a mission that might go wrong, we clean the clothes and sheets so the wounds won’t get infected when we rush home to try to fix our malnourished bodies. Okay, it’s less of a tradition and more of a practical choice, but Isabel explains it like it is a tradition. Levi doesn’t argue with her choice of words.

 

A few hours later, when we’re all in position for the raid, I am with Isabel besides some buildings, and Levi and Farlan are up on the rooftops hiding. The rest of the men hide either in secluded shadowy corners or stand around in broad “daylight,” waiting for the signal. The signal isn’t anything that impressive or secretive, it’s just Levi toppling over the first wagon of the caravan. 

 

The caravan arrives a bit late, its guards riding at a leisurely pace - not suspecting anything. A quick glance at their uniform tells you all you need to know. They are members of the Military Police. The supposed cream of the crop, but we all know them as the spoiled bastards hiding away deep in behind Wall Sina. It’s rare they come to the underground, but their new recruits often do in order to gain “experience,” according to Farlan. The Wall Guard are more common in the underground, but seeing a Military Police member is nothing new. It’s the Scouting Legion that’s rare down here.

 

The caravan carries mostly military supplies and medicine, according to Levi’s sources, hence why it’s such a big deal. Medicine - and good medicine at that - is far too hard to come by down here, and first grade weaponry is extremely rare. Most of the stuff we have is quite old and run down. The caravan carries the newest editions of 3DM gear and titan blades. Why such precious cargo would be transported through one of the most dangerous places within the walls is an interesting question, but apparently it’s one with an answer. Above us is a town that is supposedly quite corrupt and currently overrun with high end assassins and thieves. People with actual political power. The thieves down here aren’t even supposed to exist in the governments records, so there’s less danger coming down here and murdering anyone who comes near that caravan. 

 

But little do they know that they have wandered into the territory of the King of Thieves. As the first carriage passes by Isabel and I, I see her smile. While Isabel is a very kind person, she’s not one to back away from a fight - no, she’s someone who revels in it. The passion and freedom of flying is exhilarating, and Isabel is quite violent compared to other omegas of her age. Most of them crave the softer, gentler things the world can provide, but Isabel enjoys the hard work and its rewards. She threw herself into grueling training everyday and fought like everyday was her last. So today will be no different, and if anything, the argument with Levi has only fired her up more. Conflict runs in her blood. 

 

The first wagon falls and everything springs into action. Isabel and I leap from the shadows and kick down every soldier near us, taunting the remaining ones with our scents. In our training sessions for the raid, Isabel made me teach her how to control her scent better. So now we fly over the alphas of the guards and let our omegan scents fill their nostrils and taunt them. We aren’t taunting them in a sexual way, but in a honorable way, per say. In the traditional patriarchal society most of Wall Sina keeps up, omegas cannot fight. Omegas submit to alphas and cannot in any way challenge their authority. So having two omegas kick the asses of a whole bunch of surprised alphas really riles them up. I can practically feel the glares they give us as we whip away and prepare for another wave of attacks. 

 

The least protected wagons are overrun with the allied gangs, and the guards fly away in an attempt to survive. But of course, most of them are honorable alphas who would never dare to run from a fight, so they chase after Isabel and I. We glide through the carefully planned out escape routes, slipping into dark corners before disabling the alphas that chase after us and their honor. We don’t kill any of them, but only because none of them give us the reason to. Levi likes to say that we are better than the rest of the thugs down here, because we are cleaner in the physical and moral sense. 

 

“I wish death only upon those that offend me, and I shall grant death to only those who try to gift it to me first,” is his saying. It’s rather poetic, especially when you compare it to his “filthy shitbags of police” speech. Once in a while, Levi has the potential to be quite eloquent. 

 

We cut the cords of the police’s 3DM gear, leaving them stranded or falling at various different locations - seemingly random but specifically chosen by Levi so the other thugs can take care of them for us. 

 

“We’re better than the other thugs. We don’t get our hands dirty while doing unnecessary work.” Killing, according to Levi, is too often an unnecessary thing. 

 

Once we have lead away most of the alphas, we join Levi at the rendezvous point to hit the last wagon. He’s waiting there for us, his eyes trained on the fight unfolding before him. His expression holds an odd sense of pride for the chaos spread out before him, and I think it’s because of how it’s not actually chaos. The action laid out before him is very nicely planned out and executed perfectly. Nothing had gone wrong, yet. 

 

When we land next to him on the roof of the building, he whistles for Farlan, who comes flying obediently lime a falcon. 

 

“There.” He points to the last protected wagon in the caravan. “You see that heavily guarded carriage?”

 

We all make noises of acknowledgement. 

 

“That one isn’t just hiding some random shit or medicine. There’s something special in it. And guess what?” He me turns to face me. “We’re going to rob it,” he cackles sarcastically as he looks at the wagon. “That piece of shit better have something good in it. Now, Isabel, Farlan, you handle the bakas at the front of the carriage, with the horses. Elliot, your with me. We’re going to get the stuff and get the hell out of there. We got that?” He turns to us each for an affirmative. 

 

“Yes sir!” Isabel exclaims gleefully, and she takes Farlan’s hand. “We got this big bro! Let’s go kick some ass!”

 

We all drop down like birds of prey and begin the hunt. Isabel and Farlan zip forward much faster than Levi and I, but it’s because it’s their job to distract and confuse the guards. We make our way to the wagon at our own steady pace, knocking down any soldiers that come near us. In this moment, I feel powerful. Alphas are falling at my feet and victory is just a few meters away. When we get to the wagon, we easily cut down the soldiers trying to protect whatever is in there, and we open the trunk easily. But of course it can’t be easy. Something always goes wrong in the execution of a plan, and this plan has yet to show a fault. It was only a manner of time.

 

The trunk holds a prisoner. 

 

A beaten up, rotten smelling omega. An omega in red heat. 

 

Everyone in the vicinity instantly backs away, even Levi and I. Out of the trunk floats out the stench of death, and we all can tell that the omega is almost dead. Everyone is frozen on the spot, and they all seem scared to move. Even I’m scared to move. The omega in the trunk is a boy, his hair a light shade of brown and his skin looks like it was once a healthy shade of peach. His body is frail - it’s oh so frail - and I can see the bones peaking out of his tattered clothes. Is this what I looked like when Isabel and Farlan found me? 

 

“We have to help him,” I say. The words come out softly and barely audible. “We have to help him.” The words are stronger now. I turn to Levi, who is still frozen with his eyes trained on the boy like he’s some monster. “We have to help him!” I move myself to the wagon and let my gentle omegan scent reach him.  _ He looks dead.  _

 

I reach out to touch him - carefully, oh so carefully - and my hand barely grazes his ankle when when Levi stanched my hand back.

 

“Don’t touch him,” he hisses out. 

 

I yank my hand out of his grip. “He’s dying, Levi, we have to do something!”

 

He looks around at the soldiers slowly recovering from the daze of the boy’s red heat. “This is none of our business, and the omega is dangerous.”

 

“He’s dying!”

 

“I don’t care.” He looks at me straight in the eyes. “This boy is being taken somewhere for a reason, and I will not involve myself in this. He’s already dead, and we can’t help him.”

 

“Why not?” I look back to the boy and see his shallow breaths and tiny shudders from the heat and cold colliding on his skin. He’s going through what I went through. “We have to help him,” I say firmly before moving back to the wagon. I try to get my hands under him to pick him up, but Levi grabs my cravat and drags me away from him - this time not letting me escape his grasp.

 

“No. We are not helping this boy. We are leaving. The other gangs have our portion of the raid, now we just have to claim it.” He starts pulling me away from the wagon as the soldiers move towards the omega. 

 

“No!” I thrash in his unrelenting grip. “Let me go! He can’t die!” I manage to escape his clutches and throw myself into the wagon, holding the boy close to me.  _ He smells familiar. If it weren’t for his red heat, he’d smell like home.  _ Another soldier - a captain, I numbly notice - flies into the scene and draws his weapon out as he nears the boy. “Don’t hurt him!” I wail, tears now falling down my face.  _ Why do I want to save him?  _

 

The captain gives me a dead stare. “Dispose of the both of them, we can’t let any information be leaked.”  _ Information? Is this boy of political importance? _ I look to his neck to see not only a mating bite, but also a brand.  _ A family’s sigil.  _

 

A soldier nears us with his weapon drawn. I draw my own knife and try to shift into a protective stance over the boy, but Levi picks me up and drags me out of the wagon without any gentleness. I wail and thrash in his arms, my eyes only seeing the bleeding boy and his brand. Levi holds me tight, though, and soon he zips away into the forest of buildings, hiding us away from the horror. But he isn’t fast enough to stop me from seeing that captain slitting that boy’s throat. 

 

I wail the entire way back, my body shaking from the cries I emit. Levi doesn’t say anything the entire way back, but just carries me in his arms until we’re home. He doesn’t stop moving except for to tell Farlan to go get the gear we’re owed, and then he picks right back up, ignoring Isabel’s questioning pleas. When we do get home, Levi doesn’t put me down until he enters me and Isabel’s room. He gently places me on the bed, and I find myself clutching to his form. 

 

“Don’t go,” I whisper. I can’t be alone. Not after what I just saw. For a moment Levi tenses and I think he’ll leave, but then he shifts so he can sit next to me on the bed while he’s still holding me. 

 

“I’m not going anywhere.”

 

Thank Maria. “He was alone, Levi,” I say softly. “He lost his mate and then was thrown into that wagon with no one to comfort him.”

 

Levi is silent, so I continue on. 

 

“The last thing he saw was a strange alpha about to kill him. He was so scared, Levi, he was so scared.” I begin shaking again and Levi holds me tighter. 

 

“They’re always scared, but you gave him one last moment of comfort.”

 

“And you took that away.” I sit up to look at his eyes. “You tore me away from him. I could have helped him, saved him, let his passing be with someone who care and not alone and scared with strange alphas who want him dead how could you have done that how -”

 

“Sh. If I hadn’t taken you away they would have killed you, too. I wasn’t about to lose a pack member.”

 

“You don’t know that,” I accuse.

 

“Yes, I do. Military Police have the least mercy, and they would have killed you and the boy without a second thought.”

 

“I could have fought them off,” I state, running material of Levi’s shirt through my fingers. It’s darkened by my tears. I’m surprised he’s not mad at me for that. “I could have protected him.”

 

He sighs. “It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s dead, you’re alive. There’s nothing you can do now.”

 

“Yes, there is something I can do. I can make sure it never happens again,” I say defiantly. 

 

His body shakes a bit from his chuckle. “And I’ll be there to stop you.” 

 

“No, you won’t. Not if I leave your pack.” The words come out softly, and they escape before I can do anything. I feel Levi tense under me, and I mull over what I’ve just said.  _ If I leave your pack. _ In all honesty, I would never do that. I wouldn’t leave the only people I know. The only people that can protect me. So really, the threat is empty, but does Levi know that?

 

“If you really want to leave, I won’t stop you,” he whispers into my ear. “But if you leave just for the sake of protecting another dead omega, trust me I won’t let you. I’ll hunt you down till the ends of the earth.” His breath is raspy against my ear. “I will not let any of my pack mates get hurt. Even you.” His arms tighten around me, and I bury my face into his shoulder again. It’s been a while since I’ve felt protected like this, even with Isabel caring for me after my red heat was different. That was an omega helping out another omega. But here, with Levi holding me, this is the gentle wrath of an alpha. An alpha swearing to protect his pack. I haven’t felt this safe in so long. 

 

“But those omegas, why are they being treated like that?” I ask, my voice muffled by his shirt.

 

“They were probably the mates of some high political alpha, and they were being transferred to somewhere they could be interrogated, or back to their families.” 

 

“So their mate died.” 

 

He sighs. “Yes, they probably did.” 

 

“They were alone.” I shrink in on myself, remembering how it felt during my red heat. The pain of being alone. Of being abandoned. I smell the air quickly to make sure I don’t smell too much like an omega, and then quickly try to regain my “alpha-ness”

 

“Elliot.”

 

I look up at Levi. “Yeah?” 

 

He sighs a little before continuing. “I know that… before you came here, your mate died. And I won’t ask how, I know that’s a painful topic. But just because you feel like you failed your omega does not mean you have to save every other omega in danger. They aren’t your responsibility, and what happens to them is not your fault.”

 

Oh. So that’s why he thinks I’m so upset. It’s a good guess, a very smart one, and I’m pretty sure its close to the actual reason. Just that the roles are a bit different. I wasn’t protected, so I want to protect everyone who goes through the same pain as me.

 

I nod, acknowledging his point.

 

“But this pack, this is your responsibility. We take care of each other, and we won’t abandon each other. Isabel and Farlan are already obsessed with you. And me?” He smiles wryly. “You’re in my pack, and I protect my pack.”

 

We sit there on the bed for a few more minutes, his arms still around me. Neither of us say anything else, but the silence is comfortable. Warmth envelops me, and I feel safe. I smile. I don’t mind feeling safe, not one bit. 

 

~~~

 

The next thing I know is that I’m waking up, the warmth of Levi’s body gone. I’m laying down on my bed, and all of my gear has been removed along with my outer jacket. They’re folded neatly on my dresser, all the creases smoothed out as much as possible. I stretch in bed and try to guess the time before looking at the clock. Has it been an hour? More? 

 

Judging from the way my stomach growls, it’s been quite a few. 

 

When I do look at the clock, it’s been three and a half hours, and I drag myself out of bed. Sleeping tonight is going to be harder than usual, now. Great. I put my jacket back on along with my shoes and then head out of the room. Out of the kitchen wafts out the comforting smell of Isabel’s soup, and I see Isabel and Farlan quietly murmuring about whatever it is they’re cutting. Onions, maybe? 

 

I near the table and cough quietly, getting both of them to whip their heads around like owls. 

 

“Big sis!” Isabel exclaims, maneuvering around the table and stove before throwing herself at me. I groan a little under the full force of her weight. “I’m glad you’re okay, Levi said that if we went into your room he would feed us to a titan!” She leans back to give me a big smile. “Normally I would ignore him, but he smelled so sad! What happened?”

 

Farlan looks to me expectantly from behind the counter.

 

I clear my throat. “Did he tell you what was in the last wagon?”

 

They both shake their heads. 

 

I grimace inwardly. “It was a… an omega.” I see them both freeze at the word. “An omega in red heat. He was maybe 15, very young, very frail, and almost dead.”  _ A dead omega.  _ “I responded really badly to it, and Levi had to drag me out of there.”

 

“We saw,” Farlan says. “We thought you were injured or something, but Levi said he would take care of it.” He chuckles darkly. “For a moment I thought you were dying all over again and we were going to have to save you all over again.”

 

“Well, here I am.” I spread my arms. “Alive and well.”

 

“You don’t look well,” Isabel states. 

 

I scoff. “Well, I never look well. But I’m okay. Really.”

 

“Does Levi know?” Farlan asks. “That you’re an omega?” 

 

I shake my head. “I don’t think so. He thought I reacted the way I did because I felt like I failed my omega. And I’m keeping it that way. I’m better as an alpha.”

 

“Hey! There’s nothing wrong with being an omega!” Isabel protests.

 

I chuckle. “Yeah, I know. But still, I don’t feel like an omega anymore. I’ve become something else, something closer to an alpha.” I rub the back of my neck and realize my cravat is low around my neck. I curse quietly before rushing back to the bathroom to redo it properly. As I undo the cravat and try to smooth it out before redoing it, I notice something at the base of my neck. I run my hands over the left of my spine there, and notice the little bumps there. Odd. I haven’t noticed that before. For a few moments I just stand there running the tips of my fingers over it. The nerves there are less responsive, and I can feel a pattern. An image of the boy’s brand flashes in my mind. It feels similar to a semi circle, and I try to see it in the mirror, but I ultimately fail. Groaning inwardly, I call for Isabel.

 

She opens the door and pokes her head in. “Yeah?”

 

“I need your help with something. Come in.”

 

She slides in quickly and closes the door behind her. “What is it? Are you okay? Is another heat coming?” She gasps, her eyes widening. “It’s not another heat, right? Because if it is we have to leave  _ right now _ to make sure Levi doesn’t know or else he’ll know that you’re an omega and we don’t want that and -”

 

“Isabel!” I cut her off. “It’s not another heat. It’s just something on my back I can’t see.”

 

I see her physically deflate from the panic. “Oh thank Maria, I was so worried.” 

 

I sigh at her dramatics, though I am touched by her worry. “It’s fine. Now, there’s something here, can you tell me what it is?” I tap my finger on the bumps on my neck. 

 

Isabel comes closer to me and she brushes my hand away so she can see better. I feel her fingers graze over the mark, and I can practically hear her thinking. 

 

“Does it hurt?”

 

I shake my head. “No, I just noticed it now.”

 

Silence. 

 

“I think it’s a brand,” she whispers, as if she’s nervous to say the words.

 

“A brand?”

 

“Um… yeah. It’s a little swollen and in the shape of a cornucopia. Or a horn. Something like that.” 

 

I grab the little notebook in my jacket along with a pencil. “Can you draw it?”

 

“Um… I’m really bad at drawing. But Farlan is really good, if you want him to see it,” she adds the last part quickly. 

 

I contemplate letting him see it for a moment, and in the end curiosity gets the better of me.

 

“Get him over here, quickly.”

 

“Okay!” She sprints away and rapidly returns with Farlan in tow.

 

“What is it?” He asks.

 

I point to my neck. “I need you to draw what you see and to not tell Levi about it.”

 

I see his reflection nod. 

 

Isabel passes him the notebook and pencil, and he rests it on the counter as he gets to work. He occasionally looms over my neck to get a better look at the mark, then quickly darts back to his work. He does this for a few minutes, the scratching of his pencil filling the air, and then he jumps up with the notebook in hand. 

 

“Finished!” He declares. 

 

“Obviously,” I mutter under my breath, but then quickly reply, “Thanks.”

 

I take the notebook and hold it under the weak light to see better. It is a cornucopia, with little symbols surrounding it in a border. The boy’s brand flashes in my mind again. 

 

“How accurate is this?” I ask quietly.

 

“Deadly,” Farlan states proudly, and Isabel smiles at him with pride.

 

“He’s really good with art, but he rarely ever has the time to draw something,” she explains.

 

I nod half heartedly. “I see. Well, um, thanks. You can go now, I just need to redo my cravat.”

 

They nod in sinc before rushing out of the bathroom, whispering under their breaths. 

“Don’t tell Levi!” I hiss after them, and they respond “yup!” to my command. 

 

Once the cravat is on properly, I slide out of the bathroom and back into my room. I light a candle and sit by the little desk in there, placing the sketch under my scrutiny. I study the pattern for a few minutes, copying down each of the little symbols on the outside onto another page, committing them to memory. After I analyse each part of the brand, I lean back and try to hold back a sob. The brand on the boy’s mark was identical to mine, I’m sure. Family crests are always drastically different to any others, and if they are similar, it was because they are two parts of an even larger family. And the boy and I share the same mark on our necks. 

 

He’s my family.

 

Either by blood or marriage, it doesn’t matter. This boy knew me, my name, the name of my mate, the name of my parents, and maybe… and maybe the names of my… 

 

I slap my hand over my mouth.

 

The names of my children. 

 

I freeze in my chair and try to hold back the whine that threatens to escape. Do I have children? Did I? I know I’m not a virgin, the mating bite on my neck proves that, but did it happen during one of my heats? Did it take? Did my alpha see me swollen around the middle and smell the shift in my scent as we discussed names? No, no, I couldn’t have had children. There are tell-tale signs. The mating bite should be deeper, have scarred over more - instead of the angry red it often was. My scent should be calmer, rounder, in a way. 

 

But then again, I’m supposed to be dead. 

 

I hear the door opening and closing, accompanied with Levi’s scent wafting into the house. Crap. I breath in and out deeply, trying to compose myself. Levi can’t know. He can’t know that I’m an omega. I’ve kept up the lie long enough and I can’t have him looking at me like I’m something weak. I don’t know what’s keeping me from confessing to him, pride maybe? The little scrap of honor I’m trying to keep? It doesn’t matter. I don’t want him to know. For the first time I don’t feel helpless with someone, and I want to keep it that way. I’m strong enough to take care of myself.

 

I slip the notebook back into my inner breast pocket and exit the room, and my eyes fall on Levi. His back is turned to me, and I think he’s checking something with the maps. I hear his little mumbles and the occasional curse. I wonder what he’s planning. 

 

Walking forward, I try to keep my scent neutral.  _ He can’t know. Not now, and maybe not ever.  _ Maria, I’m a mess. 

 

“What’cha doing?” I ask once I’m close enough to him.

 

His entire body freezes - the Levi equivalent of jumping in surprise - and he shoots me an angry stare. “Don’t sneak up on me like that.” He looks tired, I note.

 

“I didn’t. You’re just getting old,” I throw back. The shadows under his eyes are more prominent, and my thought flicker back to the aftermath of the raid. Are we going to talk about it?

 

He sighs. “I’m not old, you’re just a child.”

 

“Pft. That’s Isabel, she’s the youngest.” 

 

“But more experienced than you,” he taunts. The comment is supposed to be teasing, I infer, but he’s right. I didn’t have my memory and I’ve been on a single mission with the pack - which I then screwed up. 

 

“Um, Levi?”

 

“Yeah?” He doesn’t even look back up at me, just focusing on the maps he’s annotating. 

 

“There’s something I need to tell you.”

 

At this he turns to face me. 

 

“Okay. Then tell me.” He looks impatient and for a moment I freeze up again. What if this makes him look down on me even more? I’ve already screwed up enough.

 

“Well?” He gestures to me with his pencil. “Spit it out, brat.” 

 

_ Brat.  _ For some reason, the term is endearing. “I don’t remember,” I say. Ha, that sounded so sophisticated. Crap. 

 

His eyes narrow. “What exactly do you not remember? What you were going to tell me?”

 

“Nonono.” I shake my hands frantically. Crap crap crap where was the sophisticated side of me? The cool and calm alpha? Maria, did I smell wrong? “I mean, when Isabel and Farlan found me. I… I don’t remember anything before that.”

 

He doesn’t move, he just keeps his eyes trained on me. “You mean, the furthest thing back you remember is Isabel and Farlan finding you half dead in some house?”

 

I nod slowly. “Yes. But, I mean, I remember my name and all of those things, but I don’t remember anything… anything solid. Anything outside of my mind.” 

 

He breathes in deep. “Do you remember her?”

 

“Her?” 

 

“Your mate,” he clarifies.  _ Oh. That. _ “Do you remember her?”

 

“What makes you think it’s a her?” 

 

He shrugs. “You called your mate and her. And I also inferred from the way you responded to the boy. If your mate was a boy, you would have bit my head off. The event would have dragged you further down a rabbit hole.”

 

“Further down than the one I was in?” I laugh dryly. 

 

“Yes,” he answers without hesitation. “I’m an old man, remember? I’ve seen people go mad over losing someone.”

 

“Did you lose someone?” I ask before I can stop myself.

 

“We all have.” He glances away before narrowing his eyes at me. “Answer the damn question, little alpha.”

 

“Little alpha?” I raise my eyebrows at him, but I’m not mad.  _ Little alpha. _ That’s right. I’m an alpha. Not some hopeless omega. 

 

“Stop avoiding it.”

 

I laugh shortly. “No, I don’t remember. Not much, anyways. Just that it hurt losing her.” 

 

“You’re sure she’s dead?” 

 

I tense. “Yes.” The word is cold and clipped. “I’m sure.”

 

He nods. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to pry. Curiosity got the best of me.”

 

For a few moments we stand there in silence, and eventually Levi goes back to his work. So, apparently my memory problem was of no concern. That’s good. I breathe a sigh of relief. That’s good. Good. 

 

Isabel and Farlan return from collecting the masses of gear the gangs owed us, and I see Levi smirk in victory.

 

“Despite messing up, we did good,” he states. “Oi, I hope you guys didn’t bang up all of the gear with your jerky flying.”

 

Farlan gasps and feigns offence. “How dare you accuse of something like that, Levi. You know we would never.”

 

Levi shrugs. “Sure sure.”

 

“Hey!” Isabel glares daggers at Levi. “We’re not a bunch of hopeless babies, big bro. We can take care of ourselves.”

 

“I know you can.” Levi ruffles her hair fondly, the hard glare gone from his face. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t take care of each other.”

 

My mistakes are quickly forgiven, despite them always bringing it up in a teasing manner. Farlan and Levi often call me a big softie, to which I respond to by tripping them on the stairs the next morning. Isabel is the kindest about it, but she too would occasionally throw some comment at my face. 

 

“We are not kind people, Elliot,” Levi says. “You need to grow some thicker skin.”

 

So I do. The years pass - three, to be exact - and I become more ingrained into the family and less reactive to the harshness of the underground. We all grow into something better, and Levi makes sure that he keeps up his position as the “King of Thieves.” The nickname grew quickly, and soon most of the underground knew about it. The pack would use it as a joke, often making kissing noises and calling him “oh, my precious king.” Isabel was the worst at it, especially when we all thought she had a crush on Levi. Us three alphas had multiple meetings concerning it, Farlan and I giving Levi different ideas on how to approach her about the subject. When he did confront her about it, it took her a moment to get what he was saying, however when she did understand, she blanched and threw pillows aggressively at Levi.

 

“YOU ARE LIKE MY BROTHER WHY ON EARTH WOULD I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU THAT’S DISGUSTING. DID FARLAN PUT YOU UP TO THIS? BECAUSE IF HE DID I AM GOING TO KILL HIM,” was the response. Quite epic, really. Isabel and us practically exploded and Levi was mortified. They didn’t talk to each other for two and a half days. Farlan and I still laugh about it, Levi and Isabel prefer not to revisit those memories.

 

Three years later and I still have not been touched by another heat - something I’m eternally grateful for. I knew that the chances of another heat popping up was practically nothing, but it still haunted me. The fear of having to surrender to some filthy alpha scum was enough to make me vomit. 

 

We don’t ever come across another omega in red heat, and a part of me suspects that Levi has something to do with it. Red heats are generally rare, however down here, in “hell,” it was more common. More people died, more omegas were rejected during their heats, and more awful things in general happened down here. Of course, we’re the safest from the titans, but perhaps that’s why humanity is so against each other down here. It’s one of Farlan’s philosophical ideas, what makes people turn on each other, and he likes to think that chaos is a part of humanity, and will always present itself in some manner. 

 

“But, for what it’s worth, I think that loyalty and love is always going to be a part of us,” he smiles at Levi, who blanches.

 

“Stop being so sappy, it’s gross,” Levi growls, and Isabel laughs at him.

 

“Oh, stop being so grumpy, big bro! I think it’s a cool idea.”

 

“Doesn’t make it any less sappy,” he mutters.

 

“Oh, lighten up, Levi. Although, for what it’s worth, we’ll all stick with you, no matter how much of a grumpy old man you are,” I purr, and the table erupts into laughter.

 

“I’m not that old!” Levi protests. “I’m nineteen!”

 

“Three years older than an adult, you’re practically ancient,” Farlan snickers.

 

“Baka!”


	3. Heaven Isn’t Real

In “hell,” we somehow manage to make our own little heaven. Nothing is perfect, I will not lie. We rarely get hot water, the streets are still filled with murderers and whores, and the sun is still nowhere to be seen; but there is a balance in our life. There is a certain harmony that we all find our rhythm in, a balance between the pain and joy. The stress keeps us moving, keeps us wary, but the warmth of family keeps us content. Levi never does anything remotely close to the cuddling session we shared when I met “the omega boy,” but all of us know that Levi’s a big ol’ softie on the inside. 

 

We still run missions, and more and more gangs ally themselves with Levi, knowing better than to make enemies with him. We don’t interact with them much outside of missions, keeping everything strictly business. Levi can’t handle any more emotional drama than the daily woes of Isabel. No one new joins the pack, and every time we pass some especially pitiful beggar on the street, I always see Levi tensing and making himself look as horrible as possible. When I ask him about it, he says that he’s “not supposed to be taking care of broken people” and that he refuses to “take in anymore sob stories.” Because apparently I’m far too much of a sob story for Levi.

 

Not many of my memories come back. Occasionally, someone will say some comment that will bring me back to this large, crystal room, but no solid memories come back. Levi will occasionally ask for updates about it, and I usually give him the same answer: “I got nothing on it, boss man.”

 

“Don’t call me boss man,” he will usually reply. 

 

“‘Kay, boss man.” 

 

That usually is enough to get him stomping away while grumbling about why he even bothers trying to be nice. 

 

Honestly, I don’t think I need my memories back, anyways. Often, I’ll wake up in cold sweat from some dream, and I’ll know that it was about my mate, but I don’t ever try to remember. Because what’s the point? I’ve made a good and steady life here. I have a family that knows how to survive the harsh reality of this world, and I can rely on them. They’re all I need. If I suddenly get my memories back, everything will just restart again. My whole identity will just disappear into nothing. 

 

I am happy as alpha Elliot Kingston. 

 

Even if my dreams tell me that it is not who I was meant to be. 

 

But screw my dreams. I get to choose who I am, now. I am the second alpha to the King of Thieves, loyal packmate to Levi, Farlan, and Isabel. There is nothing my pack does not know.

 

But of course that’s a lie.

 

While my memories are gone, my apparent abilities are not. I heal quick, and not just the normal “I can recover from broken bones in weeks instead of months.”

 

I recover from them in days.

 

Levi says I’m too dramatic when I receive the injury and just make it seem like a broken bone, but a part of me knows that’s not true. I’m not that dramatic. And besides, at one point, I had one of my ribs  _ poking out of my chest _ and within a few days I was scarring over. 

 

And then there’s the armor thing.

 

I’m not entirely sure what to call it, but armor sounds cool and pretty accurate; and “shell” just sounds a bit creepy and carries the implications that it covers the entirety of my body. And I’m not a bug. Bugs are nasty. 

 

Anyways, it’s armor. I can’t pinpoint exactly how it happens; it mostly happens on instinct. Like how you can’t exactly explain how you move your hand, you just do. That’s how the armor works. So, whenever I’m in a particularly tricky fight, I find certain part of my body with a protective armor growing on it - and it’s made of the same material as the claws I used when I was attacked before I met Levi. My ribs will harden along with my knuckles, and sometimes I grow claws. That’s only when I’m acting a bit feral when I fight. I keep a little chunk that falls off of my ribs after I got attacked by some random thug, and when I compare it to the claw I kept - they match. They’re literally made of the same material.

 

I don’t tell anyone about it, because if I wasn’t willing to tell Levi that I’m actually an omega, no way in hell am I telling him I can grow armor on my body. I’ll be something that needs to be dissected. No thank you, I am fine as I am.

 

I’ve tried growing armor when I’m not in a fight, but usually it’s unsuccessful. Apparently adrenaline is key to growing armor. Duly noted. Although, one time, there was a slight exception. Levi and I managed to get ourselves captured when we were on a mission, due to some stupid alpha knot-head who had tried to get us for the bounty on our heads - set up by the cowards called the Military Police. He had us put into shackles and thrown into a filthy shell.

 

“This place smells like shit,” Levi muttered.

 

“Really now? Levi, we are literally kidnapped by some knot-head who wants the money the Military Police won’t give him, and all you have to say is that the dungeon they throw us into smells like shit?” I hissed back at him.

 

“It does!”

 

We had sat there for ten minutes when I couldn’t take it anymore. I decided to try using the armor-claw-things, or at least make something sharp, and I sat there focusing on my wrists. Could I make a knife out of it, I had wondered. Turns out I could make something close enough. Knives began growing out of the side of my palms and wrists, making a fairly long, fairly sharp, and very strong blade. 

 

It broke through the iron chains. 

 

Levi had turned to me in utter shock when he heard the tell-tale click of the chains coming undone, and I grinned wickedly. I nearly showed him my unshackled wrists, but I held myself back, knowing he would see the blades. So I moved to remove his chains, and soon we were out of the cell. 

 

I did have some adrenaline then, but it wasn’t as much as I would have if I was in a fight. The blades didn’t fall off as quickly as I liked, so I ended up using them in the fight while breaking out. The armor on my knuckles grew out, too, so let’s just say a lot of people had their faces literally broken. 

 

It’s hell hiding things from Levi. 

 

Obviously, alphas are stronger, so we would be able to deal out a good amount of damage, but the damage I dealt out, when the knot-head took out a little omega girl, was immense. I haven’t lost control like I did with the omega boy, however omegas still affect me quite strongly - as they do to any emotional alpha. So when he placed a knife against the girl’s throat, I didn’t hold back. 

 

There’s something about the armor that helps me focus and be calm during a fight - which is oddly juxtaposed with the whole “I need adrenaline in order to grow armor like some freak.” But when I’ve got armor covering my ribs and knuckles, I feel arrogant in my fights; knowing that victory is mine. I wonder if this is what born alphas feel like. Every fight is their victories and the world seems to bow for them. Damn patriarchal society. 

 

But anyways, I can see the obvious evidence for my lack of memories, and sometimes I feel guilty for not wanting them back. Sometimes, when I’m laying down in bed, Isabel sleeping soundly in the bed beside, I stare at the molding ceiling and wonder about my past. Maria, I’m seventeen years old and I don’t remember most of my life. It’s frustrating at times, I won’t lie. I don’t remember the faces of my parents, their names, my siblings, my family, my pets, my damn mate. But I don’t really care about it. There’s no point in remembering. That life is gone. This is my life, now. As Levi’s packmate. 

 

Levi and I have grown close over the years. Of course, Isabel and Farlan know the most about me, but Levi’s someone who I feel calmer with. Isabel is a wildfire, always darting about. Farlan is a young alpha with a lot of potential. Levi is a rock. He’s been to the worst of hell and back, but he doesn’t let it define him that much. He’s calm and he has a clear conscience, and he’s not crazy like Isabel. There’s a quiet type of madness in him.

 

Most of the time we spend together is spent reading, writing, or just resting. We don’t talk as much, but we learn a lot about each other through other means. After I find out that I am in fact, not illiterate, Levi makes me teach the pack. It takes me half a year to have them “up to speed,” but Levi is the fastest at it. I find out that he actually prefers writing over talking. When I ask why, he says that he doesn’t like to talk because he feels like there’s too many lies in dialogue. When I tell him that you can lie in writing as well, he just shrugs. 

 

__ _ Writing is more profound, in some way. It’s softer, rounder, and emotions are told in a different way and it takes more intelligent people to decipher them,  _ he writes. His handwriting is simple, but quite elegant for someone who learned two years ago. Nothing more or less than it needs. It’s like Levi.

 

_ I understand, but I’m still convinced you just don’t like talking.  _

 

_ Well, I’m sorry if I prefer something more permanent. You can go back over and reread these words, and hold them to your chest if the other person dies. _

 

__ I wiggle my eyebrows at him.  _ Aw, is the great King becoming sentimental? You worried that I’m going to die soon? _

 

__ _ Yes. Because I’ll kill you. _

 

__ _ Jerk. _

 

__ _ Baka.  _

 

__ We fill ten notebooks with conversations like these, and I have a feeling that Levi would scold me for wasting paper if he wasn’t partially to blame. He’s the one who likes writing, not me.

 

I look at Levi and feel a content warmth in my heart. This is someone I can trust, someone who took me in when I had nowhere else to go. Someone I can call family.

__

__ But of course, every perfect dream has to end.

 

It starts with an anonymous request. We get these, sometimes, and usually they’re quite brutal or devastating. Often Levi refuses them, saying he’ll never stoop to that low of a level. Of course, the requester then almost always takes a poke at Levi’s height, to which Levi then responds with the most terrifying snarl. But anyways, we get one from a guy who meets us at the top of the stairs to heaven. He exists a carriage and looks quite snooty, his black robes billowing over his body and the faint lines of gold tracing his uniform. This man is rich, no doubt. Levi stays in the shadows opposite to him, and they talk in hushed whispers. Of course, the rest of us hear everything, but we don’t talk. Levi is the Alpha of the pack. We let him sort things out with others, and then he’ll discuss things with us.

 

The man seems very unsure about revealing anything, but he tells us that regardless of whether or not we accept the job, the target will come to us. Levi bristles at the comment and we smell his protective scent flowing out. The man reassures that it wasn’t because of his doings, it was just Levi’s reputation. The King of Thieves is wanted for his crimes against the government. Isabel snorts at the man, probably making a comment in her head how Levi isn’t that big and scary. The man ignores her. He talks a while about what he wants us to do - retrieve information, that’s an odd one - and then we get onto the topic of price. Apparently we have received advance payment. Levi demands what he means by “advance payment,” since we haven’t received anything. The man chuckles and explains. Farlan has a friend, Yan, whose legs are suffering from a common disease down in the underground due to the lack of sunlight. Apparently, earlier this week, Yan was taken up to heaven to be submitted into a proper hospital to be treated - and that was only the advance payment. The man’s voice becomes softer but a little clearer as he explains what our reward will be if we got the job done.

 

Residence in heaven. 

 

All of us freeze on the spot and look that the man’s silhouette in shock.  _ Residence in heaven? Freedom from the hell we call home and access the the sunlight? _

 

Levi laughs dryly. “As if, old man. Go home, you’re wasting your time.

 

“Mr. Levi, do not think that I am lying. If you can bring me what I want, I will give you the sunlight for the rest of your life. Guaranteed jobs, as well.” The man’s voice is soothing and persuasive. 

 

“What’s so special about the target anyways?” Levi demands.

 

“He’s off vast political importance, but he’s a threat to my alliance. A very big one. The information he holds is too dangerous to be kept in his hands and he is too lethal to be kept alive.” The man’s tone deepens, and I can see the shadows of his wrinkles on his forehead. The target was that bad, huh?

 

“Give us some time to consider it,” Levi says. “We’ll be back tomorrow at the same time.” 

 

The man nods. “Until tomorrow, then.”

 

The trip home is tense and acts as the calm before the storm. As soon as we enter the house and lock the door, Isabel practically explodes.

 

“Big bro, we have to take it,” she demands. “This is our chance! To live in the sun, to be free from the darkness!”

 

“Tch. You can’t really ever escape from the darkness. It’s always there, in one form or another,” Levi curls his lip in distaste.

 

“But you have to at the very least, consider it, Levi,” Farlan begs quietly. “Isabel is right. This is our chance.”

 

“He could be lying,” I add. 

 

Levi nods in agreement. “We have no reason to trust that bastard.”

 

“But we have to try!” Isabel stands in front of Levi and stares him down. “And you heard that man, the target will be coming to us anyways. We’re going to face them no matter what, so why not play for the best advantage?”

 

Levi stands there in silence. 

 

“She has a good point,” I say to Levi. “You definitely should be considering this.” 

 

Levi makes a face. “Fine. I will. But first I’m taking a shower, I feel filthy.” That’s Levi-speak for “leave me alone.” 

 

We don’t push it and we let him clean himself. Isabel starts preparing dinner and Farlan goes to see if Yan really has been translocated to the surface. I stay with Isabel to prepare dinner. 

 

“I wanna go to heaven,” Isabel says softly. “I don’t wanna die down here, not having even seen the sky.”

 

I pause while cutting the vegetables, and I look to her quivering lip. She looks like she’s about to cry.

 

“Come here,” I say, holding my arms out. 

 

She puts down her things and shuffles over to me, encasing herself in my arms. I hold her tightly, letting my omega side come out. Isabel is my friend, family, and sister, but sometimes it feels like she could be my daughter in another life. The girl I would get to see grow up. An image of young Isabel pops into my mind and I feel my heart ache at it.  _ You can’t have children, _ that old voice tells me.  _ You weren’t born for the good things of this world. You were born to kill.  _

 

I love you, Isabel. I hold her even tighter and hope my grasp is enough to comfort her for a while.  _ I don’t want to die down here. _ The words rattle throughout my mind, and they haunt me a bit. 

 

“Isabel.”

 

“Hm?” She doesn’t move to escape my embrace.

 

“I won’t let you die out here,” I promise. “I promise you, one day, you are going to see the sky, and the sun, and the birds, and you are going to be happy. The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind.” 

 

She wraps her arms around my waist. “Thank you, Elliot.”

 

I chuckle softly. “Anytime, kiddo.”

 

We finish making dinner in comfortable silence, and we eat in less comfortable silence. Farlan and Isabel have to clean today, so Levi beckons to me to follow him out onto the porch. I follow without hesitation, Isabel’s words echoing in my mind.  _ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _

 

We sit down on the bench, the small space between us flooding with our heat. I take a quick whiff of the air and realize that I smell like an omega. I tense up suddenly when Levi stretches his hand out to me, waiting, but then I realize he’s asking for the notebook we usually talk in. I take it out and give it to him.

 

The wait for his words to find their way onto the paper is terrifying. 

 

_ Isabel was upset, wasn’t she? _

 

So he did smell me. 

 

_ She wants to see the sky before she dies.  _

 

He pauses before writing his reply.  _ Me too.  _

 

I look at him. Usually he would reply with something like “we all do” or “I know.” But “me too?” That’s personal. This is emotional. 

 

_ Are we taking the job?  _ I ask. 

 

_ I talked to some contacts and got more information. _

 

__ _ What’d you find out? _

 

__ _ Who the requester is. If he’s legit. Who the target is. _

 

__ That’s interesting. Usually he wouldn’t be able to find information that quick.  _ And? _

 

__ He snorts.  _ The requester is some priest stuck in a bad position. The target’s got heavy dirt on him and his buddies.  _ His hand pauses.  _ The target’s dangerous. _

 

__ _ Too big of a challenge?  _ I taunt him a bit. 

 

__ _ Quite the opposite. He’s fucking perfect.  _

 

__ _ What do you mean? _

 

__ _ If we manage to kill this guy, we have half of the government on our side. _

 

__ _ And the other half?  _ There’s always another side to the story. 

 

__ “Pft,” he huffs out.  _ They’ll want us dead. _

 

__ There it is.  _ I’m not sure if this is good or bad, Levi. And since when did we have to kill the guy? I thought this mission was just getting info. _

 

__ _ It’s never that simple.  _

 

__ _ I know that. But still, why is the target such a big deal? _

 

__ _ Because he’s Erwin fucking Smith.  _

 

__ _ You’re so eloquent at times, Levi. _

 

__ _ I literally just told you that the guy we have to kill is the commander of the  _

_ Scouting Legion and that’s all you have to say? _

 

__ _ Technically we’re not saying anything, Levi. _

 

__ _ Baka. _

 

__ _ Jerk. But anyways, why the hell would we want to go up against Erwin Smith? He’s kinda big deal. _

 

__ _ That’s understating it. He has enough info to overthrow an entire guild,  _ and _ he’s out there killing titans. _

 

__ _ Still doesn’t answer my question.  _

 

__ _ Impatient brat. Normal people wouldn’t want to go up against him. Sane people wouldn’t - hence why they’re hiring us. But we have our own motives. We’re doing this for the people we love. For Isabel. For Farlan.  _ He looks up at me, his eyes softening.  _ For us.  _

 

__ _ For us? _

 

__ _ You don’t belong down here, Elliot. You were born in heaven and dragged down into this hell. And you can’t even remember what you lost. I’m going to take you back home and show Isabel and Farlan something beautiful. _

 

__ _ Heaven isn’t my home, anymore, Levi. _

 

__ _ Then where is home? Here? In this hell? _ His pencil stabs into the paper a little bit.

 

__ _ No. Not exactly. My home is with you. With this pack. You’re my family now. I go where you go.  _ I feel sappy writing the words, but they need to conveyed. This was where I belonged, now. 

 

__ _ Alright then. I’ll take you to heaven. I promise. _

 

The next day Levi tells the man we’ll take the job. Isabel’s ecstatic when he tells us this, and she glows for the rest of the day. Levi collects information with me, and Isabel and Farlan go off to get the gear ready. We don’t know when Smith will come to us, but if we pull off another heist within a week or two, he should show up to assist the military police.

 

“About time those bastards admit to needing help,” Levi snarls. 

 

“Help for them means bad things for us, Levi,” I remind him.

 

“I know. But it’s satisfying to watch them admit to their patheticness.”

 

“Technically we didn’t see anything,” I remind him.

 

“We saw enough.”

 

“Heard, more of,” I say, a wicked grin on my face.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“No thanks.”

 

The next heist planned is the normal run of the mill, nothing special. It’s another small trade transaction of average things - clothes, some furniture, tools, silverware, pots and pans. The normal gangs were involved and the normal traders were involved. Once the heist goes down, the normal police chase after us with there 3DM gear. 

 

Normalcy at its finest.

 

But then after we outfly the majority of them, three swifter shadows dart after us. Their hoods are up and they seem to move with much more skill and determination than the police. They fly like they were born flying. We notice the questioning looks of the gangs and some of the people, but Levi is ready for them.

 

He does a quite impressive u-turn right after making eye contact with Farlan, and we all get the message. It’s the Scouting Legion. Isabel and Farlan break off from us and Levi and I move like birds through the town. The Scouting Legion might be known for their skill with 3DM gear, but this was our terf. The crumbling and abandoned houses; the streets and allies reeking of sex and garbage; the little nooks and crannies of the underground - this is our playground.

 

Levi and I move separately through the town, but every move is practiced and we communicate with our eyes. I know it’s sounds cheesy as shit, but it’s honestly true. You can predict to a certain extent how a person is going to move next with their gear, and when you couple this with practiced eye contact and little hand signals, a lot of things can be said. We tell each other which section of town to go next, along with how long we think we can last. 

 

Levi thinks we should only last for a few more minutes.

 

I say we can last ten. 

 

Levi wins.

 

Eventually, one of the scouts slams the butt of their blade into me and I crash through a window. Levi sees and let’s himself get grazed by another scout. When we’re on the ground, we move quickly to each other and draw our weapons. The scouts come stalking towards us, and Levi scowls at it.

 

He taps his blade with his pinky - our signal for running longer / fleeing - and we shoot out of the street, the scouts hit on our tails. 

 

“They’re fucking playing with us,” Levi grumbles, and he considers something for a moment. “I wonder if they’re just all cowards or if -” I don’t hear what he says next, but instead see him quickly turn as a huge hulk of green alpha threatens to slam into him. 

 

We both scram from the scout, but this one beelines for Levi without hesitation, drawing one of his blades. The scout prepares to continue chasing after Levi, but he doesn’t get the chance. Once they’re close enough to the ground, Levi spins around and slashes at the scout with his knife. They exchange a few heavy blows, the sounds of knives clashing ringing through the air, and then Levi takes off again. 

 

Another scout comes for me - a beta, I duly notice - and I do something a bit similar to Levi, getting in a few blows before fleeing again. I feel my ribs hardening a bit, the soft tingly feeling of armor spreading across them, and I grit my teeth. If I used my armor now, I might get caught with it, but now would also be a time when I actually need it. I let my ribs, back, and some of my thighs and shins harden, but it makes me lose a bit of focus on my flying. I become a bit unsteady and curse inwardly as the scout chasing after me nears. I take a sharp turn, tunneling through a few windows before emerging out onto an open street again. 

 

I find Levi in the time I have away from my scout, and his alpha scout is still bearing down on him like a storm. I ask with my eyes if he needs help, and I see his mouth mutter “dammit” before he nods just slightly. I zip to his side and fly back parallel to him .

 

“What are we gonna do, Levi? These guys seem pretty serious,” I ask Levi, shouting a bit into the wind.

 

“I am not going to surrender that easy, I have some dignity.”

 

I shrug, and we drag the chase out a little longer. Eventually, the alpha scout catches up to us and we turn in sinc and let a fight begin. We move together like water - two powerful alphas clashing their knives like thunder - but the scout isn’t like our average gang members. He’s firm, steady, and skilled in a professional way. There are no dirty tricks like the ones we often face, but a cold and calculated attack. With the close quarters, I see little glimpses of his eyes, and they’re blue. Like, really frickin blue. They seemed to glow a bit under his hood, and my armor grew even more for some damned reason. In the moment where his eyes stun me and my armor grows, his blade catches on my forearm, and Levi snarls in worry, but I barely feel it. It glances off my arm and I see the scout widen his eyes. My arm had chipped the blade a bit, and I realize that the armor had grown there as well. 

 

Two alphas against one should be a quick and easy fight, but the scout holds his ground. Levi uses his 3DM gear to try to gain some leverage, but the man is intense. Nothing seem to throw him off enough, and to be fair, Levi and I aren’t really trying our best. This was a friend of the target, or maybe the target himself. 

 

Eventually the butt of a blade slams into my temple and I lose my balance and fall. 

 

“Elliot!” I numbly hear Levi exclaim, and then I’m being cradled in someone’s arms. I would normally fight, but somehow I couldn’t find the energy to.  _ I feel so safe,  _ I think numbly.

 

I manage to lift my head up to see around me, and I see the man looking down at us with his cold blue eyes. His hood is down, and I see the outline of a strong jaw and blond hair neatly swept to one side. Erwin fucking Smith. I feel Levi’s growl vibrating against my chest and see Isabel and Farlan getting manhandled behind Erwin. I squirm in Levi’s arms as my own growl crawls out of my stomach - Isabel and Farlan look a little too banged up for my comfort.

 

“They’re fine,” Levi whispers into my ear, his breath cascading over my neck and the side of my face. “Remember, this is all part of the plan.”

 

I nod slightly, trying to relax a bit and get the stupid armor to fade away or at least not fall off, but I can’t until Levi’s next words.

 

“Soon we'll be seeing shitty eyebrows’ body rotting in the middle of nowhere.” The words are softly snarled out, and they comfort me in some sick way. Levi will protect his pack. He will protect his family. I nearly purr into Levi’s warmth, but I cough out a snarl instead.  _ Don’t be some weak little omega. _

 

We glare up at Erwin, and his cold gaze focuses on Levi. I can’t smell anything but dominance on Erwin, but even then, the smell is too medicinal. Calculated. He’s not showing any emotion, not like the people down here. 

 

“My name is Erwin Smith, commander of the Scouting Legion. We’ve been informed that you have been wreaking havoc on trading caravans and trading guilds in the underworld for years, but the military police have been unsuccessful in their attempts to stop you.”

 

“Hence why they called in the big bad boys, hm?” I chuckle acidically under my breath. “Did they finally admit how pathetic they are?”

 

“No,” Erwin states, unfazed. “They admitted how good you were.” 

 

“So you’re going to kill us, huh? Since we’re too good to be kept in some smelly old dungeon?” Isabel taunts, and the soldier holding her whacks her on the head for it, earning a vicious snarl from Farlan.

 

“Don’t touch her.” The words are laced with poison.

 

“I’m here to offer you a deal,” Erwin says. “Join the Scouting Legion.”

 

“Or?” Levi hisses out. His arms pull me tighter to him protectively.

 

“Or die.” 

 

Snarls erupt from all of us except for Levi, who stares coldly at Erwin.

 

“So, we either die here in hell, or die up there with the titans? Tch. What’s in it for us?”

 

“Heaven, as you people call it down here,” Erwin says, and his voice softens a bit. “You get to go to heaven.”

 

“Which is terrorized by man eating monsters,” Levi mutters, and I begin to worry that Levi has lost sight of the mission. We need to take this chance in order to get the information from Erwin and to kill him.

 

I squeeze his hand lightly and whisper lowly into the side of Levi’s neck. “We need this chance, Levi.”

 

His eyes turn down to me, and for a moment I feel safe. His gaze his protective, and I feel warm knowing that this man would never let anyone hurt his pack, his family. 

 

“Isabel,” I say. “For Isabel.”

 

Levi’s eyes harden as he makes his choice, and he practically spits out the next words. “Fine. We’ll do it. We’ll join your fucking suicide legion.”

 

Erwin’s eyes light up with some sort of maniacal delight. “Excellent. Hanji!” He turns his head to one of the beta soldiers standing off to the side. “Get them ready!”

 

“Yes, sir!” They salute him with a fist to their heart, and I’m briefly reminded of someone else doing that. Long black hair and sparkling blue eyes. 

 

~~~

 

The next day we arrive in heaven. The streets are filled with people, and dust curls around them in the wind. Isabel squeals delightedly at everything, and she spends most of the time with her head craned up at the sky. The birds chirp in the midday air, and Isabel sees restless - as if she wants to join the bird up there in the sky. Isabel was born to be free, to fly away. Farlan always sticks close to her, though, and I see him holding her hand a few times. Levi mutters to me that one day they’ll mate and have lots of pups and leave us. I tease him for being so pessimistic. However, even I see the lack of the dream in the city. Homeless people litter the streets, their quiet whines trying to pull coins from he purses of the richer, and children hide in dark corners - their clothes as tattered as those of the children down under. The rich seem to march through the crowds, their uniform tainting them as one of the untouchables, and the crowds parts for them like the Red Sea. I see omegas whining for their alphas and betas slaving away for underpaid jobs. 

 

“It’s the same,” I murmur to Levi. “The people are the same as down there.”

 

Levi looks around briefly before replying. “I suppose it’s similar. But it’s not the same.” He nods his head up to the sky.  “They see the sun everyday, and I think it’s a little happier than the underworld. These people follow more laws, smile more often, and less omegas wander the streets searching for comfort in the form of prostitution.”

 

“You really think that?

 

A smile tugs on Levi’s lip. “I do.” The smile quickly disappears. “But it’s still not heaven. This place is still packed with the faults of humanity, and the titans seem so much closer to the people.” He looks of to the distant walls. “They lurk about just outside those giant structures, who knows how long they’ll last?”

 

“They’ve lasted for a hundred years.”

 

“A hundred years. That’s quite a long time. Just long enough for things to now change.”


	4. Promise

It turns out that Erwin does not expect us to join his missions straight away. There’s a place outside of the walls where they want to train us, and Erwin says he won’t let us join a single mission until we’re well trained. 

 

“Well, that might take years!” Isabel notes.

 

“Tch. Shitty eyebrows is just keeping us close. He knows we’re coming for him,” Levi says. 

 

“But we can still carry out the main part of the mission,” I say. “The commander will be coming with us to the outpost, so while we’re there we can steal the info.” 

 

“True.” Farlan nods his head. “But we’ve still got to be careful. This is the great Erwin Smith.” 

 

“Tch. Let him come for us,” Levi growls. 

 

We leave for the outpost the next morning. It’s early in the morning, and Levi has the grumpiest expression known to man, and his eyes are narrowed at any person that comes near who isn’t Isabel.

 

“Fuck off,” he says to Farlan.

 

“Fuck you,” he says to me.

 

“G’morning,” he says to Isabel as he plants a sleepy kiss on her forehead. Isabel shoots us glowing look, and she coos at Levi. Farlan has to bite his fist in order to stop the growl coming out. 

 

I pat his back sympathetically. “Hush hush, Farlan. Levi won’t take away your little omega.” 

 

“He better no-” Farlan widens his eyes in realization. “She’s not my omega!” 

 

I shrug. “Sure sure. Whatever gets your through the night.” I finish putting on my clothes and secure the cravat around my neck. 

 

Someone knocks on the door of our temporary room for the previous night, and I hear a few grumbling on the other side. A few thuds and some exclamations are heard, and Levi glares angrily at the door. 

 

“Who the fuck is it?” He snarls.

 

“You curse too much in the morning, big bro,” Isabel says as she clings to his angry form. 

 

“I do what I want, Isabel.”

 

The knocks thud again. “Hello? Mr. Levi? Are you awake?” A woman’s voice is heard through the door, and it sounds slightly familiar. I open the door once I make sure we’re all decent, and there stands the beta woman from yesterday. Hanji, I think.

 

“Hello there!” She throws her arms up and ensnares me in a hug. “I’m Hanji!” She says as she leans back to get a good look at me. 

 

I nod. “I’m Elliot.” 

 

“I know! And oh, that must be the King of Thieves!” Hanji points to Levi who still has Isabel in his arms. “Is that your mate? I didn’t smell any mating bonds from yesterday -” 

 

“They’re not mated,” Farlan materializes from nowhere and stands between Isabel and Hanji threatenly. 

 

“Oh, so it’s not official?” Hanji inquires.

 

“No! They’re not courting, no one here is courting, we’re just a pack!” Farlan exclaims, and I see his ears growing red. 

 

“Oi. Will someone let me talk?” Levi grumbles. He mutters something to Isabel, and she steps back and throws herself onto Farlan as she says good morning.

 

We make way for Levi as he steps forward, and I see Hanji tremble a little. Is she excited or scared?

 

Levi scans Hanji from her feet to her head, and I see him silently judging everything. Hanji is average height for a beta, but she’s got a quite muscular build - you can tell she’s a soldier. Her clothes are just the normal uniform of the Scouting Legion, and she’s got her messy brown hair pulled back into a ponytail of sorts. Glasses perch on her Jewish nose, and madness glints in her eyes. When Levi’s eyes reach her glasses, I see his lips twitch. Ah, so he’s found a nickname for her. 

 

“Why are you here, four-eyes?” He asks in a monotone voice, but the pack notices his gleeful expression hidden under all his frowns. He’s proud of his nickname. 

 

“Eh, four-eyes?” Hanji seems momentarily confused. “Oh! You mean me? Oh Maria!” She clutches at her stomach and starts laughing with gusto. “You already gave me a nickname? I’m honored!”

 

“Just answer the question, Hanji.” I pat her on the back. “Otherwise Levi will be pissed.”

 

She grins. “And we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

 

We all nod.

 

“Well, the Commander sent me to escort you to the stables that way we can leave quickly. We can’t have you all wandering around in here!” She grins at each of us in turn.

 

Levi turns his back and starts checking his bag. “Of course. You scared that we might steal something and run off?”

 

“Well, some of us are, but not the Commander.”

 

Levi’s movements stop. “Really, now?”

 

Hanji nods, but then after realizing that Levi can’t see her she vocally responds. “Yeah. He’s really weird like that. Something about ‘they can’t afford to leave the Scouting Legion.’” She uses are quotes and deepens her voice as she quotes who I assume to be Erwin. “But that’s besides the point! Are you guys ready? We have to go, like, very soon.” 

 

“We’ll be ready soon enough,” I say.

 

“How soon, exactly?” Hanji asks.

 

“In five damned minutes, shitty-glasses,” Levi hisses. “So would you please give us these five minutes of peace?”

 

She raises her hands in surrender. “Okay! I’ll be outside the door. Five minutes, and any longer I’m kicking the door down!”

 

When she closes the door behind her, Levi grabs my wrist roughly and drags me to our bags. “I am about to kill that woman so when I begin to lose control please restrain me or at least remind we can’t afford to kill her,” he says under his breath, punctuating the words with his half-crazed stare. “She’s fucking insane.”

 

“Well, we’re probably going to be dealing with her quite a lot. She seems fairly close with the Commander,” I say.

 

He groans and hangs his head. “I can’t wait to finish the job.”

 

“We’ve just started, Levi.” I punch him lightly in the shoulder. “Don’t tell me you’ve gone weak.”

 

“I am anything but that,” he says carefully. 

 

“Excellent. Now, come on, we gotta get ready. We’ve got four minutes now, due to all your complaining.” I move to get my own bags, and Farlan and Isabel move to do the same. 

 

Fifteen minutes later, about, we’re saddling our horses and we each wear a Scouting Legion jacket. Another soldier - I forget his name - tells us that we’ll get the full uniform when we arrive at the base. Isabel jumps up and down as soon as she puts the damned thing on, and she’s flashing the crest in the sunlight in every possible angle. Farlan laughs at her joy, and they both seem to be enthralled in the sunlight. When we came out, the sun had practically blinded the four of us, but once we could see well enough, Farlan and Isabel lost it. They danced around in joy, lifting their faces to the sky and squealing in delight. Isabel had launched herself into Farlan’s arms and he spun her around in joy. 

 

“They’re so damn cuddly with each other.”

 

“Aw…” I nudge at Levi. “Are you jealous?”

 

“Tch. I’m grateful that they have each other so I don’t have to fall prey to their hugs,” Levi mutters as he saddles his horse, checking all of the straps. “The horses are beautiful.”

 

I snort. “Of course you would prefer horses to people.” 

 

“Hey! I have good reason. People are corrupted and liars. Horses are simple and honest. They should get an award for not being people.”

 

“I don’t think the horses chose to be horses, and I don’t think they can exactly lie, can they?”

 

“Quiet, baka.” 

 

Hanji stays with us to make sure we don’t run off with stuff and to make sure we can actually ride horses. Most people from the underground don’t, but Levi once accepted a job with a lot of horses involved, so Farlan and Isabel know how. However, I’m not so sure if I can. If I ever learned, and even if I did, will I still remember?

 

“So, you three seem to know what you’re doing.” Hanji points to Levi, Farlan and Isabel. “But what about you, Elliot?”

 

I stare at the horses. The idea of horse riding seems fairly simple, but then again, could I really do it? “I should be fine,” I say. I was mated to someone of high ranking alpha, so I should have learned at one point. But then again, we live in a patriarchal society. Omegas aren’t always educated like their alphas. 

 

Hanji eyes me. “Are you sure?”

 

I nod. “I’ll be fine, beta.”

 

She steps back in surrender. “I’m not trying to aggravate you, lady. I’m just trying to make sure that you won’t fall behind and have to be rescued.”

 

Levi steps forward. “She’ll be fine, four-eyes. If she does fall behind, we’ll be there to pull her back up.”

 

“Okay, if you say so.” Hanji leaves us to mount the horses, and I manage to get on the thing without trouble. 

 

“Will you be okay?” Levi asks me quietly. “Were you ever taught how to ride?”

 

“I think so,” I respond. “It’s just a matter of remembering. But it’s like an instinct, right?”

 

“Pft. I doubt riding a horse is an instinct.” Levi eyes the way I clutch tightly to the reins. “But it is similar to an instinct. Once you learn, it’s hard to forget.”

 

I manage to successfully make it to the gates of Wall Maria where everyone is in rows, waiting to follow Erwin out of the walls. However, a part of me guesses that the horse has just always known how to line up, so it’s nothing to brag about. I feel Levi’s gaze searing into the back of my head the entire time, and I envy the way Isabel and Farlan seem to skip around on their horses. When we’re all lined up, Hanji - who’s in front of us, leading us - explains to us that it’s her job to watch over us and to make sure we don’t get eaten by any titans on the way to the base.

 

“But we have no training, or 3DM gear on, so why the hell would you send us out there unprepared?” I ask her. When I say hell, though, I emphasize it with a bit of movement in my torso, and for a moment I see my life flash before my eyes. Dear Maria, I just might die today. 

 

She shrugs. “Erwin Smith is a man of many mysteries, but he has made the most process out of all of the commanders so far, so I respect him.”

 

“Well, I’ve yet to respect him!” Isabel says hauntingly, crossing her arms and throwing her chin up, and her legs kick out and bump into mine, so once again I lose a bit of my balance - however I regain it quicker than last time.

 

I expect Hanji to glare at her or lecture her, but instead she laughs. She throws her head back and lets out a quite guttural laugh. “Oh my, you’re quite a funny omega, aren’t’cha?” As she laughs, her leg bumps into my horse - not me, this time, thank Maria - and I don’t lose any of my balance, but simply go with the movement and not fall to my death. Oh yes. Wait, crap, did she say omega?

 

All of us tense at her comment, and Levi and I scan the people around us to see who heard. I clutch tightly at my reigns while doing so, praying to Maria not to fall of as I turn a bit, but I manage to keep my balance again. No one noticed, and we turn to Hanji in  quiet rage.

 

“How the hell did you know that?” I hiss at her, keeping very still but realizing that the position is a bit uncomfortable. I’m going to have to figure out this horse riding thing quite quickly.

 

Hanji turns to me confused. “Eh? How did I know that Isabel is an omega?”

 

“Yes, you dipshit,” Levi enunciates in a mock bored tone. 

 

“Oh, well I noticed it when I escorted you guys to your room. Isabel smells like a beta, usually, but last night I could smell her scent quite clearly. It’s so soft, like cotton or flowers…” Hanji trails off, looking a bit lovestruck. 

 

“Oi! Back off!” Farlan growls. “She’s not some omega you can just claim!”

 

“I know that!” Hanji says at the same time as Isabel says, “I can defend myself, Farlan!”

 

“So are you going to tell anyone?” Levi says coldly and quietly, a mad glint in his slanted eyes. 

 

“Nope!” Hanji says happily. “We’re going to tell everyone that she’s a beta, as I presumed you would all prefer.”

 

“‘We?’” I ask. “Who exactly is ‘we?’”

 

“Erwin and I!” She says happily.

 

“Erwin?” We all say. “Why the fuck would Erwin know?” Levi demands, and I see his hands grip tightly at his horse’s reins. 

 

“Because he’s the one who hired you guys. And because Erwin knows everything about anything related to the Scouting Legion.”

 

I glare at the mane of my horse and wonder just how much does Commander Erwin Smith know about us. We’re a couple of nobodies from the underground, so why would he take that deep of a look into us? I see Erwin up front and he turns his head towards us, and when those blue eyes land on me I freeze. They are cold and calculating, and Erwin is very high up in the hierarchy.  _ Did he know my family?  _ I look away to Levi and Hanji who are arguing, but my mind flickers to my brand. I don’t know which family I belonged to, only that they were very special in Wall Sina and that they’re probably all dead or being hunted down. The omega boy and I both saw our mates die in front of us, so the chances of anyone else being alive is slim. I might be the only one left. 

 

“Elliot!” Hanji calls, and I snap out of my depressing trance of self identity. “We’re about to leave, so please don’t fall off!”

 

That’s right, I might fall and be trampled on during this journey. Levi must have seen my expression freeze, because he leans a bit closer to me and tells me that I can’t fall otherwise our quarters will become even filthier. 

 

“You better not leave me to do all of the cleaning by myself.” He glares at me. 

 

I chuckle a bit and test out the position and balance I’m in at the moment. This shouldn’t be too hard, right? 

 

Erwin says some inspirational and commander stuff, and then we see the gate creak open. It crawls up the wall, and the creaks and groans it makes would normally be worrying, but it’s awe-inspiring in this moment. The sounds are like some sort of battle cry, calling for the citizens of humanity to go forth and fight, and it also sounds like some sort of monster growling at us - perhaps reminding us of the monsters that lie just outside. 

 

“Hanji?” I ask.

 

She turns her head and looks at me. “Yeah?”

 

“What happens if we encounter titans?” I look away a bit, not wanting to admit the fear I felt in my chest. “Aren’t they more able in the sunlight? Why aren’t we traveling at night?”

 

Hanji grins. “Oh, you’re the smart one in this group, aren’t’cha?” 

 

Farlan and Levi scoff at her comment. Usually we say that Farlan is the smart one. 

 

“Well,” she continues, completely ignoring Farlan and Levi. “Where we are going is not that far away, and the path we’re taking is the quickest and safest there is. In the scenario where we do encounter a titan, you four are to follow me as fast as you can. You will  _ not _ be fighting. Understood?” She looks around at all of us, and we all nod.

 

“Why not tell us this sooner, it’s a bit important,” Levi mutters. 

 

Erwin yells and suddenly the horde begins moving. 

 

“Erwin said not to! But anyways, don’t fall off!” Hanji shouts at us over the sudden onslaught of the thudding of hooves. 

 

The soldiers begin flowing forward, and all too soon we’re moving forward too. My horse lurches forward and I nearly fall to my pitiful death. I throw myself onto the neck of my horse - Frieda, I’m calling her Frieda - and squeeze my legs together as tightly as I possibly can. I dully notice Levi calling my name, but I’m just holding on as tightly as I can and the rest of the world can be damned. Thankfully, Frieda seems to be quite intelligent, so all I’m really doing is holding on for dear life as she navigates through the flood of other noisy horses. Suddenly, we’re in darkness and the wind echoes loudly into my abused ears, but then it’s gone. I manage to lift up my head enough, and for a moment I’m blinded. There’s light, so much of it, and my breath is stolen away. With my sight stolen, all I feel is the thuds of Frieda’s hooves; the wind pressing into my face; and Frieda’s heavy breaths moving under my legs. 

 

“Big bro!” I hear Isabel call out over the wind. “Are you seeing this?”

 

I don’t hear Levi’s response, but soon enough, I understand what Isabel is talking about. When my eyes adjust, the first thing my brain processes is the color. A vast stretch of green slays out before us, and above us is the sky, a rich baby blue dotted with little fluffy clouds. Trees sprout out here and there, and flowers dot the field. It’s beautiful. 

 

I glance over at Levi and see his face turned up to the sky. There’s awe all over his face, and his jaw is slack. Isabel and Farlan are the same, and I feel my eyes water - whether it’s from the wind or the emotions that suddenly flood me. Everything looks so open, so bright, so  _ free _ . I don’t feel unsteady on my horse anymore, and instead everything feels natural.  _ This is where you are meant to be. This is how you are supposed to live.  _ For a moment I smell something - I’m not sure what - and I feel the ghost of a pair of arms wrapping around my waist. A certain emotion floods my chest and suddenly everything seems so much warmer. What the hell? I shake my head to clear it and I push the memory out of my head. Memory? I guess that would make sense.

 

We ride for a few hours without encountering any titans and we arrive at the outpost just before midday. Hanji explains to us that in the morning, titans can move, but not as well, and during midday and the afternoon they are their strongest. They survive only because of the sun, and the night renders them motionless. 

 

“I’ve yet to see a titan who can move properly without the sun’s effects,” Hanji says mournfully to Levi and I as we go through the gate into the courtyard. “But imagine if there are titans who can! Imagine the change in our knowledge, the experiments we’d have to carry out, imagine all the things we could do!” 

 

“Imagine how much harder your missions would become,” I say. “I thought the titans’ inability to move in darkness was an advantage.”

 

“Well, it is. But there are always anomalies, and they’re definitely worth studying,” Hanji states, her face set.

 

We dismount in the courtyard which leads into a large stone castle. The stone is a faded grey, and vines and moss crawl over the structures. There are a few towers visible from the courtyard and there are neat little windows peeping out from under the roofs. The castle itself is set in a field surrounded by a deep forest - in which we will learn to use 3DM gear, I presume. We dismount at our own little corner in the courtyard, and when I see Levi’s height compared to his horse’s I can’t help but chuckle. 

 

“Oi. What are you laughing at?” He glares at me accusingly. His horse looks at me as well, it’s ears about a foot above Levi’s form. 

 

“Nothing!” I smile brightly. Oh my god he’s so short. 

 

“Sure,” Levi groans and walks up to me and Frieda - who I have not yet dismounted. “Please tell me you can get off without dying.”

 

I roll my eyes. “I’ll be fine, thank you very much!” I manage to slip off and land solidly on my feet, and I beam at Levi. 

 

“I assume you can survive on a horse,” he says.

 

“Evidently.”

 

“Tch.” He flicks his hair out of his eyes. “I’m trying to look out for you, for goodness gracious.”

 

“Aw, thank you, Levi~” I coo at him, and he instantly makes his normal disappointed face. 

 

“Forget I asked, brat.”

 

I shrug. “Fine. If that makes you happy.”

 

“Mr. Levi!” A soldier calls from across the courtyard. “Mr. Levi!”

 

We turn to see a gangly soldier running towards us.

 

“Yes?” Levi drawls. The soldier stops four feet away from us and salutes. 

 

“Squad Leader Hanji sent me to show you to your quarters!” He says passionately. 

 

“Very well. Isabel! Farlan!” Levi calls, and the two come running to us.

 

“Follow me,” the soldier says. He leads us into the castle, and the cold damp air envelopes us.

 

“Disgusting,” Levi mutters. “Oi, when was the last time someone was in here?”

 

The soldier shrugs. “I don’t know the exact number, but it’s been years since we’ve had need to use this outpost. The other one we would usually use got overrun with titans.”

 

“That’s comforting,” I say.

 

“Um, no it’s not!” Isabel says. “It’s the opposite of comforting!”

 

“I think that was sarcasm,” Farlan whispers to Isabel, who then makes a sound of realization.

 

We go up several stone staircases - all of them earning a disgusted look from Levi - and eventually arrive at a corridor with multiple doors. The soldier opens the third door on the right and we enter a dusty room with four bunks. 

 

“Alright, here we are. We’ll each be cleaning our rooms individually, so please try to keep everything clean, alright? Even if you are from the underground,” the soldier says in a bored tone. 

 

I see Levi’ eye visibly twitch and his hands stretch and curl into fists at his sides. Ha, this child doesn’t know who he’s messing with. Has he been informed that the people he’s escorting are of the King of Thieves’ pack? Not likely, he acts too cocky. 

 

“Clean?” Levi’s voice is deadly. He runs his hand under the cracks of the bunk beds and I see a generous amount of dust collect on his fingers. Rage begins to fill his tiny body.

 

“Yeah, clean. Don’t know what that is, little alpha?” The soldier taunts. 

 

Ho ho ho! Wrong. Fucking. Move.

 

Levi snarls at the soldier and I’m tempted to let him have his way and rip the kid’s throat out, but Farlan grabs Levi from behind and I end up helping to restrain Levi. 

 

“Wow, calm down!” The soldier raises his hands in surrender, and I see the little alarms going off in his head. About time. “Calm down, dude! I was making a joke!”

 

“A pathetic one,” Levi spits.

 

“Jeez. These alphas are so sensitive,” the guy mutters.

 

“You are an alpha!” Isabel exclaims, to which the guy just shrugs. 

 

“Yeah, but I’m not so high strung like this guy.” He gestures to Levi. “I’m much calmer, and cooler.” 

 

“Keep telling yourself that, submissive,” Levi snaps out before he can stop himself. I mentally facepalm.

 

The soldier stiffens and I notice his scent rise in concentration. Great, now Levi’s pissed someone off. 

 

“I am  _ not _ some pathetic omega, underworlder. My name is Auruo Bossard, second in command to Squad Leader Hanji Zoe! So show me some respect, newbie!” Auruo snarls out, but I see the damage done. He leaves us in a fit of rage and slams the door behind him. None of us move until his footsteps have completely faded away.

 

When they do disappear, we all let out the breaths we’ve been holding in, and Farlan and Isabel break. Laughter comes pouring out of their mouths and they’re clutching their stomachs and losing their footing. 

 

“Did you see that?”

 

“‘Little alpha.’”

 

“Oh Maria, he’s dead.” 

 

They continue to howl for a while, but eventually they calm down enough to speak properly. “Are you going to kill him, Levi?” Isabel asks.

 

“Maybe. Maybe not. Either way his body will never be found,” Levi mutters.

 

This only make them laugh harder, and eventually even Levi cracks a smile before whacking the both of them on the head. 

 

“Oi. We have work to get done. Let’s go,” he reminds us.

 

We wander through the castle until we come across some suitable cleaning supplies, and we haul them back up to our quarters. When we get back, we see that the other soldiers have settled in their rooms already. Levi nods in approvement when he sees that some of them are beginning to clean their rooms, but he smirks when we set all of our stuff down.

 

“No one leaves this room until it is spotless,” Levi declares, and the three of us shout in agreement.

 

We are each given a task by Levi, and he thrusts the cleaning supplies into our hands as if they were weapons. He eyes the room like it was a battlefield, and his orders are deadly and without mercy. No speck of dust; no spot of mold; no smell of rot; nothing escapes his clutches. We clean for about an hour, and eventually Hanji pokes her head in an squeaks at the soap that meets her boots. 

 

“Are you cleaning?” She asks, surprised.

 

Levi narrows his eyes at her, and I see him silently judge her appearance. He walks over to her with cruel eyes, and his fingers begin pointing out every single flaw about her appearance.

 

“You’re hair is oily; you’re clothes need to be washed, they’re filthy and drowned in sweat; your boots are dusty, muddy, and oily, how you got that there I have no idea; your belt is loose; your hair is also a fucking mess; your glasses have fingerprints all over them; your  _ face  _ really needs to be washed, I can see the zits beginning to grow; AND you are standing in the middle of the floor which I am still in the process of cleaning, shitty-glasses.” All of this is said in rapid fire, and a finger accompanies each of the flaws he notices.

 

Hanji is silent for a moment - processing everything, I assume - and then she speaks carefully. “Um… Dinner is ready?”

 

Isabel’s face lights up in victory, but Levi responds before she can say anything.

 

“We’ll be down in twenty minutes,” he says, his voice declaring the finality of his statement.

 

“Em, okay, but Erwin is introducing the new recruits in five minutes, so you guys should really get going,” Hanji says.

 

“Tch. Erwin this, Erwin that. This place is filthy, and I am not leaving this room until it is completely spotless,” Levi snarls.

 

Hanji backs away carefully with her hands raised. “Alright, alright! I’ll go tell Erwin.” She leaves the room in a flurry, and Levi turns around to glare at all of us.

 

“Don’t even think about leaving for dinner yet.”

 

“No sir!” Isabel shouts, and I see her saluting with her fist positioned wrong. 

 

Levi only growls instead of acknowledging her properly, and he goes back to scrubbing the floor while muttering.

 

Twenty minutes later, we arrive at the mess hall with new clothes and a spotless room. Hanji happily waves at us, but Erwin looks at us coldly. Why are his eyes so fucking  _ blue? _

 

We move to take our seats next to some other new recruits, but Hanji instead waves us over frantically. Levi groans and we move over to her table.

 

“Yes, four-eyes?” Levi says quietly.

 

“You guys gotta introduce yourself first!” Hanji whispers excitedly. 

 

Levi stares at her as if she grew horns. “What.”

 

Hanji facepalms. “You gotta say hi to everyone, say your names and stuff!”

 

“Oh. That,” Levi says distastefully.

 

“Well? Go on!” She waves her hand at the crowd of soldiers.

 

Levi groans again and turns around to face the crowd. “Farlan, you’re going first.”

 

“Okay!” He says.

 

“Coward,” I murmur to Levi.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“Hello everybody!” Farlan steps forward to the crowd that has their eyes trained on him. Oh man this is going to be  _ great _ . “I’m Farlan Church, nice to meet you all!”

 

There are murmurs of a reply greeting.

 

“Hi! I’m Isabel! Isabel Magnolia!” Isabel beams at the crowd, and I see a few faces smile at her. She has always been the most likeable of the pack.

 

“I’m Elliot Kingston.” Sweet and to the point. I glance over at Levi, who huffs dramatically before stepping forward.

 

“The name’s Levi. Just Levi,” he says in a bored tone, not even looking to the crowd properly.

 

“Hi, Just Levi,” I whisper to him, and he shoves my shoulder in retaliation. 

 

We take our seats - finally - and Levi glares at the food. 

 

“Oh come on, Levi. It’s better than the underground’s!” Farlan says, and Isabel nods her head furiously in agreement.

 

“Stop glaring at everything. You’re making me worry that your face is broken,” I say before taking a large bite out of the bread. It really is better than the food down there. 

 

“My face has been broken for years and there’s nothing you can do about it,” Levi responds as he takes a tentative sip at the soup. “It could be worse.”

 

“Can you just be positive about one thing, Levi?” Farlan asks.

 

“Tch. Positive? You know our mission, it’s not exactly positive.” 

 

Levi does have a point. Erwin Smith is going to be dead within three weeks and we are going to have a home above ground. We came here to kill and steal, there’s nothing honorable about that. But maybe we can join the military police after all of this is done - if we manage convince Levi that the pay and safety nets are worth the amount of arrogant assholes we have to deal with. Imagine that. The four of us in the military police. Would they send us to do jobs in the underworld, where we would have to hunt down gangs that are like our pasts? Could we become the very thing we once mocked? Pft. We still mock them. And besides, I doubt Levi will even go anywhere near the military police. Levi has more honor than that. He wouldn’t dare go anywhere near those filth. It was hard enough convincing him to come here. 

 

“Hey, Farlan!” Isabel whispers to him, although Levi and her can still hear her loud and clear, but I don’t think she’s trying to hide anything from us. “Why isn’t anyone coming over to say hi?”

 

That would bother her, wouldn’t it?

 

Farlan looks around really quick before responding. “Hey, you’re right. I don’t know though. I hope we haven’t done anything wrong.”

 

“It’s because we’re a pack,” Levi says, and we all look to him for more answers. “We’re not just friends, we’re a proper pack, and they can see that your alpha isn’t exactly friendly.”

 

“Aw, why do you gotta be so mean, alpha?” I say teasingly while leaning into Levi’s shoulder. 

 

“Get off me!” He shoves me away roughly and I nearly fall off the bench.

 

“Hey! Don’t be so mean!” Isabel demands.

 

Levi looks shocked for a moment before he calms down. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine,” I say. “I forgot that you don’t like to be touched.”

 

~~~

 

Later that night, none of us can sleep. Isabel tosses and turns far too much, and eventually Farlan crawls into her bed to try to calm her down. Levi, well, Levi is as motionless as a stone, but I can see the moonlight reflect in his eyes every now and then. Eventually he gets up quietly and leaves the room, closing the door quietly behind him. I get up to follow him, and soon I find him on the roof, the wind blowing his hair gently. I don’t say anything and I just sit down next to him. We sit there in silence for a while, watching the sky.

 

“It looks the same,” Levi murmurs.

 

“Hm?” 

 

“The sky. It looks the same as it did down there.”

 

I look up with a little more purpose and realize that he’s right. The clouds look like the mist that sometimes collects at the cavern ceiling, and it’s still dark. It’s nothing like the sun we faced earlier today. 

 

“But it’s not the same.” Levi and I turn around to see a sleep Isabel in Farlan’s embrace. “It’s not the same as down there,” she says with a little more force. “Because down there, it was a ceiling. It was a slab of stone keeping us away from the sky and the moon and the stars. But that?” She points to the sky. “That’s the sky. That’s not a ceiling. That’s a giant expanse of space and wind and stars and clouds. We’re not down there anymore.” I see tears beginning to grow in her eyes. “We’re free now.”

 

Levi smiles and looks up to the sky again. “You’re right. It’s not the same.”

 

Isabel smiles sleepily and escapes Farlan’s arms in order to hug Levi quickly. Levi glares at her softly before swatting her away. “Go get some sleep, Isabel. Training starts tomorrow.”

 

She nods. “Okay. But promise that you’ll go to bed soon, okay?”

 

Levi nods. “Scout’s honor.”

 

We all laugh quietly at the joke and Farlan and Isabel go back to the room hand in hand. 

 

“They’re going to become mates one day,” Levi notes.

 

I nod in agreement. “They’re good for each other. I’m glad.”

 

“Me too.” 

 

We sit there in silence for a while, our arms wrapped around ourselves in the cold. Neither of us brought blankets or a jacket, and I silently curse myself for not considering the cold. I begin to shiver just a bit, but I shove my hands under my armpits and bury my face in my arms and try to keep warm. I’m not going to leave Levi up here.

 

“Oi. Elliot.”

 

“Yeah?” My voice is muffled by my arms.

 

“You’re going to freeze to death if you keep doing that,” he notes with his usual bored tone. 

 

“So? What’cha gonna do about it?” I challenge.

 

He holds his arms out in reply, and I stare at him for a good five seconds before either of us do anything. 

 

“Will you hurry up? My arms are getting tired.”

 

He wants to hold me? Give me warmth?

 

I scooch over to him and he wraps his arms around my torso. “You’re fucking freezing, Elliot,” he says before burying his face into my shoulder and neck.

 

“You’re the one who insisted on this!” I hiss, and he only holds me tighter against him. 

 

“I wasn’t about to let you freeze to death on my watch.”

 

“It’s not that cold!” Well, not anymore, because Levi is holding me close to his very warm alpha body. 

 

“Not anymore,” he whispers into my ear. 

 

“You’re such an alpha,” I mutter.

 

He hums. “But I am one. I’m your alpha, and it’s my job to take care of you.” His arms tighten around me and a possessive scent wraps around us. 

 

“Well I’m an alpha, too!” I groan, but his words spark a little flare of a memory in my mind.  _ I’m your alpha. I’m going to take care of you. You’re safe, because you’re mine.  _

 

“I’m still your alpha,” he says.

 

We stay there for about twenty more minutes, wrapped in each others warmth. I nearly doze off a few times - don’t blame me, okay? Levi is an excellent cuddler when he wants to be one - but I force myself to stay awake and stay with Levi. No way in hell am I willingly leaving him alone up here. When I let out a particularly loud yawn, Levi huffs and picks me up bridal style and carries me back to the room - despite my protests.

 

“Will you stop flailing about? You’re heavy enough,” he groans.

 

“If I’m so heavy put me down!” 

 

He shoulders the door open. “Nope.”

 

I sigh loudly, going limp in his arms and letting the big bad alpha do all the work. This guy… he’s really something. We arrive at our bunk and he lays me gently onto the bottom bunk - which is his. 

 

“Oi. This is your bed,” I nudge at his shoulder.

 

“I know. But you’re far too fat for me to put you on the top bunk.” His face stays neutral and he gives me one of those blank stares. 

 

I hit him on the nose - kinda lightly - and snarl at him. “This is all lean muscle, right here. Not an ounce of fat.”

 

“Sure. I’m sure you got all of that muscle from the cakes you used to steal.”

 

“Hey! I stole them for all of us!” I whisper angrily, and he retaliates by laying down on me. I swear, Levi either has the most proper lifestyle or follows the path of the shameless. “Get off me, baka!” I try shoving him off me, but he’s actually heavier than me - due to… muscle, I admit. 

 

“You’re squishy,” he mutters into the pillow. “It’s because of all the fat.”

 

“Ugh,” I groan. “You’re never going to give up on this, will you?”

 

“Probably not. Although no one else would agree with me. They all believe that you’re ‘slim.’”

 

“I am!” I huff. “Now will you please get off!”

 

Levi groans dramatically and my entire body vibrates with it. Eventually he slides off me, but he wraps his arms around me and pulls me close while burying his face in my shoulder. 

 

“You’re going to get cold again,” he mutters as an excuse.

 

I smile into his hair. “Okay. Am I just going to sleep with you, then?”

 

“Yes,” he says without hesitation, and his hands tighten their grip on me. “Don’t go.”

 

Oh. I bend my neck to try to see Levi’s expression, but he keeps it hidden from me. I chuckle inwardly. Levi has never been one to voice his emotions - for his belief in emotions being “a hassle” and “a waste of time” is quite strong - but every once in a while we can see it. I cuddle into Levi’s form. 

 

“None of us will leave you, Levi.” I feel his body tense up then relax. “I promise.” I will do my best to keep this family together. All of us have been through hell - in every sense of the word. We were the best thing that ever happened, and for once in our broken lives we could trust someone. We had faith in each other. I’m never going to let any of them go. Not Farlan and his dorky smiles and protective nature. Not Isabel and her boisterous laughs and proud words. Not Levi and his narrowed eyes and broken heart.

 

I promise to keep this family.


	5. No Regrets, Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST and DEATH. You have been warned.

It’s obvious that Erwin is at least a little bit impressed. 

 

We started training with 3DM gear as new recruits two days ago, and the four of us are already at the top of the class. Levi, of course, is the best out of all of us, but Erwin still judges him and corrects some invisible mistake - even though he’s only seen Levi use 3DM gear in a training atmosphere  _ once _ , and that one time only started twenty minutes ago.

 

“Your turns are too jerky.”

 

“You’re holding the blades wrong.”

 

“You’re going to fly into one of your teammates.”

 

And, most commonly, “You’re using too much gas.”

 

Levi has snarled at every single one of these comments, and then he proceeds by completely ignoring Erwin or fixing his mistake immediately. The rest of us gape at Erwin when he manages to find a flaw in Levi - especially Isabel - and we look harder at our own moves to see how horrible we are. If Levi is constantly being judged by the great Erwin Smith, what about us? It’s kinda a downer.

 

However, Erwin Smith did raise his majestic eyebrows when Levi cut four feet deep into the nape of a dummy titan. So no matter how much Erwin whines about Levi wasting gas, we all know that Levi is a fucking legend in the Scouting Legion’s eyes. 

 

“Levi!” Our instructor calls. “You’re wasting-”

 

“Too much gas! I know!” Levi yells back before slicing into the dummy titan’s nape.

 

“Eh, the way he holds his blades is quite strange,” Hanji notes as she lands next to me on the tree. She looks and Farlan, Isabel and I. “In fact, all of you do.”

 

I shrug. “It’s what we did back at the underground.”

 

She nods with a thoughtful expression on her face. “I wonder if the technique will prove to be an advantage or not.”

 

I scoff. “Well, with Levi it’s certainly an advantage.”

 

She chuckles. “True. But he uses far too much gas; I would have expected people from humbler backgrounds to waste less and be more efficient.”

 

I narrow my eyes at her before speaking. “We’re all human.” 

 

“True,” she nods. 

 

But during all this time, watching Levi fly, I’ve suspected why he uses so much of his gas - yes, I’ve noticed it too. You see, when you’re flying, everything is different. The laws of gravity and how you can move has been destroyed and rewritten, and you feel so free. Levi has a lot rage in his life, but it’s kept bottled up in himself, and I think he lets it out through flying. You’re not chained to anything anymore, and you can just let everything out. Be something else. So he doesn’t hold anything back when he uses 3DM gear, hence why he wastes gas.

 

The rest of us are also guilty of wasting gas, but I think we have slightly less of an issue with it than Levi. 

 

In the last two days, Levi has been relentless in trying find the info Erwin apparently has. He’s planned about six methods of breaking into Erwin’s room to search it, and we’ve tried two of them. We’ve searched properly and thoroughly like the professional thieves we are, but we’ve found nothing yet. Farlan and Isabel have their hopes up, but Levi isn’t as optimistic, even if he is relentless in our searches. 

 

“It’s probably not here,” he says later, when we’re doing our third break in. “Something that important would be kept somewhere much safer. And there’s not much security in his room - that’s either arrogance, trust, or just knowing that he has nothing good to steal.”

 

“There’s a lot of valuables in here worth stealing, though,” Isabel says, holding up an old book. “These are strategy books and records of all of the expeditions. These definitely have a lot of worth.”

 

“He’s probably just arrogant, then,” Farlan says. “Besides, who would ever want to steal from the great Erwin Smith?”

 

“Us.” Levi pulls out another book and flips through it quickly. “Tch. This is a waste of time. Documents that important would be kept on his person.”

 

I look up from my place behind Erwin’s desk. “Are we going to stop our search here, then?”

 

Levi shakes his head. “We’ll continue our search here, but we need to be on the next expedition. That’ll be the perfect opportunity to get the documents and kill him.”

 

“But what if he sends the documents away before the expedition? Or not take them with him?” I ask 

 

Levi scoffs. “Then we’ll kill him and find the documents ourselves.”

 

“That’s not a solid plan, Levi,” I say as I walk over to him. “He’s smart, okay? He might have already given the documents to those who can use it. We have no evidence that he still has them.”

 

“We do, actually.” Levi cracks a scornful smirk. “If he had given the documents, they would have acted with them, and we would have half the government on our ass because of the bastard who hired us.”

 

“That’s not comforting, Levi!” Isabel exclaims. 

 

“Tch, it doesn’t matter. Just keep searching and we’ll just do our best,” Levi says. 

 

So that’s what we do. We keep training with 3DM gear and learning the expedition strategies, and we keep searching the castle for information. We don’t find anything, but we quickly earn respect within this part of the legion. Our scores for the tests ran with dummy titans are the highest, and with the hand to hand combat sessions, we also come out on top. Isabel rises the most quickly, and when Hanji watches us train, she always cheers Isabel’s fights on. She’s one of the smallest in the legion - due to her omegan sex - but she uses it to her advantage. Being small means you’re underestimated, so your opponents usually make stupid mistakes. Being small also means that you’re usually quicker than your opponents - who can be like slow, fat titans. Levi, of course, also uses this to his advantage, but it’s not as effective as it is for Isabel. Unlike her, Levi reeks of alpha. He has broad shoulders and a chiseled jaw; deep set eyes and thick fangs. He is no puny omega - despite his size. So, when Levi fights, sure they taunt him for his height and underestimate him a bit, but they know deep down how dangerous he is.

 

Levi is a strong alpha. 

 

~~~

 

Erwin lets us join the next expedition. 

 

A couple weeks has been enough for Erwin, apparently, and now we’re all geared up to go outside the walls to kill some damned titans. The Scouting Legion doubted our abilities at first, but Erwin insists that we join the mission to “prove our worth.” 

 

“They are some of the best soldiers I have ever seen, and I would rather not keep them in the underground to rob whores and mobs,” Erwin explains to some of the soldiers who question us. “I need their skills.”

 

Pft. He needs our skills. Well we need his documents and his life. This expedition will be his last.

 

“Hey. Elliot. Elliot. E l l i o t,” Isabel whines from the horse behind me. 

 

“What?” I snap back. 

 

“Why were you and Levi up so early today?” She whispers loudly to me, but Levi still doesn’t hear since he’s on the horse in front of me. 

 

Levi and I were up because  _ someone _ nearly went into an early rut, so we needed to go see Hanji very quickly. “Levi was feeling sick, so we needed to go find Hanji,” I answer in a calm voice.

 

“Eh? What was wrong with him?” She asked with a worried face.

 

He was humping the pillows like crazy and whining for me to hold his angsty ass, that’s what was wrong, however, to spare your innocent ears and mind, “His stomach was acting up and he couldn’t move properly.”

 

“The timing is horrible,” she mutters. “Is he better now?”

 

Well… he isn’t humping everything, so I assume so. “Yeah. He should be okay for the remainder of the expedition.”

 

She nods, but then her expression darkens. “And for the mission?”

 

Damn it, she has a point. “He should be okay.” And hopefully Hanji will have more medicine we can con out of her. 

 

“Who’s going to be okay?” Levi turns his head and asks. 

 

“Um… Farlan!” Isabel answers before I can say anything. “He had a headache this morning, but he’s all better now!”

 

“Tch. Everyone’s getting sick and dying today,” he mutters.

 

“No one’s dying, as far as I’m aware, Levi,” I say.

 

“Not yet.”

 

Touché. We are going to kill Erwin today, after all. So technically, he’s not dying at the moment, but he might as well be.

 

Erwin sits on his white horse at the front of the formation, and he shouts some inspirational words to us and the audience before declaring “onwards!” The gate creaks open, and I glance at the audience watching us. Most are adults who think they can share their biased political opinions, but some are families looking to us with hope. There are children watching us with wide eyes and omegas holding on tight to the hands of their mates. We inspire, but we strike fear. What type of person would willingly charge into the mouth of death? I plan to turn my head back to the opening gate, but three little children catch my eye. They’re all unrelated, and their parents are nowhere to be seen, but they all watch us like we’re gods. The little boy in the middle has this fierce determination in his green eyes, and there’s pride in them. 

 

_ They’re amazing,  _ I see his mouth say.  _ One day, I’m going to join them! I’ll help save humanity from these walls. _

 

Children have such amazing dreams. I look away and begin riding forward with the legion. The pounding of hooves fill my ears, and the wind scratches across my face. What type of person would willingly charge into the mouth of death? A desperate one. Someone with nothing left to lose. Someone who had something to protect. Most of these soldiers are doing this for their family, for humanity. The four of us are doing this for each other. For our younger selves who deserved better. As we pass through the gate and out into the open, I wonder what my family was like. What my mate was like. What I was like. Did I want children? Did I once hope for the swelling of my abdomen and the peals of young laughter ringing through the corridors? Did I look forward to greeting eyes and faces like those in the audience? 

 

I grip my reins tighter. It doesn’t matter if I once wanted all of that. I can never have that life. My womb is useless now, and my body can no longer conceive. So the best I can do is make sure other people can have that dream. That Isabel can one day have a little pup with Farlan, and they can watch their child grow up in the sun. 

 

I can only protect the dreams of others.

 

We charge through the fields with determination. Titans arrive, with their large gaping smiles, and they charge at the formation. They fall like flowers. Soldiers leap up from their horses and cut away at the nape of their neck, effectively killing them in a single swipe, and their horrible bodies begin to rot away. Titans don’t decay like normal bodies - they become steam and disappear within a few hours to a day. The smell is rancid, and when a body nearly falls on us, I see Levi choke and gag. 

 

Of course, not all of our attacks worked. Sometimes, it’s the humans that fall instead of the monsters. Clumps of green drop to the ground or fall into the clutches of a man eating monster. The four of us get to witness, for the first time, death by a titan. Blood paints the green of their capes and the grass, and you can hear the sickening crack of their bones. 

 

We ride on. When a titan comes particularly close to our section of the formation, Isabel and Farlan fly up to greet it. Their blades flash in the sun and Levi doesn’t even have time to scream “stop” before the titan falls. Our squad commander stares at them in awe. The next titan is taken down by Levi, and soon I get my chance to kill one of the bastards. Their skin is either too oily or too dry, and their teeth are matted with blood and yellow rot. The smell is fucking disgusting, but it only encourages me to kill the bastard even more. My blades make contact and sink into the flesh of its nape, and soon a giant piece of steaming flesh flies from the titan’s body. It falls dead and I fly back onto my horse - which is not Frieda, sadly. 

 

We ride for hours before the storm sets in. Clouds hide away the sky and sun, and mist begins to cling to our cloaks. Rain falls soon after. Everyone puts on their hoods and the mud begins to stick to our horses’ hooves. 

 

“Damn it!” The squad leader yells as another horse stumbles from the mud. “You all need to be careful and watch where you’re going!”

 

“But Miss, we can’t see where we’re going! I can barely see you!” One of the soldiers cries out.

 

“Oi. Elliot,” Levi says as he brings his horse closer to mine. “The squad leader has a point. We can’t see a damn thing.”

 

“And?” I ask. This is a damn disadvantage for us, now it’s more likely for us to lose or die.

 

“No one can see anything. Not even Erwin.” He adds the last part quietly. “This is the perfect opportunity. He won’t even know what hit him.”

 

So this is where Erwin Smith falls. 

 

“Tell the others. I’m going after him. Stay here and watch them,” he says and I nod in reply.

 

“I’ll protect them.”

 

I move over to Isabel and Farlan and convey the message. 

 

“Good luck, big bro!” She calls as she waves him off. Farlan joins her and Levi gives us a small smile before riding off and disappearing into the fog. 

 

“We’re almost there,” Isabel says. “We’re almost free.”

 

Farlan nods.

 

“Yeah,” I say. “Almost free.”

 

Levi is gone for about ten minutes before she arrives. The fog gets worse, so much worse, and the rain makes the terrain a goddamn nightmare and no one can hear anything. We ride on, though, and the squad leader does her best to navigate us through the storm. But I can tell that she’s young and inexperienced. She’s been in the field, yes, but how many times has she led? We end up straying from the rest of the formation, and more and more soldiers tumble into the mud. 

 

“Get back up!” The squad leader shouts. “We have to keep moving! This situation is dangerous and we need to stay with the rest of the formation!”

 

We might as well be dead already, lady. I just hope Levi gets back soon so we can start heading back. 

 

But he doesn’t come back. At least not before she comes. 

 

We don’t see or hear her. We just hear the faint screams of dying soldiers and the orders shouted at us. A soldier besides me gets snatched away by a grey hand, and the scream can’t be withheld. My blades are suddenly in my hands and I faintly hear Isabel shout in confusion. The monster can’t be seen, but I know it’s not gone. 

 

“Be careful!” I shout to Isabel and Farlan before riding closer to the squad leader. “Squad leader! There’s a titan near us!”

 

She doesn’t respond at first. “I know,” she says shakily. “I know. It’s an abnorant, too. A normal titan would have killed us all by now.” 

 

An abnorant? “You mean that thing is going to toy with us before killing us?!”

 

“Yes,” she cries out. “Yes! Our deaths will be slower than the rest, and there’s nothing we can do! None of us here are good enough to kill an abnorant!” 

 

Levi is. Damn it, where are you, Levi?

 

I ride back to Isabel and Farlan and tell them to stay close. “The titan is an abnorant, so we have to be careful,” I explain. “Levi isn’t back yet, so we just have to hold on long enough for him to get back, alright?”

 

They nod and draw their blades. Come on, Levi. Come back to us. Don’t be dead. 

 

A hand comes through the fog and ensnares Isabel. 

 

“Isabel!” We shout. 

 

She struggles in its grasp, and I see that monster’s eyes. They’re red, like Isabel's hair, and its mouth is too. 

 

“Let go of me!” She shouts in rage, slamming her blades into its wrists and hands, but it isn’t enough. The angle is wrong and she’s getting close to its horrible mouth. 

 

We both fly up to cut her out of its grasp, but it dodges and shrinks away far too quickly. We follow in pursuit with our hooks stuck into its grey body, but the fog blinds our view. The grey of its body blends with the grey of the fog, so the fear begins to set in. Another hand claws its way out of the mist and ensnares Farlan and the other clutches at my body, pinning my arms against my body. 

 

“Where’s Isabel!” 

 

Oh, is that Farlan’s voice?

 

“Where’s Isabel!” He sounds more frantic. 

 

I look around, realizing the reason for his desperation. There’s only two hands, so where did Isabel go if both of them are busy with something else? My eyes fall on the titan’s face, and between its teeth I see Isabel’s head poking out. Her neck is bent at a cruel angle and I realize why there’s so much red. Her head falls to the floor, a trail of red following her.

 

She’s dead.

 

_ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _

 

Farlan goes next, his feet first, and I’m frozen. I can’t move, I don’t want to move, and the only thing I can feel is fear. My death comes soon and I’m sorry if I don’t want to die! 

 

I wriggle desperately in the her hand as Farlan’s torso falls and his soul joins Isabel’s.  _ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _

 

I don’t want to die! 

 

My blades nick enough of her skin so I can fall to the floor, but my ankle twists as I land. I fall to the ground, sobbing tears of regret, and some sort of hateful agony fills my body.  _ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _ Armor begins to grow all over, and I feel a longsword growing in my hand. I don’t even know who I am, I think as I stand, ignoring the pain in my ankle. I don’t even know what my mate looks like.  _ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind.  _ I charge at the titan. I had my whole family taken away from me, twice, and I will not stand idly by as my death arrives!

 

_ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _

 

The titan has me in its grasp again, and this time I fight back harder. My armor prevents my rib cage from collapsing, and my sword connects with the wrist of the monster that killed Isabel and Farlan.  _ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _

 

“Just die, you monster!” I scream, and I feel heat surrounding me and my armor growing even more, but nothing helps. The titan brings me to its mouth and it ensnares me from my knees and up. The lower half of my legs disconnects from me, and I wonder if there is anything more painful than this. The tongue pushes me to the back of the throat and I fall down into a soup of slime. I smell the scent of rotting bodies, and the feeling of the liquid touching my broken legs elicits a scream from me. Terror at its finest greets me. 

 

However, out of the kindness of its heart, it allows me to meet darkness, who takes me by the hand and envelops me and my pain. 

 

~~~

 

_ The darkness will be the furthest thing from your mind. _

 

_ I’m sorry… I’m sorry…  _

 

~~~

 

“Elliot!” 

 

Who’s Elliot?

 

“Elliot!” The voice calls again. “Elliot can you hear me?”

 

Yes, I think? Am I Elliot? 

 

“Elliot!” Something shakes my limp body, and I feel pain shoot from my abdomen. I’m probably Elliot. 

 

“She’s waking up,” another voice says. Damn it, how many voices are there?

 

I manage to peel my eyelids open, and the first thing my eyes manage to see is grey. Grey eyes. They’re very confusing, those eyes. They look mad, sad, relieved, happy, and dead all at the same time. 

 

“Elliot,” the man breathes out, and he gathers me in his arms. Do I know him? I bury my face into his shoulder and breathe in his scent. He smells familiar, and the name pops into my mind.

 

“Levi,” I whisper softly. 

 

He pulls back immediately and looks at me with those intense grey eyes again. “You’re okay.”

 

“I think?” I say. “I’m alive, aren’t I?”

 

His face darkens. “Yes, you are.”

 

Is that a bad thing? Being alive? Do you want me to be dead?

 

“Elliot, there’s been a change of plans,” he says lowly. 

 

Change of plans? “Do tell.” Because I can’t even remember the original plan.

 

“We’re staying in the Scouting Legion.” He says the words guiltily. “We’re not killing Erwin. The bastard knew we were coming for him, he knew everything, Elliot.”

 

Erwin? Who’s Erwin?

 

A blue eyed man crouches down next to us. Oh, we’re on the floor aren’t we? No, not the floor, the ground. The cold, wet ground. And it’s raining. 

 

“I’m sorry, Ms. Kingston. But I’m afraid you won’t be satisfying your latest customer,” he says. “I don’t plan to die at the hand of a couple assassins from the underground.”

 

So is this Erwin, then? His eyes are so blue, and he looks familiar. 

 

“Elliot,” Levi says, completely ignoring Erwin. “Do you know where Isa-” His voice cracks. “Where Isabel and Farlan are?”

 

Isabel? Farlan? No, I don’t. But I know that Isabel was red, and Farlan too. 

 

I shake my head, numbly. “But I can guess,” I say anyways. Judging by the amount of heartbreak in his eyes I know where they are. “They’re in heaven, aren’t they?”

 

There’s no response to my words. Did I say it out loud? I’m sure I did. 

 

“Levi?” I reach up to touch his face, and I realize how filthy my hand is. It’s covered in dirt and mucus and blood. I recoil immediately and try to get out of his arms. Levi doesn’t like being dirty.

 

“Elliot!” He grabs me and pulls me back into his arms. “What are you doing?”

 

I look at him in shock. “I’m dirty.”

 

I think I see a bit of his heart break at that comment, but I don’t get why. 

“We all are,” he says. “It’s fine. We’ll clean up when we get back.”

 

Get back from where? Go back where?

 

“Can you stand?” He begins to get up.

 

“I think so,” I say, but then I remember that I can’t. My legs. My legs? 

 

Panic begins to fill me and all I see and feel for a moment is the insides of that titan. Titan?

 

“Elliot? Are you okay? You don’t have to stand,” Levi says. 

 

Don’t have to? I can’t! My legs are - 

 

I look down and see my bare feet sticking into the mud. Pale skin contrasts the dark mud, and I wiggle my toes in confusion. Was it all a dream, then? Did I never lose my feet? I gasp a little. Does that mean… this Isabel and Farlan, if I only dreamed their deaths, can they still be here? Are they alive?

 

The next thing I realize is that I’m in Levi’s arms and the rain has stopped. Did I faint? 

 

His embrace is warm and we’re in some sort of carriage, the rocking of the wagon making me feel a bit sick. Where are Isabel and Farlan? They’re not dead, are they?

 

“Are you awake?” He mumbles into my hair. 

 

I nod. “I think so.” And I think that it wasn’t a dream. Who can dream of something so horrible?

 

“Get some sleep. I’ll wake you when we get there.”

 

I do. 

 

~~~

 

The titan that killed Isabel and Farlan is dead. Levi, upon seeing their dead bodies, cut it into little pieces and destroyed it. While he was killing it, he sliced into its stomach and some of the bodies fell out. I was one of those bodies. After the titan died and Erwin confronted Levi, he found my body amongst the ruins. I had another soldier’s blade in my stomach, but I was able to be saved. 

 

Erwin talked to Levi and asked for him and I to stay in the Scouting Legion. Our skills are coveted and he would rather use us to his advantage than have us killed or handed over to the Military Police. Levi accepted and so did I.

 

A part of the reason why Levi responded so emotionally to the deaths of Isabel and Farlan was due to his suppressed rut. He went into blood lust and after he killed the titan, he calmed down enough to be able to stay with me without being a threat to my safety. We didn’t go back to the walls - they were too far away for those of us needing immediate medical assistance - but instead we went back to the outpost where some of the new recruits were being kept. I was put in the medical bay and Levi refused to leave my side. 

 

A few days later I was healed enough to function normally, and I was released from the medical bay. Levi went into rut, but he still refused to leave me. Hanji told me that she had the ability to forcefully remove Levi from me if I needed it, but I told her no. Levi didn’t do anything to me throughout his rut, nothing dangerous or unwanted at least, and I honestly don’t remember most of it. I know we slept in the same bed and that there were a few desperate and heated kisses, but nothing more. We were both injured in a mental and physical sense, so neither of us could go any further. A heartbroken alpha in rut isn’t always a savage beast. For Levi, he was just a very sad and clingy one. Besides, I couldn’t let anything happen. Not with my secret sex and all.

 

When his rut is over and we get orders to go back to the walls, I ask Levi what we’re going to do now.

 

“The only thing we’re allowed to do… to believe that we won’t regret the choice we made.” 

 

“Joining the Scouting Legion, you mean?”

 

“All of it,” he says softly. “You can’t live properly with regrets. It’ll just drag you down. You have to keep moving forward.”

 

I nod in agreement and cuddle closer to his warmth. I suspect that once the haziness of his rut is gone, I won’t be getting many hugs. I have to live in the present. The past is the past.

 

No regrets, right?


	6. The Alpha and the Omega

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is a bit short, but it’s really just one small but important plot point describing where Elliot is right now.

_ ~ one year after the deaths of Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church ~ _

 

“Elliot~” Hanji’s voice twists through the air and into my ears. 

 

I groan into my pillow. “Not now, Hanji!”

 

I hear her whine from the other side of the door. “But Elliot! It’s important!”

 

I really don’t care, Hanji. I roll out of bed and throw the door open, glaring at her filthy and ecstatic face. “What.”

 

“Is Levi gay?”

 

Okay, not what I was expecting. “Why the hell are you asking me?”

 

“Because you’re super close!”

 

I nearly shut the door on her, but her hand whips out and keeps it open enough so she can slip in. “I need answers, Elliot.”

 

“Go ask Levi,” I say, walking back to the bed. “I need my sleep.”

 

“But you know he’ll just punch me again!”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“Elliot! You’re so mean!” She whines and plops down next to me. Like,  _ right _ next to me. 

 

I sigh in defeat. “In what sense.”

 

“Eh?” She cocks her head at me.

 

“In what sense do you think Levi is gay?” I snap. “Genderly or sexually?”

 

“Oh! Um, mostly sexually, but it would help to know his gender preference.” She stares off into the distance like some love sick puppy. 

 

“Please don’t tell me you have a crush on Levi. He’s not tall enough to be one of those titans you fantasize about.” I cringe at the image that forms in my head. Hanji loves titans far too much.

 

She giggles. “No, I don’t have a crush on Levi. I just want to know his orientation to help me develop my hypothesis.”

 

“What hypothesis.” God, I’m going to regret asking this. 

 

Her eyes light up. Yup, I’m not escaping her any time soon. She leans in close as if to whisper a secret. “I can’t tell you until you tell me his orientation.”

 

“Straight as Erwin,” I say.

 

She cackles. “You do know that Erwin is gay, right? In every sense of the word - well, except for the meaning of happiness.”

 

“What?” Erwin’s gay? That’s a plot twist.

 

“You heard me!” She stands up and twirls around before looking at me again. “He likes alpha boys, but here’s the catch!” She jumps right in front of me. “He likes making them submit like an omega,” she whispers scandalously.

 

“Oh my god, Hanji! I did not need to know that!” I throw my pillow at her.

 

She only cackles at me again. 

 

“Please tell me you’re joking!” I beg as I throw my face into my hands. 

 

“Nope! I walked in on him banging Mike.” 

 

“HANJI.” I sprint to the door. 

 

“And Mike was whimpering like an omega, too,” she adds, a gleeful look on her face.

 

I gag obviously. “Out. Now. Please.” I throw open the door.

 

“Aw, the big scary Elliot said please! You’re so much nicer than Levi!” She squeals.

 

“Get out, now.”

 

“Not until you give me answers!” She sits down on the bed again and looks at me expectantly.

 

I sigh. Hanji always wins with these things, and for some reason I let her. “He’s straight, as far as I’m aware. Or asexual. Either one. Does that satisfy you?” I glare at her. I really need my sleep. 

 

“Almost!” She sings.  _ Almost? _ She moves over to me. “How many ruts have you shared with Levi?”

 

“Oh my god, Hanji do you know of something called boundaries? Ring a bell? Please?” I facepalm, again.

 

“I do. But I don’t care. Now answer the question.”

 

“Why?” I groan. 

 

“Because if you don’t, I’ll tell you all of the little sexapades I’ve walked in on Erwin having.” Her voice becomes deadly and I know she’s not joking. Betas are far too comfortable with these things. 

 

“I’ve spent three with him,” I mutter. “But none of those times have we had sex! Those were the three he went through after we joined!” I add. We both know what I imply when I refer to when we joined. It’s been a year since then, and alphas and omegas go into rut/heat once a month. The first few were hard on Levi, so of course I stayed with him. And no way in hell am I telling her about that one time down underground. “Don’t get any ideas from this!” I hiss at her.

 

“Too late!” She grins wickedly. 

 

“Hanji,” I groan. “Please. I’m too tired for this.”

 

“No you’re not. In fact, you’ll wake right up when I tell you this!” She grabs my hands and leads me back to my bed. She leans in close again and places her lips right next to my ear. “I don’t think you’re an alpha.”

 

I jump away from her very quickly. “What the fuck?” I snarl at her. “Where the hell did you get that idea?”

 

She isn’t cracking up when she says her next words. “You don’t have the body of an alpha.”

 

“Well sorry if my malnourished body doesn’t meet your alpha expectations!” I hiss at her.

 

“I’m not talking about that,” she snaps. Okay, she looks serious now. “You’re hips are wider than a normal alpha’s, you gain less muscle than a normal alpha, you hide your scent glands that dictate sex, and you can manipulate your scent far too much to be written off as ‘a normal alpha.’”

 

“I know I’m not some normal alpha,” I say slowly. “Levi doesn’t show his glands either. It’s called fucking modesty, ever heard of it? No one should be going around flashing their sex. And besides, I hide my scent glands because of the nasty scar I have there.”

 

“A mating bite,” Hanji states. 

 

“What?” I say. “What the hell gave you that idea?”

 

She looks away a bit sheepishly. “I saw it.” She looks back up at me. “I saw you bathing once - on accident! - and I saw the bite. I wasn’t sure if it was just a really big hickey from your time with Levi, but then I started noticing other things.”

 

“So what do you think I am?” I ask softly and ignore the Levi comment. That’s an argument for another day. 

 

She takes both of my hands in hers. “An omega.”

 

I’m can’t stop myself from flinching. “I’m not an omega,” I hiss out. “I’m an alpha.” 

 

Hanji nods sympathetically. “I know that, Elliot. Trust me, I know.”

 

“But you just said that-”

 

“I meant physically,” she cuts me off. “Mentally, I have no doubt that you are an alpha.”

 

I notice that I’m shaking, and I yank my hands out of hers. “Leave me.”

 

“No.”

 

I glare at her. “Get out  _ now _ , Hanji.”

 

“Elliot, listen, I won’t tell anyone, and I can help!” She begins begging; a kind look on her face. 

 

“No!” I scream. “Get the hell away from me!”

 

Hanji opens her mouth to say something, but someone else speaks first. 

 

“Hanji.”

 

We look to the doorway, and there Levi stands, looking furious. 

 

“Get out,” he growls.

 

Hanji sighs and looks at me pointedly. “Come find me when you want to talk about it,” she says before walking away. She stops in front of Levi and says something to him. I pray that she doesn’t tell him. He only growls at her and slams the door once she leaves. 

 

He stands there for a moment, and I can smell the rage radiating off of him. I curl up on the bed and turn away from him. I bury my face in my hands and I try to calm down. Thankfully, I don’t smell like an omega, I just smell like an upset alpha. Thank Maria for my control over my scent, if not my emotions. Everything would be lost if I started smelling like a weak little omega needing their alpha’s comfort. Levi’s scent grows stronger and soon I find his arms wrapped around me. 

 

“Elliot.” 

 

I shudder. Maria, am I this weak? 

 

“I’m fine, Levi,” I say, but I can tell he doesn’t believe me. Once upon a time he would have chuckled and joked that sure, I am, but that time is gone. Neither of us smile anymore, not really. Instead, he turns me in his arms so I can look at him. 

 

“No, you’re not,” he says. “What did Hanji do?”

 

I shrug. “She talked about things she had no business talking about.”

 

He nods. “I’m here,” he says simply, and we both know the weight of his words. He’s here, I’m here, we haven’t left each other yet. Yet. There’s always a yet with this job. 

 

“You should take a bath,” he says, looking pointedly at my tears and oily hair. “I’ll heat the water up for you.”

 

I nod. “Thanks.”

 

He huffs and rolls off the bed. “Someone has to take care of you, you big baby.”

 

Take care of me? Omegas are taken care of. Omegas are weak and need help from an alpha to protect them. I’m not weak. I’m not an omega. I’m an alpha. I’m an alpha. 

 

“I’m not some helpless omega,” I snap, my words stinging the air, and I wonder if I should regret them. Levi’s just being kind to me, after all. “I can take care of myself.”

 

He freezes for a moment, and then turns to look at me, his eyes deadly serious. “No. You’re not.” He walks over to me, and I realize he’s angry. “But listen to me, you are all that I have left. I am all you have left. Isabel died, Farlan died, and our lives are now at stake because for some goddamn reason, we fight titans. I don’t have to take care of you, okay? I can just pick up and leave and mope and fight alphas and bang prostitutes and be a horrible alpha, but I don’t. I stay with you. I spend my ruts with you. I mourn with you. I don’t abandon you. Because like it or not, Elliot, I am your alpha.” He grabs my face and brings it close to his, and our foreheads touch. “And I intend to be a good one.”

 

I don’t know what to say. What do you say to something like that? Okay? Thank you? I’m sorry? I understand? Fuck off? I settle with “Okay.”

 

He drops down onto his knees, my face still in his hands. “I know you’re not some weak omega, but is it wrong to want to protect you? Even if I know that you’re probably stronger than me?”

 

“No,” I whisper. “It’s not.” 

 

He nods. “Then let me protect you. You already protect me, so why can’t I do the same?”

 

“Okay,” I say after a moment. “Protect me.”

 

He sighs gently in relief. “Okay. Okay.” He gets back up and moves to the bathroom, and I hear the water sloshing. A few minutes later he comes back out and tells me the water will be ready in a few minutes, and then he sits back down next to me. We sit there in comfortable silence - leaning on each other for warmth - until Levi tells me that the water should be ready now. 

 

I strip myself of my clothes far too slowly. My tightly worn cravat is untied with meticulous detail, and every article of clothing is removed as if it belonged to some priest. I fold them carefully at the foot of the door, making sure the water won’t touch them, and then I dip myself into the bath. It’s rare for us to have full blown baths - usually we just wipe down as best as we can - and the occasion is comforting. The water holds me in a soft embrace, offering warmth and cleansing to me. It’s odd, baths either make me feel extremely comfortable and calm, or it makes me anxious. Sometimes the water seems to want to drown me instead, wrapping itself around my body in a too tight hold. Thankfully, today is one of the days I enjoy the bath. I wash my hair slowly, letting myself feel every strand of it. The soap suds fluff over my hands and head, and they disappear when water touches them. I think I liked them a lot, when I was a child. I can imagine my younger self cooing over them and smiling up at some faceless mother. I can imagine a happy family. 

 

In fact, I can imagine it all too clearly. Boisterous laughter floats over a small dining room table, the few lamps we have lights up the old place, and warm soup and bread is on the table. Red hair flies about because of cackles and blonde hair is being ruffled by calloused hands. Grey eyes twinkle from hidden delight, and they glance at me as if to share some delectable secret. 

 

I find tears running down my face and I silently curse them. I’m curse the world. I curse everything. Is it my fate to suffer loss? To suffer from this agonizing loss that grips at me in the night? To cry for people I can no longer name even if I wanted to?

 

My hand touches the brand on my shoulder and the other traces the bite on my neck. I have been ripped from my first family, and now I have lost my second one. The world really does hate me, doesn't it? Although, when I exit the bathroom with my night clothes on and cuddle into the warmth Levi has left on my bed, I do thank some higher being for one thing. 

 

“Alpha?” I whisper later, when we’re both in our own beds and most of the castle is asleep.

 

“Yeah?” He whispers back. I hear the tremble in his voice because of what I called him. 

 

“Thank you.”

 

~~~

 

I go find Hanji the next day.

 

She doesn’t share a room with anyone due to her rank and the vast amount of science crap she has, so I don’t bother knocking. I’m too pissed to. 

 

“Elliot!” She smiles at me from her seat, where she has several textbooks and notebooks laying around. “You came!”

 

I shrug. “Obviously.”

 

She stands up and shuffles some things away before pulling out another chair. “Please, sit down!”

 

I sit down and cross my ankles. She sits back down across from me. “No one can know I’m an omega,” I state plainly.

 

She nods. “Understood. I wouldn’t have told anyone, anyways. You’d kill me.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

There’s a pause before either of us speak. “So, um,” she begins. “Who else knows?”

 

I study the books she has on the shelves, refusing to meet her gaze. “No one.”

 

I hear her gasp a little. “No one? Not even Levi?”

 

I shake my head. “No one.” 

 

“That must be hard,” she says, her voice soft and gentle. “But what about your heats? Do you just tell everyone they’re ruts?”

 

I shake my heads. “I don’t get heats.”

 

“So you have medication?” She leans forward, my few words captivating her.

 

“No.” I cough a bit. “I don’t get them anymore.”

 

Shock paints her face. “Why?” She laughs half heartedly. “You don’t just stop having heats, not at this age!”

 

I shrug. “I’m different.”

 

“So you don’t know why.” 

 

“No,” I say, leaning back into my chair and breathing deep. I have to tell her, don’t I? I’ve come this far, and she could help me. “I know why.”

 

“And?” She all but shouts.

 

“Quiet!” I hiss. “Don’t go shouting my sex to the whole world, please?”

 

“Okay okay!” She whispers. “So why?”

 

I cough out a chuckle. “Because I went through red heat.”

 

Her face remains black. “Sorry?”

 

“You heard me,” I say. 

 

“No, I don’t think I did.” She stands up from her seat and walks over to me. “Because I heard you say that you went through red heat. No one makes it out of red heat. You bleed out, and even if you survive that, you’d die of hunger and malnutrition.”

 

I shrug. “I made it out.”

 

She slumps back down into her chair. “How?”

 

“I’m an anomaly,” I say simply. “Everything has one.”

 

She wipes her mouth with her hands. “This isn’t possible. You should be dead.”

 

“But I’m not,” I lean forward. “I’m here. I’m alive. And I smell like an alpha.”

 

“How long ago did you have your red heat?” She asks, her eyes distant.

 

I think for a moment. “Four, five years ago?”

 

“Oh my god,” she slaps her face. “Four to five years ago?”

 

“Yup.” I pop the ‘p.’

 

“Are you positive it was red heat?”

 

“I don’t get heats anymore, I bled uncontrollably for five days, and I watched my mate die. I think it was red heat,” I snap.

 

“Okay okay, I didn’t mean to make you upset. I’m just confused,” she shakes her head.

 

“It’s fine,” I huff out. “But I’m pretty sure it was red heat.”

 

“How did your mate die?” She asks, but then quickly adds, “You don’t have to answer, if you’re not comfortable, but I’m just trying to gather information to figure this out.”

 

“It’s fine. It was years ago,” I say before adding, “But I don’t know.”

 

“What do you mean you don’t know?”

 

“I don’t remember.”

 

She looks even more shocked and confused. “Meaning… you’ve forgotten by now because it’s been years? Or because you have… amnesia?”

 

“Amnesia.” 

 

“Do you remember who your mate is?” She tries.

 

“No.” I look down at my hands. “I don’t remember anything about my life prior to my heat.”

 

“Then how do you know your mate died?” She quickly says. 

 

“I just know,” I whisper. “I remember remembering her, if that makes sense. And I’ve got a mating bite.” I point to my neck. “She’s gone.”

 

Hanji breathes deeply. “You really are an anomaly.” 

 

I smile without feeling. “Yeah. That’s me. The girl who isn’t supposed to be alive.”

 

Hanji cackles. “This is just wonderful, isn’t it?” She sighs. “I’m assuming Levi’s pack found you?”

 

“Yeah. But not him. They nursed me back to health, and then when I started smelling like an alpha, they brought me back to him as an alpha.” I smile at the memory. “I’ve been with them ever since.”

 

“Your name is quite alphaen,” she mutters. “Did you make a new name or did you remember your name?”

 

“It was the only thing I could remember. Elliot Kingston.”

 

“Elliot Kingston,” she repeats quietly. 

 

I look over at the clock on her wall. Crap, I’m supposed to be with Levi training. “I have to go,” I say as I get up. “But… Thank you. I guess. For not kicking me out.”

 

“Why would I do that?” She cocks her head. 

 

“Well… you know.” I look away. “I’m an omega; I’m an anomaly.”

 

She laughs gently, and the sound is motherly. “Don’t you remember what I said?”

 

I tilt my head in confusion. 

 

“Anomalies are worth studying,” she smiles. “And trust me, now that I know, you’re not getting away from us. I’ll figure out how you tick, and I’ll be here if any problems happen, okay?” 

 

I smile a small, genuine smile. “Thank you, Hanji,” I say before sprinting down to the training grounds.


	7. Jaeger (part one)

_~ six years after the deaths of Isabel Magnolia and Farlan Church ~_

 

    Of course Trost had to be breached. Maria was breached and overthrown, so why the fuck wouldn’t Trost be breached? Why the hell not? Go ahead, Mr. Colossal Titan! Go ahead break down all of our walls! Let all of your little titan minions eat us all! The new recruits just finished their training, too. It’s as if they were waiting for that. I swear to Maria, titans are the absolute worst pieces of shit in the world.

 

    “Captain!” Quinn calls as he jogs over to me on one of the many empty houses of Trost. “Captain Levi’s squad needs assistance down south! Five twelve meter titans have joined their six seven meter titans!”

 

    I sigh. “Get Finny and Rei. We’re heading to Levi.”

 

    “Yes, ma’am!” He salutes before flying off to find his remaining teammates.

 

    The kid has spirit, I’ll give him that. I sigh again before jumping down to kill a couple two meter titans. The things are disgusting - growing in all of the wrong places, and don’t even get me started on the way they walk.

 

    “Captain!” Rei comes flying over to me. “Finny’s gone,” she says with surprising strength. “It’s just Quinn and I.”

 

    I nod. “Then let’s go.” I fly off without another word and they follow. Levi’s squad has more experienced soldiers, and I get the younger ones with less battle experience, due to my kinder personality. Levi’s a dick, I’m not gonna lie. He makes most of the new recruits wet their pants or jizz in them. His extreme alpha-ness either strikes fear in the hearts of the alpha soldiers or turns them gay. I swear, it’s a damn nightmare. The betas just acknowledge him as a good captain. Well, technically he’s lance corporal, but no one calls him that. Captain just sounds more demeaning and he lets us do it, so no one passes up the opportunity.

 

Currently, Levi’s squad is taking the southern part of the district, closer to the breach in some vain attempt to minimize the amount of titans that make their way through. But of course it’s all in vain, and unless the breach is sealed, Trost is lost.

 

I hear Levi before I see him, or at least, I hear his doings - the thuds of giant bodies falling to the pavement, with a nice big gash on their napes. He whizzes around like some hummingbird, and the sight would be comical if it wasn’t so destructive. Body after body falls, and he leaves them with barely a scratch on his pale skin. Pft, show off. I join him in taking down a new 14 meter titan that lumbers into the district, and after it falls we land on one of the roofs to rest for a moment.

 

    “You use too much gas,” I note as a greeting.

 

    “You move your hips too much,” he responds before looking at me with those dull grey eyes. “My squad doesn’t need any help.”

 

    I snort. “Honey, we all need help. And my squad could use the comfort of your tiny shadow; half of them are dead.”

 

    “That’s because they’re all amateurs,” he says before flying off to kill another titan.

 

    “And this is why I get all the newbies,” I mutter as I fly to another titan. This one has the usual rape face on, and its teeth are an awful shade of yellow. “You’re too fucking cruel to those poor little children.” The blood gets on my face, and I groan for the millionth time today. Titan blood is absolutely disgusting, but thank Maria it evaporates quickly.

 

    I hear some scream sound off somewhere near my left, and I rush towards it. I land on the pavement to see Rei bleeding out on the floor, and I jog over quickly.

 

    “Rei. Rei, look at me,” I say firmly as a crouch down next to her.

 

    She turns to me while gasping little breaths of air, and her eyes begin brimming with tears. “I’m sorry, Captain. I’m sorry. The titan - it came out of… out of nowhere,” she chokes out.

 

    “Sh,” I murmur taking the hand that reaches out to me. “It’s not your fault you got injured.”

 

    She shakes her head weakly. “No. Not that. Finny,” she says. “Finny.”

 

    “Oh,” I say as it dawns on me. She feels responsible for the death of the beta boy she liked. “Rei, none of this is your fault. You came here knowing full well out situation, and you came here to fight. And you’ve fought. You’ve fought bravely. Finny did the same.” The words are well rehearsed and most dying soldiers I comfort hear them, but it doesn’t matter. I mean them; they apply to every soldier in the Scouting Legion. Rei was a good soldier, and she’s died a pitiful but expected death. “You can rest, now,” I say as the light in her eyes begins to fade. “You’ve done well.”

 

    She dies a moment after the words are out of my mouth, and I close her eyes for her. At least she didn’t die a titan’s death, where the last thing you feel and see is the pain of being devoured. I sigh as I get up, not bothering to gather the body. We don’t have time. Not now.

 

    Another titan lumbers into the street and I glare at it. They just keep on coming, don’t they? Quinn and I continue taking titans out, and few titans later, we’re greeted by another squad that has a newbie in it’s group.

 

    “Captain Kingston!” The squad leader shouts.

 

    “That’s me,” I say dully, and then I note the new girl in their group who’s wearing a Training Corps jacket. “Who’s the girl?” I jerk my head in her direction.

 

    “This is Mikasa Ackerman, she’s one of the top recruits and my squad was short a soldier,” the squad leader explains.

 

    Ackerman salutes, but she does so without passion. Her eyes are dull looking and she looks like she’d very much rather be somewhere else. Black hair falls to her shoulders and frames a slender, pale face.

 

    “Ackerman, how good are you?” I ask, crossing my arms.

 

    She doesn’t hesitate to answer me. “I’m the only recruit who’s been selected to join a professional squad, and I’ve killed six titans solo today.” Her voice is feminine but she’s obviously an alpha. She’s far too buff and bored looking to be a beta or omega. Ah, that’s it. She’s probably wanting to go back to her little omega friend.

 

    I nod. “Good. I expect you’ll survive just fine, then.”

 

    She simply nods, not even bothering to look at me.

 

    The fight carries on, as usual, but I have the honor of watching the great Mikasa Ackerman kill titans. She’s a lot like Levi, in the way she flies. Darting around with some noble purpose and killing without hesitation. And as another titan falls at her feet, I notice something else; they both use too much gas. I chuckle at it, and wonder if she’s related to Levi somehow. They’ve both got this dull expression on their face, along with the same grey eyes that is eternally blank. Sadly, though, there’s no way to tell if they are related, Levi has no clue where his family is from. His mother was a nameless prostitute and his father some random customer.

 

    Eventually, when there’s a lag in the fight, we land somewhere closer to the center of Trost and the new recruits, and Ackerman rushes to her squad commander to ask something.

 

    “Ma’am, I believe my friends are in this area, may I go check on them?” She asks hurriedly, and I see some emotion in her eyes. Ah, is her little omega around here? Did they smuggle them in as a beta?

 

    “Go ahead, but you gotta come back as soon as you can, alright?” The squad leader says.

 

    “Yes, ma’am.” Ackerman salutes and flies off.

 

    “Oi, does she have an omega?” I ask the squad commander, and I mentally crawl to find her name in my brain.

 

    She shrugs. “I don’t know anything as a fact, but I get why you’re asking.”

 

    Come on… what’s her name??? Ugh, I’m too tired for this. “You do?”

 

    She nods… JENNA nods. Oh yes, I remember. Jenna. Squad Leader Jenna. “She’s quite close with two boys, two betas. Although,” she leans in. “If you ask me, the one she’s really close with - Jaeger, I believe his name is - is an undercover omega.”

 

    “What makes you say that?” I mentally perk up at the information. As much as Levi hates gossip, and I find it endearing. People worrying about simpler things than titans and death; it’s cute.

 

    “The way she looks at him, along with how lanky the boy is. I don’t think he’s had a proper heat yet, but a lot of kids from Shiganshina are late bloomers. Ackerman just got her first rut a while ago,” Jenna explains.

 

    “Jaeger, eh?” I mutter.

 

    “But don’t tell anyone, I don’t want Ackerman to kill me,” Jenna says hastily.

 

    I chuckle. “Is she that good?”

 

    “Yes,” Jenna says without hesitation. “She’s the next Levi, I tell you.”

 

    “Hm. And not the next Elliot?” I whine slightly, chuckling internally at her panicked expression.

 

    “I meant no disrespect, ma’am. It’s just the physical similarities that stood out to me and-”

 

    “I understand,” I cut her off. “I’m just playing around. The atmosphere here is far too gloomy.”

 

    “And for a reason, Captain,” Jenna mumbles.

 

    “True,” I sigh, and off in the distance I see Ackerman flying off in the opposite direction. “Um, isn’t she supposed to be coming back?” I point to Ackerman’s extremely fast form. She’s using _a lot_ of gas if she’s going that fast. Did something happen?

 

    Jenna narrows her eyes. “What the hell is she doing?” She mutters. “I’ll go get her.”

 

    “No need,” I say. “Quinn!” I shout.

 

    “Yes, ma’am?” He replies, jogging over.

 

    “Stay with Squad Commander Jenna, got it? I’m going after Ackerman,” I say, and Jenna turns to me in surprise.

 

    “You don’t need to, ma’am,” she says.

 

    “It’s fine. And besides, if I can judge from this far away, I’d say that Ackerman’s upset from something. I can withhold her if something happens.”

 

    “Yes, ma’am,” they both say, and then I’m off.

 

    I follow Ackerman from a safe distance, taking down the occasional titan that gets in my way, and realize that she really is using too much gas. Damn, she really is like Levi. She takes down titan after titan, and while I’m thoroughly impressed, there’s definitely something off. She’s sloppy in her movements, and I know for a fact she would not have been requested to join a professional squad if she’s always like this. Soon enough though, her sloppiness brings about its consequences. A titan swats at her with its ugly paw, and she tumbles to the ground. Damn it.

 

    I fly after her as fast as I can, but a hoard of titans gets in my way, and one of them is an abnorant. Damn it. I manage to catch a glimpse of her, and I see that she’s on the floor, just sitting there. A titan enters the street she’s in and I groan. This is the day the great Mikasa Ackerman falls to her death. I shout and grow some armor to protect myself, hoping to kill these stupid titans quicker so I can save her stupid ass. The armor does a good amount of help, especially when another titan manages to get me in its grip and squeezes me. Ugh, these titans are so damn awful.

 

    Armor protects my ribs and I use the growing knives on my hands to slice away the titan’s fingers. Thank goodness my armor is strong enough to take down a titan. I try to fly away to cut away its nape, but my 3DM gear gives one last croak and I’m falling to the floor. The damage from the fall is lessened due to my armor, but it still takes me a minute before I can get up. I glance over to where I last saw Ackerman, and I see her on her feet. Thank Maria, she finally came to her senses. She rolls and dodges the titan trying to kill her, but then another titan begins hulking over to her. Damn it. I unlatch my 3DM gear, dropping its useless corpse on the ground, and I get up and begin running towards Ackerman, hoping to slice away at the Achilles’ tendon of the new titan, but something else happens instead.

 

    The new titan takes a massive swing at the other titan.

 

    No joke, this oddly well proportioned newbie fifteen meter titan punches the other titan full on in the face. And it doesn’t stop there. The new titan - I’ll call him Rogue - charges at the other titan and full on rips the shit out of him. The titan is soon on the floor, bleeding immense amounts of blood, and Rogue is stomping on his remains. Ackerman and I both stare in awe as Rogue roars into the sky, and it feels as if he embodies the rage of humanity. The sight is so damn emotional for some reason.

 

    And then Rogue is moving on, lumbering away from Ackerman’s still form.

 

    I rush to her side, grabbing her shoulders and turning her around quickly. She seems physically unharmed besides a few scratches and bruises, but it’s nothing that warrants an excuse to stop fighting. It’s her eyes that bear the wounds, though. The shock of seeing a titan kill another titan, and she looks like she’s just lost someone.

 

    “Ackerman.”

 

    She doesn’t move.

 

    “Ackerman,” I repeat with more force. “Ackerman, are you with me?!”

 

    She turns her head to me. “Yes.”

 

    I sigh. “Are you alright? You seem a bit out of it.” A more than a bit, but oh well.

 

    “That titan,” she says while pointing to Rogue. “Did you see it?”

 

    “Yeah,” I breathe out. “I saw him.”

 

    “Is it an abnorant?” She asks quietly.

 

    “Probably. But I think there’s something more to it.” I look to her 3DM gear which isn’t mangled like mine. “Does your 3DM gear work?”

 

    She shakes her head. “I’m out of gas.”

 

    I laugh sourly. “Great. Well, come on, we gotta get to somewhere safer.” I tug at her jacket and she numbly gets up and follows. We head to one of the buildings to hopefully hide in or get to the roof, but we hear a shout and stop.

 

    “Mikasa!” A boy comes flying down, and he’s got an upside down bowl of blonde on his head.

 

    “Armin,” Ackerman says softly, and she jogs over to him. “What is it? are you okay?” She asks, grabbing at his shoulders and looking worriedly into his eyes.

 

    “I’m fine, Mikasa. But I saw what happened; the rogue titan,” Armin says a little shakily, and Ackerman pets his head softly. “Are you out of gas?” He asks, and Ackerman nods.

 

    “Oi. Can we please get a move on? Titans will be coming soon,” I say, glancing at the far too empty street which will soon fill with hungry titans.

 

    Armin glances over to me and gasps a little. “You’re Elliot Kingston!” He says, and he immediately bows. “It’s an honor to make your acquaintance.”

 

    I scoff. “Yeah, yeah, save it for later. We kinda need to get moving, alright? I’m not hauling your wounded asses if something happens.”

 

    “Yes, ma’am! Sorry, ma’am!” He says quickly, and they follow after me hurriedly. He’s more respectful than Ackerman, so I appreciate it.

 

    We run into a building and climb up several flights of stairs and make it to the roof. Armin says that he has some gas left and that his friend Connie is nearby. I nod, asking Armin to give his gas and blades to Mikasa.

 

    “It’s not that I’m doubting your abilities, it’s just that-”

 

    He cuts me off. “It’s just that Mikasa is better and more experienced. I understand, ma’am.” He begins switching gas tanks with Mikasa, who cooperates after a moment of shock.

 

    “Armin, you don’t have to-” She begins saying.

 

    “I know,” he says, his face set. “But this gives us the best chance of survival. You are the one who need to survive, I’ve been nothing but a burden and-”

 

    Another boy flies into the scene and interrupts. “Armin! You found Mikasa!” He’s got big green eyes and closely shaven hair. He looks at me, confused for a second, and then he gasps loudly. “You’re Elliot Kingston!” He exclaims.

 

    Dear Maria, sometimes it’s hard being famous. “Yes, I’m am she,” I answer a bit dully.

 

    “It’s an honor!” He exclaims and bows, and please, no more bowing.

 

    “Um… thank you, I guess,” I mutter before switching the topic. “How much gas do you have?”

 

    “Um…” the boy scratches his head and taps his gas tank. “Probably quarter tank.”

 

    I nod. “Armin, you seem like an intelligent boy, now tell me, where the hell are the supply groups?”

 

    “Headquarters has been overrun with titans, ma’am,” he states. “They’re either dead or trapped.”

 

    Well, isn’t that lovely? “Then we need to retake it, if we have any chance of succeeding here today.”

 

    “Where’s your 3DM gear, ma’am?” The new boy asks.

 

    Oh that’s right, I don’t have my gear, so I’m practically stuck. “It was damaged.”

 

    Armin frowns. “I have an idea on how to take back headquarters.”

 

    “Then please, do tell,” I say. “We need any ideas you have.”

 

    Armin fidgets a bit before answering. “The rogue titan. He kills other titans and ignores humans. We could use him to take care of the titans around headquarters.”

 

    Not a bad plan, actually. And it might just work. “How would we get him there?” I ask quietly, trying to think of methods to move something that big.

 

    “We start killing titans around him, and using that we lure him to headquarters,” Armin says in a beat. Wow, this kid is smart. I like him already.

 

    I grin. “Excellent. Ackerman, you’re main job is to lead Rogue to headquarters. You,” I point to the new boy, Connie, I think. “You’re job is to carry Armin to headquarters and make sure he’s kept safe and sound.”

 

    “Yes, ma’am,” he salutes.

 

    “What about you, captain?” Ackerman asks. “You’re 3DM gear is gone and you don’t have your blades.” She points to my empty waist and hands.

 

    I shrug. “I’ll find a way. I’m not _lance corporal_ for nothing.”

 

    The new boy stiffens and then chuckles a bit. “Mikasa, you should know better than to call her by her nickname rank.”

 

    Ackerman shrugs. “Everyone calls her that.”

 

    Yes, yes, but you have no right to. “Before we break off,” I begin saying. “What are your full names?” I gesture to Armin and the new boy.

 

    “Connie Springer,” the new boy says proudly.

 

    “Armin Arlert,” Armin says.

 

    “And Jaeger?” I say, and they all freeze. Ah, so she did lose Jaeger, then.

 

    “How do you know about him?” Armin asks softly.

 

    I shrug. “I was asking about Ackerman, and Squad Leader Jenna mentioned that she was close to the Jaeger kid. I assume he’s dead?”

 

    They all nod forlornly, and Armin sniffles a bit. “He saved my life. I was supposed to die, not him…”

 

    Ackerman holds Armin closely to her and pats his head. “It’s not your fault.”

 

    “Well, this is no time to mourn. We have to fight first,” I walk over to the edge of the roof and watch the titans beginning to walk over to us. “So?” I turn to them. “Get going!”

 

    Mikasa nods and flies off without hesitation, but Springer and Armin stay behind. “Ma’am, what about you?” Springer asks.

 

    “I’ll be fine,” I smile wryly. “I’ve been in worse situations.”

 

    Springer narrows his eyes at the comment, but Arlert widens his eyes. “That’s right, don’t you remember, Connie?” He turns to him excitedly. “On her first expedition, she was eaten by a titan and then cut out by Captain Levi.”

 

    Connie’s eyes widen comically. “Holy shit, that’s right!” He turns to me. “But seriously, what are you gonna do?”

 

    “I’ve got friends who should come for me,” I say, thinking about Levi’s stupid ass. “And if they don’t come, I’ll manage.”

 

    The two of them narrow their eyes, but they nod anyways, and Connie sweeps Armin up bridal style and flies off in the direction of headquarters. “Godspeed,” I mutter before turning to see the vast expanse of buildings I can’t maneuver through without gear. “Now, onto more important things.” I could find a body with working 3DM gear, but it’s risky. Waiting for Levi is just pathetic, and there’s not guarantee he’ll come in time.

 

    So, that leaves me with one option. It’s quite stupid, I will admit, but nonetheless it’s the only one I have.

 

    It’s definitely not perfected, and it’s hella dangerous, but when was the last time I cared? I look around for a suitable titan and spot one that seems to walk fairly normally, and is definitely not an abnorant. Hopefully. I run over to the other edge of the roof and scream at the titan.

 

    “Oi! Yeah, you! You big idiot! You unproportioned man eating bastard!” I continue to scream insults at it, and it turns it’s big ugly head at me. Ugh, it has the rape face. I hate the rape face. But, it’s already coming this way, so no going back now. As I continue to scream at it, I grow as much armor as I can along with talons on my hands. The titan nears me and reaches out its filthy hand, and once it’s close enough I jump. I jump onto the titan’s hand and climb as fast as I can to the nape.

 

    _Please be a dumb one, please be a dumb one, please be a dumb one_ , I pray as I latch myself onto the nape. For a moment it turns this way and that, looking for me, but then it just stops and starts walking again. Oh hell yeah. I sigh the biggest sigh of release as it begins walking, and miraculously it starts walking in the direction of headquarters. There must be a lot of people crammed there if this stupid titan is wandering over there. Ha, this titan is only going to meet death when it gets there. However, it has to be at my hand and not Rogue’s - otherwise I’ll probably die too. My talons are latched onto the titan’s nape - not deep enough to kill, but enough to keep me attached and able to kill the bastard quickly.

 

    About fifteen minutes later, the titan lumbers close enough to headquarters for my liking, and I slash away at its nape and ride the body as it falls to the ground. I run quickly into a building before any titans can get their grip on me, and I run up the stairs to the roof. When I get to the roof, I run to the edge and see more soldiers zipping about. I glance over to the roof next to me and see a couple bodies with their 3DM gear seemingly intact. Oh yes. I run across the roof and lunge across the gap between roofs to land roughly next to the bodies with gear. The armor protects me, though.

 

    The first body has a broken gas container, so a no go on that, but the second has fully intact 3DM gear sans the blades. I can deal with that. I put the gear on quickly - which is a bit big for me, but I make do. Swords grow out of my palms and I connect them with the handle of the gear. It’s been a while since I’ve perfected my armor abilities, and I know that my armor is actually stronger than the issued titan blades. I’ll be fine using it as a substitute. The gas is half full, so I grab another two gas containers from a different body and tuck them onto my belt.

 

    Fully equipped, I fly over to headquarters and see the Rogue titan without its arms and steaming like hell. It falls to its knees and eventually collapses to the floor. I frown a bit, I was hoping we could study him more; Hanji would have gone berserk over him. But this is life, I suppose. I spot Ackerman and some other soldiers watching Rogue from a rooftop, and I join them. They all seem surprised to see me, especially Connie, but their attention is quickly turned back to Rogue. His body by now has decayed quite a bit, but I see something sticking out from its nape. Ackerman seems to have spotted it too, and she drops down to investigate. At first, she approaches the body cautiously, but soon she’s running and then embracing the thing at its nape.

 

    Perplexed, we all fly down to join her, and what we see next it shocking.

 

    It’s a boy that Ackerman is holding in her arms - a brown haired boy without any 3DM gear or a jacket. His eyes are closed and his face seemed rather blissful, but he’s kneeling there, in the middle of a decaying titan’s nape. The steam rises around us like some curtain, protecting us from the rest of the world, and the only thing we can hear is the wails Ackerman emits. I can only assume the boy is Jaeger. She’s definitely attached to him, and judging by everyone else’s expressions, he’s supposed to be dead.

 

    So, this Jaeger boy, he’s a titan? What the everloving fuck.

 

    Ackerman picks him up once her wails calm down into little sniffles, and she carries him back to the roof. We all follow numbly. She collapses on the roof with Jaeger, and she just clutches at his limp form and cries quietly into his shoulder. Jeez, get a grip of yourself, Ackerman.

 

    “Ackerman,” I say firmly while kneeling down next to her. “Who is this?”

 

    “That’s Eren Jaeger,” one of the boys responds. He kinda looks like a horse with that straight nose of his.

 

    “Eren Jaeger, eh?” I look at the titan boy. “Were any of you aware of this ability of his?”

 

    Everyone shakes their heads. Hm, so this is new to everyone. That’s just great.

 

    “Ma’am?” Horseface asks again. “Why are you here?”

 

    “Am I not welcome here?” I scoff.

 

    “No, it’s not that,” the boy continues. “It’s just that all of the professional squads are at a different sector. You’re the only one I’ve seen in a while. And you’re Elliot Kingston.”

 

    Obviously. “I got separated from my squad, due to Ackerman having an emotional break down in the middle of a battle.” I gesture to her as I stand up.

 

    Ackerman shoots me a deadly look and I only shrug in response. “This boy, we need to get him somewhere safe. The authorities will be exploding if they get news of this.”

 

    “But aren’t you the authority?” Arlert asks me, and I grin down at him.

 

    “I’m a part of the Scouting Legion. I’m not a part of the organization you gotta look out for.” It’s the same bastards, as always.

 

    Artlert blinks in confusion. “Who?”

 

    Okay, so maybe he’s not the brightest of the bright, even if he is smart. “The Military Police,” I say. “Those are the bastards who’ll want to kill him.”

 

    Ackerman freezes. “Kill him?” She whispers lowly.

 

    I chuckle. “Yeah. Kill him. He’s some anomaly they don’t understand. So they do what they’ve always done; they’ll kill it.”

 

    “They’ll have to get through me first,” Ackerman hisses as she brings Jaeger closer to her chest, cradling his limp form to her body.

 

    “Good. Alright, you all need to get to somewhere safe, and keep a close eye on Jaeger, understood?” I look at each of them in turn and they all salute me. Well, all of them except Ackerman. Pft, she’s got some spunk.

 

    “Where are you going?” Ackerman asks softly. “Are you going to leave us here? Leave Eren?”

 

    I look down at her, and she seems slightly vulnerable like this; clutching her love interest. Alphas are so possessive at times. “I need to find the people that can help Jaeger. I trust you, as his alpha, can protect him?” I provoke her a bit to get her moving. She bristles at my comment, but I see some satisfaction. Jaeger belongs to her, in her mind, so someone else acknowledging it is quite a confidence booster.

 

    “Yes, ma’am,” she says and begins gathering Jaeger in her arms as she gets up.

 

    “Excellent,” I say half heartedly. “Well, this is where I leave you.” I turn around to face them. “Try to stay alive,” I say before zipping off to the south.

 

~~~

 

    _The steam rises everywhere, cutting us off from the rest of the world. From the nape of that titan, she gets up, and there are marks below her eyes like shallow cuts._

 

_I call her name and throw myself into her arms, just like any omega would. She chuckles at me and hugs me back._

 

_“Aw, there’s no need to be scared, baby,” she coos. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”_

 

_I shake my head. “I wasn’t scared.” I lean back and look at her. “I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.”_

 

_She chuckles. “Then why all this?” She looks pointedly at my hands, which clutch her shirt tightly._

 

_I look away blushing and cuddle into her shoulder, where her mating bite should lie. “I justed wanted to make sure it was really you.”_

 

~~~

 

“Captain!”

 

    Ugh, what is it now?

 

    “Captain Elliot!”

 

    Go away…

 

    “Elliot.” This voice is different than the first. I feel my senses changing, and I feel the cold stone pressing against my back. What the hell?

 

    “Elliot, would you wake up already?” The voice sounds annoyed.

 

    I peel open my eyes and groan at the sun that stabs at them. “What happened?” I mutter.

 

    The voice sighs, and I realize it’s Levi. “No clue. We were flying around looking for your stupid ass when Petra spots you on the floor, passed out.”

 

    I passed out? I sit up and rub my eyes before looking at him. “Am I wounded?”

 

    He scoffs. “You tell me.”

 

    I look down at myself and stretch my muscles. “It doesn’t feel like it.”

 

    “Good,” Levi sighs and stands up, offering a hand to me. “Come on, there’s been some commotion at the gate.”

 

    I take his hand and stand up, although I stumble and end up falling into Levi’s arms. “Sorry,” I mutter as I push myself up and away from him.

 

    He sighs again. “You don’t know what happened to you?” He looks at me worriedly.

 

    I shake my head and little pieces of blue fall out of it. I look dumbly at the clumps of blue on the floor before realizing it’s armor. I rub the side of my head and my hand meets hard but fading armor. I freeze before rubbing the rest of myself down to feel anymore armor. There’s armor on my ribs and forearms, and I think there’s some on my shins. Shit. I lost all my armor after I encountered Jaeger, so I must have gotten into another fight if I grew some more. A fight I don’t remember.

 

    Oh yeah, crap, Jaeger. I look to a very confused Levi. “Jaeger.”

 

    He narrows his eyes at me. “Elliot, are you alright?”

 

    I shake my head and grab his shoulders roughly. “We need to get to Erwin.”

 

    “Why?” He asks, and I can tell he’s really bewildered. Come on, Elliot. Be a little more eloquent.

 

    “I saw something, someone, and Erwin _really_ needs to know about it. Hanji, too,” I say, panicking a bit. How long has it been since I left to find Levi?

 

    “Who did you see? Elliot, please, calm down and explain,” Levi says worriedly.

 

    “Jaeger,” I say. “Eren Jaeger, a new recruit. Just graduated. He can turn into a fucking fifteen meter titan,” I spit out.

 

    Levi grabs my arm and starts dragging me down the street. “Tell me more on the way. Can you fly?” He turns to me quickly.

 

    I tap my gas chambers and judge that I should have enough to get to Erwin. “Yeah. Let’s go.”

 

    We zip off to the broken gat and I explain to Levi what I saw. “The titan itself was already pretty damn impressive, stamina and all, but when Jaeger pops out of its nape? Things got even more fucking interesting.”

 

    Levi growls softly. “That’s probably what’s going on at the gate.”

 

    “What do you mean?” I ask.

 

    He scoffs as he dodges a titan, although we both ignore it. “They were talking about ‘the hope of humanity’ and some shit. Pixis is up to something, according to Erwin.”

 

    “So they think Jaeger is the hope of humanity? That’s a bit cheesy,” I mutter the last part under my breath.

 

    “As cheesy as it sounds, it’s not far off the mark. This kid, if he can really turn into a titan, a fifteen meter titan, and then start killing other titans, imagine what we can do,” Levi explains. “This changes a lot of things.”

 

    “You’re right,” I say, but then I remember what else this brings. “Ugh.”

 

    “What?” He looks over, and he looks a bit more worried than he should be. I’m fine, Levi. No need to worry about my fainting ass.

 

    “Hanji,” I say, and that’s all I need to say before his face contorts.

 

    “Fuck. Hanji.”

 

    I laugh sourly. “Oh man, we’re gonna have to take turns.”

 

    “No fucking way,” he spits. “We’ll spar, and the winner has to deal with her.”

 

    “Bring it on, shortie.”

 

    We arrive at the gate soon enough, and apparently we missed all of the action. There’s a giant boulder plugged up into the hole the Armored Titan smashed in, and soldiers litter the area. I spot the distinct separation between the Military Police and the Scouting Legion, though, and I curse quietly under my breath. Levi spots Erwin and we land next to him.

 

    “Erwin,” Levi says quietly, and his voice is like silk. “What happened?”

 

    Erwin turns to us with a mirthful expression. “Eren Jaeger,” he says simply.

 

    “Fuck,” Levi and I mutter, and Erwin narrows his eyes at us.

 

    “Do you know something?” Erwin says carefully, and we nod like disobedient children. Sometimes I hated being such a kid compared to Commander Erwin Smith.

 

    “Elliot encountered the kid,” Levi says sourly.

 

    “Did she, now?” Erwin raises a single majestic eyebrow at me.

 

    Stop being such a dad, Erwin. “I saw him exit his titan form after his friends presumed him dead.”

 

    “Oh?” Oh my god Erwin you’re going into dad mode please don’t do this. “And why have you only now arrived?”

 

    Stop staring at me with those baby blue eyes that hold all of the ice in there is in this world. “I was on my way to inform you before the Military Police caught wind of it, but… Something happened?”

 

    “And what exactly happened that prevented you from telling us sooner? Because I can assure you that the Military Police have definitely ‘caught wind’ of this.” Now he’s in Big Scary Commander mode. Great. Well, it’s better than his dad mode. Dad mode is just cringy as fuck.

 

    “I don’t know,” I say quietly like some petulant child.

 

    “I found her unconscious without injuries,” Levi states, like the good little soldier he is.

 

    Erwin looks a bit suspicious at that. “Without injuries?”

 

    Levi shakes his head. “I think she might have passed out or something.”

 

    “Why would you pass out?” Erwin asks cooly. Oh my god, we don’t have time for this.

 

    “Commander, with all due respect, this is not the big issue we’re facing at the moment. The Military Police will be fighting tooth and nail to get custody of Eren Jaeger, and we cannot have that. They’ll torture him or kill him, sir,” I spit out with as much respect I can manage at the moment.

 

    Erwin nods and looks over at a specific cluster of Military Police. “We need to get control of Mr. Jaeger, and it will not be easy.”

 

    “No shit,” Levi mutters, and Erwin shoots him a blank look. It used to be venomous when Levi showed disrespect, but I think Erwin’s just gotten immune to Levi’s arrogance.

 

    “Then let’s get moving.”

 

    “Yes, sir,” Levi and I murmur under our breaths.


	8. Jaeger (part two)

Levi beats the shit out of Jaeger. 

 

Like, no joke, he kicks Jaeger so many times I’m surprised he hasn’t even tried fighting back. 

 

I understand why Levi does it - a display of power over Jaeger so the council would trust us and our abilities to control him - but it’s still kinda hard to watch. Blood, spit and sweat flies everywhere, and even from my seat I can see Levi’s eyes twitch from annoyance. Calm down Levi, it’s only natural for people to bleed a lot when they get kicked fifty times in the face. 

 

Ackerman, from her place in the audience, it fucking livid. As soon as Levi’s boot grazes the skin on Jaeger’s head, Ackerman emits the nastiest and most threatening growls in the history of alpha possessiveness. Levi freezes when she does, and he has the audacity to throw her a bored expression. A couple of her comrades hold her back, but she still has some control over herself. I see Armin whisper to her, and she calms down a bit once he’s done. I assume he tells her why Levi beating the shit out of her titan boyfriend. She doesn’t look any happier after Armin’s words, but her feet are rooted tightly to where she stands and she doesn’t lunge forward at Levi. But she still growls and hisses. Like, a lot. 

 

Some of the soldiers brought their omegan mates - due to the traumatic experience of the titans breaking into Trost - and Ackerman’s growls really get to them. Most of them snuggle closer into their alpha’s sides, looking for comfort, but most of them aren’t too bothered by it. They understand the pain of watching their mate suffer. They empathize with Ackerman. Although, I’m pretty sure that most of them are confused as hell as to why Ackerman is growling if Jaeger isn’t an omega. He smells like an alpha, definitely, but he doesn’t look like one. His body is skinny and quite lanky, but there’s muscle on him. He looks like some beta. Although, in all fairness, to the trained eye, he looks like a malnourished and mistreated omega who hasn’t undergone their heat yet. Which, I’m pretty sure, is quite accurate.

 

Eventually, the court gives us control over Eren Jaeger, the ‘hope of humanity,’ to the Scouting Legion. I see Erwin’s lips twitch into a small smile and his eyes light up with this maniatic victory, and Levi catches the look too. Our eyes meet and we scoff at Erwin’s insanity. While Hanji might be the one squealing and exploding over Jaeger, we all know who will exploit Jaeger the most - Commander Erwin fucking Smith. Erwin, like Hanji, has spent his entire life looking for answers, and Jaeger is a pretty damn big piece of the puzzle he’s been working on - the origins of the titans; what exactly titans are; why do they eat people if they don’t need to; and why is it only people they seem to eat. Erwin’s eyes hold the desperation for the answers.

 

~~~

 

“Elliot!” Hanji screams as she slams into me. “Did you see Eren! Did you see his titan! I know you did, Levi told me you saw everything, so don’t lie, TELL ME EVERYTHING!!!” Hanji shakes my shoulders violently.

 

I give Levi the most ruthless glare I can muster before I answer Hanji. “Yes, I saw Jaeger and his titan form,” I mutter.

 

“Don’t look so upset!” Hanji whines. “I promise I won’t keep you up too long, and I’ll only do things for professional purposes!”

 

I raise an eyebrow at her. “Really?”

 

She nods vigorously. “Yes! I know Levi set you up for this, and you need time to kick his cruel ass. I’ll give you that time.”

 

I smirk. Hanji understands my pain and acknowledges the fact that sometimes she goes a bit overboard. “Sounds good.”

 

“Yay!” She squeals and then grabs my wrist. “Levi will be bringing Eren to the base, but we need to sit down and have a nice long talk.” She leads me through the Scouting Legion headquarters and eventually we arrive at her office/lab. “Sit! Please!”

 

I roll my eyes at her and plop down on the dusty couch. “When was the last time Levi cleaned here?” I ask nonchalantly.

 

“Can’t remember,” Hanji mutters as she shuffles through a mountain of papers, and when she finds what she needs and plants her ass next to me and grins up at me. “Well! Shall we begin?”

 

I shrug. “You’re call, boss.”

 

“Good choice. Now, describe Eren’s titan to me.” She looks at me with deadly intent and the pencil is ready in her hand. 

 

I begin listing off Rogue’s features; well proportioned body; shoulder length hair; green eyes; two levels of teeth; Jewish nose; no armor or inconsistencies with his skin; and the other stuff. 

 

“Did he have reproductive organs?” She asks.

 

“Um… no? I’m don’t think any titans do, I thought you knew this?” 

 

She shrugs. “All the titan’s I’ve studied don’t turn into humans. And besides, we need to check for every anomaly.”

 

I huff out a chuckle. “You and your anomalies.”

 

She ignores me and fires away the next question. “What was your first encounter with Eren’s titan?”

 

The questions continue like this for about an hour or two, with Hanji furiously jotting down notes and occasionally bringing out diagrams and drawings for me to compare Rogue to. She also asks about what I know about his relationship with his comrades, and I tell her about Ackerman.

 

“Do you think he’s an omega?” She asks quietly, a more personal tone entering her voice.

 

“I think so,” I murmur. “Although, I can’t be sure yet. I still need to talk to him. Alone.”

 

She nods. “I can give you some time, there’s some documents I need to go over with Levi anyways. After the four of us talk to him, you can have your way with Jaeger.”

 

“Thank you,” I say quietly. 

 

She smiles. “What type of friend would I be if I didn’t let you help a fellow omega in the military?”

 

I shove at her shoulder. “A shitty one, but you already are one.”

 

Hanji gasps. “Oh how dare you, Elliot! I am your best friend!”

 

I’m chuckle lowly. “Really? I thought that was Levi?”

 

“He doesn’t count,” she says. “Levi is either your brother or love interest, so you cannot call him your friend.”

 

I smack her head for the ‘love interest’ comment. “Just because he spent some of his ruts with me does not mean we’re ‘love interests.’”

 

She cackles. “Some ruts? Honey, you spent three consecutive ruts with him.”

 

“And nothing happened!” I groan. 

 

“That only proves things more, Elliot.”

 

I glare at her. “How? We were mourning and his hormones were out of whack. I was just there for him. He didn’t go any further because he couldn’t and didn’t want to.”

 

She shrugs. “Whatever gets you through the night.”

“Hanji.” I glare at her. “Can we get back to the point?”

 

She sighs. “We’ve already discussed the point so therefore we can now ignore the point.”

 

I frown at her. “But we are still not discussing Levi’s ruts.”

 

She whines. “But why?”

 

I huff. “Because omegas and alphas are not as comfortable with these things as betas are. It’s supposed to be personal.”

 

“Says who?” She challenges.

 

“Society!”

 

She rolls her eyes. “Society is often wrong about a lot of different things, Elliot. You should know this.”

 

~~~

 

We leave for the outpost the next day, and Jaeger is put under Levi’s squad to be taken care of. Erwin puts me in his squad, and I’m not sure if I should brag to Levi about becoming one of Erwin’s official right hand people, or complain about being separated from him again. Hanji is delighted by my “promotion” - it’s really not a promotion - and hugs me for five minutes. 

 

“I won’t have to be lonely again!” She squeals. “Erwin can be such a bore at times.”

 

I sigh. “He’s the commander, Hanji. It’s kinda in the job description to be a bore.”

 

“I heard that,” Erwin says dully as he passes by us, and once he’s gone Hanji laughs. 

 

“Oh, but he is one handsome alpha!” She cackles delightedly. 

 

I groan. “Please don’t fan over his biceps again.”

 

“I’ll do my best!” She grins widely at me.

 

We arrive at the outpost at midday, and I see Jaeger’s jaw drop at the castle. He whispers something to Petra - a beta girl on Levi’s squad - and she laughs her twinkling laugh. The girl’s really sweet. Once we all dismount, I walk over to Levi’s squad.

 

“Remind you of something?” I murmur to Levi as we walk into the castle with the squad, our hands grazing each other. 

He stops before answering, and I turn to look at him. “I am going to clean the entire castle this time, instead of just our room.”

 

I look at him blankly before a small grin stretched across my face. “No supper until it’s all clean?”

 

The look in his eyes is deadly. “No supper until it’s all clean.”

 

Jaeger looks at us confused as to why we’ve stopped. “What’s going on?”

 

Levi looks to him with an evil glint in his eyes. “This place hasn’t been used in years.” Five years, to be exact. “It’s fucking filthy in there.”

 

Jaeger scrunches up his nose. “So we’re going to clean it?”

 

Levi pats him hardly on the back. “Spot on, kid. We’re going to clean it.” He hauls out all of the cleaning supplies and thrusts them into our hands with a deadly look on his face. “No one eats until this entire castle is spotless.”

 

Jaeger opens his mouth to whine - I assume - but then he shuts it and salutes instead. Huh. He’s actually quite respectful. Levi drags every soldier on site to clean with us, and he delivers orders to different squads to clean different parts of the castle. He even sends Hanji’s group to clean the accessible parts of the roof - although I suspect it’s merely to send her as far away as possible. When I ask him if it’s true, he merely looks at me and demands I say nothing. Ah Levi, you never change, do you?

 

As we clean, Jaeger does everything with passion and is quite thorough in his cleaning. His brows are furrowed together furiously and he doesn’t slack off at any point. He asks Levi for confirmation after he completes each task, and doesn’t yell or scream in frustration when Levi tells him to redo something. From afar, I spot Levi nodding in approval of his cleaning skills, and I smile a bit. This kid isn’t bad, considering all things. He’s from the Shiganshina District and lost his parents the day the titans came. He’s known hardship just like the rest of us, and even despite all of the pain I know he’s seen, he’s still fighting. That’s what makes Jaeger strong. 

 

And I’m saying all of this after watching him clean for four hours. Aren’t I a genius?

 

Once night falls, Levi finally deems the castle “livable” and dismisses us to dinner. Erwin sighs in relief when Levi announces it, but Jaeger just simply nods and starts putting everything away. This kid, seriously, he’s quite something. 

 

Dinner is simple, as usual, and afterwards we escort Jaeger to the basement to sleep.

 

“You understand why you’re down here, correct?” Levi asks softly.

 

“Yes sir,” Jaeger says as he nods vigorously. 

 

“Good. I don’t have time to explain things to a brat,” Levi mutters, but the term he uses doesn’t escape me.  _ Brat _ . Levi hasn’t used that since Isabel died. I look to the floor and a smile escapes me as I realize something; Levi likes Jaeger. He really likes him. And why wouldn’t he? Jaeger’s a good kid with the same fire Isabel had. There’s nothing to hate, not really. His table manners could improve and he’s a bit clumsy, but it’s all endearing things. 

 

Erwin comes down to “tuck in Mr. Jaeger,” and he treats Jaeger with mutual respect. He briefs Jaeger on what’s going to happen at this base, and Jaeger nods obediently at every main detail. Pft, he’s like some dog. This is not what I expected from a boy who can turn into a fifteen meter man eating monster.

 

Hanji comes down - as planned - to talk to Levi and Erwin, and I, being the good little soldier I am, state that I can stay and guard Jaeger before the designated guard comes down. Erwin nods and Levi eyes me suspiciously, but they both leave with Hanji. Alrightie then. Just Jaeger and I, now.

 

Without a word, I unlock the door to his little dungeon and join him in it, bringing a chair in tow.

 

“Corporal?” He asks nervously, and he backs up against the wall a bit.

 

“Calm down, Jaeger. I’m not going to hurt you. I just wanna talk to you,” I say dully.

 

“Oh.” He looks awkwardly at the bed. “Okay.”

 

I sigh and plop down into the chair. “You look tired,” I note.

 

He sits up straighter and stares me down. “It’s nothing.”

 

“Pft. I didn’t mean it in a condescending way. Anyone would be tired after cleaning an entire castle under Levi’s command.” I chuckle a bit.

 

Jaeger doesn’t smile. “What do you want to talk to me about?”

 

I look him in the eye. “Can’t a fellow just have a nice chat with another fellow?”

 

“I’m a prisoner,” he states. 

 

“No. You’re not. You’re under our custody, but you’re not a prisoner. This dungeon? It’s to protect you as much as it is to protect all of us.”

 

He scoffs. “How so?”

 

“If you lost control and went titan in the middle of the night outside of this chamber, Levi would be forced to kill you,” I say without emotion. “You’re dangerous, kid.”

 

He looks down as if he’s ashamed. “Don’t remind me.”

 

I scoff. “Don’t look so guilty. This is hardly your fault. And besides, you saved the day. You sealed the wall. You’re a big hero.”

 

“And yet everyone looks at me as if I’m some monster,” he says pitifully.

 

I sigh. “Eren. Look at me.” He does. “Tell me something; do monsters make war, or does war make monsters?”

 

He’s a bit shocked by sudden poetic abilities, but he then looks down thoughtfully. “Both,” he answers.

 

I nod. “So tell me, are you one of the monsters that made this war, or did this war make you?”

 

“The war made me,” he answers after a moment of deep thought.

 

“Exactly.” I nod. “You may be a monster, Eren, but you’re a necessity. We need you in this fight. So don’t get all pitiful on yourself.”

 

He smiles gently. “Sorry.”

 

“It’s not your fault, kid.”

 

There is silence for some time, and I can see Jaeger practically dying from the awkward tension in the air. Fine. I’ll break it.

 

“Eren, what is your relationship with Mikasa?” I ask quietly.

 

“Huh?” He looks up at me. “Mikasa? What does that have to do with anything?”

 

I shrug. “She seems quite protective of you, and I was with her when she retrieved your body from your titan form.”

 

He looks down a bit angrily. “Yeah, she’s like that.”

 

“Why do you look so mad? Is it bad to have such protective family?”

 

A small growl fills his body. “She’s too protective.”

 

He’s mad? Not the reaction I was expecting. “How so?”

 

“She doesn’t let me do anything!” He throws his chained hands down. “She thinks that I’m helpless and that I can’t do anything! That I need protecting!”

 

“How long have you known Mikasa?” I ask.

 

He huffs. “Most of my life. Her parents were killed by human traffickers, and I saved her from them.”

 

He saved her? “How old were you?”

 

“Nine, I think,” he answers nonchalantly.

 

N i n e. “How did you save her?”

 

“I killed them,” he whispers. “I killed the men that took her.”

 

Holy fuck. “So why is she so protective of you? Surely you’ve proved yourself.”

 

He looks away. “I don’t know.”

 

He definitely knows. “Eren.” He looks at me. “How much do you know about me?”

 

He shrugs. “You’re lance corporal Elliot Kingston. You joined the Scouting Legion with Levi. On your first mission, you were consumed by a titan and Levi cut you out of its stomach. You’re kill streak is incredible, only second to Levi. While Levi holds the title of ‘humanity’s strongest soldier,’ you’re described to be more influential with people - due to your kinder nature.” The words seemed to be well practiced, as if he’s had to repeat them numerous times to anyone who asks.

 

“And do you know what I specialize in?” I cock my head slightly. 

 

Understanding dawns on his face. “Interrogating.”

 

“Exactly. So, now, I don’t mean to sound like a nagging parent, but don’t lie to me, Eren.” God, I sound like Erwin. 

 

“Yes ma’am,” he mutters.

 

I sigh. “So, do you know why Mikasa is so protective of you?”

 

“Yes,” he answers quietly. 

 

Here we go. “Why?”

 

His hands ball into fists. “I… I don’t want to tell you.”

 

“Is it personal?” I ask.

 

He laughs sourly. “Personal? Yes. Does Mikasa care? No. She doesn’t give a shit about my opinion.”

 

“Why doesn’t she care?”

 

“It’s personal,” he spits. Ah, here’s the spunk. I knew Jaeger couldn’t be this angelic and obedient dog. 

 

I lean forward. “Why?”

 

He glares at me. “Why the hell would I tell you?”

 

“Because I’m your commanding officer.”

 

“Yeah. But you’re not my mom.” He looks away and his angry expression is quite terrifying. But he is a titan, so I guess it makes sense. Scary is in his blood.

 

I sigh. “No. I’m not your mom. But I’m someone who can help you.” I look at his neck and see his two of his four scent glands. The one beneath his jaw is normal looking, but it’s the one hidden by the collar of his shirt that I want to see. His jacket would usually cover it perfectly, but now, it’s barely hidden by his shirt. However, it’s still hidden well enough.

 

Well, there is a less discrete but just as efficient method to getting the information I want. Even if it is a pain in the ass and a bit unkind. “Is it because you’re an omega?” 

 

He freezes. Bingo. “Why do you think I’m an omega?”

 

I shrug. Goodness gracious I shrug a lot. “Mikasa was acting like you belong to her, and most alphas act like that around the omega they’re pursuing.”

 

He hisses at me. “I’m not an omega.”

 

I nod. “Sure. You’re just some beta she nearly ripped Levi’s head off for. I believe you.”

 

“I’m not an omega!” He shouts, and it rings around the stone room.

 

“Quiet, will you? Someone will come to check, and then I’m screwed,” I hiss at him.

 

“What do you mean you’re screwed?” He asks. “You’re not the one chained up in the basement!” Tears begin to fill the brims of his eyes.

 

Shit, I’ve been too mean to the kid. I cover my face with my hands and sigh heavily. “Who knows?” I ask quietly.

 

Eren doesn’t say anything for a few moments, but he answers eventually. “Mikasa and Armin. No one else.”

 

I look up and nod. “You claim to be a beta?”

 

He nods.

 

“Why did you hide your sex?” 

 

“Omega’s can’t fight,” he says simply. “I want to fight. I have to fight.” That maniatic look fills his eyes again, like when we first interrogated him. “I want to kill them all. All those stupid ass titans? I’ll kill them. Every last one.”

 

There it is. That rage. That willingness to fight. Sometimes he can look and act like heaven, but this is a creature of hell. 

 

He looks at me with those crazed eyes and I’m shocked by how green they are. Green like fresh grass, and as dangerous as fire. Just like Isabel. Levi saw this sooner than I did. But then again, he is better at reading people’s minds than me.

 

“Thank you, Eren,” I say softly. 

 

He huffs. “No problem, captain. After all, alphas always get what they want, don’t they?” Venom laces his voice. “It’s the alphas that rule the world.”

 

I narrow my eyes at him. “Am I just some alpha to you, Eren?”

 

He laughs. “You’re all the same. You want to be the best, the strongest, the biggest, the baddest. But you’re all the same. All alphas are.”

 

I grab him by the collar. “Am I just some alpha to you, Eren?” I ask again, and my eyes flick to the scent gland that was hidden earlier. It’s an omega’s gland. 

 

“Yes,” he spits out. “You’re all knot-heads.”

 

Oh really now? I drop him down onto the bed and slam my hands on either sides of his head. “Am I an alpha?” I say lowly. A plan flickers through my mind, and while it’s a stupid plan, it’s highly beneficial to me. To the both of us. 

 

“Yes. You’re an alpha,” Eren says softly, but then he looks at me with more force and anger. “And I am not submitting to you.”

 

“I don’t expect you to,” I whisper into his ear, and I mentally laugh. This plan is so stupid. I lean back and undo my neck wrap. I abandoned the cravat long ago, but Levi kept it and started using it. It was an odd transition for everyone. Eren’s eyes are trained on my hands undoing the wrap, and his eyes begin to look scared. I finish unwrapping it, and I throw it off to the side. I slam my hands down on either side of his head again and lean down dangerously close to his face. His breathing speed up and I know this kinda looks suggestive - okay scratch that, it  _ really _ looks suggestive - but it’s the most dramatic way to do this. And we all know I have flair. I expose the side of my neck and my shirt drops down to reveal my scent gland and mating bite. 

 

Eren sucks in a breath and stares at the mark. I let my omegan scent trickle out, something I haven’t done in forever, and he whines softly before burying his face in my shoulder. An omega’s scent is hard to come by in an army, and its comforting nature is missed far too much. Don’t underestimate how strong the smell of an omega is. Most soldiers go slack when they smell a genuine omega - it reminds them of the safety of their mother’s arms or their mate’s embrace. Eren whines again and he nuzzles closer to me.

 

“You’re an omega,” he whispers. 

 

I chuckle and lay down next to him. Now I’ve got him. “Yeah. I am.”

 

He looks at me in awe. “But… you smell like an alpha. Or, at least you did.”

 

I chuckle. “I’m gifted with the ability to change my scent.”

 

“Lucky,” he whispers, and then he scoots closer to my body and inhales deeply. “You smell like my mom,” he admits quietly. 

 

Oh. It’s expected, to be reminded of one’s mother when you smell omegas, but to acknowledge it? To say it out loud? I look to his bright green eyes which hold flicks of gold. “Really?”

 

He nods. “You smell like the fireplace, but… different. It’s so comforting, but there’s something off.”

 

I smile ruefully, remembering that I don’t smell fertile anymore. “It’s because I can’t have children.”

 

He looks up at me, his big green eyes reminding me of someone else. “Was it a battle injury?”

 

I shake my head. “It’s a story for another day.”

 

I leave Eren’s room about ten minutes later, and the guard posted outside doesn’t question me. Green eyes haunt me all the way back to my room, and when I enter it, Levi isn’t there doing paperwork as I expected. Oh well, Hanji probably kept talking longer than promised. I chuckle. I just hope that Levi won’t complain too much about it. 

 

I fall asleep with green eyes in mind.

 

~~~

 

_ “You’re the only omega in the program?” He asks me, and I puff out my chest proudly. _

 

__ _ “You betcha!” I laugh. “I passed all of the tests, and in exactly one month I’ll join the Titan Legion!” _

 

__ _ His eyes light up with wonder. “That is so cool, Harper!” _

 

__ _ I flick my short hair around as much as I can. “I know, right?” We both fall down against the pillows laughing. “You’re gonna have a sister in the Titan Legion, little bro.”  _

 

__ _ He snuggles closer to me. “I have the best sister in the world.” _

 

__ _ My eyes begin to water, and I inwardly curse my stupid omegan emotions. “Don’t say that,” I mutter as angrily as I can. _

 

__ _ He looks at me worriedly. “Why?” _

 

__ _ I brush some hair out of his eyes. “Because it’s so cheesy and I can’t afford to be cheesy anymore.” _

 

__ _ He scoffs. “You’re not going to turn into some alpha, Harper. The whole reason why they chose you is because you’re an omega.” _

 

__ _ Huh. He has a point. “But I’m going to be surrounded by alphas all the time, so I need to be tough.” _

 

__ _ “You’re already tough.” He smiles. “You just gotta be you, Harper, and everything will turn out alright.” _

 

~~~

 

_ “Again!”  _

 

__ _ We circle each other and I snarl quietly at the boy across from me. He’s much younger than me, but he’s big and he’s an alpha. So of course they’d put me against him. _

 

__ _ He strikes first, and I counter with my armor and he groans in pain. I smirk. Every person was chosen specifically for their titan, and mine was absolutely perfect for me. I could use my abilities for every situation handed to me.  _

 

__ _ “That’s cheating!” He hisses at me. _

 

__ _ I dodge another punch before throwing one of my own, which collides with his stomach. “No, it’s not. We can’t turn until Madam blows the whistle, and I still haven’t turned titan.” _

 

__ _ “But I’m just a little kid!” He whines. “You’re so much older and more experienced than me! Give me some wiggle room!” _

 

__ _ Is that respect and awe I hear in this boy’s voice?  _

 

__ _ The whistle blows and the boy wastes no time bringing out his knife and slicing into his palm. Shoot shoot shoot, I’m behind! I claw at my forearm desperately and try to shift, but it doesn’t work for some reason. Come on! Work! _

 

__ _ His titan grows to its full glory and I’m left standing there on the ground. _

 

__ _ “Harper! Get moving!” Madam shouts, and I cringe. This looks really bad. _

 

__ _ I concentrate as much as I can, but I can’t transform. Not fully, at least. Instead, armor swirls around me and coats my entire body, and I feel swords growing in my hands. Okay, so at least I won’t become mush, but I’m still in human form!  _

 

__ _ His hand comes down on me, and I shout as it slams into my body, and suddenly I’m on the floor, pinned down. No one comes to rescue me, though, and I struggle against his giant. Shoot shoot shoot! _

 

__ _ I try to use the super strength I’ve been practising, but nothing happens. I fight and I fight and I try to turn, but soon enough, the next thing I know is that I’m being shaken awake, _

 

__ _ “Harper!” A voice says desperately, and I open my eyes to see the boy. _

 

__ _ I sit up and clutch my head in pain. “What? What’s going on?” _

 

__ _ The boy sighs in relief. “I’m so so so so so so so so so sorry!” He says as he throws his arms around me. “I didn’t mean to crush you like that!” _

 

__ _ I scoff once I realize what happened. “Hey, it’s fine. Really. You were supposed to crush me. It was a fight.” _

 

__ _ He leans back. “But you’re Harper Finley! You’re the one who’s going to retrieve the Founding Titan!”  _

 

__ _ “All the more reason to fight harder, buddy.” I smile. “We need to best soldiers being sent out there.” _


	9. Like It Or Not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so the cheesy and angsty shit begins. (Now slightly more edited)

Sunlight streaks through the window and attacks my face. I groan and throw the blankets over myself, willing the sunlight to go away. The window faces the sunrise directly, so I usually wake up with the sun. Sadly. 

 

“Levi?” I groan. “You awake?”

 

There’s no response. I groan one last time and throw myself out of bed. Levi isn’t in his chair doing work, and when I check the bathroom, he’s not there either. Huh. He’s probably already outside, or at Erwin’s doing paperwork. I get dressed quickly and thumb through the papers he has on his desk. 

 

__ _ Shipment Records _

 

__ _ Recruit Records _

 

__ _ Shipment Requests _

 

__ Shipment Requests? I pick the envelope up and flip through the contents quickly. Wasn’t this supposed to be signed by today? I go to the signature page at the end and see that Erwin hasn’t signed it yet. 

 

“Levi, you actually forgot something,” I say to no one in particular. “Huh.” I grab my jacket and bring the folder with me. Hanji’s probably with Eren right now, so I’ll have to take the papers to Erwin and she can sign it later. Eren should be in good hands right now. Should. 

 

I jog to Erwin’s room - which has to be in his own wing of the bloody castle - and a few long minutes later I’m standing at his door. Why does he have to be so far away from our suite? 

 

“Erwin!” I call while thumping on the door. “I have the paperwork Levi was supposed to bring, but I think he forgot it.”

 

There’s no response.

 

“Erwin!” I bang on the door a few more times. “I know you’re in there! You aren’t the time of person to get up early, and I know Hanji kept you up late!”

 

I hear a few thumps and some muffled cursing. Eventually, the door swings open to reveal Erwin in underwear and absolutely nothing else. 

 

I open my mouth to scold him for being so sloppy, but then the smell hits me. The smell of content and aroused alpha. “Holy fuck, Erwin!” I pinch my nose shut. “Don’t tell me you and Mike had another go last night!” I say nasally.

 

Erwin shrugs. “You said you have paperwork?”

 

I nod. “I have to walk you through a few points, though. Can I come in? Is everyone decent?”

 

Erwin cracks a smile. “He’s still in bed.” Erwin’s got three rooms in his suite, the living room/dining room, his bedroom, and then the bathroom. Commanders are so spoiled. So that means all of Mike’s glory would be in a separate room. Thank Maria.

 

I walk in and pinch my nose harder. “Is he in bed because he’s sleeping or because he can’t walk?”

 

Erwin laughs shortly and runs his hand through his messed up hair. “I think both.”

 

I laugh and then slam the envelope on the table. “Is the smell not too bad or do I have to do all of this with one hand?”

 

Erwin looks at me with a mischievous expression. He’s so much more entertaining in the mornings. “For someone so uptight about sexes and intercourse, you’re quite vulgar at times.”

 

I shrug. “Ask Hanji. She calls it being ‘bipolar.’”

 

He chuckles. “I will.”

 

I open the envelope with my one hand and flip through a few pages, pointing out the main topics and requests to Wall Sina’s headquarters. He nods and signs where he needs to, but after a total of five minutes he looks at me and says, “Elliot, I’m not able to take you seriously with that voice. You can talk normally.”

 

“Can I, though?” I say with an even more nasal voice. “Can I really?”

 

He drops his head and sighs. “For Maria’s sake, Elliot, you’re not a child.”

 

“And you’re not my dad,” I stick my tongue out at him for good measure. 

 

Usually, Erwin would scold me for being such a disobedient soldier, but instead he laughs. His laughter is deep and resonating and I haven’t seen this happy in a while. 

 

“Are you this happy because Mike is such a good lay?” I ask.

 

He glares at me half-heartedly. “Stop being immature.”

 

I sigh dramatically and unpinch my nose. I breathe in deeply and cough because of the intense amount of sex hormones in the air. “Holy  _ fuck _ , Erwin. Can’t you like, tone it down? You still reek!”

 

He chuckles. “Sorry.”

 

I groan and point out the last few places be needs to sign. I try to breathe shallowly and not inhale the sex hormones of my fucking  _ commander _ , but it’s kinda hard. The smell is rich and potent and the omega in me can tell that he’s definitely a worthy mate. Nice and fertile. I groan and facepalm myself. Bad thoughts, bad thoughts,  _ bad thoughts _ . 

 

But there is something odd about the smell. Mike’s nose is known for the fact that it can pick out specific people and scents, but my nose is known for telling emotions. Mike can tell when someone is lying, but I can tell when someone is hiding their feelings. Emotions are  _ my _ thing. And the emotions in the air right now are a bit off. Erwin reeks of a content and happy alpha, but Mike doesn’t. The other scent in the room smells desperate, angry, and… frustrated. Not sexually frustrated, just the overall feeling of frustration. 

 

“Erwin?” I ask quietly.

 

“Hm?” He doesn’t look up from the papers.

 

“Is Mike okay?” And I could have sworn Mike smells different than this. Something is seriously wrong.

 

He looks at me a bit confusedly. “I assume so.”

 

“You ‘assume so?’” I scoff. “You just banged the guy, you should know better?”

 

Erwin sighs and looks at me disappointedly. “Why are you even asking?”

 

“He smells weird.”

 

“Then just plug your nose. I think I can handle your immature nasal voice.” He goes back to his work.

 

I sigh and walk over to his bedroom. “I hope he’s decent, Erwin. Or at least has blankets over him.”

 

I can practically hear Erwin’s head whip up as he begins stalking over.

 

“Elliot-” he begins, but I swing open the door and plug my nose again. God it really stinks. I make my way over to the windows and open the curtains, revealing the lovely sunlight.

 

“Good morning, Mike!” I say cheerfully with my nasal voice. “Now, why don’t you tell me why the fuck you smell so sad?” I spin around and see a lump under the sheets. I can’t even see his hair, for Maria’s sake. Erwin stands at the door, and he looks a bit worried. 

 

“Mike?” I ask, and the lump moves a bit. “Erwin, please don’t tell me you broke him. We need him alive and working.”

 

Erwin doesn’t reply, but he just walks out of the room. Oh? So it’s gonna be like that? Bang ‘em and leave ‘em? Fine. 

 

I move over to the bed. “Mike,” I say. “I’m honestly concerned, and I am your friend. Do you want me to wait outside while you make yourself decent?”

 

The lump does not reply, but it groans a bit and moves around. 

 

I sigh. “Miiiiiiiiiike, will you reply already~” I poke the lump, and I think it properly wakes up now.

 

A series of moans and muttered curses emit from the lump, and it eventually speaks. “Erwin, I did not come here to lose my ability to walk,” it mutters quietly. Black hair pokes out from under the covers and his face turns towards the sun.

 

“You said you wanted to feel me for a week,” Erwin’s voice floats in from the kitchen. 

The alpha in Erwin’s bed isn’t Mike. 

 

Slits of grey blink in the sunlight as they adjust to the brightness. “Erwin?” He asks, his voice unsure.

 

The alpha in Erwin’s bed isn’t Mike. 

 

My hand falls from my nose, and the scent suddenly makes a little more sense. This isn’t what Mike smells like.

 

The smell of alpha sex invades my nostrils, but it smells wrong. It smells sad. Lonely. Betrayed. 

 

“Elliot?” Levi’s voice is flooded with confusion, and I see his face dawn with understanding. “Elliot.” He grabs the blankets and covers himself as best as he can. “What the hell are you doing here?”

 

I turn on my heel and stalk back out to the kitchen.  

 

“Are you done?” I ask Erwin, and he hands the papers back to me. I snatch them from his hands and practically run from the suite, slamming the heavy door shut behind me.

 

I run back to my room - our room - without stopping and chuck the papers onto the desk. Levi’s desk. I yell in frustration and kick the bedpost. We used to have two beds, but Levi rarely ever slept in his. He would usually doze off in his chair and sleep only for a few hours. The nights when he did sleep properly he would spend with me. I would force him to change into his practically brand new sleeping garments and drag him into bed with me. The bed is only meant for one person, but the two of us are both small, so we just lay in each other’s arms for the night. My back would be pressed up against his chest and his face would be buried in my shoulder. We let some new recruits take his bed, and we’ve never had use for it again.

 

I love those nights. 

 

Alphas and omegas run quite warm, when compared to betas, and cuddling with one is the best. Levi emits warmth like no other, and he’s so gentle despite the calluses on his hands. There’s nothing sexual between us, nothing romantic, but there’s something. There’s warmth. There’s trust. There’s a peace we can’t find anywhere else besides in each other’s arms. 

 

I punch the wall and feel my wrist crack. I fall to the floor while cradling it, and no armor grows. I’m surprised. I usually grow armor when I’m upset. For some reason, this pain is different. The tears that crawl up my throat are different than the angry screams that usually come up. The knives in my chest claw at my heart instead of my lungs. 

 

Why does it hurt? 

 

I push myself off the ground and stalk out of the room. I stalk through the halls, filling them with the rage of an alpha, and I don’t stop until I reach the stables. Mike is there, tending to the creatures Levi so dearly loves, and I scoff. To think Mike was here all this time.

 

He nods to me in greeting and I spare him a smile. He’s done nothing wrong. I grab my horse and saddle her up. Mike looks to me questioningly, and I say that I want to do a quick run around the castle. He nods and opens the gate for me.

 

“Be back for breakfast. Hanji’s going to go crazy with Jaeger,” he says and I nod before running off.

 

Unlike what I told Mike, I in fact do not intend to do a quick run around the castle. I don’t make any turns, but I just urge Frieda forward. I’m not entirely sure of the direction - which is probably really stupid - but I don’t have a destination in mind. Not a specific one. I just want to get away. Away from the pain that gnaws at my heart.

 

Levi and I have always been close. 

 

Even in our days down below, we’ve been close. Isabel had Farlan, and I had Levi.

 

Damn it.

 

I had Levi. The omega in me sang for his warmth, his comfort, his touch, his everything. Levi didn’t look at me like I was pathetic or weak; he looked at me as if I was just another human being. He looked at me like I’m his equal. He looks at me like I’m his equal. He acknowledges my strengths, my weaknesses, but none of them make me lesser in his eyes. 

 

_ The fact that I’ve seen you in your worst state doesn’t make you weak in my eyes _ .  _ It makes you strong. I know just how much shit you’ve had to deal with, and I know that you can come back from that pain and keep fighting.  _

 

After Isabel and Farlan died, we were close.

 

The pain drives some people apart, but it can drive people together. Levi and I don’t talk like we used to, but it works for us. Neither of us want to talk about it. About the death of our pack. We just stayed with each other and let the warmth comfort each other, and he didn’t look to anyone else when his ruts came along. 

 

Is it jealousy that I’m feeling? Is that what it is? This pain that’s carving itself into my heart, is it jealousy?

 

Damn it, am I this weak?

 

I dismount Frieda and tie her to a tree, although not too tightly - just in case I need to call her. 

 

I begin wandering through the woods, taking my time to study the way the leaves crunch beneath my boots. I don’t have any 3DM gear on, and it would suck if I came across a titan right now. I’d probably die in this state. I sink down onto my knees and just sit there numbly. I don’t know how long I sit there, but it’s long enough for a small 3 meter titan to find me.

 

I laugh loudly. 

 

Of course a damn titan had to find me.

 

Armor grows around my body but I make no motion to move. The titan looks at me with big brown eyes, and it tilts its head a bit. It doesn’t have the usual rapist smile - thank Maria - but instead it has a blank expression. The titan just keeps looking at me and it doesn’t make any move to eat me. 

 

“You’re an abnorant, aren’t you?” I say to the titan. It only looks at me. That’s good. So maybe I won’t die so soon. “Are you going to study me before eating me?”

 

It doesn’t reply. That’s also good. A talking titan would be creepy.

 

“Why am I even jealous?” I choke out. “Levi’s not my alpha. Levi can fuck whoever he wants. Erwin is an easy lay, and Levi probably just needed to blow some steam.”

 

The titan moves a little closer, but the movement only reminds me of a little child scooting closer to a fire. 

 

I laugh sourly. “To be honest, Erwin’s a bit of a whore. He sleeps with Mike, Greyson, Filip, Hanji - at one point, if she wasn’t lying - and now Levi. Commander Smith, the whore.” I chuckle. “Maria, he’d kill me if he heard me calling him that. I’ll tell Hanji that name, assuming you don’t eat me, of course.”

 

The titan merely stares. The armor around me keep growing, and I think the titan would lose a few teeth if it tried biting me right now. My armor is everywhere.

 

“I get why Erwin would sleep with Levi, he’s kinda like some untouchable prize. Must be nice, claiming someone as strong as Levi. Although, if it was just a one night bang; I doubt it’s really claiming - but the idea still stays the same.”

 

I sigh and lean back onto my hands. 

 

“But I don’t get why Levi slept with Erwin. I thought Levi was straight, and why the hell would he even go to Erwin in the first place…” I trail off and curse the tears that bubble in my throat. “How did it even happen? Did Levi go to Erwin? Did Erwin seduce Levi? Levi seduce Erwin? Was it angry sex? Lonely sex? Just sex?”

 

I laugh bitterly.

 

“Why did he go to Erwin? He was sad, and I could tell! He smelled like pain and anger. No, not anger. Anger is too strong, too simple. No, it wasn’t anger. Levi smelled like the aftermath of a rainstorm, when everything is a mess and you can’t tell what is what from under all of the mud. When everything is gone, but you’re still angry. But why go to Erwin? Erwin is his commander; he’s like our fucking dad, at times. I’m his friend, he family! Maybe he knew that Erwin would bang him? Make the pain go away for a few fleeting seconds?”

 

_ I did not come here to lose my ability to walk.  _

 

That’s what Levi said. So he did go to Erwin. But what about Erwin’s response?

 

_ You said you wanted to feel me for a week. _

 

“Did Levi really say that?” I say out loud. “Did Levi really go there and offer himself up like some whore? Erwin’s the whore, not Levi.” I wrap my arms around my knees and watch the unmoving titan. “What did Levi want to forget? Did he even want to forget something?”

 

The titan offers no answer.

 

“Why the hell would Levi go to Erwin and not me?” I ask quietly. “Levi and I have always been close.”

 

_ I can just pick up and leave and mope and fight alphas and bang prostitutes and be a horrible alpha, but I don’t. I stay with you. I spend my ruts with you. I mourn with you. I don’t abandon you. Because like it or not, Elliot, I am your alpha. _

 

That’s what he said when Isabel and Farlan died. 

 

_ I am your alpha. _

 

“Is he my alpha?” I ask the titan. “He called himself my alpha, although he did so assuming that I’m an alpha, too. But I’m not. I’m an omega.”

 

I look up to the forest ceiling. “I’m an omega.”

 

I don’t know how long I stay there with the titan. Sometimes I talk, sometimes I don't, but the titan always stares. The armor doesn’t fade, and neither does the confusing pain, but both become easier to bear. 

 

_ ~~~ _

 

__ _ “Harper?” She asks. _

 

__ _ I lift my head from the pillow and just look at her. _

 

__ _ She chuckles and slips under the covers with me. “What are you doing here?” _

 

__ _ I look away. “Sleeping. At least, until you came in.” _

 

__ _ She smiles knowingly. “Sure, whatever gets you through the night.” She holds her arms out and I nearly enter her embrace. But I don’t. “Baby?” She murmurs. “What’s wrong?” _

 

__ _ I turn away from her and wrap the blankets more tightly around myself. _

 

__ _ “Harper, sweetie.” Her voice is like honey and sweet nectar from the flowers we pick with Historia. She scoots closer to me. “Tell me what’s wrong.” _

 

__ _ “It’s nothing.” My voice is muffled by the blankets I have around myself. _

 

__ _ She sighs. “Is it because of Mark?” _

 

__ _ I don’t reply.  _

 

__ _ “Honey, what he said was out of line and everyone knows that.” Her voice has become brittle and angry. _

 

__ _ “But he’s right.” _

 

__ _ “Honey?” Concern laces her voice now. Pft. Look how easily alphas change for their omegas. _

 

__ _ I hiss at her. “He was right. Omegas are born to serve their alphas, to pleasure them, to give them children, and I’m fourteen and I still haven’t had a single heat and-” _

 

__ _ “Stop,” she says, and her voice is that of an alpha’s. The omega inside of me shivers and begs to submit. But I can’t let that happen, now, can I? I can’t afford to become mated. Not to her. She grabs my shoulders and makes me look at her. Her eyes are angry.  _

 

__ _ Good. Hate me and let me hate you.  _

 

__ _ “Listen to me Harper,” she snarls. Hate me and let me hate you. “Mark Fellows is a cruel, cruel alpha who’s still stuck in the past. Omegas are not just meant for that, they’re meant to-” _

 

__ _ “But they’re still meant for everything he said, right?” I cut her off.  _

 

__ _ She struggles for the words. “Sweetie-” _

 

__ _ “Don’t call me that,” I hiss. “Omegas don’t have any rights. Omegas are property. Sure, it’s improving, but not as much as you alphas like to brag.” _

 

__ _ “We’re making a lot of progress in the omegan rights.” _

 

__ _ I laugh sourly. “Sure. Alphas are considered adults and cannot be married off until seventeen. From then on, they have their own will and can do as they please. Omegas? We’re expected to be married off or at least engaged at thirteen, and for the rest of our lives we belong to our alpha. We’re given to an alpha to be bred and whored about and-” _

 

__ _ She slaps a hand over my mouth. “Don’t use such foul language.” _

 

__ _ I choke out a laugh and shove her hand away. “See? In the eyes of the law, I belong to you. I am yours for you to do with me as you please.”  _

 

__ _ She looks away. “It’s not supposed to be like that.” _

 

__ _ “But that’s how you act!” I wave my hands accusingly at her. _

 

__ _ She grabs my wrists and pins my hands down. “Listen to me, Harper. I could have picked any omega from that group. And with that omega, I could have done whatever I wanted. I don’t have to wait for your heat to take you, I could just fuck you into this mattress right now and society would praise me for controlling my mate. But do you want to know why I haven’t? Why I haven’t sunk my teeth into your pale neck and called you mine? Because society is wrong, Harper.” She grabs my chin and looks into my eyes. “Society is cruel and wrong, but that does not mean you can take it all out on me.” She sighs. “I have done my best to be a good alpha. I have provided for you; given you education; I have waited for your heat to come naturally. So when the time comes for you to finally need me as much as I need you… I can finally make love to you and show you how much you mean to me.” _

 

__ _ I’m stunned, and I can’t bring myself to look away from those violet eyes. She’s right. She’s not like the other alphas.  _

 

__ _ “So please…” Her voice becomes a whisper. “Please don’t hate me.” _

 

__ _ But you’re supposed to hate me so I can hate you. _

 

~~~

 

I wake up to the sounds of blades being drawn. Confused, I blink my eyes open and realize I’m still outside. Warmth surrounds me, and I turn a little to see that the titan has curled around my body and still stares at me. 

 

Holy fuck, that’s really scary. 

 

It doesn’t move, thankfully, so I turn my head away and look around. Green moves around us, and I see the glint of blades. Did they come looking for me? How long have I been out? The amount of sunlight is about the same, but I think it’s in a different place in the sky. So most of the day? That’s a lot. 

 

The titan suddenly whines - the sound vibrating through the earth below me - and I freeze in terror. I should  _ not _ be this close to a titan. I look down at my hands and see they’re still coated in armor, and my face is also coated. Okay, so I’m protected, but the Scouting Legion is here. They’ll see. 

 

Fuck.

 

I turn back to the titan and see its eyes trained on the soldiers surrounding us, and I mentally curse. It hasn’t attacked me, but sooner or later it’ll probably attack them. It’s big brown eyes flicker with every soldier that moves, and I mourn for its death for a moment. This titan is so strange, does it have to die? If Hanji is out there, maybe she can convince them to let it live.

 

“Elliot!” Someone says with a hushed tone. I realize it’s Mike. 

 

I look over to where the sound came from.

 

“Do you have your blades?” He asks.

 

I begin shake my head, but I hesitate. I have armor, so I could easily kill the titan from this angle. It’s the equivalent of having my blades. I move my head to nod, but before I can someone whacks something hard.

 

“No she doesn’t, you idiot. She left all of her gear at the castle.” It’s Levi’s voice, and something in me rejoices, but something else cringes away. Not Levi, not now. He’s kinda the reason I’m out here in the first place.

 

“Then on my command,” Erwin says lowly. Oh, so Erwin is here too? Is the whole damn castle here?

 

“No, Erwin,” Levi hisses. “The attack might just end up killing Elliot.”

 

“I could help,” Eren says. Even Eren is here. Fan-fucking-tastic. 

 

“No, you really can’t,” Levi scolds. “We know nothing about your titan, and your control over it isn’t exactly amazing. You could kill or seriously maim one of the greatest soldiers of humanity.”

 

One of the greatest, eh? I scoff. “Is Hanji there?” I ask loudly, and the titan thankfully doesn’t move.

 

“Yup!” She calls back, and I can hear her smiling in glee.

 

“Try not to kill the titan. It’s been with me for hours and it still hasn’t killed me or tried to eat me. You could study it.”

 

Hanji squeals, and judging by the thump and groan that follows, I assume someone whacks her for it. “Do you know exactly how many hours?”

 

I shrug. “Half a day?” 

 

She doesn’t reply for a moment, and I guess she’s writing it down. “Half a day, eh? That’s a long time. Did you do anything special?”

 

Well, I talked to it about my stupid feelings. “No. I just sat with it.”

 

“You just fucking sat with it? A titan?” Levi snarls, and I feel the titan bristling. Oh no. “Why the fuck would you sit with a titan?”

 

I shrink back. “None of your damn business, Levi.” I shrink back against the titan. Its skin is warm and I should not be comforted by it right now. 

 

He huffs. “I think we all have a right to know why the hell you-”

 

“Levi,” Erwin cuts in with his stern commander voice. “That’s enough.”

 

I expect Levi to snap back, to say something snarky, in fact I  _ want _ him to, but he doesn’t. He just goes quiet and lets Erwin take control. I see how it is. Only quiet for big bad Erwin, eh?

 

“We need to get her out of there,” Petra says quietly. Okay, I’m convinced. The whole castle is here.

 

“I know I know,” Levi sighs, and I can feel him pinching the bridge of his nose. “But everything’s too risky.”

 

“Our entire job is being risky,” Hanji mutters. “Elliot?”

 

“Yeah?” I reply, thankful that the titan is now calmer.

 

“Can you just… walk away from it?”

 

Levi snarls and the titan bristles again. Please don’t. Please, really, don’t aggravate the titan. “You want her to just walk away from the titan? Sure, that’ll work.”

 

“It’s the safest option, right now, Levi,” Hanji says kindly. “The titan has done nothing to her, so she could just easily walk away. Slowly.”

 

It’s a good plan based on evidence. “I’m doing it.”

 

“Elliot-” Levi begins saying, but Erwin mutters something to shut him up. Of course he’d listen to Erwin and not me.

 

I stand up slowly while crawling away from the titan, and I slowly turn around to face it. It merely tilts its head at me and stares. Please don’t eat me. I walk backwards, slowly and carefully, keeping my eyes trained on the titan. Those big brown eyes stare right back, and it’s as if it can see straight into my soul. One monster to another. 

 

Fuck, my armor. 

 

I pause and panic quickly about the armor. It’s definitely not falling off right now, there’s too much adrenaline in my blood, but I can’t let them see it. Not any of them. Not Levi. Not Erwin. Not even Hanji. I rack my brains frantically before coming up with another stupid idea. Oh, this week has just been full of insanity.

 

“Eren.”

 

“Huh?” He sounds confused, and I hear Levi cursing under his breath.

 

“I need you to come here slowly and bring a cloak with you.” I pray they haven’t already seen my armor. “Don’t ask why, don’t panic, just do it.”

 

I hear him moving. “I give you permission to transform and protect me if the titan attacks.”

 

“That’s not in your authority!” Levi hisses, and the titan tenses again. Don’t make the titan angry, don’t make the titan angry.

 

“This is an emergency situation and Eren just do as I say!” I snap and the titan begins sitting up, keeping its eyes trained on me. Fuck. Hurry up, Eren. 

 

A minute later, Eren is standing next to me and wrapping the cloak around my shoulders. He stands closely to me and keeps a hand next to his mouth, ready to bite. I pull to hood up and begin to walk backwards with Eren. Please work. The hood covers my face with shadows and I pray no one comes over to me to check for wounds. I’m fine. Really. Well, physically, at least.

 

We enter the ring of soldiers and a massive breath is let out from Eren’s chest before he wraps his arms around me. 

 

“You’re safe,” he mutters into my shoulder. 

 

I smile and hug him back. “I’m safe, Eren.”

 

“Oi. Get off her, kid. We need to check her for injuries.” Levi sounds annoyed, but the anxiety in his voice is gone. He called Eren “kid?” What happened to the whole “brat” thing? 

 

Eren begins moving away from me, but I just pull him back in again. “Don’t leave.” Not until the armor is gone. It’s already falling off, but not fast enough. 

 

“Oi. Eren.” Levi sounds impatient now, and I feel Eren tense under me. Damn it. I pull away and turn on my heel, stalking off into the forest. I see Frieda off in the distance, still tied to her tree, and I begin speed walking over to her. 

 

“Elliot.” I hear Levi’s footsteps. 

 

No, not now. I begin running. 

 

“Elliot!” He says, stronger this time, and I hear his footsteps quicken. I burst into a sprint and mount Frieda faster than I’ve ever done, cutting away the reins that are still tied to the tree. The armor begins hardening again and I curse. Damn it, I need it gone!

 

I ride as fast as Frieda can in the woods, turning and twisting between the trees, but I hear 3DM gear hissing behind me. Damn it. He’ll catch up with the gear. However, there’s nothing I can do. I’m only can keep riding. Techniques on how to escape titans run through my head, but none of them really work for when it’s a Levi chasing you. Levis are much more dangerous. 

 

I keep riding on, keeping my face hidden by the cloak’s hood. He can’t see. He can’t see me like this. 

 

But of course, since the universe hates me, Levi catches up to me.

 

He zips right into me and gathers me into his arms. Frieda is left to keep riding on - like she’s trained to, ironically - and Levi holds me close to his chest. Damn it. I bury my face into his shoulders and pull on my sleeves to cover as much armor as I can. Levi lands on a large tree and collapses on a large branch with me in his arms. He doesn’t move away from me, but instead pulls me tightly to his chest. Tears flood in the back of my eyes and I silently beg for them to leave, but of course, they don’t. For the first time in years, they peek out from under my eyes and slip onto my cheeks like silk. Small hiccups lace my breath, and I’m forced to just sit there and cry quietly. 

 

Damn it. Damn him. Damn him damn him damn him. 

 

Levi makes no motion to push me away or to scold me for getting his jacket dirty - again - but he just sits there and cradles me in his arms. The warmth envelops me and I bask in it. I bask in the comfort he’s giving me. His warmth cascades around me and I’m hyper aware of everywhere we’re touching. The pressure of his hands on my back is steady, but every once in a while once finger will move or press a little harder. I can feel his breath against the top of my head and ticking my neck, and everything about this is comforting. I used to hate being touched - I still do, it’s just weird - but Levi’s touches are natural. They feel right. They don’t feel toxic and dangerous like other people’s touches and I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m a pathetic omega. No words are spoken, but none of them would comfort me as much as his embrace. I really am just some pathetic omega, aren’t I? Some pathetic omega who can’t bear for her alpha to leave her.

 

_ I am your alpha,  _ that’s what he told me. 

 

_ Like it or not, Elliot, I am your alpha. And I intend to be a good one.  _

“You’re supposed to be my alpha,” I whisper against his collarbone, and he drops his head lower, moving his ear right next to my lips. I don’t think he heard me.

 

_ I belong to you. I am yours for you to do with me as you please.  _ That’s what I said to her. My first mate. The one I lost. 

 

_ I belong to you. I am yours for you to do with me as you please.  _ That’s what I want to say to Levi. Levi would be an amazing alpha. He  _ is  _ an amazing alpha. 

 

Do I belong to Levi? 

 

No. I don’t. Maybe in some other world I would be his omega, but in this world I am not. In this world I am cursed to lose any type of love that is given to me. Maybe in another world I could be his omega. But not in this one. And besides, those words I said to her were said with venom and hatred. I can’t say the same to Levi. He’s not my alpha. Hence why he slept with Erwin. Hence why he went to Erwin for comfort and not me. I’m not worth his trust. Even if I am the only one who’s seen him cry. Even if I am the only one he’s spent his ruts with. Even if I am the one person left alive in his family. I’m still not worth his trust. I’m just a broken alpha.

 

I touch my face gingerly and feel only soft skin. The armor on my hands are gone, and there’s only a bit left on my ribs and shins. Nothing I can’t hide. I gently push Levi away and try to sit on my own, but Levi merely adjusts his position and still keeps me in his arms. 

 

“Don’t you ever leave me again,” he says, his voice at a deadly octave. “Not like that.”

 

I look away and sneer. Like I was the one who left. He left first when he fucked Erwin. “Sorry I couldn’t stand the stench of you and Erwin’s fuck fest.”

 

He tenses around me. “Elliot…” he begins saying. 

 

“No,” I cut him off. “Don’t say it. I don’t care. You can fuck and get fucked by whoever you want.”

 

“It wasn’t like that,” he snarls.

 

“Oh? So it wasn’t fucking? He didn’t fuck you so you would feel him for a week?” I hiss back, and I feel the tears flow harder. They’re angry tears, though, so I can forgive them.

 

“It didn’t mean anything!” He grabs at my face and stares into my eyes. “What happened between Erwin and I, it meant nothing. Nothing.”

 

I scoff angrily. “Oh it certainly meant something, Levi,” I hiss. “You were upset, I could tell. And not the usual ‘I’m a pissed of alpha who needs a lay’ upset. You were sad. Frustrated. Lonely.”

 

He drops his hand. “Don’t tell me what I was feeling.”

 

“I think you forget which one of us specializes in emotions, Levi. Me. So yes, I can, in fact, tell you what you were feeling. You were hurt and heartbroken so why the fuck did you go to Erwin and not me?”

 

I am the one who has seen you break and cry and kill, not Erwin. I’m the only person left. I am your  _ family _ .

It’s his turn to laugh bitterly. “Why would I have gone to you?” He says quietly, and for a moment I think my ears have deceived me. But his expression is dangerous, so I realize that I heard correctly.

 

“I’m your…” family. Friend. 

 

“You’re my what, Elliot? What are you to me?” He hisses, and I see the anger in his eyes. Did I do something? Have I betrayed you, Levi?

 

Omega. I’m your omega. Every damn cell in me wants to scream that into his face, but I can’t. The tears come back. I can’t answer him. Not in the way I want to. “I’m someone worth more to you than Erwin.”

 

I was supposed to mean everything to you. 

 

He looks down at his hands clutching at my arms. “But apparently I’m worth nothing to you.”

 

What? Where the fuck did that come from? “Why the hell are you saying that?” I have done nothing to betray you. I am loyal to  _ you _ .

 

He lets go of me and looks at me sadly. “Does it matter? I’m worth nothing to you.” He turns away and fiddles with his 3DM gear. “I’m sure Titan Boy will be here to pick you up soon,” he says before flying off, leaving me stranded on the branch. 

 

What. The. Fuck. 


	10. The Lunar Titan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And so, we get a little peak into Hanji’s mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have edited this chapter soooo much and I have finally deemed it worthy for the public eye. It’s probably still shit, but sadly, editing is a constant process that never ends.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the shitstorm.

_~Hanji Zoe’s POV~_

 

    It’s been five weeks since Erwin took our boy Levi and first fucked him hard into his whorish bed. And you heard me right, I said “first fucked.” Sadly, for literally everyone but Erwin, Levi has been fucked multiple times by that slutty commander of ours. And while we all are suffering heavily for it, Elliot has taken the hardest blow. She’s been moping about and talking with literally no one but Eren. The two of them have been glued together ever since the incident, and she even sleeps with him now. Not like, frickle frackle sleep. I literally mean just sleep, as in resting your body in the same room or bed as another human being.

 

    That is, of course, if Eren is a human. He’s probably close enough to one.

 

    But anyways, back to the disaster that has been thrusted into our hands.

 

    It’s been five weeks and I’ve never seen Elliot in a worse state. The new recruits for the Scouting Legion came in a while ago, and they’ve been stealing Eren’s free time away from her - so if she isn’t following him like some hurt puppy, she’s either training or out horse-riding. Erwin forbade her from ever leaving the castle alone again, but do you think our baby Elliot listened to the man who fucked her boyfriend? Nope. Elliot still rides outside a lot, although she usually lets Mike or I know first. She’s been slightly more responsible in that manner.

 

    The thing about the whole Levi / Elliot situation is how frustrating it is for someone who knows all of the details. I don’t know all of the details, but I know most of them, and it’s already heartbreaking. I think I can imagine how heartbreaking the entirety of the truth is. You see, I will now unfold a tale of stupidity and pain.

 

    It all started with Elliot meeting with Eren that fateful night.

 

    As promised, I dragged Levi and Erwin away to talk about paperwork and the experiments I wanted to run. It had been ages since I last had a titan to run tests on, and I wanted to see how it would respond to Eren in a controlled environment. I have good reasons for my insanity. But anyways, I dragged Erwin and Levi away to my office, but SOMEONE had to forget SOMETHING back in the dungeons, so without another word, Levi goes running back to the dungeons. I honestly think he was just being paranoid and wanting to check if Elliot was okay, like any good alpha would.

 

    “I can trust you to go to my office without taking any detours, yes?” I asked Erwin. He nodded and walked away.

 

    I ran down after Levi - the little guy is _really_ fast when he wants to be - but I was apparently too late. I arrived in time to see Levi standing at the door, his eyes a little bigger than they usually are.

 

    “Levi?” I asked.

   

    He turned to me, his expression quite lost and innocent looking. For the first time in a while, he looked like a lost little pup.

 

    “Levi, are you alright?” I asked.

 

    He said nothing and merely walked past me and back up the stairs. Confused, I peeked my head into the dungeons and saw Elliot leaning over Eren in a very suggestive manner. Her neck tie was half on the floor and half on the bed, and it took me a second to realize what on earth she was doing. She was showing Eren that she was an omega. And of course, since Elliot is a very dramatic little omega, she had to make it look suggestive to scare the crap out of Eren. I had chuckled quietly at her dramatics, and walked back upstairs with a little grin on my face, but I then remembered Levi.

 

    _Oh shit Levi._

 

    I ran back up the stairs to try to catch Levi, but I was a little late. I slammed open the door and stared at Levi in panic.

 

    “Levi-” I began, but I stopped. What on earth was I supposed to tell him? That Elliot’s dramatic ass made her accidentally seduce Eren while revealing her secret sex? That Elliot’s an omega? Hell no, she’s crucify me the moment she found out it was me.

 

    “No need to tell me, Hanji,” Levi muttered angrily. “I saw it all.”

 

    Well, no, you didn’t, but I couldn’t tell you that. Not until Elliot gave me the green light. I groaned in frustration. “It wasn’t like that, Levi!”

 

    He scoffed and slammed his tea cup on the table, spilling some. Oh shoot. He’s mad. Levi spilling tea = angry Levi. “Then what the hell was Elliot doing?” He spat. “Just being friendly to our new titan boy?”

 

    Shit. He was _really_ pissed. “Quite the opposite, Levi. She was scaring the shit out of him.”

 

    He laughed bitterly. “Sure! Just scaring the kid by molesting him! I know you’re keeping us away from Eren so she can have her way with him!” He scoffed. “Never took her for the slutty one.”   

 

    “Erwin’s the slutty one,” I blurted out. “Sorry, Erwin, but it’s kinda true.”

 

    Erwin only shrugged.

 

    “Well turns out so is Elliot,” he muttered, and I can see the tears in his eyes. No no no, don’t do that. Don’t cry. I can’t deal with people crying. Especially not scary soldiers that represent the entire strength of humanity and are only 160 cm tall.

 

    “She’s really not!” I said. “She’s not sleeping with Eren, you know she has higher standards than that!” Shit shit shit. This was _not_ good. And not just in the way most people would think it is; you don’t understand. Levi _likes_ Elliot. Like, a lot. As in, he wants to cuddle with her and hold her and make her as happy as possible. Damn it, if Levi was capable of love, I would say he loves her. He was planning on telling her his feelings - Erwin and I were both counseling him and how to win over his feisty alpha who’s actually an omega.

 

    Levi sat down and buried his face in his hands. “Can we just sign the damn papers already?”

 

    I sighed softly. I couldn’t convince him. Not like this. “Okay.”

 

    We went through the papers quickly and almost all of my experiments were approved, but I couldn’t feel happy for it. Not when Levi looked like he was about to break. Not when Elliot was with Eren doing absolutely nothing but being innocent. Not when Elliot was innocent.

 

    They left after all the papers were signed, and after putting away all of the documents, I went to go see Elliot downstairs. On the way downstairs is Erwin’s bedroom, so I took a little detour and went to go ask Erwin to watch out for Levi. He tends to be quite destructive when he’s upset, and I don’t want anyone else to get involved and hurt because of his and Elliot’s dramatic asses.

 

    I was going to knock, I really was, but the door wasn’t closed properly. I just assumed I could peek and and ask instead of knocking. Don’t blame me. So that’s what I did; I poked my head in and opened my mouth to ask Erwin to take care of Levi.

 

    And boy, the sight I saw was not encouraging.

 

    Levi was sitting on the kitchen counter, his legs wrapped around Erwin’s waist and his hands tangled in Erwin’s hair. Erwin, the slut, was kissing back and grinding and moaning and growling like the possessive alpha he is. And Levi? Hell, while Levi was still _very_ forceful and possessive too, he was mewling into Erwin’s mouth like some omega in heat. There were tears - I kid you not, _tears_ \- running down Levi’s cheeks and he looked like the definition of heartbreak.

 

    I don’t know why I didn’t stop them.

 

    I should have barged in there and demanded that Erwin get his filthy hands off Elliot’s alpha, but I didn’t. I went back to my room and stared at the ceiling in confusion. I didn’t get up once to try to interrupt them. I should have, I really should have, but for some goddamn reason I didn’t. Levi loved Elliot, no scratch that, he loves Elliot. Elliot loves Levi. Whether it be it platonic or not, I know that they love each other dearly. They came into the Scouting Legion with dreams and a family to protect, and they nearly lost it all. The only thing they had left was each other. And I know it’s not platonic! Levi was going to ask her out for goodness sake! He was going _way_ out of his comfort zone to do something romantic and cheesy all for his omega. He didn’t even know she was an omega and he still loved her. No, loves her. He still loves her.

 

    And yet now, Levi was getting fucked by another alpha and Elliot was cuddling with another omega.

 

    The next morning isn’t any better.

 

    I came to my senses at about ten o’clock in the morning, and I barged into Erwin’s room with the full intent to kill his sultry hands.

 

    “Erwin!” I declared. He was standing in the kitchen in his boxers looking very thoroughly fucked.

 

    “Good morning, Hanji,” he said calmly.

 

    “Where’s Levi?” I demanded.

 

    “In the bath, I think he’s trying to wash out all the cum.”

 

    Oh, he actually had the audacity to say that. I walked up to him and slapped him in the face without hesitation. “You lewd alpha!”

 

    He merely looked at me and chuckled. “What? He asked for it.”

 

    I grabbed his collar and muster up the most dangerous growl a beta like myself can manage. It’s not much, honestly, but I got the message across. “How the hell could you have done that to him!” I screamed. “He was heartbroken and you fucked him like he was some random whore!”

 

    Erwin merely looked at me with a raised majestic eyebrow. I let go of his collar and sniffed the air deeply. As a beta, I can’t really distinguish smells that well, but I can smell when an alpha’s nearing his rut. And Erwin was nearing his rut, only a day or two more and he would be a hopeless sex machine.

 

    “He was going to ask Elliot out, you stupid knot head!” I hissed at him. “You were supposed to comfort him _platonically_ , not sexually you idiot!” I grabbed his collar again and shook him violently. “He loves her, you idiot!”

 

    A moment later, the bathroom door swung open quietly, and there stood Levi, hickies everywhere and the saddest expression on his face. He barely noticed me, but just walked into the bedroom and began dressing himself. Even I could smell the agony pouring off of him.

 

    “He’s been like this ever since Elliot came,” Erwin said.

 

    “What?” I turned around to him in rage and confusion. “Elliot came?”

 

    He nodded. “She came in to have me sign some paperwork, and she thought it was Mike at first. But she smelled Levi’s pain and burst into the bedroom in fury.”

 

    “She saw?” I screeched.

 

    “Oi. Hanji.”

 

    I whipped around to see Levi standing in the doorway of the bedroom, tying his cravat. Elliot’s cravat. The one she gave him.

 

    “Will you stop screeching? It’s really annoying,” he said dully, but the usual fire in his voice was gone. The usual hate and annoyance that only disappears when he talks to Elliot.

 

    I merely stared at him. “Elliot saw you?”

 

    He froze for a moment, and I swear I saw his hands shake. “She came in this morning and saw me in bed.”

 

    _Fuck_. “Where is she now?”

 

    He only shrugged. “Probably with Jaeger and his fine ass.”

 

    That’s a little gay, Levi, but that’s besides the point. She’s not with Eren and his fine ass. She likes _your_ stupid ass. Even if she’ll probably refuse to admit it.

 

    I ran out of the room and searched the castle like the madman I am. I checked Eren’s dungeon, her room, the training grounds, the repair hall, the toilets, Mike’s room, Petra’s room, everyone’s rooms, and eventually I made my way to the stables.

 

    “Mike!” I shouted, seeing that he was tending to the horses. “Have you seen Elliot?”

 

    He nodded.

 

    Oh thank Maria, Rose, and Sina. “When and where?” I demanded.

 

    “She took Frieda out for a short ride around the castle this morning,” he said plainly before adding, “She looked really upset.”

 

    “When this morning?” I demanded.

 

    “Around nine?”

 

    It was nearly eleven. Two hours is far too long to take a short ride around the castle.

 

    I ran back to the castle and found Levi. “Levi!”

 

    “What do you want, Hanji?” He spat.

 

    “Elliot’s gone out for a ride at nine and she isn’t back,” I said quickly.

 

    He stopped wiping his blade. “Did she have her 3DM gear?”

 

    “I don’t know. I just know she’s been gone for far too long.”

 

    He sheathed his blade and stalked over to the stables. He grabbed Mike by the collar and whispered some very threatening words, and Mike gave him all the information he wanted.

 

    “Elliot took Frieda on a ride at nine without any 3DM gear or protection and she looked ready to murder half the castle,” Levi said as he prepared his horse. “Get Erwin and Eren, we need to go find her.”

 

    I saluted. “Right away.”

 

    It took us five hours to find Elliot.

 

    And not only was Elliot sleeping peacefully with a titan, she looked as if she had some blue aura all around her. Human skin does not reflect light like that. We move around her in silence, and she wakes up and looks around frantically. I gathered that she realized that it’s us when she calmed down. But, the titan next to her whined, and Elliot freaked out a bit. At least she realized that being five feet away from a titan isn’t the best idea. Unlike me.

 

    She looked down at her hands and the blue reflected even more. What is it?

 

    “Elliot!” Mike said in a hushed tone, cupping his mouth and looking very worried.  “Do you have your blades?” He asks.

 

    Elliot began to shake her head, but then she stopped. I could hear her brain clicking from my position, and I leaned in a little more. Does this have something to do with the blue? Because she looks down at her hands and at said blue. There’s blue there, right? I’m not just imagining things?

 

    Levi cut in before Elliot could properly reply. “No she doesn’t, you idiot. She left all of her gear at the castle.”

 

    “Then on my command,” Erwin said lowly. I saw Elliot scoff at the sound of Erwin’s voice, and I no longer had any doubts as to why she ran away in a big tantrum. I sighed. Elliot and Levi are such drama queens.

 

    “No, Erwin,” Levi hissed. “The attack might just end up killing Elliot.”

 

    “I could help,” Eren said, a cute expression on his face that seemed to mimic a titan’s rage face. He seemed hella determined to help Elliot out, and I would have smiled at his cuteness if it weren’t for Levi’s reply.

 

    “No, you really can’t,” Levi scolded. “We know nothing about your titan, and your control over it isn’t exactly amazing. You could kill or seriously maim one of the greatest soldiers of humanity.”

 

    Ugh Levi just let him be helpful. He didn’t actually sleep with Elliot - not sexually, at least - so cut him some slack. But wait, you don’t know that! Because you and Elliot are idiots!

 

    “Is Hanji there?” Elliot asked, and I grinned. Ah, so she does love me.

 

    “Yup!” I said, and I could imagine Elliot rolling her eyes. My voice sounded far too happy for this situation because Levi glaredTM at me.

 

    Elliot spoke again. “Try not to kill the titan. It’s been with me for hours and it still hasn’t killed me or tried to eat me. You could study it.”

 

    I nearly screamed in delight, but only a small squeal escaped before Levi whacked me on the head with the butt of his blade. I groaned and said, “Do you know exactly how many hours?”

 

    Elliot shrugged. “Half a day?”

 

    _Holy fuck half a day that’s a m a z i n g._ I managed to not squeal too loud and I frantically pulled out my journal and started writing. “Half a day, eh? That’s a long time. Did you do anything special?”

 

    “No. I just sat with it.”

 

    N i c e. It didn’t eat her or attack her? Does it have something to do with the blue aura? Is it her scent? Does it respond to her being an omega but acting like an alpha? Is it an abnormal who has gone against the normal killing instinct?

 

    “You just fucking sat with it? A titan?” Levi snarled, and I saw the titan bristling. Is it responding to his positive voice? I’ve always been curious as to how titans react to alpha pheromones and their possessive nature, but sadly I’ve never been able to test it. Something about ‘it’s not safe Hanji not everything is justified in the name ofscience.’

 

“Why the fuck would you sit with a titan?” Levi growled.

 

    Elliot shrunk back. “None of your damn business, Levi.” Eliot shrunk back _against the titan_ and it does nothing to harm her. Okay, I am definitely keeping that titan alive.

 

    Levi huffed. “I think we all have a right to know why the hell you-”

 

    “Levi,” Erwin cut in with his stern ‘I am the alpha in the streets and in the sheets’ voice. “That’s enough.”

 

    Levi said nothing against his new fuck buddy and I mentally facepalmed. Good job, Levi.

 

    “We need to get her out of there,” Petra said quietly.

 

    “I know I know,” Levi sighed. “But everything’s too risky.”

 

    “Our entire job is being risky,” I muttered. Stop being so possessive of the girl you don’t even have and learn to _take risks that don’t involve sleeping with your commander._ “Elliot?”

 

    “Yeah?” She replied.

 

    I tried to think of a better way to phrase my next words but nothing smart comes to mind. Good job Hanji. “Can you just… walk away from it?”

 

    Levi snarled and the titan bristled again. So it is responding to Levi’s alphaness. Excellent. Now just why would it do that, though? Is it being possessive of its food? Or is it just weird to all alphas?

 

“You want her to just walk away from the titan? Sure, that’ll work,” Levi muttered.

 

    “It’s the safest option, right now, Levi,” I said slowly, trying to sound reasonable.. “The titan has done nothing to her, so she could just easily walk away. Slowly.”

 

    “I’m doing it,” Elliot said, and she begins standing up. You go, girl. Be an independent omega who don’t need no alpha. Even if you and Levi _really_ need to make up and kiss and do couple shit.

 

    “Elliot-” Levi began saying, but Erwin muttered something to shut him up. Hey hey hey Erwin back the diddly do off that boy ain’t yours. He is the property of one heartbroken Elliot Kingston.

 

    Elliot began walking away from the titan and I was silently cheering and waiting to see what the blue aura is, but then she stopped. No no no why are you stopping?

 

    “Eren.”

 

    “Huh?” Eren sounded confused, and I saw Levi stabbing his blade into the dirt, a murderous expression on his face. Ah, that’s not good.

 

    “I need you to come here slowly and bring a cloak with you. Don’t ask why, don’t panic, just do it,” Elliot said. “I give you permission to transform and protect me if the titan attacks.”

 

    “That’s not in your authority!” Levi hissed, and the titan tenses again. Make the titan angry, make the titan angry. Wait. No. Don’t do that. Elliot might die if you do that. Don’t make the titan angry, don’t make the titan angry.

 

    “This is an emergency situation and Eren just do as I say!” Elliot snapped and the titan began sitting up, keeping its eyes trained on Elliot. So it was responding to alpha stuff, because that was Elliot’s ‘I am a big strong alpha, don’t mess with me’ voice.

 

    Eren slowly walked over to Elliot with his own cloak in hand, and once he arrived next to her she quickly put it on, hiding her amour. Ah that sly little omega.

 

    They entered the ring of soldiers and a massive breath is let out from Eren’s chest. They hug - aw they hug - but Levi looks ready to kill. Ah, possessive alphas are something that will always entertain me and drive me up a wall.

 

    “Oi. Get off her, kid. We need to check her for injuries,” Levi snapped. He sounds relieved, but the rage in his voice is very obvious.

 

    Eren began moving away, but Elliot grabbed him and kept him still. Eh… not a good idea, Elliot. She whispers something into his ear and I for one am definitely curious as to what she said.

 

    “Oi. Eren.” Levi tapped his foot - he does that a lot when he’s annoyed, fun fact - and he began walking over to Elliot and Eren, “Elliot.”

 

Elliot released Eren and then just bolted.

 

    “Elliot!” Levi shouts, and then he’s running too.

 

    Elliot grabbed Frieda, cut away her reins with something blue, and then she’s riding away at a very fast pace.

 

    Levi did not hesitate to chase after her, and he zips off instantly. We all made a move to pursue her, but Levi was the quickest. He didn’t take his horse, but simply used 3DM gear to chase after her. Which was a pretty smart move, to be honest. In this environment, 3DM gear would have the advantage.

 

    Half of us stayed and killed the titan - to my dismay, and I promised that I tried to convince Erwin to let it live, but Erwin’s decision was final - and the rest of us chased after Levi. When we caught  up to Levi, he was flying back to us _without_ Elliot in his arms and he looked pissed. Like, properly pissed. He snatched up his horse’s reins and rode off without a word. Not that he doesn’t do that often, but even I, the nerdy beta, could smell his rage.

 

    Confused, we rode off in the direction that Elliot went, and we eventually found her stranded on a tree with no 3DM gear. I half expected her to be screaming and shouting in rage, but she was just sitting there with the most confused expression on her face. I flew up and offered to carry her down, but she just shrank away and asked for Eren.

 

    “Eren?” I had asked.

 

    She nodded. “I want to talk to Eren.”

 

    I nodded and brought Eren up to her, and she willingly went into his arms. They stayed together for the rest of the ride back, and have stayed together for the most of these five weeks.

 

    Erwin went into rut the next day, and Levi, of course, stayed with him. Elliot looked even more broken when Mike told her that, and she became even more glued to Eren. Once Erwin’s rut finished, Levi saw Elliot glued to Eren and became even more depressed. Because of that, he glued himself to Erwin and Elliot became more depressed.

 

    It’s all one giant, shitty mess.

 

~~~

 

    The Female Titan was quite something.

 

    Her intelligence is quite obvious, and the fact that she almost easily defeated Eren’s titan is quite remarkable. Her body is well proportioned and she can grow armor to protect herself. A part of me wants squeal and fangirl over this titan, to discover every one of her secrets, but a larger part of me can’t. Levi’s squad is dead, meaning that Eren is the only one left. Despite his anger with Eren for stealing Elliot away, he’s actually quite fond of the kid. I think Eren reminds him of the omega that was in his pack when he joined, Isabel. Eren and her have the same eyes, and I think Levi wants to do his best to protect Eren from the fate that Isabel suffered from.

 

    Levi has an injured leg, and Elliot is in worse shape. The loss of the squad not only broke her a little more, but work has piled on even more, causing a massive amount of stress. Omegas are different creatures, meant to handle the stress of children and family, not the stress of a war and the countless deaths. Paperwork flies in from headquarters; families are informed of their loss; and Elliot has lost the comfort of her omega friend and her alpha. In the past, Elliot was able to rest and be comforted in Levi’s embrace, and without Levi she went looking for Eren’s omegan comfort, but he’s busy too. He has his own friends, an alpha who won’t leave him alone - Mikasa, I think her name is -, and he’s training and stressing out over his titan. He blames himself for Squad Levi’s death, and an omega his age should not be shouldering that weight. No one his age should.

 

    And then comes the whole “we know who the Female Titan is” situation.

 

    Arlert - the smart cookie - gathered the brilliant hypothesis of the Female Titan’s identity. He noticed the details of her fighting style and her own physical appearance, and came to the conclusion that the Female Titan is Annie Leonhardt, a fellow trainee they all knew. Elliot supported the idea wholeheartedly, saying she had heard shakey rumors about the girl’s past. Levi said he would trust Arlert if he was confident in his hypothesis. Erwin said the same. Eren yelled and got angry over the idea that someone like her would dare turn against humanity, and I had to crack a small smile at his dramatics. Elliot and Levi only looked heartbroken at his response, at if it reminded them of something painful.

 

    We have a night before we begin our plan.

 

    Levi’s sleeping with Erwin, Eren’s been kidnapped by his alpha and beta friends, and Elliot is hopefully sleeping. Omegas need sleep, especially stressed out ones.

 

    And I’m just sitting on the roof contemplating life, like the normal scientist I am. I wonder if Eren’s sex has anything to do with his abilities, and if this Annie Leonhardt is an alpha or an omega. The records say she’s an alpha, but Elliot has doubts about it.

 

    “She has so many secrets, already,” she said. “What’s one more?”

 

    Ah, Elliot. Such the pessimist at times.

 

    The night is quite cool this time of year, and our building is quite close to some woods for practicing with 3DM gear. It’s quite nice. The sky is dark and boring, as always, but I find myself looking up to it anyways. The sky is so vast, so confusing, but so empty. The only thing up there is air, and not much of it. I close my eyes and rest for a bit, but of course that’s disturbed as well.

 

    A bang goes off, and I open my eyes in time to see a massive light going out. To an average person, it would seem as if lightning struck the forest, but I am not average person. There’s no thunder clouds and the bang was that of a Shifter Titan. I scramble off the roof and climb down the ladders on the sides of the building, and as soon as my feet hit the ground I’m running to the forest. I don’t have my 3DM gear, but they’re inside and the shifter in the woods might escape by the time I get my gear and then run back. I mentally promise Levi not to do anything too stupid which could get me killed.

 

    The woods are quite deep for a forest within the walls, but I know these woods quite well. This is where I trained to kill the monsters that killed my family; where I witnessed the birth of humanity’s strongest soldier; where I first saw Mike fly around like an angry rock. I run through the memories towards the origin of the light, and I curse myself for not bringing a light. Oh well, the moonlight will have to guide me.

 

    I eventually arrive at where I assume the titan transformed, and I see scorch marks on the forest floor. Bingo. I look around frantically for the titan, but I don’t see anything. There’s no footprints around the scorch marks, and none of the trees have been damaged. Maybe it’s a small titan? One that wouldn’t be as clumsy as Eren’s fifteen meter titan? I look back down to the scorch marks and shake my head. The scorch marks are too large, this had to be at least a ten meter titan. At least.

 

    I begin to wander around in a spiral, looking at every possible path the titan could have taken. After seven spirals, I find my first clue; a chunk of blue lying on the floor, the size of a fist. It’s about four inches thick and six inches long. One side is all jaded and rugged, but the other side is smooth except for little ordered ridges - like the sole of a shoe or boot. It reflects the moonlight intensely, and I soon see another piece a few meters ahead. I run over and pick it up, and I grin at the little pieces I see further ahead. Just like a crumb trail.

 

    Every piece is gingerly picked up and tucked into my jacket, and they’re not as heavy as you’d expect. They’re strong, but light. Similar to a titan’s bones; far too light for something its size. Their color reminds me of Elliot’s aura, but I just ignore that connection. I don’t get the whole aura thing and for some reason, the answer might scare me. Why would Elliot have it? Maybe she took it from a titan or something?

 

The trail leads me to the little creek in the forest, and at its banks sits a massive titan. White hair glints in the moonlight, and armor grows on its spine, nape, and shoulder blades. Its back is turned to me, but from what I can tell, it’s quite well proportioned. I slowly creep towards the left of the titan, and many heated moments later I stand next to it. It makes no move to acknowledge me, and I carefully turn towards it.

 

    It’s beautiful.

 

    I know I find odd things beautiful at times, but the titan sitting at the banks of the creek is truly beautiful. White hair falls in front of the her eyes and to her armored shoulders, and there’s armor on her face as well. Bands of armor stretch across her cheekbones, along her jaw, and on the bridge of her nose. Her eyes are blue - like a really pale blue - and she has small little fangs poking out from under her top lip. Her eyebrows are furrowed together in concentration, it seems, and she has bags under eyes similar to the Female Titan.

 

    She looks the most human of all the titans, if you take away her armor. Her face seems to reflect human pain and confusion, and she looks sad. But there is beauty in pain.

 

    “You’re gorgeous,” I whisper, and her head whips to me and I stumble back. Shit shit shit she heard me.

 

    Her eyes land on me and she jumps back a bit, landing on her bum like some confused child. I can’t hold back the chuckle that escapes my lungs. She looks so innocent, and her eyes are trained on me with so much emotion. So human.

 

    “Did I scare you?” I ask, and I wander a little closer while mentally apologizing to Levi if I die.

 

    The titan looks at me in confusion and I chuckle. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

    She merely stares.

 

    “Can I come a little closer? I won’t hurt you.” I raise my hands up slowly and walk towards her cautiously.

 

    She nods.

 

    I immediately freeze and look at her.

 

    She nodded.

 

    I nearly scream in delight. She _nodded._

 

“Can you understand me?” I ask, barely containing my excitement.

 

    She nods again, and I can literally see her relax a bit even if her confusion is rising.

 

    Oh my god she can _understand me_. “Can I come closer?”

 

    She nods.

 

    I walk closer to her and stop right next to one of her feet. “Can I touch it?”

 

    She pauses with a raised armored eyebrow, but then nods.

 

    I gently place my hands on the top of her feet and marvel at the smooth armor coating them. I try to stop myself from squealing - I really do - but it escapes me in one giant explosion and the titan looks at me with the most panicked expression I have ever seen on a titan.

 

    “I’m sorry!” I wheeze out between my laughs. “It’s just… It’s just that this is amazing! You’re this giant titan, with armor, who isn’t trying to eat me, and to top it all off, you understand me!” I laugh even louder. “And you’re a shifter titan!”

 

    The titan freezes at that.

 

    My laughter diminishes. “You are a shifter, aren’t’cha?”

 

    She looks away, as if sheepish, and refuses to meet my gaze.

 

    “I won’t ask who you are, I really don’t think you’re that much of a threat to us. You haven’t eaten me yet, and you act like a really confused child.”

 

    She looks at me again with narrowed eyes.

 

    “So, are you a shifter?” I ask again, trying to keep my expression friendly.

 

    She slowly nods.

 

    I squeal in delight. “Amazing! I won’t ask who you are, but I’m just so… amazed!”

 

    The titan’s shoulders move, and a raspy sound comes out from it. A small grin stretches across her face.

 

    “You can laugh!” I say. “Since when do titans laugh?”

 

    The titan only shrugs. It _shrugs._ This is really the best day ever. She looks to me with her blue eyes, but something from inside the woods catches her attention, and she suddenly stands up, shaking sand everywhere.

 

    “Woah woah woah! Where are you going?” I call, and she turns to me a bit hurriedly. She just motions to the woods, but when I do nothing but stare at the titan making hand gestures, she sighs and kneels down again. She kneels down in front of me, and begins writing, I kid you not, _writing_ in the sand. I bet half of Jaeger’s fine ass that this titan is the wall savior.

 

    _I have to go,_ she writes.

 

I guess she doesn’t like charades then, if she actually _wrote in the goddamn sand._

 

    I look up to her and ask, “Can I see you again?”

 

    She shakes her head.

 

    Nooooooooooooooo don’t leave… why do you have to leave? I sigh. “I’ll miss you,” I say. I literally just met you, and yet you have to go.

 

    She smiles and pokes a finger at my chest before walking away.

 

    “Oi!” I shout. “What is that supposed to mean? Oi! Wait!”

 

    She ignores me and runs off into the deep woods. Rude.

 

    I sigh and plop down onto the sand. “I didn’t even ask for your name… or at least nickname.” I lay down on the ground and think for a moment. “I need to give you a name… I can’t call you Female Titan Number Two… That’s not original.” I sigh dramatically before sitting straight up.

 

    “YOU CAN MOVE WITHOUT SUN!!!” I shout. “Holy crap holy crap holy crap holy CRAP!” I jump up immediately and begin running back to the castle. “She can move without sunlight!”

 

    I burst into my room and snatch my journal off the bookshelf and begin writing frantically.

  
_Day 37, year 850,_ I write down. _The Lunar Titan._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw I’m sorry for all Eruri shippers who may be reading this, I needed a source of angst and I decided to take my anger out on Erwin...


	11. Harper Finley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another piece of the confusing as fuck puzzle is revealed...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst... 
> 
> I know this chapter isn’t the best, but I needed to get this part over with and just e x p l a i n my shit. So... enjoy, I guess?

~~~~There’s a timid knock on the door to Erwin’s office, and the four of us look up to the door.

 

    “Who the hell would be knocking this late?” Levi mutters before getting up to open the door. He swings it open and demands, “What?”

 

    Bertholdt and Reiner stand at the door, and the two of them look mildly terrified. “May we speak to Corporal Elliot?”

 

    Levi turns dramatically and looks at me with a playful expression before dropping the look completely. Huh. Sometimes it’s hard to remember losing someone so close to you. “Corporal, are you available?”

 

    _Corporal._ “I’ve signed all of the papers, and Hanji will explain anything new to me tomorrow if I don’t come back in time for the rest of the meeting.” I get up and walk past Levi and out the door, closing it gently behind me.

 

    “Yes?” I ask numbly.

 

    Reiner looks at me with a kind confidence, whereas Bertholdt looks like he’s about to shit his pants.

 

    “May we speak to you privately?” Reiner asks.

 

    “Somewhere more private than this?” I drawl.

 

    They nod. “Preferably.”

 

    I sigh. “Fine. Follow me.” I lead them past Erwin’s room and towards one of the old towers. Nobody comes up here anymore, due to the broken stairs. But since when do I care for such trivial things as broken stairs? I lead them all the way up to the top, and I make myself cozy on the empty boxes stored up here. “Is this good enough?

 

    Reiner nods, looking pleased. “This will do.”

 

    I scoff. “You act as if you’re the one calling the shots.”

 

    He suddenly looks down, ashamed, and he apologizes intensely.

 

    “It’s fine.” I wave my hand in an offhand manner. “What did you want to discuss with me?”

 

    They look to each other before Reiner replies. “We just wanted to talk to you.”

 

    I narrow my eyes. “What do you mean ‘talk to’ me?”

 

    Reiner looks flabbergasted. “As in… you know… you’ve been missing for ten years!”

 

    “Missing?” I look between the two of them. “What do you mean, ‘missing?’”

 

    Bertholdt freezes and stares at Reiner worriedly.

 

    “The last time you reported in was ten years ago,” Reiner says, as if it’ll explain everything. “We were sent to complete your mission.”

 

    I have no clue what the hell is going on, but they can’t know that. “Of course,” I say slowly, but I can see Bertholdt isn’t convinced. “It’s the logical thing to do,” I add. I try to keep my face calm and convincing, but I find myself panicking a bit. I don’t feel safe up here, and my skin doesn’t feel like my own.

 

    Reiner nods. “How far did you get? Did you ever discover where the Founding Titan is? The current royal family is a scam - so the Founding Titan is somewhere else, hiding. We decided to bide our time by joining the Trainees.” It all comes out in a bit of a rush, and he reminds me of some of Levi’s fangirls. A really big, beefy, fangirl.

 

    “Who’s we?” I ask, the feeling of panic beginning to overwhelm me. I don’t understand anything.

 

    “Bertholdt, Annie, and me,” Reiner says.

 

    “Annie?” I ask. As in Annie Leonhardt? The Female Titan?

 

    “Yeah, Annie Leonhardt. You were quite close with her, if I remember correctly,” Bertholdt says. His voice sounds accusatory.

 

    Is this some sort of joke? “As in the Female Titan? The one we’re currently hunting down?” I regret the words as soon as they come out of my mouth - revealing this type of information isn’t good. Damn it.

 

    Reiner nods sadly. “I thought she would be able to hide her identity better, but Armin figured it out, didn’t he?” He laughs mournfully. “If she messed up, imagine what’ll happen to Bert and I.”

 

    “She was trying to get Eren,” I say, and I wonder how long I can pretend to know what the fuck is going on. They know that Annie is a titan, and they somehow know me? As if I’m some old friend?

 

    Reiner sits up a little straighter. “She’s currently trying to retake the Attack Titan, but there’s something about Eren that makes us think he’s related to the Founding Titan somehow.”

 

    “How so?” I ask.

 

    “His father,” Bertholdt says. “His father is Grisha Jaeger, and that’s Zeke’s dad.”

 

    I stare at the two. “Zeke?”

 

    Reiner laughs. “It’s quite surprising, really. Eren’s so different from Zeke, who’s a dick if you ask me.”

 

    Bertholdt slaps Reiner’s shoulder. “Don’t use that type of language in front of Commander Finley.”

 

    “Finley?” I say, but it doesn’t come out like a question, thank goodness.

 

    They nod. “We’re surprised that you changed your name, the three of us just stuck with our names. It didn’t really matter, no one here knows who we are, not really.”

 

    I changed my name? I must have blanked out a bit, because Reiner then asks, “Harper?”

 

    _Harper._ “Yeah?” I cough out. _Harper._

 

    “You okay?” He asks.

 

    “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. It’s just surprising to see you guys.” I am literally bullshitting my way through this. _Harper._

 

    He nods. “I was surprised you didn’t recognize us.”

 

    “She probably did,” Bertholdt says. “But she’s deeply undercover, so she couldn’t confront us.”

 

    “Yeah,” I say softly. They called me Harper.

 

    “Speaking of undercover,” Reiner leans forward and puts on his serious face. “What are we going to do about Annie?”

 

    Oh that’s right. Annie. She’s their comrade - no, _our_ comrade - and the Scouting Legion is currently figuring out ways to kill or kidnap her. Haha great. “I can’t do anything obvious,” I say. “I’ve got deep roots down, and I can’t break the facade I’ve created.”

 

    They nod. Thank Maria I can lie well. Some of the panic begins to leave me, but it’s still not enough. I just want someone I can trust, my god. Is that too much to ask? Everything has been too damn confusing and I don’t have time for this. The plan to take down Leonhardt is starting tomorrow morning and we all need to be at our finest. She can’t get away this time. Not with the amount of deaths on her hands and the type of information she can give us. But Reiner and Bertholdt know something… they know a lot. Just how much, though? “You were sent to replace me, yes?” I ask, and my voice sounds dead in my ears.

 

    “Yeah, since you were… you know, dead,” Reiner says sheepishly.

 

    Oh that’s great. I’m supposed to be dead. I scoff internally. Nothing new, then. “I understand. But listen, I’m back. Or, I’m not dead. So the two of you, or three of you, need to stop your mission. I’m still carrying it out,” I say, praying they don’t call my bluff. I pray that this isn’t all some massive joke to see if I’ve gone mad. That would be awkward.

 

    But then again, they called me Harper. I thought it was only a dream. Harper Finley.

 

    “Ma’am, with all due respect, wouldn’t be easier if we worked together?” Bertholdt says.

 

    He’s got a point, to which I have no clue how to counter. “Maybe. But I’ve… I’ve made fragile connections I can’t break. People will wonder why we’ve suddenly gotten so friendly.”

 

    “Like with Levi?” Reiner asks, and Bertholdt slaps him hard for that one. “Ow! Okay, sorry about that, but I’m honestly curious. You and Levi are really close, and is it because he has connections to the Founding Titan somehow?”

 

    Of course they think all of my connections are solely related to the mission. That’s the logical choice. Stay focused on the mission. But I don’t even know what the mission is. “Why is odd I befriended the strongest of humanity?” I say quietly. I did more than befriend him, I became his family.

 

I scoff. Look where I am now with him. I’m not with him. Not anymore.

 

    “You guys joined the Scouting Legion together, and he wasn’t the strongest of humanity back then. Not yet. Bert and I thought you two were secretly mated,” Reiner chuckles.

 

    “Mated?” I exclaim. “Why the hell would two alphas mate?”

 

    Reiner has the audacity to roll his eyes. “I thought you told him your real sex; he seemed to know everything about you. He’s really protective of you, too. Jean was talking shit about you the other day and Levi nearly murdered him. It was nearly funny.”

 

    “My real sex?” They know I’m an omega? They know me? Like… know me know me? Oh that’s just lovely.

 

    Bertholdt narrows his eyes. “Yeah, you’re an omega.” He turns to Reiner. “I thought you were close with her before the mission?”

 

    Reiner nods, but then shakes his head. “I was just some kid, and she was my idol.” He looks at me shyly. “She was stronger than half of the alphas put together, and she was an omega.”

 

    Bertholdt scoffs. “Didn’t you once say you were going become Harper Finley’s mate?”

 

    Reiner shoves at Bertholdt’s shoulder, blushing furiously. “You said you wouldn’t tell!” He hisses, and Bertholdt only laughs.

 

    “Boys,” I get them back onto the main discussion and away from the topic of my sex and how they apparently know me. “What exactly was your mission?”

 

    “Headquarters sent us to retake the Founding Titan, and any other Titan lost,” Bertholdt explains, his voice sounding like a true soldier’s.

 

    “So that includes Jaeger?” I say.

 

    “Yes,” they answer in unison.

 

    I sigh and rub my eyes. “You don’t want the Scouting Legion to take Annie.” Everything so damn complex and I don’t even understand half of this shit. They know me, they don’t know me, they know I’m an omega, they’re Annie’s friends? I can’t think.

 

    They shake their heads. “She’s the best out of the three of us. Her control over her titan is amazing. You know that, Harper,” Reiner says softly. “I don’t want to lose another friend.”

 

    Shit. She’s their friend, and they’re people who know who I am. Was I once their friend? “We’re giving Jaeger to the Military Police tomorrow, I’ll think this over later.” I stand up and the two of them mimic me. I need to get away. I need some peace. Some time to figure all of this shit out. Like why the fuck they know who I am. My name. My real name. My sex. My history.

 

    “Will you retake the Attack Titan?” Bertholdt asks.

 

    “You mean Eren?”

 

    He nods. “He’s Annie’s mission, so if you retake him, maybe she’ll back off and then survive.”

 

    They only want to protect her. I sigh. Too bad I can’t afford to. I don’t even know if this is all real. I could be dreaming. “That’s not my mission,” I say coldly, and I feel so unlike myself I nearly break then and there. “My mission is to retake the Founding Titan. I can’t afford to make any side missions.”

 

    Is this who Harper is? I… I don’t remember anything like this. The Founding Titan? Mission? I thought Harper was a dream who loved my dead mate.

 

    Reiner looks at me with the expression of a kicked puppy. “Then what about Annie?”

 

    I turn away. “The Scouting Legion is focussing all of their power on her. I only can wish her luck.”

 

    “But she’s your friend!” Reiner exclaims. “You can’t just leave her!”

 

    “She’s a soldier and we all knew what we signed up for,” I snap. Where did that come from? She’s… like, he said, she’s my friend. A friend I can’t remember. Another faceless history I can’t name.

 

    “But she’s practically your sister! You taught her how to use her titan; how to control her armor; how to survive as an omega!” Reiner yells and he steps up to me.

 

    I push him away and snarl quietly. “We all lose people, Braun. She’s just another casualty.” And with that, I walk away, leaving them be. I hear Reiner kick something and Bertholdt’s calming voice.

 

    She’s just another casualty. Everyone in my life is a casualty.

 

    My legs carry me back to Erwin’s office - we still have a meeting to finish, and I wasn’t gone that long. I open the door without thinking, and Hanji grins at me as I walk in.

 

    “There you are!” She pulls out my chair. “What did they want to talk about?”

 

    I don’t sit down, and I have to fight every in my body that tells me to run into Levi’s arms. The discussion with Reiner and Bertholdt has left me confused, and I just want something familiar and calming. I just want to be in Levi’s arms.

 

_“If you really want to leave, I won’t stop you,” he whispers into my ear. “But if you leave just for the sake of protecting another dead omega, trust me I won’t let you. I’ll hunt you down till the ends of the earth.” His breath is raspy against my ear. “I will not let any of my pack mates get hurt. Even you.” His arms tighten around me, and I bury my face into his shoulder again._

 

I miss being comforted by Levi. He never made me feel weak, but he still acknowledged my pain. Is it wrong to want a little gentleness and warmth every once in a while? Or is this all pathetic and hopeless? Like some stupid omega?

 

    “Elliot?” Hanji asks softly, and I feel the tears rise in my eyes. No, crap, shit, not here, not here. Be strong, be strong. Be an alpha.

 

    “Oi, Captain.” It’s Levi who speaks now. His grey eyes look like dull metal from my point of view. “Are you going to let us finish the meeting?” He’s leaning against Erwin’s table in the most nonchalant way, and he’s out of uniform. He’s been out of uniform ever since he hurt his leg while fighting Annie. But he’s still got the cravat on, the one I gave him.

 

    “Sorry.” I take my seat and breath deeply. “I’ve just been feeling a bit sick lately.”

 

    Erwin narrows his eyes. “Will you be able to carry out the mission, tomorrow?”

 

    Mission. “Yes,” I answer. “Once I’m in the field I’ll be fine.” My mission.

 

    Erwin nods, satisfied, and we continue the meeting. The words flow across the table and into my ears, but I retain none of it. That’ll probably do me shit tomorrow, but I can’t pay attention well enough. Reiner and Bertholdt’s words keep floating around in my head and stabbing all of the wrong memories. The dreams, the nightmares, the pain I felt in some other world, the comfort I was given afterwards. I mentally scoff. Have I grown this weak? This pathetic? I am an alpha lance corporal of the Scouting Legion, I should have more dignity than this. I’m better than this.

 

    The meeting finishes without any flourish, and I practically run out of the room. Halfway through the remainder of the meeting, Levi had grabbed a jacket off of one of the chairs, not seeming to care who it belonged to, but we all knew who it belonged to. Erwin’s scent coated it, and it was covering Levi in Erwin’s smell, claiming him as if he was some omega housewife. Erwin’s scent shifted to something a little more pleased when Levi put it on, and Hanji was the only one oblivious to it. Ignorance is too often bliss. I don’t stop walking until I’m outside, and I only pause for a moment before running into the woods.

 

    I don’t stop until I’ve reached a little glade in the woods and I fall into the ground, sobbing.

 

    _I’ll hunt you down till the ends of the earth._

 

    _But you’re Harper Finley! You’re the one who’s going to retrieve the Founding Titan!_

 

Harper Finley? Was that not a dream? Some insane dream my broken mind came up with? I dig my hands into the grass and let the tears come out. There’s been too many tears, these days. Everything has been a disaster. Nothing makes sense.

 

    _Didn’t you once say you were going become Harper Finley’s mate?_

 

    _Will you retake the Attack Titan?_

 

_Headquarters sent us to retake the Founding Titan, and any other Titan lost._

 

    How the fuck do some boys know more about me than I do? I scream in frustration and slam my fists into the ground, and I notice the armor growing on my hands. The armor does nothing to comfort me, protect me, or anything but antagonize my skin, and I desperately try to rip it off.

 

    _I can’t afford to become mated. Not to her._

 

_Hate me and let me hate you._

 

_Founding Titan._

 

_Attack Titan._

 

_I belong to you. I am yours for you to do with me as you please._

 

The armor refuses to come off my skin, and the skin around the patches of armor becomes red and bleeds a little. The armor grow as around my nails and becomes claws, and everything in me seems to break a little.

 

    Why has this happened to me? Why can’t I have my old life back? The one where we lived contently with Isabel and Farlan; the one where I could have told Levi my sex; the one where we could have loved each other. Is that too much to ask for? Is it too damn much to have one person I could trust, to love, to be with?

 

    I lost my mate.

 

    I lost my memories.

 

    I lost my new family.

 

    I lost my best friend.

 

    I lost my only other omegan friend.

   

    And now? Now I’ve lost all sense of identity I have left.

 

    _My name is Elliot Kingston._

 

    _You’re Harper Finley!_

 

_I belong to you. I am yours for your to do with me as you please._

 

I don’t even know who I am.

 

    My breathing begins evening out, and I collapse on the forest floor; warmth spreading throughout my body. The pain will never leave me, and the blood is the only warmth I can have. What’s the point in fighting?

 

~~~

 

_“What’s the point in fighting?” Annie asks, dodging another punch. “I’ve already lost.”_

 

_I scoff. “The point, is honor.”_

 

_She rolls her eyes. “There’s not such thing as honor.”_

 

_“Sure.” I throw another punch. “It’s only a giant part of the Titan Legion’s code.”_

 

_“But surely we shouldn’t be fighting all of the time?” She rolls under my punch and throws a jab against my side. She wraps her arms around me quickly and puts me in a chokehold. “Surely there’s honor in knowing when you’re beat?”_

 

_I tap out and chuckle. “Fighting is what made you won that fight.”_

 

_She stares at me dully. “It was a fight. You’re supposed to fight.”_

 

_I crack a smile. “And we’re soldiers; our life is war. We’re always fighting.”_

 

_“What about when we retire?” She asks._

 

_I swallow nervously. “There’s no retirement for us, Annie. Titans die after thirteen years, and we have to pass our abilities on before we go.”_

 

_She looks down. “I forgot.”_

 

_I sling my arm over her shoulder and squeeze. “But don’t forget, Annie, we’re with some of the best people in the world. We couldn’t be safer.”_

 

~~~

 

    _Our life is war._

 

    I blink open my eyes and push myself onto my knees. Warmth cascades all around me, and I feel something else besides armor growing on me. No, not on me; around me, and I embrace it as it embraces me. I feel my nerves extending and growing, and soon I’m encased in another body. I open my eyes and see only red - like flesh and blood mixed together - and I shut my eyes tightly. I focus on the new parts of my body, and I open my eyes again.

 

    I see the pale moonlight streak through the trees, landing on my hands - which are covered in blue armor. I shakily stand up, and I nearly fall over after I realize how high I stand. I look around slowly and see the trunks of the trees and a small creek not far off. I look down, and the ground is really quite far away but close at the same time. My heart throbs in my chest, but I feel two heartbeats. One inside me, and one around me. What’s going on?

 

    I walk towards the creek, which seems to have more moonlight around it, and collapse onto my knees once I reach the banks. I feel the cool wind brushing across my skin and I can hear and smell almost everything. The bugs singing for their loves; the small coos of deer to their children; the content little rumbles of the wolves. The forest has never seemed so alive, and for the first time in a while, I feel at peace. The world was alive around me, but it offered no troubles to me. It was just me at the side of a creek.

 

    I shift my position so I’m crouching on my toes. It’s so peaceful.

 

    I don’t know how long I stay there, but after too few moments, I hear a voice.

 

    “You’re gorgeous,” someone whispers, and I frantically whip my head towards the voice and fall back onto my rear.

 

    It’s Hanji, standing there with the biggest eyes ever. She chuckles, and she walks a little closer to me. “Did I scare you?” She asks.

 

I look at her in confusion. Why the fuck is she so small?

 

She chuckles. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

 

I merely stare.

 

    “Can I come a little closer? I won’t hurt you.” She raises her hands up slowly and walks towards me cautiously.

 

    I nod, unable to speak.

 

    She immediately freezes and looks at me with the most peculiar expression.

 

“Can you understand me?” She asks, and her entire body is quivering with delight.

 

    I nod again, a bit confused, but I relax. I probably look like shit right now - like some broken omega.

 

    “Can I come closer?” She asks.

 

    I nod again, confused by all of this. Why does everything have to be so damn confusing?

 

    She walks closer to her and stops right next to one of my feet. She’s so small…

 

“Can I touch it?” She asks, reaching her hands out to my armored feet. Shit, my armor. I look down at myself in panic, but I realize that I’m naked and there’s armor everywhere. However, everything just feels natural.

 

    I pause, but then nod. I’ll just worry later about why the fuck I’m naked and why Hanji is so tiny.

 

    She gently places her hands on the top of my feet and marvels at the smooth armor coating them. Suddenly, she explodes in laughter and it nearly gives me a heart attack.

 

    “I’m sorry!” She wheezes out between her laughs. “It’s just… It’s just that this is amazing! You’re this giant titan, with armor, who isn’t trying to eat me, and to top it all off, you understand me!” She laughs even louder. “And you’re a shifter titan!”

 

    I freeze. A titan? I look down at my hands and body and understanding fills me.

 

I’m a titan.

 

Why the fuck am I titan?

 

    Her laughter diminishes. “You are a shifter, aren’t’cha?”

 

    I look away, feeling a bit stupid for not realizing it sooner. Annie is a titan. Reiner and Bertholdt probably are titans. I’m a titan. I grow armor like Annie’s titan. I should have figured it out. But then again, everything has been in chaos lately. I can barely keep my own identity straight - oh wait, I can’t, because I don’t even know who the fuck I am.

 

    “I won’t ask who you are, I really don’t think you’re that much of a threat to us. You haven’t eaten me yet, and you act like a really confused child.” She says gently. Oh, Hanji, you’re so kind.

 

    “So, are you a shifter?” She asks again.

 

    I guess I am, so I nod.

 

    She squeals in delight. “Amazing! I won’t ask who you are, but I’m just so… amazed!”

 

    A small grin stretches across my face and I laugh airily.

 

    “You can laugh!” She says. “Since when do titans laugh?”

 

    I only shrug. A titan shrugging. Hanji must be freaking out right now. I turn to her, thinking I should try talking and making her day, but something from inside the woods catches my attention. A few muffled curses and some grumblings. Someone is here. I stand up and began walking away.

 

    “Woah woah woah! Where are you going?” Hanji yells, and I look at her, confused. I motion to the woods as best as I can, but Hanji just stares with an open mouth. Goodness, she’s hopeless. Sighing, I kneel down in front of her and begin writing in the sand.

 

    _I have to go,_ I write, and I think Hanji nearly faints.

 

“Can I see you again?” She says after she finds her voice.

 

    I shake my head. This is too dangerous.

 

    She sighs. “I’ll miss you.”

 

    I smile and poke a finger at her chest before walking away.

 

    “Oi!” She shuts. “What is that supposed to mean? Oi! Wait!”

 

    I ignore her and run off in the direction of the voices. I faintly hear her say, “I didn’t even ask for your name… or at least nickname… I need to give you a name… I can’t call you Female Titan Number Two… That’s not original.” She sighs loudly, but then she screams, “YOU CAN MOVE WITHOUT SUN!!!” She shouts. “Holy crap holy crap holy crap holy CRAP! She can move without sunlight!”

 

    Honestly Hanji, have some self control.

 

    I ignore her explosions and run towards the voices. I arrive at this massive tree in the woods, and on one of their branches sits Reiner and Bertholdt. They see me and Reiner grins.

 

    “Heya, Harper! Lookin’ good!” He calls.

 

    I stop and stare at them. I’ve never seen anyone besides Hanji look so happy to see a titan.

 

    “I forgot how elegant your titan is! You look gorgeous, girl!” He laughs, and Bertholdt scolds him quietly.

 

    “Do you wanna see my titan?” Reiner asks. “Bert wouldn’t fit in these woods, but I think I might!”

 

He pulls out a small knife and grins at me. He hops down as he cuts his hand, and within a few moments the Armored Titan stands before me. He rises to his full height and spreads his arms. The armor on his face limits his expression, but I can tell he’s happy. Bertholdt stares disappointedly at us, but even he cracks a smile.

 

    “I guess I have to do all the talking now, don’t I?” Bertholdt says. “Since Reiner has finally shut up.”

 

    The Armored Titan - Reiner - makes a huffing noise. I take it he’s laughing.

   

    Reiner is the Armored Titan. I look at this monster, this creature that is responsible for so many deaths, and I wonder how in the world can it be controlled by a little boy with such a big heart.

 

    Are all monsters like this?

 

    Eventually, we exit our titans - although it takes me some time to figure out how the hell do you exit your own body - and Reiner comes over and gives me a large hug once I’ve finally escaped my titan. “I’ve missed you, Harper,” he says into my shoulder before pulling back and grinning. “I’ve missed that spark.”

 

    I only can offer a small smile, and he nods in understanding.

 

    “You really like him, huh?” He asks, and I look at him in confusion. “Levi,” he says.

 

    “Oh. Him,” I say softly. Why is he asking about Levi? We were _literally_ just in our titans, in the bodies of murderers. “I don’t know about that.”

 

    Reiner scoffs. “I know you and him are going through something rough right now, but it’ll get better. You just gotta have faith. You’ll be alright” He smiles. “I can tell you guys deserve each other - even if I am jealous as hell.”

 

    “Of me or Levi?” I reply quietly, and he howls in laughter.

 

    “I’m not sure,” he says, grinning cheekily. This boy has a smile bright enough to light up the whole world. If only he wasn’t the monster that let in millions of titans in to kill us all.

 

    “Which titan is Bertholdt, again? I forget.” I glance over at Bertholdt and wonder. Which monster are you?

 

    Reiner scoffs. “Who do you think the Titan Legion picked for a string bean like him? The Collosal Titan, obviously.”

 

    I freeze and stare at the two of them. So these are the monsters that are responsible for the deaths of a third of the population? These are the monsters that killed so many innocents? The world has such a cruel sense of humor.

 

    “How old were you, when you broke the wall?” I ask softly.

 

    The two of them look down sadly and Reiner spits on the ground. “Twelve,” he says angrily. “We were twelve.”

 

    Oh my god. “Twelve?”

 

    They nod sadly. “Worse than what you went through, eh? Although, only by a year.”

 

    So I was thirteen when I left the place these boys call home. The place I must of once called home. I was thirteen when I left to carry out my mission. The mission of a monster.

 

    “I’m sorry,” I say softly, and Reiner pats my shoulder.

 

    “It’s not your fault. None of us wanted this, but we’re warriors, aren’t we?” Reiner smiles bitterly and turns to Bertholdt. “Even if we want to be soldiers.”

 

    Bertholdt nods, and then looks to me to explain. “Warriors versus soldiers. Reiner has split personality disorder.”

 

    What?

 

    “The PTSD is horrible, for the both of us, but Reiner took a harder hit than I did,” Bertholdt says, but his voice sounds to far away. Do I have PTSD?

 

    “Does he memory problems?” I ask quietly, timidly.

 

    Bertholdt nods. “It’s really bad.”

 

    I scoff. Not as bad as mine. “I think we should go get some sleep, now. I have to leave early tomorrow.” Let me escape and rest.

 

    They nod, and Reiner gives me one last hug. “I’ve missed you, Harper.”

 

    Reiner’s titan carries us back to the edge of the forest, and riding comfortably on a titan’s shoulder is quite the experience.

 

    “You’re the only good thing he associates with being a part of the Titan Legion,” Bertholdt says on the way. “Everything else is tainted in the blood we’ve shed.”

 

    I nod and wonder how much blood is on my hands. “Do you know how many people I’ve killed?” I ask while looks down at my hands.

 

    Bertholdt shakes his head.

 

    I look up at Reiner’s titan face and smile sadly. “Neither do I.”

 

    “What do you mean?” Bertholdt leans in as much as he can from Reiner’s other shoulder.

 

    “I barely remember things,” I say, and it feels nice admitting it. These people already know so much about me, so what’s one more confession? Even monsters must confess their sins. “Everything’s a blur, and that was the first time I transformed in years.”

 

    Bertholdt looks at me with understanding. “That’s why you were so confused.”

 

    “I thought all of these… memories were only dreams. I never thought that this… this is what my life is. My history.” Why am I telling him all of this?

   

    I laugh quietly. Why not? They know me, the real me, the one who didn’t lose her mate, the one who might have lived a good life.

 

    “It’s not a good history to have,” he says, and Reiner kneels down at the edge of the forest.

    Reiner exits his titan and bumps shoulders with me when he clambers over the steaming body. “Good luck with Eren tomorrow. I know the Military Police can be a nightmare.”

 

    I nod. “I’ll do my best.”

 

    “And watch out for Annie,” Bertholdt says. “You might not want to get involved in the mission, but she has a goal. She’s coming for him. So please…” he looks at me with those sad brown eyes. “Don’t kill her.”

 

    They leave me in the corridors, and I stare at their retreating forms. Of course the monsters would know more about me than the heroes. I am a monster myself, afterall.


	12. Elliot > Harper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost 10 thousand words... 
> 
> I have mixed feelings about this chapter. Because you see it’s my favorite but also my least favorite and it’s just chaotic however there’s a bit of relief from the constant angst in this fic so that’s a plus. 
> 
> To whoever has the guts to read this shit: enjoy...

There are casualties in our attempt of capturing Annie Leonhardt. 

 

Armin’s planned nearly works, just nearly, but Annie knows what’s coming. Some psychopathic grin splits her face and she transforms to attack Eren. Eren gets stabbed in the chest at one point, apparently, but he still fought on and beat the shit out of Annie. Eren fights with the massive heart he has, but at some points it isn’t enough. Annie’s had years of training and pain - training I’ve given her -, and she has better control over her titan. Eren only has blind rage. We do our best to support him, but with Levi injured, our numbers are severely cut down by Annie. 

 

And when the moment matters, Annie still has the upper hand. When we finally get her out of her titan, and when we have chance of getting more information as the Scouting Legion, golden armor coats her human body and cocoons her safely inside. None of our gear can break it, and I even discreetly try using my armor to break it. No such luck. This is a last resort plan that Annie has perfected. One of the new recruits - Horseface, or Jean, whatever his name is - seems particularly angry with her. He keeps slamming his blade - the dull and useless thing - against her cocoon and he screams the words of a heartbroken man. I briefly wonder if they were lovers, but Eren explains to me that she used the 3DM of his dead alpha friend, Marco. 

 

“He really loved Marco, and he blames Annie for taking him away,” Eren says quietly.

 

“I miss Marco,” Armin says as he come over and wraps his arms around Eren. “He was a good guy.”

 

“War takes a lot from us,” I say gently, and I think back to Levi. Was it war that took him away from me? I scoff. No, I’d like to think it was Erwin’s dick that did that. 

 

But monsters also take things from us. Annie is a monster, a monster who I knew and loved and defended. A monster I once called a friend. Did she look at me with betrayal as I aided the humans? Did she recognize me like Reiner and Bertholdt did? 

 

Did she recognize me for the monster I am?

 

A lot of things happen after Annie crystallizes herself. 

 

Ackerman sees a broken bit of the wall - which Annie so lovingly caused - and in the crack is a titan’s face. The titan looks immovable and kinda half dead, but it’s a titan no less. We get tarps to cover the hideous thing up because one of the Wall Ministers - I think his name is Nick - tells us to not let the sun hit the titan. Hanji interrogates the shit out of him by holding him over the wall, but the guy doesn’t crack. I have to give him credit for it, but Hanji doesn’t let him go.

 

“This guy is going to be my best bud until he tells me  _ everything _ ,” Hanji grins at him evilly. Dear Maria, she can be truly terrifying. 

 

Erwin gets interrogated by the royal court, and apparently he said something right because he Scouting Legion gets custody of Annie Leonhardt and Eren Jaeger, even despite the massive amount of damage that has happened to Sina. Good job, Erwin. 

 

Weeks pass, and of course more shit happens. Titans enter Wall Rose and no one finds a breach. A lot of emotional shit happens - in really a bit of a blur, there’s so many people dying and crying that I barely register anything when Hanji tells me that Mike’s dead. Another one is gone. Squad Levi, Petra, Annie, now Mike. 

 

Apparently, the titans found in Wall Rose territory weren’t due to some breach in the wall - there was no breach. The titans had originated from some village that Connie Springer came from. All of its members are gone - presumed dead - but there’s no bodies among the wreckage the titans caused. We find one titan laying on its back on one of the houses - it has the rape face, sadly - and Connie nearly shits himself when he sees it. You wanna know why? Because it fucking talks. Talks. Only a couple words, but enough to be understood. The titan also bears uncanny resemblance to Connie’s mother, and that’s a shitshow. Hanji explains to us that she suspects that all titans may once have been humans. 

 

“So you mean to tell me, that this entire time, I’ve been running around killing people?” Levi asks quietly when Hanji reveals her theory with Connie.

 

No one has an answer. 

 

It’s a solid guess, considering all of the titan shifters that are out there - which, surprise, I found another one! Ymir, Historia’s lover, is also a titan! Not many people know, of course, but I know. I have to know. Everything titan related has to find its way to me.

 

So that means there is currently Eren; Reiner; Bertholdt; Annie; Ymir; and me. That’s six.  _ Six _ . Two are on humanity’s side; three against; and Ymir has yet to decide. Hopefully she stays neutral and just keep protecting her girlfriend. 

 

Reiner and Bertholdt talk to me a few more times once we’re reunited, and they blame me a bit for Annie’s capture. Well, not a bit. More like, a lot. 

 

“What did you want me to do? Help the damn titan that was tearing down Wall Sina?!” I shout.

 

Reiner stands up angrily and stalks up to me. “You could have smuggled her away! Take her someplace safe, help us save her, something!”

 

“That’s not my mission!” I screech. “I am to regain the Founding Titan! Not help save some random omega I can’t even remember properly!” 

 

“So you admit it!” Reiner says, looking victorious. “You don’t remember!”

 

“Not enough!” I snap. “I don’t even know who the fuck I am, Reiner, so will you please just give me some time!”

 

“We don’t have the time!” He yells. “Ymir took the Jaw Titan from Marcel, and the Scouting Legion are getting closer and closer to the truth!”

 

“So is that why you keep going after Eren?” I grab his collar and shake him violently. “Because he’ll provide answers to lost and mourning soldiers? He’s just a boy! He didn't ask any of this!”

 

“But he’s the coordinate.”

 

Reiner and I turn to Bertholdt, who sits on one of the crates looking exhausted. 

 

“Come again?” I ask.

 

He looks at me. “Zeke told us that he’s the coordinate. He’s something closely linked to finding the Founding Titan.”

 

Reiner smirks in victory. “So he is part of your mission,” he says. “You have to help us, Harper.”

 

“Don’t call me that,” I say quietly.

 

Reiner looks at me in confusion. 

 

“Don’t call me Harper,” I repeat, feeling small next to Reiner’s hulking body. “That is not my name.

 

He grabs my shoulders and looks at me forcefully. “Then what is your name? Elliot? Elliot Kingston?” He laughs bitterly. “That’s not your name. Your name is Harper Victoria Dean Finley. You are the fourteenth vessel of the Lunar Titan. You have had your titan for fourteen years.”

 

“My name is not Harper,” I say with a little more force. “I am  _ not _ Harper. I am not the girl you knew.”

 

Reiner scoffs. “You weren’t some girl, Harper. You were a soldier, a sister, a daughter. And they all called you Harper. Commander Harper Finley. And they still call you that.”

 

Sister? I tense under his hands. “I have siblings?”

 

I swear I can see a bit of Reiner break. “You have a little brother.” 

 

I can feel a bit of myself break. “A brother?”

 

“His name is William,” Bertholdt says. “He just turned twenty two.”

 

I drop to my knees and hold back a sob. “I can’t do this,” I rasp. “I won’t help you capture Eren. I can’t, I can’t.” I begin crying. Damn these stupid mood swings. One moment I’m angry and ready to kill a hundred titans, the next I’m wailing like some goddamn omega whelp. I can’t do this, everything has been slowly become shittier and shittier, and I’m doing everything alone. 

 

“Shit,” Reiner mutters, and he gathers me in his arms. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

 

I don’t respond, but I just bawl a little harder into his shoulder. He smells like an alpha, he smells comforting, and he reminds me of home.

 

Home. What is that? I thought I knew, I thought it was with Levi. Then I thought it was with Eren. Now? I’m not so sure. I don’t even remember my own family. 

 

Reiner carries me back to my tent, and he lays me down gingerly. “I’m sorry.”

 

I sleep fitfully, haunted by the memories.

 

~~~

 

_ “Oi. Elliot.” Levi looks ready to murder me, but his voice is even. _

 

__ _ I try to not laugh, I really do, but the cackles escape me and I fall back in laughter. “You should have seen your face!” _

 

__ _ Levi sneers in disgust. “I don’t understand why you would even do that.” _

 

__ _ “Farlan and I had a bet, and I just won!” I say gleefully. _

 

__ _ “What bet?” Levi snaps, and he looks so offended, honestly.  _

 

__ _ “How you would react if a prostitute offered to spend your rut with you,” I say plainly, and Levi gives me the classic bitch face. _

 

__ _ “What did Farlan bet?” He groans. _

 

__ _ “That you would say yes, but in a very non-discrete way,” I sing. _

 

__ _ “I assume you bet that I would turn them down?” _

 

__ _ I shake my head, and Levi stares at me incredulously. “I bet that you would freak out and nearly kill her.” _

 

__ _ He smacks the side of my head, and I dramatically whine in pain. “You’re impossible.” _

 

__ _ I grin up at him. “No, I’m not.” _

 

__ _ He puts me in a chokehold and rubs my hair forcefully. “Oh, you’re not impossible eh? Then let me rephrase; you’re fucking hopeless, that’s what you are.” _

 

__ _ “Ow! Stop stop stop!” I push him off me and I attack his sides. A little fun fact about Levi; he’s really ticklish if you know where to tickle. He spasms and jumps five feet into the air, mildly screaming. _

 

__ _ I howl in laughter as I run, knowing I’m dead the moment he catches up - I’m much more ticklish and he knows this very well. I run through the streets and bolt into the house, Levi hot on my heels. No one is home to question me as I run into his room and slam the door shut, since Isabel and Farlan are off ‘shopping.’ I think it’s actually a secret date, but they’ll never admit it. Not yet.  _

 

__ _ I’m too slow as I slam the door shut, so Levi manages to open the door before I can lock it, and he bursts in and locks the door behind him. _

 

__ _ “You’re not escaping my wrath, Kingston!” He snarls before lunging at me and we fall onto the bed. _

 

__ _ Laughter erupts from the two of us, and it’s the first time I’ve heard him laugh so much. Usually he smirks or laughs little airy laughs, but now he’s howling and smiling so hard I’m worried his face will break in two. But it’s nice, seeing him this happy.  _

 

__ _ We eventually calm down a bit and just lay there on his bed, panting heavily.  _

 

__ _ “I’m going to kill Farlan when he comes back,” Levi says into the pillow.  _

 

__ _ “Please don’t,” I huff out, smacking his back lightly with the back of my hand. “We need him alive.” _

 

__ _ He looks up and glares at me. “Do we really, though?” _

 

__ _ “Yes, we do, Levi,” I sigh. He’s got massive bed hair, and I chuckle a bit as I try to smooth it out. “You look like shit.” _

 

__ _ “You too,” he throws back, and he grabs the wrist of my hand that’s currently babying him, dragging it across his body so I’m shoved on top of him. “And it’s worse when you get really close.” He traces my jaw lightly with a single, devilish finger, and grins up at me. _

 

__ _ Oh Levi, you are going to be the death of me. “Stop it,” I whine. “It tickles.” _

 

__ _ He raises a brow. “Oh really, now?” _

 

__ _ “Please don’t.” I flop down onto his chest and groan. “I don’t think I have a lot of laughs left in me.” _

 

__ _ He snorts. “Please, I think I’ve laughed enough for the rest of our lives combined.” _

 

__ _ I giggle. “You’re so dramatic.” _

 

__ _ He sighs, and I move with his chest. “I know.” _

 

__ _ We lay there in peace for a while, and the omega in me is overjoyed by the pleased alpha pheromones clogging the air. I sneeze a bit because of it, and Levi looks to me with the most peculiar expression. _

 

__ _ “What was that?” He asks. _

 

__ _ I blink a few times before answering. “A sneeze?” _

 

__ _ “That was a fucking sneeze?” He exclaims. _

 

__ _ “Well… yeah?” I say, unsure. _

 

__ _ “It sounded like a rabbit orgasming,” he says with the straightest expression ever. _

 

__ _ I slam my head into his collarbone and he hisses a bit from the pain. Suck it up, Levi. “Why the hell are you like this?” _

 

__ _ “What?” He shifts a bit so we’re both on our sides facing each other. “It seriously sounded like a rabbit having an orgasm.” _

 

__ _ I groan. “Have you even ever seen a rabbit? Much less one having an orgasm?” _

 

__ _ He snorts. “I do have imagination, you know.” _

 

__ _ “A pretty weird one, Levi.” _

 

__ _ He only smiles as he stares at my nose. “We’re all weird down here.” _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

__ _ Levi’s rut comes, and he leaves for the safe house one of our allies put up a while ago. Isabel takes suppressants - damn expensive things - but Farlan and Levi spend their ruts there. They have prostitutes available for those who want a partner through their ruts, but also clean rooms for alphas to stay in alone. Levi usually takes them alone, but sometimes when Farlan and Levi have their ruts at the same time, they’ll spend it together. Although they usually don’t talk to each other for a week after the 48 hours of constant sex.  _

 

__ _ I take Levi to the safe house - due to my amazing ability to ignore an alphas horny whines - but it’s becoming harder and harder. Levi didn’t wake up until he was deep in his rut, so he’s practically willing to fuck almost anything. _

 

__ _ “Levi,” I groan. “You gotta cooperate, buddy. We’re almost there, and then you can do whatever you please.” _

 

__ _ He merely whines and stumbles along in my arms.  _

 

__ _ I mentally facepalm and wonder why the hell can’t an alpha take care of him, like Farlan. But then again, I am an alpha down here.  _

 

__ _ “One room for this stupid horny bitch, please,” I tell the guy who runs the place.  _

 

__ _ He eyes Levi and then me. “He’s an alpha.” _ __

 

__ _ I roll my eyes. “I meant it in an insulting and demeaning way. Can he get a room, please?” _

 

__ _ The guy nods and motions me upstairs. I drag Levi’s stupid ass upstairs and plop him down onto the bed. “Please don’t do anything too stupid while you’re here, Levi,” I tell him, although he merely stares. _

 

__ _ I pay the guy and begin walking out, but before I can exit the room, Levi’s arms are wrapped around my waist and he’s growling at the guy.  _

 

__ _ “Don’t leave,” he murmurs into my neck. _

 

__ _ Holy fuck I can feel his boner against my ass. Shit shit shit. What do I do? _

 

__ _ “Um… can you give us a moment?” I ask the guy, and he raises his eyebrows at me. _

 

__ _ “Sweetie, you’re going to be having more than a moment with him,” he says before closing the door and walking away. _

 

__ _ I turn in Levi’s arms once the man is gone, and I look disappointedly at Levi.  Surprisingly, he’s not trying to hump me or anything; he’s just staring at me with his pupils devouring most of his sad grey eyes. _

 

__ _ “Levi, you’re in rut,” I try to explain. “I can’t stay with you. You gotta work this out alone.” _

 

__ _ He ignores me and just keeps nuzzling my neck, well, he nuzzles the scent gland below my jaw. It’s not the one that defines my sex, but it’s still a scent gland. It smells like me. Even if at the moment, I don’t really smell like any sex. I just smell like myself. If that’s makes sense. _

 

__ _ “Elliot,” he says lowly, and he leans back a little to meet my eyes. “Please. Stay.” _

 

__ _ How the fuck am I supposed to say no to those pleading eyes? He even said “please.” _

 

__ _ I wrap my arms around him, sighing. “I can’t stay Levi.” _

 

__ _ He growls and clutches at me tighter. “No.” _

 

__ _ I groan. “Levi-” _

 

__ _ “You can’t leave. You’re mine.” He begins planting kisses along my jaw, and he whines a little. “Right?” _

 

__ _ I try untangling myself from his arms, but as soon as I’m out of his arms he slams into me again. He grabs my face and despite his speed, he’s quite gentle in his actions. He cradles my head and leads me to the bed in the room, the pheromones pumping out of him even more. Arms ensnare me, and soon we’re cuddling on the bed, and he seems so much bigger with the way he holds me. Despite the extreme awkwardness of this whole situation, I’ve never felt safer. Warmth floods through us and he begins purring when I cuddle back. _

 

__ _ Don’t tell me he’s a sweet rutter.  _

 

__ _ Ruts are awfully similar to being drunk, you’re just  _ way _ hornier. So you can have angry ruts, sad ruts, happy ruts, and sweet ruts. I’m sure they’re other ones but those are the ones I’ll name for now. While most alphas are angry or happy rutters before they mate, most alphas that are mated are sweet or happy rutters. I’ve never really heard of sad ruts, but it’s more of when they get really clingy and kind of pathetic. Sweet ruts are the best any omega can hope for. The alpha becomes extremely endearing and caring, and they almost never do anything without “consent” from their partners. Nothing serious, anyways.  _

 

__ _ And with the way Levi is purring against me and snuggling against me when he’s supposed to be humping everything in sight, I’d like to say he’s a sweet rutter. _

 

__ _ Sweet rutters are the hardest ones to leave.  _

 

__ _ “Levi?” I ask softly, and his head shoots right up and looks at me excitedly. No, don’t get all cute on me. You’re the King of Thieves, you’re supposed to be grumpy and boring, not happy and smiling. This is going to be so hard. “I can’t stay with you. Not for your rut.” _

 

__ _ He immediately grabs me and buries his face in my neck. “Why?” He whines. _

 

__ _ “I’m not an omega, I can’t make you happy.” I’m not omega, not now, and not in Levi’s eyes. He can’t know about it. _

 

__ _ Levi scoffs, and it sounds so much like normal him. “I want you, you make me happy.” He kisses the exposed skin on my neck. “Don’t I make you happy?” _

 

__ _ Oh fuck. This is like a guilt trip, and it’s going to kill me.  _

 

__ _ “I can’t make you happy,” I say with a little more force. I gotta convince him somehow.  _

 

__ _ Levi snarls at that and pins me down, and he looks way too big as he looms over me. You’re supposed to be short, Levi. “Why?” He demands, and I’m beginning to worry that maybe he’s an angry rutter with a sweet start. “Elliot. I… I can’t do this alone. I don’t want to do this alone. You make me happy, you make me laugh, Elliot. No one else but Ma makes me laugh.” He kisses my forehead. “I thought I was a good alpha. I thought I made you happy, too.” _

 

__ _ Fuck it.  _

 

__ _ I look into those sad grey eyes with the most annoyed expression I can possibly put on, and I kiss him. I kiss him hard. The feeling of another's lips on mine is strange, so strange, but it’s addicting. Everything in me is on fire and I relish in the feeling of another’s touch. My hands are tangling in his hair and he’s kissing back and it feels like we’re falling but flying. He whines loudly and slips his tongue into my mouth, and I open up for him. The feeling catches me off guard, but I let myself drop my defenses. I feel safe here. His kisses are real and they aren’t the feverish dreams and nightmares of the nameless alpha’s touches. It’s like a dance, the way he kisses, and it’s drowning me in a feeling I know I haven’t felt in so long. And this time it’s real. _

 

_ Levi… _

 

_ His touches are warm and I’ve never felt such bliss when he holds me and kisses me. He drags me up with him so we’re both sitting up, and he wastes no time as he begins taking off his jacket and shirt. His movements are fluid despite being in rut, and in every possible moment his lips are on mine.  _

 

_ “Elliot… Elliot… Elliot…” he murmurs again and again, the words spoken against my lips like a prayer.  _

 

_ He’s not saying ‘omega’ like most alphas in rut. He’s calling for  _ me  _ and no one else, and something in me warms at that. _

__

_ Without thinking, I begin undoing my own clothes, and somewhere between all of the touches and kisses and promises, I find myself completely bare except for my underpants. My hands gingerly reach out to touch his skin, and I trace the scars that mark him. Most are old, some are new, and I know that there’s more to come. He feels like a furnace but it doesn’t feel wrong. Nothing about him feels wrong. We seem to fit together, and everything makes sense when he touches me. Levi nuzzles the scent gland that marks me at an omega, and he growls unhappily at the bating bite he finds there. He instead moves to the other side that is untouched and lavishes that gland with kisses and nibbles.  _

 

_ “Who are they?” He murmurs as he traces the bite with gentle fingers. This is the scar that he is unfamiliar with, the scar that marks me as the property of another alpha I can’t even remember.  _

 

_ It takes me a moment to find my voice. “No one, they’re gone,” I whisper into his ear, and he purrs happily in reply.  _

 

_ “Good.” _

 

_ The lovemaking is beautiful.  _

 

_ Slow, sensual kisses are plastered all over my body, and I never knew that an alpha could be so gentle in their rut. Levi purrs happily when he discovers the lack of a penis in my pants, but I honestly think he’s too far gone to really care. To him, I’m only an omega he trusts, even if it’s my name he keeps whispering. Even if he keeps looking at me with the little twinkle in his eye that he reserves for our quieter moments. Even if it feels like I’m the one he’s looking for. _

 

_ We fly and fall as we move together, and nothing stops feeling right. His warmth feels right. His hands feel right. His breath and his voice and his gaze feels right. I feel safe.  _

 

_ Once the first lapse is over, though, and Levi lays there completely passed out, I leave. I find my clothes among the mess of the bedcovers and I put them on and leave. Ruts are like heats, the only thing in your mind is breeding. Most people can’t remember much from their mating cycles, and anything they can remember is like it’s been torn out from a dream. Levi hopefully won’t remember me, and if he does, I pray he writes it off as one of his fantasies.  _

 

_ I can’t be yours, Levi. Not like this. Not yet. Even if your touch seems to wash away everything wrong and dark in my life, I need to wait. Wait until I have peace with the past. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ “Harper… omega…” she pants heavily, and all I can register is the fullness. The fullness and the minor pain.  _

 

_ “Alpha…” I coo - even if my voice sounds alien and wrong in my ears - and her hands grasp at my shoulders as she begins moving. “So… good…” _

__

_ She smothers my neck with kisses as she moves in and out of me. “Baby, you feel heavenly.” _

 

_ I can only whine in response, the feeling too intense. Fire cascades around me, and I finally understand why they call it a “heat.” There's nothing else besides the flames in my body and the cooling touch of my alpha. My alpha. Alpha.  _

 

_ “Omega… damn it… omega, I’m gonna cum…” she moves faster, desperation filling the air, and I claw at the bedsheets and moan, in pleasure or pain, I’m not sure. I move down to touch myself, to bring about my own pleasure, but my alpha snatches my hand away. “You’re going to cum from just my cock, you understand?” _

 

_ I whine and roll my hips in response. “You feel so good, Alpha.” That’s what a good omega would say. Be a good omega.  _

 

_ “Shit,” she gasps and she gives one final thrust before her knot catches. “Omega… oh my god, omega…” _

 

_ Her purring fills the room, and we stay there, linked together for quite some time. It’s odd, sleeping with the person you’re supposed to hate.  _

 

~~~

 

I wake up screaming. 

 

_ Elliot… Harper… Elliot… _

 

Hanji bursts into the tent with her hair as a fucking mess, and she rushes to my side and holds my shaking form.

 

“Elliot, I’m here, I’m here,” she whispers comfortingly, and I clutch her tightly. She kisses the top of my head and the action feels motherly. I feel another part of my soul break. When was the last time someone held me like this? “Do you wanna talk about it?”

 

I shake my head frantically and just hold onto her. Let me be weak for just a moment. 

 

“Do you want me to stay?” She asks, and I find myself nodding. 

 

“Alright, then scooch, I need some room, too.” 

 

I wiggle to the side of my cot and Hanji tucks herself into bed next to me, her arms still tightly wrapped around me. 

 

“I’m here, Elliot.”

 

_ Elliot…  _

 

I’m Elliot. I don’t know who Harper is, and I’m not sure if I want to be her. Harper is an omega who has a family back from where Reiner and Bertholdt come from. Harper is an omega mated to some woman who’s name I don’t even remember. Elliot is the person who fights for humanity. Elliot is someone who can fight and make her own decisions.

 

I want to be Elliot. 

 

~~~

 

When Reiner and Bertholdt capture Eren, I do not assist them. 

 

I stay with the Scouting Legion and fight as a human soldier.

 

We recapture Eren and Historia.

 

Eren fights Reiner in his titan form, and Eren wins. 

 

And then shit starts getting real.  

 

Amongst the chaos of fighting Reiner, more titans come to eat us. We manage to keep most of them at bay - due to the return of humanity’s strongest soldier, yay - but there’s still casualties as per usual. However, one particular titan comes in that scares the shit out of Ackerman and Eren. 

 

It looks kinda like a woman, kinda like a guy, and it has the absolute worst rape face smile in the entire universe. It’s grin is going to give me nightmares, and Eren looks about ready to send it to hell along with all of its dead brothers and sisters. The titan eats an old friend of Eren’s - some uncle figure Ackerman and Eren shared - and I think Eren snaps at that point. He screams this terrifying scream, and suddenly I’m frozen where I stand. Every nerve in my body tells me to obey, to respond, to fight, but I just stand there in fear. All of the surrounding titans rush forward and attack the titan, and they eat it.

 

They devour the damn thing.

 

A swarm of monsters rush in and consume their own flesh and blood - just like the filthy cannibals they are - but here’s the thing, Eren made them do it. His scream commanded them to avenge his mother. And I nearly obeyed that wordless command. 

 

It’s terrifying.

 

With his newfound ability, Eren sends the titans after Reiner and they do not hesitate to attack. The thuds of concentrated titan footsteps fill my ears and we all just stare in horrified awe. This boy… this crazy and broken boy… can command titans? None of us knew anything about this, but while Bertholdt looks terrified, there’s a look of understanding. Of expectancy. He knew Eren had this ability, didn’t he? That the titan of humanity can control other titans? Of course, the coordinate. The mission.

 

However, before the titans can fully consume Reiner’s titan, Ymir chooses the stand with Reiner and Bertholdt. She says a small goodbye to Historia and then lunges after the mass of hungry titans, clawing at their eyes and saving Reiner’s life.

 

A part of me is grateful she saves them.

After this giant chaos with Eren being kidnapped; Eren fighting Reiner; Eren commanding fucking titans to eat another titan; we finally head home. 

 

“Eren, you piece of shit!” I yell as I collide with him to give him a hug. It’s been too long since we could just hang out. Ackerman from the side eyes me suspiciously, but I only grin in response. “Don’t worry, Ackerman. I’m not here to steal your man.”

 

She growls softly and turns away to look somewhere besides my massive awkward cuddle session with Eren. Don’t blame me, okay? Eren is one of the few people left who I can just be weird around. I think Hanji’s starting to pity me too much. And with all of this pain and chaos, sometimes we just need a little silliness. Even if I look crazier than Hanji right now.

 

“Hey, Eren,” I whisper into his ear. “Don’t you have a crush on Armin, though?”

 

Eren turns fifty shades of red before answering. “What makes you say that?! Why would you even ask that?! I just had a massive fight with the Armored and Colossal titan, and you’re asking me about whether or not I have a crush on Armin?!”

 

“Well? Do you?”

 

He doesn’t respond and just stares at the ground with a very red face.

 

I chuckle. He’s hopeless, the little beta has him trapped. “Nothing. I just thought you guys would be cute together.”

 

“But aren’t betas supposed to be asexual or something?” He mutters. Ha, so he gave in to the gossip.

 

“Pft. Maybe, but they are definitely some of the most romantic people you can meet. If they can’t have sex and make babies, they’re gonna cuddle like hell and make cooties.” Why the hell am I giggling so much? I feel like some school girl.

 

Eren blushes furiously and shoves me away. “Don’t be so embarrassing,” he mutters.

 

“Sorry,” I say sheepishly. “Didn’t mean to embarrass you.”

 

Ackerman stares at me with a vicious expression. “What did you do to Eren?”

 

I shrug. “Nothing he couldn’t handle, Ackerman.”

 

She keeps staring and it’s kinda creepy.

 

“Elliooooooooot!” Hanji calls, and I sigh, knowing I have to go face Levi now.

 

“Coming,” I respond, and I jog over to Hanji and her squad. Everyone’s collecting the bodies and gear, and Eren’s team only had to collect the gear. Everyone agreed that he should be spared from collecting bodies.

 

The smell is awful. In death, you can tell who’s an omega, beta, or alpha, and when you begin hauling bodies into the carts, you realize just how many omegas there actually were. The number is far higher than anyone would have expected. Hanji teams with me to carry them, and neither of us talk. A part of me feels guilty for laughing and giggling like some school girl earlier. Yes, I wanted some distance from the pain for a moment, but we’re in a goddamn war, for goodness sake. 

 

Carrying bodies is no easy feat - people are heavier when they’re dead, both physically and emotionally - so it drains whatever energy we have left. From a distance, I can see Eren cracking small smiles at Armin and Ackerman, but we all can see the pain. Reiner was everybody’s friend, and it’s hard losing a friend, especially when they’re still alive. You can’t exactly mourn for them, but you know they’re gone. And even if they are gone, you still have to see their faces and their laughs with other people. Mourning for the dead is far easier than mourning for the living.

 

I remember when we carried Petra’s body, and the weight that stabbed the inner workings of our hearts. We didn’t bury her, since Levi made the call to dump the bodies when the titans were gaining on us. Eren blames himself for that, for her death. For everyone’s deaths. We try to comfort him and tell him that it wasn’t his fault, but I like Levi’s view on the situation. It is your fault that your comrades died, but you can’t change that. You just have to keep moving forward. No one has the time for the blame and the regret and the pain. Just keep moving. Make sure it doesn’t happen again. 

 

The ride home is long and painful, but we arrive back at headquarters eventually. Small crowds look at us with awe, fear, disgust, and a lot probably other things. Children whisper our names, and we trudge on right past them. Mothers come to see their sons who are supposed to be home from the war; widows come to see their alphas after going so long without comfort; and children wander in to greet their siblings. It’s hard telling them that their loved ones are dead. Some people mock us, call us the scum of the earth and titan fodder that the government keeps fattening up. Once upon a time, some would even shout and hurl things at us, but the air is heavy with grief when we enter the gates. No one would dare disturb someone in this much pain. Everyone looks ready to drop, and as soon as everything is put away, most of them do. People cry quietly, finally being able to mourn properly for a moment, and agony fills the air. This might have been a victory for the whole of humanity, but to the individual it didn’t feel like it. 

 

Mike’s dead.

 

Reiner and Bertholdt finally betrayed us.

 

Ymir, the only other shifting titan we know of, left to join them, for some goddamn reason.

 

And there are countless other soldiers dead.

 

But yeah, we rescued Eren’s ass. Good job Scouting Legion. 

 

I begin making my way to my chambers to get some well deserved sleep, but do you think I make it there? 

 

“Elliot!” Hanji exclaims frantically, and she’s got this wicked but tired expression on her face.

 

“Whatever you want, it’s gonna have to wait till morning,” I snap, and I just keep walking.

 

“No no no, Elliot. Don’t you dare.” She runs over to me and latches onto both of my wrists. “This is hella important, so don’t you dare leave.”

 

I glare at her. “Hanji, it’s been a long day. I need my sleep. We all do. I don’t want to deal with your fanatics right now.”

 

She shakes her head. “You can sleep in a moment, but not just yet.”

 

I groan. “Oh my god,  _ Hanji _ , I cannot deal with anything, right now, okay? Today has been a shit day and my mind needs some time to process everything!”

 

She begins dragging me off to god knows where.

 

“Hanji!” I hiss.

 

She drags me through several long corridors, and eventually we arrive at her room. Does everyone stay so far away from my chambers? She knocks on the door - on her own door - and there’s some muffled cursing coming from the other side. 

 

“You guys ready?” She asks.

 

“No!” Someone squeaks. What are planning now, Hanji?

 

“I’m giving you one minute, you hear? One!” Hanji shouts, and then she turns to me with a sheepish expression. “Can you wait one minute?”

 

I stare at her incredulously. “What the fuck are we doing here, Hanji?”

 

“It’s a surprise!” She says, like it’ll explain everything. Her eyes manage to light up a bit, despite the bags under her eyes.

 

I groan and lean against the door, shutting my eyes for a moment. I really need my sleep, everything has been too much of a blur, passing by my eyes far too fast. Nothing’s been making sense recently. 

 

Eventually, the voice from inside says “ready” and Hanji practically leaps five feet in the air from excitement.

 

“Okay, listen very closely, Elliot,” she says while staring into my too tired eyes. “I know everything has been shit recently, so I got you something that’ll hopefully fix a few of the depressing things in your life.”

 

I scoff. “There’s nothing to fix,” I mutter. “Everything’s perfect.”

 

She rolls her eyes and grabs my hands again. “But I need you to promise me something.”

 

I look at her with a bored expression. “What?”

 

She pauses before stating, “Don’t run.”

 

I narrow my eyes at her. “If it’s a surprise party, I’m running. This isn’t the time for a surprise party. We can celebrate when the titans are dead.”

 

She nods. “Okay, it’s not a surprise party, and if it is, you can run. However, if it’s anything else you will not run, okay?”

 

I nod. “Only if it’s not strippers.”

 

She groans. “It’s not strippers.”

 

I nod in approval. “Good.”

 

Shaking a bit, she opens the door and then covers my eyes. 

 

“Oi! What are you doing?” I hiss.

 

“Making sure you don’t run.”

 

I snort. “If it’s that bad, I’ll probably still run.”

 

Hanji guides my stumbling self into the room, and the first thing that hits me is the smell. Warm fireplaces and old books. I never realized her room smells like this. The next thing that hits my nose, however, is much more powerful. It reminds me of a powerful thunderstorm, rocking the world with its rumbles, but it feels safe. It reminds me of comfort. Hanji guides me to a chair and I hesitantly sit down.

 

“Are you gonna let go of me now?” I ask dryly, and in response, Hanji snatches her hands away.

 

Sitting before me is Levi, looking tired as fuck but a bit scared. He looks like he hasn’t slept in months, and it’s the first time I’ve looked him this close in a while. I usually stay with Hanji whereas Levi stays with Eren. It kinda sucks, not being able to be with Eren without being under Levi’s scrutinizing gaze. Dark bags hang under his eyes and his skin looks dead. His hair is a mess, clean, but messy. His pores look like shit, though. 

 

“Elliot,” he breathes out, and he looks nervous and hella worried. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him like this, quaking like a newborn lamb. 

 

“You look like shit,” I say without missing a beat.

 

He chuckles a bit and looks at me fondly but painfully. “I could say the same for you.”

 

I turn to Hanji, who looks like she’s standing guard, making sure neither of us escape. “Why am I here?”

 

Erwin walks in from the kitchen and he looks a bit embarrassed. What the fuck is going on? 

 

“So you’re confused as well?” Levi says. “Lovely.” He leans back in his chair and stares blankly at Erwin. 

 

I turn to Erwin and Hanji. “What evil plan have you concocted now?”

 

Erwin drags over and chair and sits between the two of us. He’s missing an arm from the fight today, and somehow I’m not surprised he managed to escape the med bay. “I have some apologizing to do.”

 

I snort a bit. “The great Erwin Smith apologizing? You must have done something quite disastrous if  _ you’re _ apologizing.”

 

He nods gravely. “I have.”

 

Oh no, he’s getting dramatic now. 

 

“First, to Levi.” He turns a bit in his chair to look intently at Levi. “I am sorry that I took advantage of you when you were in an unstable emotional state.”

 

“And how exactly did you take advantage of him?” Hanji says coldly.

 

Erwin cringes a bit. “I had sex with him.”

 

Oh hell no. 

 

Don’t tell me this is… this is about Erwin sleeping with Levi, isn’t it? 

 

Fuck. 

 

“Why the hell are you apologizing?” Levi mutters, looking a bit ashamed. “I kinda threw myself at you.”

 

“Levi!” Hanji snaps. “I told you that you had to remain silent!”

 

Levi rolls his eyes. 

 

“You were in no position to properly consent,” Erwin says. “You were heartbroken.”

 

Levi snarls quietly. “Don’t call it that.”

 

“Levi,” Hanji warns, and he flips her off. 

 

“Now Elliot.” Erwin turns to face me. “I think I have a lot more to apologize for.”

 

I can only stare at his cold blue eyes. He’s always been so distant from the world, being only the perfect commander the world needs him to be. For a moment, I pity him. And then I come crashing back down to reality and accept that he’s probably a psychopath.

 

“I should have told you that it was Levi in the bedroom, or at least denied that it was Mike in there. I basically lied.” The words sound far too rehearsed for my liking, but then again, does the great Erwin Smith really feel anything?

 

“Does it matter?” I mutter. “It changes nothing.”

 

He shrugs and then continues. “And I apologize for sleeping with Levi.”

 

“Why are you apologizing to me? I have nothing to do with who Levi sleeps with,” I mutter. Didn’t Hanji say something about this being to cheer me up? Because it certainly isn’t working.

 

Hanji scoffs. “Sure.”

 

I narrow my eyes at her. “What are you implying?”

 

Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose and Levi looks at Hanji with the most dangerous expression known to man. His eyes scream murder.

 

“I think it’s about time Erwin and I explain something to you,” Hanji says, and Levi leaps from his seat and lunges at Hanji.

 

“Don’t you fucking dare,” he hisses as he grabs her collar. “I will end you.”

 

Hanji looks unimpressed. “Empty promises, Levi.” She glances over to Erwin. “Get him off.”

 

Erwin sighs and sits up to wrangle Levi off of Hanji. He grabs Levi’s wrists and contains him like a criminal. When Levi keeps struggling, he forces Levi to the ground and holds him there. His position reminds me of when we first met Erwin.

 

“Thank you, commander,” Hanji says as she re-adjusts her collar. “Now, as I said, Erwin and I have some answers to provide to you, Elliot.”

 

“Yeah?” I say, but there’s not feeling in my voice. The only thing I really feel at the moment is emptiness. I don’t know why I’m here, and I just want to go to sleep. No, scratch that, I want to rest. Sleep means nightmares.

 

Hanji takes Levi’s chair and sits across from me. Her face in kind and she reminds me of someone I could call “mom.” Pft, does that mean Erwin would be the dad? Would Hanji and him be a couple? I catch myself chuckling and Erwin looks at me like I’ve lost my mind.

 

“Elliot,” she murmurs. “Do you know why Levi went to Erwin?”

 

I don’t want to talk about this. “No, and I don’t really care.” Not anymore, at least. I get up from the chair and start walking away. I don’t want to talk about this.

 

Hanji lunges for me and grabs my wrists tightly. “Don’t you dare leave.”

 

I twist my wrists in her hands and try to make my way to the door. “I have no good reason to be here, so let me go, Hanji!”

 

“No.” She steps quickly around me and holds my arms behind my back. “You’re not going anywhere until you and Levi get answers.”

 

I groan and struggle in her grasp before sighing in defeat. “Fine. Just get it over with quick.”

 

Hanji sighs before continuing. “Levi saw you and Eren in the basement.”

 

I look at her confused. “Levi went crying to Erwin because he saw me talking with Eren?”

 

Hanji purses her lips. “Um… not talking.”

 

I stare at her blankly. I’m seriously missing something big. 

 

When I don’t respond, Hanji groans a little and looks at me pointedly. “You know… when you took off your neck wrap?”

 

Panic fills me. He saw my neck? Did he smell my omegan scent? Does he know? 

 

I look at the floor and bawl my hands into fists. So that’s why he ran, then? Because he doesn’t want an omega as his friend? Why the fuck would he do that?

 

“So he knows,” I mutter quietly.

 

“Eh?” Hanji looks at me, a bit confused for a moment, but understanding and mild panic flood her face. “No no no! Not that, definitely not that!”

 

“Not what?” Levi hisses, and he looks at Hanji accusingly. “Are you hiding more secrets for Elliot?”

 

Hanji panics for a moment, looks at Levi, then me, and then blurts out, “Levi thought you were seducing Eren when you showed him your mating bite and then he got really upset because he was planning to tell you his feelings, and once he saw you getting cuddly with Eren he kinda broke down and assumed the worst because he’s shitty with emotions and then he went crying to Erwin for comfort and then Erwin fucked him like the biggest git in the world and then you saw and there was no chance for recovery because you kept hanging out with Eren and that made Levi get closer with Erwin and then that made you closer with Eren and then everything just went to hell.”

 

We all stare at her.

 

Erwin is the first to speak. “Did either of you understand that?”

 

“I understood the words but not the meaning behind them,” I say. 

 

Hanji sighs. “Oh my god, please don’t tell me have to explain everything again.”

 

“Not everything,” Levi mutters. “What do you mean mating bite?”

 

I freeze. “From my mate,” I mutter quickly. “Eren didn’t trust me and I wanted to show him that I’ve lost someone.”

 

Levi scoffs a bit. “Everyone in the military has lost someone, you didn’t need to seduce him.”

 

“I didn’t seduce him!” I snap. “I was freaking him out a bit because I wanted to see how far I could push him! The seducing never happened!” 

 

His eyes carve deep into me. “Then why did you get so cozy with Eren afterwards?”

 

I laugh bitterly. “Why the fuck do you think so? You went to Erwin for comfort instead of me! Sorry if I felt a bit betrayed and needed a friend!” I feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, but I can’t find the will to care.

 

“I thought you fucked Eren!” He snaps. “Sorry if  _ I _ felt betrayed!”

 

“Why would you feel betrayed!” I growl. “We’re not anything! I’m nothing to you! I’m just emotional baggage to you! Some broken alpha who can’t even remember half of her life!”

 

He tries lunging out of Erwin’s arms, but Erwin restrains him still. “You were  _ not _ baggage.” I can see the light reflecting the rising water in his eyes. “I relied on you, and I thought you relied on me! I thought we had something!” Rage and confusion fill his scent, and it chokes my nose a bit. 

 

“Had what?” I snap, rubbing my nose forcefully. “What exactly did we have?”

 

“Something like what Isabel and Farlan had!” He shouts. “Something that no one could really label, not yet, but something growing! I don’t give two fucks that you’re an alpha; you’re just someone I trust. Someone I…” he trails off as if he suddenly realizes that he has tears running down his face. He shrinks back a bit and freezes in Erwin’s arms. It’s the first time in a while I’ve seen Levi cry. He doesn’t sob or scream, but he just goes limp in Erwin’s arms. 

 

I freeze under Hanji’s hands and stare at him. He smells horrible - heartbreak and regret plugging my nose up - and every instinct in me tells me to stop it. To stop his pain. He shouldn’t be hurting, not like this. He shouldn’t smell so lonely.

 

“Let me go,” I plead quietly as I twist in Hanji’s grip. “Please, let me go.”

 

She hesitates, but then releases me. I rush forward and plant myself in front of Levi. Erwin lets Levi drop, and I’m there to catch him. He’s limp in my arms, and the warmth from his body floods my senses. It’s been forever since the last time I was this close to him.

 

“Levi,” I say softly, bringing him closer to me. “Please don’t cry. You know once you start crying I’ll cry to. I don’t want to cry right now.”

 

He only wraps his arms around me while tears continue to flow from his eyes, and the smell of heartbreak drowns the air. It’s even stronger now, and the omega in me begins to wail quietly. Normally, I would shove it down and let it cry in a dark hole, but right now? When Levi is crying quietly in my arms? I think I can allow myself to cry a little.

 

I bury my face in his shoulder and let the tears flow out. They’re warm, like the rest of me, but not all of them are from agony. Yes, it’s mostly from the pent up and contained pain and rage I’ve been feeling ever since I lost Levi, but it’s also from relief. Levi’s in my arms again. Levi’s here. 

 

“Let’s give them some time,” I hear Hanji murmur, and soon the door shuts quietly behind them. It’s just us now.

 

For anyone looking at us, we probably both look like something out of those cheesy love stories omegas read, but I don’t really care. Even if I should be angry and tired and demanding Levi for answers, everything just seems to flow away, forgotten. Nothing matters but the alpha in my arms. 

 

I try to pull the both of us to the couch - the omega in me demands for me to take care of my emotionally chaotic alpha - but Levi is heavy as fuck when he’s given up on life, and I struggle a bit. 

 

“Levi if we are going to have a giant emotional cuddle fest I need us to be on the couch, at least. The floor is fucking nasty,” I murmur into his ears, and he shakes a bit in my arms. “Levi?” I ask worriedly. Now is  _ not _ the time to have a dying Levi.

 

It takes me a moment to realize he’s laughing.

 

“Levi?” 

 

He supports himself a little more and we flop down onto the couch. His eyes peak out from behind his bangs, and they sparkle because of all of the tears.

 

“Don’t you ever leave me again,” he says softly. “I don’t always live up to the title of ‘humanity’s strongest.’”

 

I merely look at him with my cheeks still stained from tears. “Sorry if I couldn’t stand the stench of you and Erwin’s fuck fest,” I say bluntly. See? I haven’t lost all of my sanity. I still know that Levi made a dick move.

 

“I’m sorry for being such a shitty alpha,” he smiles sadly. 

 

I poke his cheek, smiling softly. “Since when were you my alpha?”

 

He stares at my finger as if it had offended his mother. “Do you really want to know?”

 

“Obviously. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want to.”

 

“Ever since you spent my rut with me,” he says plainly.

 

I narrow my eyes. “After Isabel… after Isabel and Farlan?”

 

He shakes his head gently. “No. Before that. When we were still living underground.”

 

When the fuck did I spend his rut with… oh. Oh god. Please don’t tell me he’s talking about that. Please no.

 

I keep my face as blank as possible. “I didn’t spend any ruts with you before that.”

 

He raises a thin eyebrow. “You know I can tell when you’re lying, right?”

 

I give him a bitch face. “I’m not lying.”

 

He flicks my nose and I whine a bit. “You smell sour when you lie.”

 

“Stalker,” I mutter as I rub my nose.

 

“You thought I wouldn’t remember?” He smiles half heartedly. “To be honest, I don’t remember half of it, not the details at least, but I know you stayed for the first bout of my rut. I remember calling myself your alpha.”

 

_ I thought I was a good alpha. _

 

“Do you regret it?” I ask softly. Does he remember the lack of a dick in my pants? I don’t think so, since he would probably confront me about that. Hopefully. 

 

He looks a bit shocked. “Why the fuck would I regret it? I didn’t want anyone else besides you. Not some hooker with too much perfume on; not the betas that sometimes try to make themselves look omegan; not any of them.” He brushes a bit of hair from my face. “There’s only been you.”

 

I feel myself blushing horribly and I bury my face in his shoulder. Ugh, I am such a cheese with this short idiot. “Then why not confront me when you saw me with Eren?”

 

He scoffs a little. “I’m kinda shit at romantic relationships.”

 

“Doesn’t excuse you from sleeping with Erwin,” I mutter, and pain flashes across his face and taints his scent. “I know I have no say on who you sleep with, but why did you keep sleeping with him? Spend his rut with him? I get doing it once to get some anger out, but you didn’t stop.”

 

“I was jealous,” he says. “I was jealous of Eren. I was planning to tell you how I… how I feel about you, but when I went back down to wait for you, I saw you with him. Without your neck wrap.” He chuckles airily. “It was jealousy.”

 

“You were jealous? The great Levi, jealous of some newbie in the ranks?”

 

“He’s not just some newbie. He’s a titan.”

 

I scoff. “I’m not Hanji, Levi. I won't leave you for some titan boy.”

 

The look in his eyes carves holes into my soul. “But you still left me, even if it wasn’t for another boy. You left because I screwed up.”

 

“Yeah, you really did screw up,” I mutter. 

 

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments and his eyes are dull. My hands wander to his jawline and then to his cheekbones, tracing the obvious evidence from sleepless nights and grief. 

 

“Do you even sleep, nowadays?” I ask quietly.

 

He shakes his head softly. “Not really. I slept deeply enough when… when Erwin and I had another round, but that hasn’t happened in a while.”

 

“How long?” I ask. “When was the last time you let Erwin fuck you?”

 

He cringes at my choice of words. “The night before the expedition to capture Annie.”

 

I’m not sure if I’m surprised by the length of time it’s been since then or the length of time Levi stayed in Erwin’s bed. “Oh.” Great job, Elliot. So eloquent. 

 

“But even if I kept going back to him, doesn’t mean I don’t regret it. I regret it so much. My ass regrets it, I know that.” He winces a bit.

 

“So when we start having sex, you wouldn’t let me top?” I laugh. And then I realize what I’ve just said. Not “if.” I said “when.” As if all was already forgiven. Hahaha  _ fuck _ . 

 

“I would let you top,” he says calmly. “It’s just Erwin is a fucking monster in bed. He has no self control and the sex is brutal. I trust you’ll be gentler and a tad bit more loving.”

 

_ You’ll be gentler. _ “Maybe not at first,” I whisper scandalously, and I wonder momentarily where my self control has gone. Why am I always a disaster for this guy? “You do have some mistakes to make up for. More than a few.”

 

“I know.” He grins at me, and despite the exhaustion painted on his face, he actually looks happy. “I’ll let you be rough with me.” He looks so  _ loving _ when he’s talking about sex, dear Maria. 

 

“Rougher than Erwin?” I ask as I wonder why the hell am I like this. Why do I have to be so crass? This is not how omegas are supposed to act. 

 

“Rougher than Erwin,” he promises as his grip on me tightens. 

 

But then again, I’m not really an omega in Levi’s arms, aren’t I?

 

I sit up gingerly and Levi doesn’t move. “I’m fucking exhausted,” I say. “I’m going to bed. Nice talk.” I get up and walk towards the door, and Levi is sitting on the couch like some angry and confused puppy. I look back at him and put my hands on my hip like some fucking teenager. “Well? You coming? The bed has been fucking freezing without your weird ass body heat.”

 

Levi sits there for a moment, stunned, before gliding off the couch and into my arms. “You better not kick me off the bed again.”

 

I groan. “One time, Levi. One time.”

 

We walk back to the room - our room - hand in hand, and I kinda want to skip down the halls like some fairy with her knight in tow. I glance at Levi’s grumpy profile every once in a while, trying to make sense of this cheesy dream. Levi was quite emotional back in Hanji’s room, so maybe I am imagining this. Dream Levi does tend to be more outwardly emotional than real Levi. But as we enter the chambers and when Levi crawls into bed with his arms securely wrapped around me, I find myself not caring that much. Dreams are always so much better than reality, so why not stay in dreamland forever? Here, Levi’s here with me. Here, Levi is my alpha. 

 

Here, I am Elliot.


	13. Harper vs Elliot (part one)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hiiii I know that Levi is a bit out of character *cough cough A LOT* but I tried my best. I can’t write cheesy scenes without making everyone far too cheesy. AND JUST LET MY BABIES BE CUTE TOGETHER MY GOD

I wake up surrounded by warmth.

 

It takes me moment to realize why it’s so damn warm in my usually freezing cold bed, and when I do realize, my stomach does a little flip. Wrapped contently around me is humanity’s strongest soldier, sleeping like a babe.

 

So it wasn’t a dream. All of those tears and screams and dramatic shit actually happened. Erwin apologizing; Levi breaking down and admitting his feelings; Levi apologising; the giant cuddle fest; and then the sexual jokes about whether or not I could be rough in bed. I kinda hope the last part didn’t happen. I could live with that. I would rather live with those memories as dreams, or nightmares, more of.

 

Levi groans a little in his sleep, and he eventually peels open his eyes to look at me and all my bedroom glory. I probably look like shit. His expression goes through content sleepy Levi to confused sleepy Levi and then normal happy sleepy Levi.

 

“Good morning,” he whispers, and my entire soul cracks at the words.

 

I tackle him with a hug and wonder just how long has it been since he’s said that to me.

 

He groans a little from my weight but laughs as he hugs me back. “I missed you too, Elliot.”

 

“Don’t you ever sleep with Erwin again,” I hiss as I straddle him. “Do you know how much emotional shit I went through? Too damn much. I’m supposed to be this flawless alpha lance corporal who’s above petty things like feelings.”

 

He chuckles into my neck. “I won’t sleep with Erwin again.”

 

“Or Mike,” I add. “Or Petra. Or Hanji. Or Nanaba. Or Eren. Or Mikasa. Or Armin. Or anyone. You can’t sleep with anyone.”

 

“What if I want to sleep with you?” He whispers scandalously into my ear, and he doesn’t point out the dead people in my list.

 

I nibble his ear in reply. “Only me.”

 

He growls as he flips us over on the bed, so he’s the one on top of me. “Only you?”

 

“Yes,” I say as I bring him closer to me. “I want you to only be my alpha. Only mine.”

 

He smiles gently. “I can do that.” He kisses my forehead softly, like a butterfly landing on its favorite flower. “I can do that.”

 

I giggle. Why the fuck am I so cheesy in the mornings? “Good.”

 

He begins peppering kisses all over my face - my eyes, my forehead, my cheeks, my eyebrows, my nose, my chin, my jaw, everywhere but my lips. I giggle into every one of those damn kisses and he radiates the smell of happiness. Of joy. His lips hover my lips eventually, and his eyes silently ask for permission. I answer him with a gentle kiss against those thin lips.

 

The kiss is chaste and far too short, so when he leans away I chase him to steal another chaste kiss. And then another. And another. And then soon we’re rolling in the tiny ass bed while giving each other the cutest little kisses known to man. I’m giggling like some madman - like Hanji, okay maybe not like Hanji. She’s far too insane and slightly psychopathic - and Levi is silent but I can smell the contentment steaming off of him. His kisses soon travel down to my neck, and he’s nibbling at my upper scent glands and soon I’m whining with him as we rock against each other like idiots. I can feel the small boner in his pants and I’m suddenly aware of his teeth pulling away my neck wrap.

 

Panicked, I push him away a bit and readjust my neck wrap. His expression turns a bit wounded and I panic again.

 

“Not yet,” I say, hurriedly giving him I another kiss. “One day, but not today. I’m not ready.” I want to be yours, trust me. But not yet. Not when I’m terrified like this, wondering who I am.

 

“You showed Eren,” he murmurs against my cheek.

 

Eren was different, Levi. Eren is an omega like me. Eren is a titan. Eren isn’t you. You’d kill me if you found out I had been keeping this a secret for so long, and I don’t want to lose you. Not when I just got you back.

 

“Eren was some scared little puppy who needed to know his authorities are also human,” I say, praying that it’ll be enough.

 

Levi nods, but then kisses my neck again, just below my jaw. “But one day,” he whispers.

 

“One day,” I promise. “When I have peace with the past.”

 

He nods again and draws me in for another kiss. This one isn’t shy and chaste like the others, it’s deeper. His tongue pokes at the seam between my lips, and how can I deny him access? I open my mouth gingerly, and he shoves me down into the bed as he ravages my mouth. He’s gentle, though, despite the passion and the lack of hesitation in his actions. I said I was his, and he’s taking advantage of that. I am his, and he is mine. His warmth covers every part of me, and his hands trace the outlines of my face as we kiss. My own hands hold the back of his head, tangling into the longer parts of his hair as my palms are met with the scratchy fuzz of his undercut.

 

He eventually breaks the kiss, and we lay there panting as we stare incredulously at each other. His lips are little redder from the kissing and he looks like he’s just seen God.

 

I wiggle my eyebrows. “Am I better than Erwin?”

 

He groans and flops down on top of me. “You’re never going to let me forget that, aren’t you?”

 

“Nope!” I grin wickedly and he bites my ear in retaliation.

 

This is what I want to do every single damn morning.

 

~~~

 

    We walk down to the hall for breakfast, our shoulders brushing occasionally, and there’s a little cheer from Hanji when she sees us walk in. Erwin merely rolls his eyes at her glee, and she rushes forwards while tripping over her own boots. She slams into the both of us and Levi makes a little “oof” sound which I immediately commit to memory because his expression was just too damn cute. I’ve missed being able to see him like this. So… uncensored and just real.

 

    When Hanji can stand properly, she grabs both of our shoulders and stares intensely into our eyes. “On a scale of one to ten, one being absolute shit and ten being fucking heaven, how good was the makeup sex?”

 

    Levi and I groan in unison and Hanji cackles in glee.

 

    “Well?” She asks. “Come on… tell me… at least I didn’t ask for the details. It’s just a simple rating.”

 

    “We’re not telling you,” Levi mutters as he pushes past her, and I make a move to follow him, but Hanji ensnares me in her claws and drags me to the seat next to hers.

 

    “Elliot Kingston you are going to tell me how good the sex was or so help me I will get Eren to do it for me.” Hanji waves her fork at me and pokes my cheek with it. Levi sees and watches in mild horror as she continues to use the same fork to eat.

 

    “I’m not telling you anything,” I mutter as I grab some food and begin eating.

 

    “Oh yes you are, Elliot!” Hanji exclaims. “I did not go through weeks worth of planning and begging to have Erwin apologize just for this pathetic reaction from you.”

 

    I shrug. “Too bad.”

 

    She groans and shakes me. “Pleeeeaaaaase Elliot. I need this information!”

 

    “Why?” I ask with my mouth full, and Levi gives me a looks of disappointment. I flip him off, and he flips me off in return. I grin, and I’m so glad that things have changed between us. I don’t know how much more lonely shit I could have handled.

 

    “Because, Elliot.” She enunciates each syllable. “I have a bet with Erwin on how good the sex was and I am not losing to him!”

 

    Erwin is talking quietly with Levi and I pray they aren’t talking about sex. “Erwin is not going to know jack squat about my sex life,” I tell Hanji.

 

    “But can I?”

 

    “No.”

 

    She whines. “Please, Elliot. I won’t tell a single soul or even titan.”

 

    “Not gonna happen.”

 

    “You’re no fun,” she grumbles as she goes back to her food. “I do all this work for you and this is how you repay me?”

 

    I roll my eyes. “I am grateful that you did that for us, Hanji, but I am not repaying you by telling you about how good the sex is.”

 

    She pouts. “Then can I watch?”

 

    “No!” I shout a little too loudly and half of the chow hall looks to me in confusion. “You are not watching anything, Hanji,” I hiss quietly. “Something unrelated to sex, please.”

 

    She thinks for a moment while tapping her chin thoughtfully. “Fine. Then tell me how he reacted when he found out you’re an omega.”

 

    I clamp my hand over her mouth. “He doesn’t know.”

 

    Her eyes widen. “Eh?” She pries my hand away. “But I thought you guys had sex!”

 

    “We didn’t!” I hiss. “We kissed a bit but that’s it! No article of clothing came off and no secret sexes were revealed! What do you think we are? Mindless animals?”

 

    “Well shit,” Hanji mutters.

 

    “What?” I ask. She turns to me sheepishly and I begin panicking. “Hanji, what did you do?”

 

    She fiddles with her food. “Well, I might have, you know, em, told… Erwin? That you’re an… omega?”

 

    I throw myself off the chair and grab Erwin by the collar. “We need to talk.”

 

    He looks bewilderedly at me but gets up and follows. Levi gives me a confused face as I drag Erwin away and I wave the manner away. Levi shrugs and I’m glad he doesn’t push it any further. I lead Erwin to one of the corners in the room where people can’t hear my frantic whispering and I stare Erwin down.

 

    “Levi can’t know I’m an omega,” I say plainly.

 

    His eyes widen in understanding but he nods. “May I ask why?”

 

    I look away and cross my arms. “It’s been years, Erwin. We’re not supposed to have any secrets between us and I can’t afford to lose him again.” I can’t lose him when he’s my grip on reality.

 

    “You have to tell him at some point, Elliot. Things will turn sour if he finds out from someone besides you.”

 

    Stop being such a dad, Erwin. I’m kinda supposed to hate you right now. “I know. I will. So don’t tell him anything.”

 

    He nods. “I won’t.”

 

    I sigh a bit in relief and I say, “If Levi asks what I was talking to you about, just say I was threatening you or something.”

 

    “You sort of were,” he says, and I smack his arm.

 

    “Just go.”

 

    We walk back to the table and finish breakfast in normal peace.

 

~~~

 

    The new Squad Levi is formed and we begin preparing for the next chapter of shit. Hanji’s new buddy, Minister Nick, is found dead in his chambers, and Hanji suspects that it was the Military Police trying to keep him quiet about something after he wouldn't tell them anything. His nails were removed and Hanji mutters something about the sloppiness of the procedure.

 

    “I’m much better at removing nails than those bastards,” she mutters.

 

    “You’re weird as fuck, Hanji,” I say.

 

    She grins at me. “I know, right?”

 

    Later, the new Squad Levi is talking about recent events and all that emotional crap, and I sit with them because Levi told me to babysit while he went to go work on paperwork. Aka make sure Eren doesn’t suddenly turn titan and eat us all.

 

    We talk about the loss of Reiner and Bertholdt, and even I join in a bit. Reiner was like the big brother of the entire trainee group, and I feel sad remembering that he willingly betrayed us. Or, more of he revealed his true colors. He was never on our side to begin with, but the PTSD caused him to make meaningful and deep relationships with the people he has to kill. I assume he took Ymir back to headquarters to ease the return without the Attack Titan, but we’ll never know. We don’t know anything, and my memories aren’t returning anytime sooner.

 

    At some point, Eren comments on Krista’s change in behavior - wait no, her name is Historia, not Krista - and this somehow launches into the story about her home. She’s Rod Reiss’s illegitimate daughter - he fucked the maid, would you look at that - and she explains how after the Reiss family was killed, he went to go take her into the family, but some assassins or something killed her mother and she became Krista Lenz for her safety.

 

    “So your real name is Historia Reiss?” Connie asks, and Historia nods.

 

    “Reiss?” I say. “Are they a famous noble family? I could’ve sworn I’ve heard the name before.”

 

    Historia just shakes her head. “They own a lot of land, but no one really knows much about them. They’re all dead besides Rod Reiss and I, anyways.”

 

    Reiss… the name sounds awfully familiar. Historia seems really familiar too, as if I’ve seen her in my dreams. Did I know her?

 

    The conversation leads elsewhere eventually and I am left to muse in my own thoughts. Historia Reiss. Krista Lenz. She’s a big part of the puzzle, I know that, but I’m not sure which part she is? Not to mention I don’t even know what this puzzle is about. She’s got eyes that remind me of someone else, but for the life of me I cannot remember who. She uses her hands a lot when she speaks, and her sleeves slip down to reveal a circular scar. It catches my eye but her sleeve never falls away enough to reveal it all.

 

    “Historia?” I ask. I’m not patient at all, in case you haven't realized. “What’s that on your left arm? I saw it poking out a bit.”

 

    She looks down and instantly pulls her sleeve down. Ah… so it’s a secret, then?

 

    “It’s nothing,” she says quickly. “It doesn’t matter.”

 

    I narrow my eyes. “I don’t mean to pry, Historia. I’m just saying it looks an awful like a brand.” Is she an omega? Is it the Reiss family brand?

 

    I need to see that brand.

 

    Once upon a time, I searched records to find who my brand said my family was, but I stopped looking a long time ago. I felt that it didn’t matter anymore. I was Elliot Kingston. I am Elliot Kingston. But this Historia… she’s different. She’s special. I know I know her, but she doesn’t seem to know me. Maybe I look different to what I looked like back then? Maybe she has memory problems too? Is she also a titan who can’t remember her own damn identity?

 

    Later, when Eren has to go do titan experiments with Hanji, I follow her to her chambers and I try to figure out how I can confront her. Tell her I have memory problems and that I think she might have known me? Ask her if she’s an omega? Just ask about the brand?

 

    “Is that a brand on your arm?” I say plainly as I enter her chambers, and she whips around and stares daggers into me. She’s got a cold glare for someone who’s usually so loving.

 

    “Why do you want to know?” She snaps.

 

    I walk into the room and look at her as kindly as I can. “I think I know you, from before the fall of Wall Maria.”

 

    She shakes her head. “Well I don’t know you and I don’t see how the brand helps you with anything!”

 

    “So it is a brand.” Is she an omega then?

 

    She hisses at me and walks over to me. “I have the right to keep my own secrets.”

 

    “Of course,” I say, trying to act a bit like Erwin. Erwin usually gets what he wants, so I’ll just have to somehow do the same. “But is the brand really that big of a deal?”

 

    She pulls on her sleeve to cover her arm up even more. “Yes.”   

 

    I sigh. “I don’t care if your an omega or anything, I just want to see the brand.”

 

    She stiffens at my words, but hesitantly looks at me. “Why do you want to see it?”

 

    I sigh. “I have a brand. I want to know if we have the same one.”

 

    She looks at me incredulously. “You have a brand? Why would an alpha have a brand?”

 

    Alphas don’t have brands, but I don’t think I’m going to risk showing her my scent glands and revealing my sex, because look how well that worked out last time! “I got it when I was imprisoned once,” I lie. “I don’t remember much, but you remind me of that time.”

 

    She shakes her head. “I’ve never been in any situation like that.”

 

    I shrug. “It doesn’t matter. Now can I please see the brand?”

 

    I earn a skeptical glare but she complies to my wishes. She rolls up her left sleeve and her holds her wrist up to me to see. There’s a circle made of symbols on her forearm, and in the middle of that circle sits a cornucopia. Exactly like mine. “Thank you,” I say quietly.

 

    “Does that answer your questions?” She snaps as she pulls her sleeve back down.

 

    I nod. “Yes. Thank you. I’ll leave you be now.” I walk out without another word and I practically run to my room. I slam the door and collapse against it. One thing after the other. One nightmare after the other. One thickening of the plot after another. I literally just got Levi back and now this shit happens? I scream in frustration and kick the door, hard, thanking the walls that my armor protected my foot.

 

    I belonged to the Reiss family. I was mated to the Reiss family.

 

    _Fuck_.

 

    I run from my room and to Erwin’s office. “Erwin!” I shout. “Open up otherwise I’ll assume you’re banging Levi!”

 

    The door swings open and Erwin is thankfully decent as glares down at me. “Yes, Elliot?”

 

    “You’re going to see Pixis and Nile tomorrow, right?” I ask.

 

    He nods. “Yes, but why do you care?”

 

    “I need to go with you,” I say.

 

    “Sorry?” He looks mildly offended and confused.

   

    “I need answers for something, about the Reiss family, and I think Pixis can give me those answers.”

 

    He narrows his eyes. “I can just get the information for you and tell you when I return.”

 

    I shake my head. “I need to hear for myself. And some of it I can’t tell you.”

 

    He raises a magnificent eyebrow. “Why not?”

 

    “Because…” because I think I know who the Founding Titan is. “It’s about my history. About my mate.”

 

    He still doesn’t look satisfied.

 

    “My god, Erwin, it’s about the memories I don’t have and because I think my mate was in the Reiss family!” I shout.

 

    He looks a little more satisfied, the little fucker. Okay, he’s not a little fucker, he’s a huge fucker. “I would talk to Levi about it before you leave with me tomorrow.”

 

    Oh thank Maria. I can go. “Thank you,” I say before running to the training grounds. Now, to find a good excuse to tell Levi why I’m leaving with the man who fucked him right after Levi and I just made up. This is going to be great.

 

    “Levi!” I jog over to where Hanji is squealing over Eren’s titan. He turns his head to me and his entire face seems to light up a bit. There’s less gloom in his eyes and he seems softer. The look brings a thousand memories to my mind, all of them pleasant.

 

    “What is it?” He asks gently. “You look a bit worried.” His expression is that of a concerned alpha. It’s fucking cheesy.

 

    “I’m leaving tomorrow with Erwin,” I say plainly. Great start, Elliot.

 

    He narrows his eyes. “Why?”

 

    “There’s a lead I’m following,” I say. “He’s going to see Pixis and I think he can give me some answers.”

 

    “About what?’ He crosses his arms.

 

    Do I tell him? Say it’s about my mate? My identity? My mission? “It’s… it’s complicated.”

 

    He scoffs. “Everything is fucking complicated in our life.” He looks at me with judging eyes. “Why do you look so embarrassed?”

 

    Fuck. Why do I look embarrassed? I shouldn’t have to ask for his permission! I am my own alpha and I’m merely letting a friend know that I’ll be gone for a while! Nothing more.

 

    “I wanted to see if that was okay with you,” I mumble.

 

    He looks a bit shocked. “Why would you need to ask permission? You’re your own person. You do what who see fit.”

 

    “I know that!” I snap. “But we just made up, and I’m leaving with the guy who fucked you behind my back and I didn’t want another miscommunication issue!”

 

    He rolls his eyes and takes a step closer. “You act so young for someone so old.”

 

    “You’re the old man,” I grumble.

 

    He reaches for my face and brushes back some of the hair that’s fallen in my eyes. “I’m fine with you going. I trust you.” His eyes look at me with a warmth I’ve missed. “We’re equals in this relationship.”

 

    “So we’re in a relationship?” I ask quietly.

 

    He chuckles a bit. “We were literally just talking about if I’d let you top last night. I think we’re in some sort of relationship.”

 

    A smile reaches my cheeks. “Some sort of relationship.”

 

    “Something like that.” He grins before swatting my on the side of my head. “But I need to go babysit Eren and Hanji. You have paperwork. I’ll see you later.” He walks away without another word.

 

    “Bipolar son of a bitch,” I mutter before turning away back to the castle.

 

~~~

 

    “The Reiss family is the true royal family.”

 

    Erwin and I both look surprised as we ride in a private carriage with Dot Pixis.

 

    “So the current royal family is truly a fake?” Erwin asks, and Pixis nods.

 

    “But there are only two members left alive, correct?” I ask.

 

    Pixis smiles knowingly and his eyes twinkle a bit. “Two by blood.”

 

    “In-laws don’t count,” Erwin says. “They have no real power if they want to take the throne.”

 

    Pixis shrugs. “Mates do.”

 

    Erwin narrows his eyes. “They’d all be dead due to red heat.”

 

    “Only if they saw the actual death,” Pixis says. “Most of the mates did not witness the fire that burned down the church.”

 

    “They died in a church?” I say. “Who else died in there?”

 

    “No one else,” Pixis smiles a bit. “They held family prayers quite often, and the day of the fire was one of the days they had a familiar ceremony.”

 

    “But Rod Reiss survived.” Erwin’s gaze is cold and calculating.

 

    “Yes,” Pixis nods. “He survived. His illegitimate daughter, Historia Reiss, is with you. And their mates have all been disposed of, except for one.”

 

    Erwin and I both lean forward. “What do you mean, disposed?”

 

    Pixis sighs a bit forlornly. “The church burning down was a coordinated attack designed to look like an accident. The same people then stole of the surviving mates and killed them in the underground.”

 

    An image of the omega boy flashes before my eyes. “And all omegas in the family were branded.”

 

    Pixis nods and takes a swig from his flask.

 

    “You said there was one mate unaccounted for,” Erwin says.

 

    “Yes,” Pixis says. “A quite interesting case, at that. She was stolen from the household, but the men who stole her were found dead a few weeks later. The girl disappeared.”

 

    “How old was she? Do you have an identity?” Erwin’s eyes focus on Pixis’s lips, waiting for the answers that they might reveal.

 

    “Harper Finley was fourteen years old when the Reiss church burned down.” Pixis leans back a little in his carriage seat. “Thugs stole her and brought her to the underground, only to be found dead a few weeks later.”

 

    “What are the chances of this Harper being alive?” Erwin asks.

 

    Pixis shrugs. “Beats me. The girl was bought from a dance studio and given to Frieda Reiss. She’s as common as the next omega.”

 

    Only that she wasn’t.

 

Harper.

 

Frieda.

 

    Frieda Reiss.

 

Harper Finley.

 

    Pixis looks to me like we share some secret. “But she was a fighter, that girl. And if she’s alive, she’s still fighting.”

 

    “Would she try to retake the throne?” Erwin asks. “If we are to overtake the government we cannot have any chinks on our armor.”

 

    “No,” I say, and Pixis looks at me with a fond smile. “She wouldn’t go into political power.”

 

    “What makes you say that?” Erwin looks to me with the same blank expression.

 

    “She’s an omega. One with a dead mate. She’s either seeking for revenge or merely trying to survive. I think she has a fairly large hate for the government, since they were what dragged her into this whole mess, anyways.” In this case she actually doesn’t, but it’s what I tell Erwin. It’s all he needs to know. “If she wanted to do something, I think she would have done it a while ago.”

 

    Erwin nods, content. “Then we can use Historia to gain some power.”

 

    Pixis nods. “Although, I would tread very carefully in this plan of yours, Erwin. Overthrowing the government is no easy feat.”

 

    If Erwin had been a little more immature, I think he would roll his eyes.

 

    “I understand, Pixis,” Erwin says, bowing his head a little.

 

    We arrive at the building we’ll be staying in, and Erwin gets off of the carriage first. Pixis goes next, and I follow after. The sun strikes a bit into my eyes and I’m blinded for a moment, and the next thing I realize is that Pixis is standing quite close to me with those sparkling drunk eyes of his.

 

    “Ms. Kingston, I believe we need to have an important conversation,” he says sweetly, and I don’t smell any venom laced under the words.

 

    “I believe so, sir.” I bow gently.

 

    “Erwin!” Pixis turns to call him.

 

    “Yes, sir?”

 

    “Elliot and I need to have a quite personal conversation, she’ll be joining you in about an hour.” Pixis waves Erwin off. “We’ll see you soon!”

 

    Erwin rolls his eyes a bit - yes, _victory_ \- and walks off.

 

    “An hour, sir?” I ask quietly as we start walking to the courtyards.

 

    Pixis nods. “I believe we cannot cover what we need to cover in a few mere minutes.”

 

    I look at the ground. “The Reiss family… you know where Harper is, don’t you?”

 

    Pixis smiles knowingly and some sort of pride lights up in his eyes. “I recognized her the moment she stepped into my office as a soldier for humanity.” He throws a glance at me and for some reason I find myself blushing.

 

    “Why didn’t you say anything?” I mutter.

 

    He laughs. “I think you would have killed me before I said anything; I do value my life, thank you very much.”

 

    I scoff. “Who killed the family?” I ask, changing the subject. “Do you know?”

 

    Pixis purses his lips thoughtfully. “I don’t know who, exactly, but I do know that you were a part of it.”

 

    I furrow my eyebrows. “What do you mean?”

 

    “The men that came to collect you, you went willingly with them and even gave them a few orders,” Pixis states nonchalantly with a shrug. “They even called you ‘Commander’ at one point.”

 

    Like Reiner and Bertholdt did. “Why not arrest me, then?” I ask quietly. “I’m a criminal. I killed a noble family.”

 

    Pixis chuckles as if I’ve told him a good joke. “But you don’t remember any of it.”

 

    I look at him incredulously. Just how much does this man know about me?

 

    “You went into red heat because you saw Frieda die, but you still managed to hang on long enough to give orders to your men and make sure no evidence was left behind.” Pixis sighs and takes another swig from his flask. “And when you showed up in my office, smelling like an alpha and acting like one, I couldn’t just accuse you of the crime. Not when you were one of our best soldiers and humanity’s strongest’s emotional rock.”

 

    “Are you talking about Levi?”

 

    He scoffs. “Of course I’m talking about that angsty idiot. He’s a strong idiot, don’t get me wrong, but still an idiot.”

 

    “He’s not that dumb,” I mutter. A part of me wants to passionately agree with Pixis and share Levi’s worst moments, but I hold back. The omega in me is bristling at the insult to my alpha, and Pixis suddenly looks a lot less trustworthy in my eyes. I don’t realize I’m frowning at him until Pixis laughs.

 

    “No need to get so defensive of your alpha, Elliot,” he chides. “I think Levi is a good man. Someone very worthy of your love.”

 

    “He’s not my alpha,” I grit out.

 

    “Sure.” Pixis winks. “Not yet.”

 

    Maria, I just wanted to talk about the Reiss family and what happened to them. No need to discuss my current love interest.

 

    “Where is Rod Reiss now?” I ask, changing the subject again.

 

    Pixis shrugs. “Who knows? He’s around his farming property, I know that. Still hiding behind his money like the coward he is.”

 

    “He’s a coward?”

 

    Pixis nods gravely. “The kind with power, too. Shame he was the one who survived. Frieda was a good person, much stronger than her father.”

 

    _Frieda_. “When did you meet me?”

 

    Pixis smiles at the memory. “She introduced us when you had just received your heat and mated her. She was so proud.”

 

    Pity she’s dead.

 

~~~

 

    I leave Erwin in the night.

 

    Under the cover of darkness and my hood, I slip into the stables and saddle up Frieda. Frieda. Huh, never guess that’s why I named my horse. I named my fucking horse after my mate. People do weird things out of love.

 

    But was it love?

 

    Frieda found me in a dance studio of omegas, and I had the mission to regain the Founding Titan. I can assume that you gain titan abilities by consuming the previous titan holder, or at least something like that. People don’t survive the process. I went into her family knowing that I would most likely have to kill her, or at least one of her family members. I was an assassin sitting at their dinner table. A thief in the damned night.

 

    So no, I doubt it was love. She was my mission, nothing more.

 

    I ride away in the night, riding to the farms that Rod Reiss owns. The small mansion where I probably bound myself to Frieda. It’s near the church that burned down, and it’s where everything changed. It’s where I failed my mission, and I know I failed it because I haven’t retaken any titan. I’ve lost my memories and given myself to the enemy.

 

    And I’ve made the enemy my lover.


	14. Harper vs Elliot (part two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, Levi is a bit out of character but I like to blame it on the hormones. 
> 
> AND, the end of this chapter and the beginning of the next one is the reason why I’ve put up the ‘rape/non con’ warning. It’s nothing explicit, but Harper goes through a lot of angst because of it. 
> 
> Enjoy the buildup to the pain, everybody!

The church I was directed to was a fake.

 

It was burnt down but it wasn’t the one the Reiss family died in.

 

Don’t ask me how I know, I just know. I would have felt something. Some tug. Some damned sign to show me that I had to finish my mission.

 

Disappointed, I ride back to the Scouting Legion headquarters the next morning to see Levi again. Levi. It’s strange, how attached you can get to someone. Levi has always been my lifeline, ever since the beginning in the underground. He was the angsty piece of shit who took care of his own, and he didn’t give a fuck about my own angst. I became a part of his family and he was there for me. I don’t think I really appreciated him in the underground, not as much as I should of, at least. I was a cocky newborn ‘alpha’ who thought she could rule the world, but I didn’t know how the world even worked. I probably still don’t. But Levi did. He knew the way to stay alive and win in the gangs of the underworld, and while he was always frustrated by my lack of knowledge of how a diplomatic meeting works, he didn’t kill me for it. He still considered me a good part of his pack.

 

Which I have beef with because I wouldn’t keep me. I’m a shitstorm of a person because I’m kind but horrible and independent but needy. I want people to love and me and appreciate me, but I often don’t appreciate others. Like Hanji, for example. She’s practically my mother - my very dirty minded and half insane mother - but I rarely thank her for it. It just feels like a given part of my life. 

 

Levi was the same, for a while, and when Isabel and Farlan died, it was just given that he wouldn’t die or leave me. He was always there, and so why should it be any different now? 

 

Then Levi went and fucked Erwin. 

 

It’s obvious why I felt heartbroken and angsty and blah blah blah, but I think it’s one of the first times in my life - that I can remember, at least - that I lost something I took for granted. Yes, there was Isabel and Farlan, but they died. They were brutally killed by a monster who Levi killed. Levi didn’t die. Levi  _ left. _ Like I said, it’s harder mourning for the living than mourning for the dead. Levi was still there physically, but he was gone. We didn’t talk. I couldn’t run to him and rant if Hanji was driving me up the wall or go and beg for cuddles because I was lonely. I didn’t have that anymore. 

 

Now I have Levi again, and it feels like everything is right with the world again. I know it’s soooo cheesy and sooo stupid and shit, but it’s true. I rely on Levi, not gonna lie. Elliot Kingston, the great alpha lance corporal of the Scouting Legion, relies  _ heavily  _ on Levi. I’m literally close to  _ no one  _ but Levi. Yes, there’s Hanji but it’s not the same. Hanji’s like my mom and there are still boundaries. With Levi, there seem to be no boundaries. Minus the small secret of my actual sex. 

 

And with Levi, I’m happy. 

 

“Elliot!” Levi shouts when I dismount my horse. I look at him with a small smile, and it’s all I have to offer. If I smile any wider, I’ll risk my reputation of being an angsty alpha and besides, I’m still pissed about the church. I was so close to answers, but I couldn’t stay long. I had to come back, first. Come back to Levi, calm myself down, and clear my thoughts.

 

“Hi, Levi,” I say softly. 

 

“You look like shit,” he says without missing a beat.

 

I scoff. “Thanks. I feel so loved.”

 

He rolls his eyes and grabs my wrist. “Hanji has Eren for the rest of today, and I’ve finished all the fucking paperwork.” He begins leading me to the castle. “If you have paperwork or work to be done, it’s gonna have to wait.”

 

I groan a little and let myself be dragged into the castle. “What do you have planned?”

 

He turns his head and gives me a disappointed look. “I’m not telling. Not yet.”

 

“But Levi-” I whine.

 

“Nope.” He tugs on my wrist harder so I have to jog a little to keep up. “Not gonna happen.” We run all the way back to our room - which, may I remind you, is in the most inconvenient place that is so far awaaaay - and he practically rips the door open and shoves me inside.

 

“Levi, what’s going o-” I begin saying, but Levi then slams me against the door and starts kissing me. His hands are threaded into my hair and he’s growling desperately into my mouth. I let him kiss me, getting lost in the feeling a bit, but my mind keeps turning in slow circles until it hits me.

 

The room smells like Levi, and I mean,  _ a lot _ like Levi. Every single damn thing in the room smells like him, and not just in the normal way. In the… how do I put this lightly… that time of the month way. He’s going into rut. 

 

Eventually, he breaks off the kiss and pants heavily with me still trapped in his arms. “I missed you.”

 

No joke, Levi. “You’re going into rut, aren’t you?” I ask gently, and he hangs his head in a bit of shame.

 

“I was going to take this slow, make it responsible the way adults do these fucking things.” He laughs bitterly. “But as soon as I saw you riding in, I lost it.”

 

I nuzzle into his neck and breathe in his scent. He smells like home. “I feel honored. No one else makes you go crazy like this.”

 

He laughs, a real, genuine laugh. A laugh only rut Levi would let himself laugh. “It’s true. But,” he leans back and looks at me in the eye. “In all seriousness, I want to do this properly.”

 

I raise a brow. “Oh?”

 

He whacks my shoulder lightly. “Be nice. I’m trying to be serious.”

 

I giggle. “Alright, then. Be serious.”

 

He rolls his eyes and mutters a few insults. “Will you spend my rut with me?”

 

Now that is a good question. Spending his rut with him for the second time would probably mean that he’s going to know I’m an omega. But also, it’s a good time to tell him without him getting too upset since his mind will be addled by the hormones. However, telling Levi I’m an omega? Is that really wise?

 

With the puppy eyes / bedroom eyes he’s giving me, I’m really starting to think it’s a good idea.

 

“But I’m an alpha,” I say quietly. How much does he want me?

 

“I don’t care,” he answers in a heartbeat. “I don’t care. I’ve been with alphas before, betas before, and I don’t want anyone else but you.” He takes my hands into his own and smiles a bit. “You’ve been the one constant in my life, and I wouldn't have it any other way.”

 

“So you want me?”

 

He looks at me and his pupils dilate a bit. “I want you.”

 

I lead him to the bed and kiss him chastely. “Then I need to show you something first.”

 

He nods but raises a thin eyebrow at me. 

 

I turn my back to him and grasp my neck wrap, wondering whether or not I want to do this. Erwin has a very good point, that I need to tell Levi before it’s too late, but still. This has been the secret of my life, and I haven’t told anyone who didn’t need to know or already knew. Isabel and Farlan knew from the start, Hanji found out because she’s a genius and a stalker, Hanji told Erwin, and Pixis knew me before Frieda died. 

 

Frieda. 

 

I squeeze my eyes shut and see her vague smile in my mind’s eye. 

 

I gave myself to her to finish a mission. I didn’t love her. She was my mission. The Founding Titan. I killed her, even if I don’t remember doing the deed. But she’s dead now, and it’s because of me. 

Levi is not my mission, never have been and never will be. I chose to give myself to him, because I need him and I want this. I want him. I want to hold him and be held and be happy and cry and laugh and break with him. I trust him.

So without any explanation, I sit down on the bed and begin undoing the neck wrap that I’ve so carefully tied. I sleep in this damn thing, I fight in this thing, I’ve always had it on in order to protect myself. The cloth is silky under my hands, and I unwrap it with a delicacy of an omega. The wrap falls onto the bed and I chuck off my jacket, throwing it onto a nearby chair. The air is cold on my skin, and I feel naked like this. Vulnerable. I have nothing to hide anymore, no more walls up between Levi and I, nothing to cover my history and my shame.

 

Levi sits next to me on the bed, his eyes never leaving the bite mark on my neck, and I can practically hear the gears clicking in his head, trying to work this out. His gaze is emotionless, and the wait for his response is slowly carving a hole into my mind. 

 

“Who are they?” Is the first thing to past his lips. 

 

_ Who are they? _

 

__ _ No one, they’re gone _

 

“No one,” I murmur. “They’re gone.”

 

A pale hand slowly comes up and traces the scar lightly. His touch is electric and I should be hating the feeling of his hands on my scar. But I don’t. “What did they do to you?”

 

I grimace a bit. “I don’t even know.”

 

He looks at me with some sort of gentle shock, no, pitiful shock, and he draws his hand away. “You’re an omega.”

 

Ain’t that the truth. “Yeah,” I chuckle. “I’m an omega.” Do you hate me now? Will you know throw me away or look at me differently or judge me from behind your dark bangs? 

 

He scoots a little closer and smells the air around me. “That’s why you’re always so touchy feely about being weak.”

 

Not the response I was expecting. “I am not touchy feely about being weak,” I shove at his shoulder, a blush on my cheeks. Ugh why do I have to be so cheesy around this  _ idiot _ .

 

“Sure,” he says. “Whatever gets you through the night.”

 

I scoff. “You’re the one who needs help getting through the night.”

 

He shrugs. “I have you.” He takes my hand. “Right?”

 

“You still want me?” I ask, a bit shocked. “Even if I have another alpha’s bite on me?”

 

He growls softly at that. “I intend to cover it with my own,” he mutters out, but he squints his eyes shut immediately, silently cursing himself.

 

“I’ll let you,” I whisper, and his eyes shoot right back open at that. “I trust you, and I want you too.”

 

He traces the bite again and I say, “It’s only ever been you.”

 

I look at him and feel my heart swelling. This is not a mission, not a job, not a lie, not a game. Levi is the man who has stood beside me in my worst and my best, excluding the major ‘Erwin’ hiccups we’ve had. 

 

I think what I crave most in life is for someone to open me up and look at me, at every aspect of my hell ridden body and soul, and then judge me. Judge me for my flaws and my strengths and my history and my future. And once they have judged me, I want them to throw it all away. To not care. To look at the dark and light parts of my soul and say “so what?” I want someone to see me for everything I am, and then love me for it.

 

Levi leans in, kissing me gently, and I kiss him back. I give him my soul and my heart and everything I have to offer. He has judged me and he still wants me. This broken soul with a side of amnesia is still worthy of love in his eyes. The kisses are soft and hypnotic, and I feel myself feeling a thousand different things as we kiss. Of course, the fire soon consumes our actions, and lust drives him, but he wants  _ me _ . He knows  _ me _ and he still wants  _ me _ . 

 

This time, Levi remembers his rut.

 

He remembers the way he pushes me into the bed, kissing words of adoration into my skin. The way I smell, responding to his own desire. The fire in our mouths and skin; the smell of lust reeking off the bed. The small moans and the promises of love. 

 

He remembers me. 

 

~~~

 

_ “Again!”  _

 

__ _ We twirl like perfect dolls. _

 

__ _ “Again!” _

 

__ _ We twirl again, our form perfect and our eyes emotionless. _

 

__ _ “Once more!” _

 

__ _ Again we twirl. _

 

__ _ “Alright, listen up, ladies!” Madam Dean claps her hands for our attention. “After our next performance, we will be having the noble families coming back stage to greet you all! There are four noble families with eligible alphas who are looking for a mate. They will have the opportunity to choose one of you. You cannot refuse.” The last words are like a butcher’s knife falling on a pig’s neck, the bones cracking for all to hear. “The families are Oberwesel, Guillermo, Reiss, and Fellows. You are dismissed.” _

 

__ _ We all scamper away to our dorms.  _

 

__ _ Reiss. _

 

__ _ The family of the Founding Titan. _

 

__ _ “Harper, do you think they’ll really pick one of us?” One of my roommates asks, Ruby, I think her name is.  _

 

__ _ I shrug. “They’re alphas. They do as they please.” _

 

__ _ “I heard that the Fellows alpha is the worst of them,” Alice says. “He’s apparently really abusive to his omegan servants.” _

 

__ _ I see Ruby shiver. “I hope he doesn’t pick, then. None of us deserve to be treated like that.” _

 

__ _ “Doesn’t matter if we deserve it or not. Alphas rule this world, and omegas are born to serve them,” I say nonchalantly. I don’t care about any of the other families, I just need the Reiss alpha to pick me.  _

 

__ _ “If you had to be picked, which family’s alpha would you want?” Alice asks.  _

 

__ _ “I don’t really know, none of them, if I could have my way,” Ruby says, sitting gingerly on her bunk, tucking her feet under her like a perfect omegan doll. _

 

__ _ “What about you, Harper?”  _

 

__ _ “Reiss,” I answer without hesitation. I’m laying on my back, looking at the ceiling, but I can imagine the look of surprise on their faces. _

 

__ _ “Why the Reiss family? I’ve never really heard of them,” Alice says. _

__

__ _ “I have,” Ruby chirps. “They’re apparently really religious, and they’re all supposed to be very nice.” _

 

__ _ Alice sighs. “Must be nice, having a kind alpha. It’s as close as we’re ever going to get to love.” _

 

__ _ Ruby whines a bit. “Do you really think we’ll never find love?” _

 

__ _ I scoff. _

 

__ _ “Got something to say, Harper?” Alice asks. _

 

__ _ “Sure.” I sit up and look both of them in the eye. “Love isn’t something alphas can give you. Alphas are hormone driven bastards who only care about breeding. Niceties and basic human kindness, like Alice said, are the best we can hope for.” _

 

__ _ “That’s not how it’s supposed to be,” Ruby says quietly, looking at her little feet tucked behind her. “Alphas are supposed to love us and care for us and the family.” _

 

__ _ “Maybe in another world,” I say. “Not in this one.” _

 

__ _ The next performance is nearly flawless, but Ruby stumbles at one point. Madam Dean scolds her ruthlessly for it, and even some of the other omegas hiss at her for “making the performance a failure.” Even among the gentlest of the sexes, it’s eat or be eaten. Although, in that sense I certainly have the advantage. Not that they know that, or ever will know that. _

 

__ _ The families file in and they all look so fucking posh. Rich robes and velvet encase their fattened bodies, and perfume wafts off of them like poison. Most of the ladies are betas pretending to be omegas, the scent of fake hormones fills the air. Pathetic. They abuse us and make us slaves, and yet they want to be like us. They want to be able to carry children. It’s the one thing the whores and concubines of the families have over them. Wombs.  _

 

__ _ The Reiss family is the humblest of the families, dressed in simple but good quality clothes. They only use white and blue clothing. Their alpha, Frieda Reiss, is next in line for the Founding Titan, but she hasn’t received it yet. Her uncle has it, though, but I don’t see him here. He wouldn’t come to some trivial event such as an omegan dance concert. He has more important things to contemplate. _

 

__ _ “Welcome, my noble friends. Today, your unmated alphas will have the chance to pick out one of the omegas here in this school as their own potential partner. Each of my students will be performing a solo for you to fully see their physical potentials. Please, come as close to the stage as you would like, but please no touching until we are finished.” Madam Dean’s smile is like poison, contaminating anything good in this shit hole. She gets what she wants, always, because she sells the best things. Virgin omegas. Pure and innocent little things that haven’t even had a single heat yet. I’ve got the titan serum to prevent me from going into heat early, but I only have about half a year before it strikes. Half a year is enough. It’s going to have to be enough. _

 

__ _ Each of us perform as Madam Dean instructs, and I’ll take the liberty of calling it innocent pole dancing. The way our hips move; our legs spreading as far as possible; our bodies bending and twisting like possessed dolls; all of it is to prove out physical worth. To make the alphas want us, and trick them into thinking their desires for us are innocent and good. Bullshit. _

 

__ _ Ruby stumbles again, and all of us wince when she does. If she isn’t picked, Madam Dean will practically murder her and potentially sell her off to the brothels. However, one of the alphas in the crowd seems to take a liking to her. She’s watching Ruby with an awed expression, even despite her flaws. I feel relieved for Ruby for a moment, but then I realize that the alpha is the Reiss alpha. Shit. No, I need to be the one who wins Reiss over. That’s my mission. _

 

__ _ I go on after an omega boy named Casey, and I feel armor growing around my toes a little. I try to calm my breathing so I’m not actually sprouting armor all over my body. I can do this, I can do this. My dance is far more mature than the other’s dances. I have more elegance and poise - due to my age - and I need to use this to my advantage. The Reiss family is a religious one, meaning they’re pity filled bastards. I need to seem desperate, but a bit of my pride wants to seem above them. Better than them. Because, in the end, I am better. I am the Lunar Titan of the Titan Legion, and I am the first omega in the Legion. I am the strongest of us all.  _

 

__ _ So I dance to Frieda. I find her scent in the room and I latch onto it, complimenting it with my own scent. As the Lunar Titan, I have the ability to use my titan abilities in my human form, so I try seducing her with my scent.  _

 

__ Look at me _ , I try to say.  _ Look at how beautiful I am. Do you not want me? 

 

__ _ My body moves to the music, but I am not bound by it. I am not bound by such trivial things like music. My body makes its own music, weaving it through the air into a masterful song. Gravity does not bind me, I bind it. I twirl and I fly across the stage, my feet never seeming to touch the ground. I remember the days when I was humiliated here, when they called me nothing more than a weak omega. I am not weak. I am strong. Those who once mocked me now kneel at my feet, and I am the only omega in the class to make it to on pointe. I am stronger than them. I am better than them. _

__

_ I am a fertile omega at thirteen years of age and I will seduce Frieda Reiss and regain the Founding Titan for my family. _

 

__ _ After the performances, we all line up for the alphas to inspect us. Leering young alphas who think they own the world walk up to us and sniff at our scent glands. They don’t touch us, of course, but they ogle us quite a lot. Earlier, Madam Dean gave us some untrustworthy drugs to amplify our scents, so the alphas don’t really have to lean in that close to smell us. But they still do. They always do. _

 

__ _ They walk up the line once, pausing at whichever one us has caught their eye, then they turn back and pick out their prize. A few of them sniff at me far too long, so I try softening my scent into something closer to a betas. I try to look infertile in their eyes. I don’t want any of them. I want Frieda.  _

 

__ _ When Frieda finally walks up to us - she chose to go last because she’s “honorable” or something - she doesn’t walk up and down the line. She beelines for me and looks at me with the most pitiable expression ever. Bright blue eyes stare at me with some sort of awe, and her lips part gently. I immediately flare out my scent, responding to her alphaen presence, and it does the trick. Her pupils dilate a bit and I smile innocently.  _

 

__ _ Frieda picks me. _

 

__ _ Madam Dean shoos us away to gather what few things we have, and we all come back down to our alphas. Ruby was picked by the Fellows alpha, and I see her visible trembling as we pack our things. Alice holds her tightly as she whispers words of encouragement, and she shoots me a deadly look, as if it’s all my fault. Well sorry if Frieda picked me over bubbly little Ruby.  _

 

__ _ Frieda stands with her family when I come downstairs in my travel clothes, and her eyes light up when she sees me. She stretches out her arms to me, and I go into them. She radiates so much warmth, and she smells like fresh pine. Her embrace makes me feel woozy and comforted, but I snap out of it quickly. I’m not here for that. I’m here to kill her. To regain the Founding Titan. To win this war.  _

 

__ _ She steps back to get a good look at me. “Are you comfortable with going home with me right away? You could stay a little longer to have time to process it all.” _

 

__ _ You’re too kind, but no. I want to get away from this shit hole as soon as possible. I shake my head. “I would rather get it all over with quickly, ma’am.” _

 

__ _ “Don’t call me ma’am,” she tuts. “Just call me Freida. Just Frieda.” _

 

__ _ I nod. “Okay, Just Frieda.” _

 

__ _ She grins a little. “Come on, it’s getting cold outside.” _

 

__ _ We walk outside with her arm around me. Her grip on my arm is protective and she radiates the stench of a content alpha. Her father, a weak smelling alpha, is a short and fat little man who seems very nervous despite his daughter’s current victory. Oh well, alphas will be alphas. His wife is a kindly looking omega with a lot of wrinkles from smiling. She has the same blue eyes like Frieda, and I feel comfortable with the woman. She seems worth trusting. We all pile into the carriage waiting for us outside and Frieda tucks me into her side like some child she doesn’t want to misplace. But then again, I am still a child, aren’t I? _

 

__ _ “How old are you, Harper dear?” Lady Reiss asks.  _

 

__ _ “Thirteen, ma’am,” I answer sweetly. _

 

__ _ She chuckles. “No need to call me ma’am, Harper. In a few short years you’ll be my legal daughter, after all.” _

 

__ _ I blink. “Years?”  _

 

__ _ She nods. “You haven’t had your heat yet, correct?” _

 

__ _ I nod. _

 

__ _ “Most omegas who don’t get their heats at thirteen usually get them at about fifteen to sixteen years old. I got mine when I was fifteen, and so you’ll probably get yours around the same age.” She says everything with the utmost faith in her words, and I don’t doubt her knowledge. She just doesn’t know that I’m a titan, which is the only reason why she’s wrong. I’ll get my heat in half a year, but none of them could possibly know that it’s because of my titan. None of them do. And none of them can. _

 

__ _ “So I won’t get married until I have my heat?”  _

 

__ _ Frieda nods besides me. “It’s traditional, since marriages stem from who you’re mated with. And besides,” she smiles down at me. “It gives me more time to court you.” _

 

__ _ Pft. As if you need to court me. I’m just some baby machine you picked out. Nothing special. No need to be so romantic, it changes nothing. _

 

__ _ But do I say any of this? Nope. I simply blush a little and smile like some cheesy omega in those books Ruby reads. The books are full of bullshit, by the way. _

 

__ _ “Oh, she’s precious,” Lady Reiss coos, and her husband merely stares with dead looking eyes. What crawled up your ass and died, eh? _

 

__ _ We arrive at their small manor in an hour or so. In the span of that hour I fill their heads with depressing lies about my past, and I can feel Freida growing more and more protective of me with every word. She thinks I’m some sob story she needs to love and protect. Great. It’ll just make my job easier. _

 

__ _ At the door, there are four other children standing there to great us. They’ve all got cute faces and excited eyes, and they all look to Frieda like she’s some god. She’s not a god yet, kiddos. And when she does become one, she won’t be for long. _

 

__ _ “Who’s this?” The youngest chirps as she tugs on Frieda’s dress. _

 

__ _ “This is Harper. She’s going to be my mate soon,” Frieda answers kindly. _

 

__ _ The children all explode into giggles. “Your mate?” They exclaim in intervals.  _

 

__ _ “She’s so pretty!” The youngest chirps again, and the oldest boy - and alpha, I think - looks at me and nods in agreement. _

 

__ _ “I think they like you,” Frieda whispers into my ear, and her breath tickle my skin in all of the wrong and right ways. Frieda’s a good alpha, I will assume. But she’s also my mission. She’s going to be dead within the next year. _

 

__ _ I blush and cuddle closer to her side.  _ Just play the part, _ I remind myself.  _

 

__ _ Frieda introduces me to the kids - her siblings, apparently - and then leads me upstairs to her chambers. Our chambers. The room is simple but elegant. Blue sheets and blue walls are all traced in golden swirls, and the carpet is so soft under my calloused feet. _

 

__ _ “Well, here we are!” Frieda says and turns to me. “I hope you don’t mind sleeping in the same bed; I promise I won’t do anything that you don’t want.” _

 

__ _ I blankly look at her. She actually gives a crap about my opinion. Or does she? “No, I don’t mind. It’s good actually, the nights get really cold when you’re alone.”  _

 

__ _ Aren’t I a masterful sob story. _

 

__ _ Frieda coos a bit and wraps me up in her arms again - without my permission, mind you. Gosh Frieda, you’re such a hypocrite. “You won’t be cold with me. I’ll take care of you.” _

 

__ _ I nuzzle into her warmth and I am sure as hell not complaining about the heat she radiates. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ I wake up surrounded by warmth, and I momentarily panic before realizing where I am. I’m with Frieda, my mission.  _

 

_ Frieda lifts her head off the pillows when I try to escape her protective grasp, and she looks at me with a kind gaze. _

 

_ “Good morning, Harper,” she says. _

 

_ “Good morning, Frieda,” I murmur back. Day one with the enemy. _

 

_ Breakfast is served by a kindly looking maid, and she smiles sweetly at me. The kids are mini thunderstorms, clambering about the table and laughing loudly, but Lady Reiss and Frieda can only shake their heads at them. The atmosphere in the room is so warm and loving, and I momentarily forget myself. It’s so easy, being caught up in the smiles of strangers. _

 

_ “So today, Frieda is going to show you around the fields and workhouses, but after that you’re free for the rest of the day,” Lady Reiss says to me. “What do you want to do?” _

 

_ What do I want to do? Kill Uri Reiss and get back home with the Founding Titan, but I can’t exactly do that, now, can I? “I’m not sure,” I say quietly. “Is there a library?” _

 

_ Frieda smiles at this. “We have a very large one, would you like to go there after I show you around?” _

__

_ I nod. Uri is the type of man who’d submerge himself in knowledge and history, so maybe I can stumble across him there or at least get a better feel of how they educate their children. “Is this everyone in the family?” I ask. _

 

_ I see Rod Reiss freeze for a moment, and I narrow my eyes at him a bit. What are you hiding? _

 

_ “Well, Rod’s brother, Uri, isn’t here at the moment, but he’s usually out in the fields or in the library,” Lady Reiss says. _

 

_ I nod. Rod relaxes, but he still looks panicked. Is there another Reiss I don’t know about? That no one knows about? _

 

_ Breakfast finishes quickly enough - the food is absolutely delicious, just going to say - and Frieda takes me by the hand and we go back to our room to dress properly. Lady Reiss brings in some omega clothes for me, and among the pile are a few sturdy clothes meant for horse riding and the like. Frieda lets me dress in privacy - such an angel, right? - but pauses to retie the bow at the back of my dress.  _

 

_ “It’s going to fall off like this,” she murmurs as she double knots it. “There we go!” _

 

_ I give her a grateful smile. Such a lovely alpha.  _

 

_ “Do you know how to ride a horse?” She asks when we arrive at the stables.  _

 

_ I shake my head. _

 

_ She seems perfectly fine with this information, happy even. “That’s fine, today you’ll just ride with me, then. I’ll teach you how to ride eventually.” _

 

_ I nod. _

 

_ I sit in front of her in the saddle - since I’m small enough… sigh… - and we ride slowly out of the mansion’s ‘yard.’ It’s not really a yard since it’s so fucking huge, but I don’t know what else to call it. It’s not their entire property, which stretches for quite a few acres, so I can’t call it that. _

 

_ The sky is blue today, so blue, and I say nothing as we ride, trying to take in everything and commit the paths and landmarks to memory. One day I’ll have to run away from here with Winn and Gale, so I need to be prepared to lead them out of the lion’s den.  _

 

_ “You don’t talk much, don’t you?” Frieda says at one point. _

 

_ Ah fuck. That’s right, social interaction with the woman who thinks she’s going to marry me but is actually going to be murdered by me.  _

 

_ “I just don’t know what to say,” I murmur. “I have no questions and I’ve been raised to keep my mouth shut unless spoken to.” _

 

_ I can imagine the pitiful expression on Frieda’s face, and her hands tighten in the reigns. “I’m sorry.” _

 

_ “For what?” I laugh shortly. “It wasn’t your fault, and my mannerisms have saved my life more than once.” Although, I had a really large mouth back at Eldia, and that definitely got me in heaps of trouble quite often.  _

 

_ Frieda hugs me from behind. “Well, feel free to talk about whatever you want here. You’re safe. No one is going to hurt you out here.” _

 

_ I nod, and I honestly believe her. I am untouchable here, and it is the Reiss family that will be hurt. The Founding Titan will return home.  _

 

_ The lands are mostly for farming instead of livestock, and Frieda surprisingly knows a lot about plants. She lists off five different wheats and crops I’ve never heard of, and she chuckles at my bewildered expression. Well sorry if I’ve been living in a completely different world than you.  _

 

_ After showing me around the property - which is really big and identical for miles on end - Frieda takes me back to the main house and to the library. I instantly submerge myself in finding the types of books they read here, and I’m surprised in the lack of political history and such. It’s mostly fairy tales and happy things. _

 

_ “You’re literate, aren’t you?” Frieda says softly as she follows me around the library. _

 

_ I nod. “I had a good education when I was younger.” _

 

_ Frieda nods. “Before you were moved to the dance school.” _

 

_ I pretend to be bothered by the memory and don’t reply. My past is my past, and I must focus on the future of my mission. _

 

_ I pick out a few stories that look a little less boring than the usual ‘the big strong alpha saves the day’ and I ask if I can read in the gardens. Frieda is thrilled by the idea, so we curl ourselves under their willow tree and read. She keeps me in her embrace, and I can’t argue with her. I am going to have to make her like me if I want to be able to get access to the titans. _

 

_ We fall asleep under the tree, and Frieda holds me tightly throughout our nap. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

__ _ “I have to show you something.” _

 

__ _ It’s been two months since I’ve arrived at the Reiss home. Ever so slowly, Frieda has begun courting me, and some of it is honestly really sweet. She’s taken me on so many walks around little gardens and flower fields, and she’s been nothing but kind to me. Obviously, most of her kindness is cringy and painful, but I let it slide. I would rather deal with a happy and over-fluffy alpha than an angry and abusive one.  _

 

__ _ “What is it?” I ask. It’s in the middle of the night and Frieda looks very serious. _

 

__ _ She shakes her head. “I can’t tell you yet.” _

 

__ _ I look at her suspiciously but nod. “Okay. Now?” _

 

__ _ She nods. “Now.” _

 

__ _ We get out of bed and she wraps me in a few coats before we leave the house. We ride on one horse to a nearby chapel and dismount. She says nothing as she leads me into the building, and I am met with silence again when she opens up a hatch door and begins climbing down. Adrenaline fills my blood as I follow her down, and her touch is like fire as she holds me steady. It’s dark at first, and I hold tightly onto her hand as we walk through what seems to be a narrow tunnel. We reach a thin door, and as Frieda opens it, like floods into the tunnel and I’m momentarily blinded. When I can see, blue greets me.  _

 

__ _ In awe, I walk out of the tunnel and into the light. Blue crystalline columns rise in a large cave, and they seem to glow in the night. Nothing is dark in this place, and everything is made out of this crystal. It takes me a moment to realize that it’s made out of titan armor.  _

 

__ _ How on Earth did a titan construct something like this? _

 

__ _ I turn to Frieda in confusion, and when she smiles sadly at me, I panic. Have I been discovered? Has she taken me down here to kill me? Do away with me? With the spy in their household? _

 

__ _ “What is this place?” I ask, keeping my voice steady and letting armor grow on my ribs and feet.  _

 

__ _ Frieda chuckles. “This is the titan sanctuary.” _

 

__ _ I look to her in confusion. “Titan… sanctuary?” _

 

__ _ She nods. “There is something I need to show you.” _

 

__ _ “This isn’t it?” _

 

__ _ She shakes her head. “This is where I can safely reveal him to you.” _

 

__ _ Him?  _

 

__ _ I turn back to the rest of the cave and see a single man standing in the middle of it, his hands clasped behind his back. I recognize him as Uri Reiss. _

 

__ _ “That’s your uncle, isn’t it?” I say. _

 

__ _ Frieda chuckles and ruffles my hair. “You really are the smart cookie, aren’t you?” _

 

__ _ I offer a small laugh.  _

 

__ _ “Come on, he wants to meet you.” _

 

__ _ We walk down a flight of crystal stairs, and my boots click softly against the material all the way down. Are they going to kill me? Surely not, surely they would do it quickly and without so much trouble. _

 

__ _ “Harper Finley,” Uri says when we reach him, offering me a wistful smile. “I see that Frieda has picked a beautiful omega as her bride.” _

 

__ _ I let myself blush. “Thank you.” _

 

__ _ He laughs. “It is only the truth.” _

 

__ _ I manage to meet his eyes, and I’m shocked by what I see. His eyes are bright blue and gold, shining even in this light. They look… enlightened and I can see his soul in those eyes. Maybe more than just his own soul.  _

 

__ _ “You must be wondering why Frieda brought you down here.” _

 

__ _ I nod. Please don’t kill me. Please don’t discover my mission. Please don’t make me fight you. I would lose to Uri in a fight, and Frieda would be much easier to confront when she is freshly a titan. Hence why I’m going to kill her and not this creature before me. _

 

__ _ “Frieda has been talking to me about you, and she has informed me that she is serious about marrying you,” Uri says.  _

 

__ _ Oh thank Fritz.  _

 

__ _ “But before we can make you a part of this family, there is something you must know, first.” _

 

__ _ I look back to Frieda and then to Uri. Are they going to tell me about their titan? The Founding Titan? _

 

__ _ “And you mustn’t get scared, I will not harm you,” Uri says before nodding to Frieda.  _

 

__ _ Frieda grabs my arms and pulls me against her chest, slowly stepping back from Uri, and Uri walks away from us. He draws a small knife, and he gives us a small smile before dragging it across his palm. _

 

__ _ The effect is instant.  _

 

__ _ Uri Reiss explodes before our eyes, and flesh and bone grow around him and swirl in a bloody dance. The Founding Titan reaches its full height before our eyes, and my breath is lost. He’s not that tall - not like Colossal - but he reaches sixteen meters. White hair falls around his head and skin grows equally around his body, and his eyes are the same. Bright blue and terrifying. _

 

__ _ “Harper?” Frieda asks softly. “Are you okay?” _

 

__ _ I merely stare at Uri. This is my mission. This is what they want me to retrieve and take back to Eldia. _

 

__ _ “Harper?” _

 

__ _ I nod and find my voice. “He’s a titan,” I whisper, hating myself a bit for sounding so pathetic. But it’s necessary, unfortunately. _

 

__ _ Frieda nods. “He is the Founding Titan, Harper. This is what the Reiss family is, the home of the King. The Founding Titan is passed down from generation to generation, and one day I will have this titan.” _

 

__ _ I look to her in confusion. “You?” _

 

__ _ She nods. “This is why I wanted to tell you. You are going to be my mate one day, and you will be the mate of the King. This is your destiny now, to stand beside me when I receive the memories of the whole of humanity.” _

 

__ _ I nod slowly. “You want me to still be with you.” _

 

__ _ She nods. “I want you to know me, every part of me. Even this monstrous side.” _

 

__ _ Uri exits his titan and lets me touch the marks under his eyes. The marks of a monster. We sit down on the floor, and Uri and Frieda explain to me more about the Founding Titan, but it’s already everything I know. King Fritz, the fake royal family, and the origin of the titans. The legacy of our beasts. _

 

__ _ “When I become that creature, Harper,” Frieda tells me on the way back. “Don’t be scared. I’ll still be me, even if some things change. But I’ll always love you.” She kisses the top of my head gently. “I will always love you.” _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ Frieda receives the Founding Titan today. _

 

_ My whole body is quivering with anticipation and it scares me. I’m so close, so close. I’ve alerted Gale and Winn, and tonight they’ll meet me outside of the Reiss house. Tonight is the night we regain the Founding Titan. _

 

_ I nearly laugh. Oh, finally. Finally I can go home. Finally I can return to Eldia as a victor, and we will have full control of the titans again. There are other soldiers finding the Attack Titan, and they will succeed in their mission. Today, the better half of humanity will achieve the greatest victory.  _

 

_ Today, I regain the Founding Titan. _

 

_ It takes place in the chapel, in the cave of armor below it, and we all wear white. All of the mates are present, including Urklyn’s new mate, Dean. We stand in a circle and pray, murmuring for Ymir to guide us.  _

 

_ Uri is chained at the sacrificial ledge, and he looks at peace. It’s interesting, how happy he looks when he’s about to be eaten by his niece.  _

 

_ The prayer ends with solemn whispers and reassuring glances, and Rod passes Frieda the titan serum. She kisses me on the forehead one last time - the very last time - and walks towards the ledge. She looks up and smiles at Uri, and he smiles back. This is the next step of their legacy and neither of them are afraid. They aren’t afraid of the monsters they are. Frieda then takes a deep breath and brings the injection to her left arm.  _

 

_ Gold bursts through the entire room, and soon titan Frieda stands before us. I see Dean cower into Urklyn’s form, but I stand tall and watch as Frieda consumes Uri. She bites into his spine, and I try not to grin. This is where the Reiss family falls.  _

 

_ She drops to the floor shortly after consuming Uri. The steam rises everywhere, cutting us off from the rest of the world. From the nape of that titan, she gets up, and there are marks below her eyes like shallow cuts. She has been marked as one of us, now. A monster.  _

 

__ _ I call her name - along with the rest of the family - and throw myself into her arms, just like any good omega would. She chuckles at me and hugs me back.  _

 

__ _ “Aw, there’s no need to be scared, baby,” she coos. “I’m sorry if I scared you.” _

 

__ _ I shake my head. “I wasn’t scared.” I lean back and look at her. “I knew you wouldn’t hurt me.” _

 

__ _ She chuckles. “Then why all this?” She looks pointedly at my hands, which clutch her shirt tightly.  _

 

__ _ I look away blushing and cuddle into her shoulder, where her mating bite should lie. Where it will never lie. “I justed wanted to make sure it was really you.” _

 

__ _ I just wanted to make sure you still trust me, so I can properly do what I’m about to do. _

 

__ _ The family crowds around us, and we all murmur prayers of thanks. The Founding Titan has been given to Frieda, and she is still strong. So strong. I beam up at her, as if I’m some proud wife, and she beams back.  _

 

__ _ We go home in peace, but I am bristling in anticipation. Soon, so soon, just a couple more hours.  _

 

__ _ I plan to knock her unconscious when we reach the bedroom and have Winn and Gale help me move her to a empty field. They’ll tie her down and I’ll turn titan and consume her, and then we’ll go home. Home. Almost home. I’ll be able to see Will, Mom, Dad, Reiner, Bert, Annie, Queenie, all of them. I’ll be able to go home.  _

 

__ _ We flop down onto the bed, and I slowly try to grow armor on my hands. I’ll need every asset I have tonight. She isn’t looking at me, but simply staring at the ceiling with her newfound knowledge. Knowledge that will soon belong to the intended King. The soldier I will pass this Titan onto. I focus a little bit more energy on my armor, knowing that she won’t look. But nothing is growing. I cast a worried glare at my hand and find it steaming slightly, but there is no armor. Nothing. What the fuck?  _

 

__ _ Don’t panic. Don’t panic. Focus focus focus.  _

 

__ _ I breathe deeply and try again, but nothing happens, and the steaming even stops. What the hell? What’s going on? Why can’t I grow armor?  _

 

__ _ “Harper?”  _

 

__ _ I whip my head to Frieda with a panicked expression painted all over my face, and she looks worriedly at me. _

 

__ _ “Are you okay?” She asks. “You’re smelling weird, like oak or something.” _

 

__ _ I panick a little bit more and try to control my breathing. This can’t be happening. I’m supposed to be dragging her unconscious body out of the window right now. Winn and Gale are waiting for me. I can’t be doing this. I can’t be doing this. _

 

__ _ She places a hand on my forehand and instantly widens her eyes. “Harper?! You’re burning up! Are you okay?”  _

 

__ _ Her voice begins to fade away and I find something ringing in my ears. My eyesight begins to blur and I whine quietly. What’s happening?  _

 

__ _ “Harper! Harper!” I hear her call, but I can barely register her words. All I can feel is this… fire, this fire climbing into my lungs and bones. Everything is too slow yet too fast and everything is wrong until I feel Frieda’s hand on my shoulder.  _

 

__ _ “Alpha?” The word slips from my lips and I can’t find out why I should be panicking about this. Her touch is cool against my flaming skin, and I know that Alpha will fix me. She’ll fix this fire. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

__ _ I wake up in warmth and minor pain. _

 

__ _ I throw myself off of the bed with a mild scream and groan when I land roughly on the floor. I rub my bum, whining softly, and I realize that I’m naked. Why the fuck am I naked?  _

 

__ _ The warmth is still surrounding me, and it smells intense in here. Not bad, it actually smells really good, but its so fucking  _ intense.  _ What’s going on? Why am I naked? _

 

__ _ “Omega?” _

 

__ _ My entire body freezes. Omega. Omega.  _

 

__ _ “Alpha,” I find myself whispering. _

 

__ _ Frieda’s head rises from the mountain of pillows and she looks at me confusedly. “What are you doing there? Come back here. It’s cold.” _

 

__ _ I stare at her and I keep staring until I feel a sob forming in my chest.  _

 

__ _ It’s not a mountain of pillows. It’s a nest. A nest for an omega and their alpha. I recognize the design I picked out, the oval shape with little walls surrounding the middle. It’s my nest. I designed it to mimic the walls they’ve put up in Paradis: Maria, Rose, and Sina, And in the middle, is my alpha. The Founding Titan. _

 

__ _ I force myself to crawl back to Frieda’s embrace and try not to smell distraught. She’s in slight rut, due to my hormones calling out to hers, and I don’t want to cause any more trouble than I already have. She nuzzles into my neck and kisses me softly, and I try to purr in response. Purr to please her. But I can’t. All I feel is heat and emptiness and regret and fear in my chest. _

 

__ _ I’m in heat. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha it’s not a plot twist it’s really not but I’m still cackling because of what is to come because of this.


	15. Harper > Elliot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just to clarify something: Elliot is an extremely unreliable narrator. Yes, what she says is true and stuff, she isn’t making any of this shit up, but she interprets things differently from what they actually are. She’s very self centered and often doesn’t see beyond her own pain. This is expanded on later but I just wanted to mention it because I know a lot of her reactions to things are kinda... strange and immature.

__ _ Frieda doesn’t understand why I’m hiding in the bathroom, quietly crying. I’m sure she can smell my distress, but I honestly don't care. I don’t give a shit or a fuck or a damn about anything anymore.  _

 

__ _ I failed. _

 

__ _ I failed my mission. _

 

__ _ I had one job, one job, and I screwed it up. _

 

__ _ Regain the Founding Titan. Kill Frieda Reiss and bring back home the Founding Titan. Do it all before your heat comes.  _

 

__ _ I had an entire year, a whole year to do all of this. One year. _

 

__ _ I scream in frustration and kick the bathtub, groaning when I hear my foot crack because of the lack of armor.  _

 

__ _ Frieda shouts from the other side of the door, but I honestly don't care. She won’t touch me. I won’t let her touch me.  _

 

__ _ My hands find the bloody bite on my neck, and I release another sob. This is what I was trying to avoid. Don’t get mated to the enemy. I’m supposed to hate her and I’m supposed to kill her. Now? Now… I can’t carry out the mission without prematurely killing myself in the process.  _

 

__ _ I scream again.  _

 

_ It wasn’t supposed to be like this. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

__ _ I don’t tell Frieda why I screamed and cried for three hours in the bathroom. She tries to ask why, but I don’t say anything. I just stare off into the distance and shrug and blame it on hormones. No big deal. Just the fear of failing and dying without saying goodbye to my family. _

 

__ _ We get married within the month and they brand my shoulder with their cornucopia symbol. They mark me as their property. I live in constant fear of being pregnant. _

 

__ _ I meet with Winn and Gale to apologize about the failed mission, and I tell them the new plan. They leave to recruit more men, and I try to mentally prepare myself for my next move.  _

 

__ _ Everyday I spend with Frieda, and I try to distance myself emotionally from her. But of course it doesn’t work. I’m mated to her. That’s my bite on her neck, and her bite on mine. I am hers. She is mine. Her emotions are now mine and my emotions are now hers. And the feeling will only strengthen over time.  _

 

_ Oh how ironic all of this is.  _

 

_ This is the one thing I was told not to do. I had the advantage as an omega to get close to Frieda, but I also had the disadvantage of becoming her mate and therefore limiting my abilities. You can’t kill your mate. To kill your mate would be to kill yourself. _

 

_ And yet, that is what I must do. _

 

_ I have to kill Frieda and try to survive the red heat. I’m a titan, and the alpha hormones in me already have postpones my heat, so maybe I can use the titan serum to lessen the effects of the red heat. We can go hide in the underground and wait until it passes. I will take the name Elliot Kingston, in hope that I will wake up smelling like an alpha because the excess of alpha hormone injected into me. Then we go home with the Founding Titan in me. _

 

_ And I then burn for my country. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ “I want to pray, tonight.” _

 

_ “Hm?” Frieda lifts her head from her book and looks at me curiously. “Why?” _

 

_ Because I want to kill you. “I’ve been feeling uneasy these few days, and I just have a feeling that praying with you would be good for me.” _

 

_ Frieda nods. “Would you be comfortable doing it with everyone else?” _

 

_ I nod. “That’d be nice.” _

 

_ The family gathers in the cavern and we link hands and pray. It’s been a month since Frieda gained the Founding Titan, and I silently pray that she hasn’t gained enough control of her titan. I pray that I will be able to overtake her. _

 

_ The entire family will die tonight. I’ll leave Historia alive since she doesn’t remember anything anyways, and she’s innocent. She isn’t a part of the Reiss lie. She isn’t my mission. Winn and Gale wait for me just outside of the cavern entrance, and I know that they watch my every move. They watch to make sure I don’t fail again.  _

 

_ Tonight, Frieda Reiss dies. _

 

_ I breathe deeply and try to calm my nerves. I can’t give anything away, I must remain perfect. I fabricate the lie of feeling pregnant, and Frieda swells with pride when she hears this. Her pleased alpha pheromones clog the air, and I sneeze quietly. So pleased that I carry your monster child, huh? _

 

_ The prayer lulls into softer words and I know it’s time. All of their eyes are closed and I stand in the middle of them, touching no one. Frieda wouldn’t dare open her eyes at this part of the prayer, so I know I’m safe. This is where they die. _

 

_ A single knife grows out of my forefinger and rests on my palm.  _

 

_ This is where I die. _

 

_ I’m scared, right now. I’m scared that Frieda will open her eyes and see my armor. I’m scared to see the terrified faces of the family. I’m scared that I’ll act too slow, and that I’ll be forever chained to the monster I was promised to kill. I'm scared of failing again. I’m scared of dying. I cover my mouth to stop any quiet sobs as I kneel there in fear.  _

 

_ I’m scared that this is where I die. _

 

_ I look up to see Frieda’s glowing eyes closed, her mouth open in a quiet prayer to Ymir.  _

 

_ This is where  _ you _ die. _

 

_ With a small burst of courage, I sink the blade into my palm and begin to transform. This is where Frieda Reiss, the woman I was born to kill, dies. This monster standing before me will die and her powers will be given to the better half of humanity. I feel the fire of my Titan growing in me and I relish in the feeling of power flowing through me. _

 

_ A giant explosion stops that from happening.  _

 

_ We all fall to the floor, my palm bleeding profusely, but all of our eyes are trained on the titan standing at the end of the cavern. He’s large, ugly, and hairy all over, but I recognize his stance.  _

 

_ “The Attack Titan,” I murmur, and Frieda pays me no mind.  _

 

_ She rises to her feet and walks towards the titan, and I reach out for her. _

 

_ “Don’t go,” I whisper, but she keeps walking. Don’t go. Don’t leave me.  _

 

_ She slices her hand open and the Founding Titan grows to its full height. _

 

_ “Frieda!” I shout, clambering to my feet and trying to run after her. What are you doing? Why are you running to him?  _

 

_ “No, Harper!” Lady Reiss grabs my arms and holds me still. “Let her protect us.” _

 

_ I pant heavily and stare at Frieda and the Attack Titan. What is he doing here? I thought that he was hiding in Eldia, not here! Why is he here?! _

 

_ The Attack Titan throws a punch, hitting Frieda square in the jaw. _

 

_ “Frieda!” I scream, pulling against Lady Reiss. _

 

_ The Attack Titan is here to kill her. I can see the intent in his eyes, and he wants her powers. He wants to take the Founding Titan. But that’s my mission. This is what I was tasked to do. This is the whole reason they let me join the Titan Legion. I was supposed to retake the Founding Titan. Me, and no one else. _

 

_ The fight is intense, and every blow echoes in my mating bite. I can feel Frieda weakening. I can feel the Attack Titan beating her. _

 

_ “No,” I sob out. “No!” _

 

_ The Attack Titan bites into Frieda’s nape and suddenly I see white. _

 

_ “Frieda!” I hear myself screaming. _

 

_ The next thing I know is the fire in my bones. _

 

_ It’s a fire that sends me back to my heat with Frieda, and it terrifies to me to the core. I can’t see anything properly, I can’t hear anything, and the only thing circling through my head is the image of the Attack Titan ripping Frieda out of her Titan’s nape. All I can feel is fear.  _

 

_ Then, I’m in someone’s arms and they’re carrying me away, shouting words that sound like commands.  _

 

_ “Commander!”  _

 

_ I blink open my eyes.  _

 

_ “Commander?!” Gale shouts, and he’s the one holding me. _

 

_ “Commander, the Attack Titan has taken the Founding Titan. What are you orders?” Gale asks, looking to the origins of the screams.  _

 

_ I look to the Attack Titan charging at the rest of the Reiss family, and I feel nothing as he kills them. All I can feel is a retreating fear and a flaming numbness in my body. _

 

_ “Burn this place to the ground,” I murmur. “Leave no one alive.” _

 

_ “Yes, ma’am.” _

 

_ The warmth from the fire consumes me and the church, and I manage to stand and give the rest of my orders. _

 

_ “Burn this place down.” _

 

_ “Make sure they’re all dead.” _

 

_ “Prepare to retreat to the underground.” _

 

_ “Send an eagle to Commander Zeke and ready the horses.” _

 

_ “Give me the titan serum.” _

 

_ Winn hands me the titan serum we keep for emergency situations, and I don’t hesitate to inject it into me. I scream as the fire sings in my nerves, but it’s a good fire. This is a fire of power and control in my life. I don’t transform into a titan. I’m already a titan, so the serum does nothing but boost my alpha hormones. It only keeps away the red heat. The fire that I cannot stand. _

 

_ We ride away from the church and towards the main city, but we never enter it. We take a backdoor into the underground, and Winn and Gale take me to the small safe house. The heat does not leave me, but I try to fight it. I inject myself with two more titan serums - against Winn’s and Gale’s better judgements - but the fire doesn’t die out. Neither does the agony. The only thing that changes is how well I can think. My brain is at full capacity so I can properly think and remember everything I’ve just witnessed.  _

 

_ But I’m grateful for it, though. This means I can give orders from my deathbed.  _

 

_ “Commander, what should we do?” Gale asks. _

 

_ I try to sit up and answer him, but my muscles fail me. “Protect me,” I croak out. “I don’t know whether or not I’m going to survive this, but you need to protect me. Send the rest of the soldiers to track the Attack Titan if he survives, but you and Winn need to stay and protect me.” _

 

_ Gale nods. “With all due respect, ma’am, we have a few trustworthy alphas with us, who’d all be willing to help you through this.” _

 

_ I shake my head weakly. “No. They would have to mate me if they spend this heat with me. I don’t want them. I don’t want to bind myself to another alpha. I’ll survive on my own.” _

 

_ Gale bites his lip but says nothing.  _

 

_ “I’m stronger than an alpha,” I say softly. “When I wake up, I will be Elliot Kingston, the alpha. I’ll be born anew.” _

 

_ “You could die, Commander.” _

 

_ True. But I won’t. “Maybe, but I don’t think so.” _

 

_ Gale nods sadly. “I’ll go get Winn and inform the others.” _

 

_ I nod. “Go.” _

 

_ When I awake, I will be someone better than Harper. I will become Elliot and I will finish what Harper started. Elliot Kingston becomes a mantra in my mind, and I promise myself that I will become better. Stronger. I will become an alpha and become the strongest of humanity and then I will be victorious. I won’t fail again. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

_ The floor is cold but my body is warm.  _

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

_ The floor is cold but my body is hot. _

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

_ The floor is cool and my body is fire. _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

_ “Farlan! Over here!”  _

 

_ “What do you mean, over there? An omega died over there! I’m not going anywhere near there!” _

 

_ “That’s because you’re a big, dumb alpha! They’re not dead!” _

 

_ “What do you mean?” _

 

_ “I mean they’re not dead.” _

 

_ My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston. My name is Elliot Kingston.  _

 

_ The floor is cold and so am I.  _

 

_ Thuds sound and the wood in my room creaks. Someone is here. Is this how they collect the souls in the afterlife? In cold rooms? _

 

_ Hands touch me and I weakly try to roll away. Of course I barely move but apparently it’s not enough for the person touching me. _

 

_ “Elliot.” _

 

_ I turn away from the hands, whimpering softly into the floor that turns soft. _

 

_ “Elliot, don’t make me tickle you.” _

 

I groan and shove my face into the pillows.

 

“E l l i o t.” 

 

I sit up in bed, glaring angrily at whoever it is who dares disturb my sleep. It’s Levi, with horrible bed hair and the smell of sex lingering on his skin.

 

It’s Levi, and I’m safe. 

 

“Good morning, you knot-head,” I mumble, and he gives me a bitch face. 

 

“You’re angelic in the mornings, aren’t you?” He mumbles before kissing my nose. His touch scares me for a moment, but then it’s gone. This is Levi. This is Levi. “You look like shit.”

 

I kiss him chastely on the lips. This is Levi. His lips are a bit chapped and I know he’s going to freak out about it later. “So, we’ve made it through the first half of the sex marathon.” I made it through without breaking. Or did I? 

 

He gives me yet another bitch face.

 

“What?” I say. “I’m telling the truth.”

 

He rolls his eyes and kisses me again, with a little more intent this time. He grasps at my neck and his touches still manage to surprise me and set me aflame even if we literally just spent hours upon hours fucking. But it isn’t a bad fire. Not like the fire Frieda touched me with. This is safe, consensual, and good. Levi is good, Levi is safe. 

 

“Wait wait wait,” I manage to get out as I come to my senses and feel a bit of my anxiety rising. “We are having a bath before we resume this fuckfest, I want to clean all of this grime off and so do you.” I want to clean myself and remind myself that you are safe and that you aren’t Frieda. 

 

Levi narrows his eyes as if he’s just realized the state we’re in, and he nods. “That sounds smart.”

 

We drag ourselves out of bed - which is mildly painful for me, I haven’t had that much sex since… Maria, since I was fourteen. Wow. That’s been a lot of years. It’s been so long since she hurt me. Since that stupid time in my life where I lost everything. You can’t really count the time I was eighteen with Levi, since it was only an hour or two, not the  _ whole night.  _ So I’m a little rusty on the whole ‘intense sex for 48 hours’ thing. Levi warms the water while I change the sheets and my mind drifts.

 

Frieda Reiss. That was the last person to ever touch me like this. To ‘make love’ to me and call me theirs. I hated her touches. I hated her words. I hated the fire she put in my bones and I hated her. I hate her. I hate her. Levi isn’t like her. Levi is kind. Levi is real. Levi isn’t my mission. Levi is safe. Levi is my lifeline. 

 

Soon enough we’re dipping into the warm water, and Levi moans softly as the warmth embraces him, and I have to giggle a bit. He’s such a clean freak, and I think bleach is his best friend. Frieda always put my cleanliness first, and I found it annoying. She was fake and all smiles and she needed to know everything about me.

 

“Don’t mock me,” he mutters with his eyes closed.

 

Levi doesn’t need to know everything about me. He just wants me for whoever I am. For the history we share. I had no history with Frieda. She was my mission and nothing more.

 

“I’m not mocking you,” I say, sinking into the water until it touches my chin. “I just think you look really cute when you clean.”

 

He opens his eyes to glare at me. “I am not cute.”

 

I smile. “Sure. Whatever you say,  _ Alpha _ .” Levi will never hurt me like Frieda did.

 

His pupils dilate a bit and I remember the situation I’m in. Levi’s in rut and this is only a short break before he goes all ‘make baby’ mode again. Not the perfect time to make ‘alpha’ jokes.. 

 

He reaches out a hand under the water, and he touches my wrist with a curious, almost nervous caress. Frieda was never nervous to touch me. She acted nervous, but she didn’t really care. She just wanted to make sure that I wouldn’t run away. Nothing more.

 

“You can touch me, Levi,” I say. “I’m not going to bite you. Not yet, at least.”

 

He rolls his eyes at my comment but encircles my wrist in his hand. He’s always had bigger hands than mine, and my wrist feels fragile in his grasp. But I know he won’t hurt me. He won’t.

 

“I never thought you’d be an omega,” he murmurs.

 

I scoot closer to him and settle between his legs, laying my head against his chest. He wraps his arms around me and it feels so safe here. Safe, even if a part of me is screaming to run away. “Are you mad?”

 

I can feel his confusion. 

 

“Why would I be mad?”

 

I shrug. “I’ve kept this a secret from you for the entire time we’ve known each other.”

 

“We all have a right to our secrets,” he says. “It’s just sometimes, our secrets hurt other people.” Frieda wouldn’t be like this. She’s demand to know more and then act all saintlike.

 

“Does this one hurt you?” 

 

He shakes his head, and I can only tell he does because his chin brushes against the top of my head. “You’re still you.”

 

I lean back a little and look into his eyes.

 

“You’re still Elliot.” He smiles a small smile. “My Elliot,” he says softly, and I find myself smiling in return.

 

“Look at you, being such a cheese.”

 

The moment is broken and he splashes water into my face. “You are the worst.”

 

I laugh while rubbing the water out of my eyes. “You know I can’t take anything seriously.”

 

He sighs and nods. “Before we… go back to bed, I want to ask you something first.”

 

I nod. 

 

“Mating,” he says quietly. “Do you want to do it or no?”

 

I freeze. Earlier, I would have said yes. Without hesitation. I would tell him to cover this hellish scar on my neck that has marked me as a dead person’s property. I wanted to let go of what I could never remember. But now? Now I see white and feel fire in my flesh, and I remember the words I said to myself.

 

_ I don’t want them. I don’t want to bind myself to another alpha. I’ll survive on my own. _

 

But I want Levi. I want him. He is my choice. My everything. I’ve already given so much of myself to him, so what’s one more thing? What’s wrong with giving yourself to someone you trust? 

 

I curl up against his chest and think. 

 

I trust Levi. But he can’t trust me. I have secrets, so many secrets, and I can’t give them all to him. I was Harper once, and I’m a titan. The Lunar Titan. I can’t give myself to him when he doesn’t even know what he’s asking for. 

 

And I’m scared. This… this fire used to be good. It used to be beautiful. Touches like this were never wrong, never terrifying. But now, these touches are framed with the memories of an unwanted hellfire. I know that Levi is safe and that I want this, but I can’t stop seeing Frieda in these touches. I need time, time to forget the pain.

 

So I say, “Not yet. I want to take this slowly and do this like proper adults.”

 

He chuckles and I feel his whole body vibrate around me. “Fair enough. So… when I begin to lose it, just shove me off or something, okay?”

 

I nod with the image of me hitting rut Levi over the head with a pillow. “You weren’t that crazy in the first half, so I think we should be okay.”

 

“And you can’t get pregnant, right?” He asks quietly.

 

I shake my head. “No. Not since…”

 

“You don’t have to tell me,” he murmurs. “I think I already know. I know enough, at least.”

 

I look up at him. “Thank you.” Thank you for being so patient and so kind and for being real. 

 

“I should be saying that to you,” he murmurs. “You’re the one who’s spending my rut with me.”

 

I laugh. “It’s not that bad. You’re surprisingly gentle.”

 

He rolls his eyes. “You’re going to make so many sex jokes after this, aren’t you?”

 

I nod and cuddle back into his chest. “You know I am.”

 

We clean ourselves properly with soap and stuff in the bath, and he cleans my hair with gentle but firm hands. The soap suds get everywhere and we get some of it in our eyes, but the atmosphere is so… domestic. Natural. This is what love is supposed to feel like, in my opinion. At one point, when Levi begins kissing me again - while we’re still in the bath, so it doesn’t end smoothly - I realize I’m purring, and so is he. And not the whole ‘pur pur let’s make babies and shit,’ but proper, married couple cheesy shit purring. I think we realize what we’re doing at about the same time, but while I blush and try to move away, Levi is pouncing on me and kissing me even more and doing things that should  _ not  _ be happening in the bathtub.

 

Eventually, we clamber out of the bath and dry ourselves - do you think we get dressed? Nope. - and soon enough Levi has lost it and we’re rolling around in bed again. Fire burns me, but this is a good fire. This is Levi.

 

“Elliot, Elliot, Elliot,” he pants into my ear, skin and mouth.

 

I coo into his ear and find his lips, kissing him hard. “Levi.”

 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs against my cheek. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

 

I laugh a bit into his kisses and moan softly into the roll of his hips. “Alpha.”

 

The word drives him crazy and he kisses me again. “Elliot.”

 

Not once does he call me omega.

 

~~~

 

“ _ The mission,” Will murmurs. “How long?” _

 

_ I shrug. “Who knows. Nothing more than a couple years.” _

 

_ “A couple years?!” _

 

_ I look up at him. “Well, yeah. It’s not some easy grab ‘n’ go thing, Will.” _

 

_ He sighs and whacks my shoulder. “I know that, idiot. It’s just… why you?” _

 

_ “I’m an omega,” I say. “I can get close to the Founding Titan.” _

 

_ He shakes his head. “It’s too risky.” _

 

_ “Everything is risky in war, Willie.” _

 

_ “Don’t call me that,” he whispers.  _

 

_ I scoff. “You call me idiot when you’re  _ happy _ , I think I’m allowed to call you Willie.” _

 

_ He shrugs. “But I’m not some kid.” _

 

_ I raise an eyebrow. “You  _ are _ some kid, Willie. I’m only thirteen. You’re eleven. We’re still children.” _

 

_ “And they’re still sending you out there!” He shouts. _

 

_ I sigh and sit up, trying to find the words to explain the situation to him. “Wills, omegas are sold off when they’re young in the Three Queens. Omegas that still haven’t hit their heats are more valuable and likely to be given to an alpha. I need to be one of those valuable omegas.” _

 

_ “You’re a kid!” He shouts, standing up and walking over to the window. “You’re not supposed to be going to war! You’re supposed to be training!” _

 

_ “I have a duty to the people and to the Titan Legion,” I say. “My age doesn’t matter.” _

 

_ William scoffs angrily and glares at me. “This is wrong.” _

 

_ I shake my head. “Morals are often cast aside in war, Wills.” _

 

_ “Don’t get all philosophical with me, Harp. We are just kids and you shouldn’t even be considering fighting out there.” _

__

_ “You used to think being a part of the Titan Legion was the coolest thing ever,” I point out. _

 

_ “I was eight!” He says. “I’ve grown up a little!” _

 

_ I roll my eyes and walk over to him, resting my arms on his head. I love being taller than Will. “It doesn’t matter whether you not you like this,” I say. “It’s still my mission.” _

 

_ He sighs and turns around before hugging me. “Just promise me that you’ll come back.” _

 

_ I nod and hug him back. “I’ll be back before you have the balls to kiss an omega.” _

 

_ He punches my gut light and I laugh.  _

 

_ “You better hurry, then.” _

 

~~~

 

“G’morning,” Levi murmurs into the pillows.

 

I blink open my eyes and glare at the angry sunlight that streams in through the windows. 

 

“Good morning, asshat,” I mutter.

 

“Hey!” Levi glares at me. “What did I do?”

 

“You bit me!”

 

Levi suddenly pales and looks extremely guilty and mildly panicked. “I did?”

 

I roll my eyes. “Not like  _ that,  _ you moron. We didn’t mate or anything, but you bit my butt!”

 

He blinks a few times at me before responding. “I did what?”

 

I glare at him and throw off the covers, revealing the angry red bite mark on my left butt cheek. “I don’t even know how or why you bit it, but you did.”

 

Levi looks mortified and doesn’t say anything. I want to call him a social moron for just staring at the bite mark, but then again, what do you say to your love interest who you bit on the butt? 

 

I sigh. “It’s fine. I was just really surprised, that’s all.”

 

He still doesn’t say anything but just rolls over and hugs me. 

 

I chuckle. “You’re actually really cuddly, you know that?”

 

He bites my ear and I hit his head in retaliation. “Baka.”

 

“Bitch.”

 

I scoff. 

 

We lay there in silence for a while, kissing a few times and doing cheesy shit like cuddling, but eventually the sun gets a little too high and we are both painfully aware that Levi’s rut is over. The haze of perfection has past and reality begins to set in. His touches become too hot and I’m reminded of things I wish I could forget. 

 

“We need to get to work,” I murmur, and Levi groans in agreement.

 

We sit up - painfully - and while Levi is groaning about his muscles and how hungry he his, I sit there and try to figure out which position is the least painful. Levi - the jerk - notices my discomfort and has the audacity to smirk. 

 

“Do I need to carry you to the bath?” He jokes. 

 

I glare at him and throw a pillow at his stupid face. I can survive on my own, thank you very much. Gingerly, I swing my legs over the side of the bed and begin to sit up. My legs feel weak but it feel doable. Feeling confident, I put my full weight on my legs and stand successfully. Ha! Take that, Levi. Smiling, I take a step and then begin crashing onto the floor. Fun fact: concrete floors are not fun to land on after 48 hours of sex.

 

I hear Levi sigh, and then I’m in his arms and he’s carrying my to the bathroom.

 

“I can walk!” I shout, shoving at his face. “Let me go!” 

 

He shrugs and doesn’t put me down, despite my violent attempts of getting out of his caring alpha embrace. 

 

“Let me  _ go _ ,” I groan, going limp in his arms and he nearly drops me. “But do it safely, you bastard.”

 

“I forgot how much of a pain you are in the mornings,” he mutters, and I smack him in the shoulder.

 

“I am angelic, thank you very much,” I snap. “I forgave you for sleeping with Erwin, our  _ fucking commander _ , for ignoring my very existence, for assuming the worst of me, for throwing yourself on me when you went into rut, and for nearly killing me in bed!”

 

He gives me the most disappointed look I have seen on Levi in a while, and sighs very loudly. “I have a few comments on that. Firstly, stop mentioning my mistake with Erwin, it was a mistake and I know that. Two, I did not ‘throw’ myself at you when my rut came, and you spent it with me willingly. Three, I’d like to think that I was gentle during the sex!”

 

I scoff, trying not to show that I know that he’s right. “Doesn’t matter. I haven’t had sex in  _ years _ , so I was basically a virgin.” I haven’t been marked like that in forever. 

 

He rolls his eyes and places me in the bathtub. “Stay there, I’m going to heat up the water.”

 

“You go do that,” I mumble.

 

After an hour of bickering and kissing and bathing, we manage to get ready for the day. We’ve agreed to let me handle Hanji and for Levi to debrief Erwin on the whole ‘Levi and Elliot are now in a romantic relationship and we were missing for the past few days because  _ someone  _ went into heat.’ I personally would rather face Hanji’s interrogations than explain all of that to Erwin.

 

I still wear my neck wrap - because it’s just weird to suddenly go around flashing my mating bite and scent glands and because it’s called being fucking  _ modest _ \- but Levi has to kiss the scent glands about five different times before I put the damn thing on. He’s still in a foggy ‘must protect and care for omega’ mode, and I’m not sure whether or not I should take pleasure in it. It’s really cute and loving when he acts all protective like that, but at the same time it’s weird. Levi is usually all frowns and cuss words. And she was like this, too. Especially post rut and heat. She marked me with everything she could and the world knew that I was hers. Levi’s actions make me feel so loved but they scare me. 

 

“E l l i o t.”

 

I soon find myself with an armful of Hanji when we enter Erwin’s office, and she’s saying so many words and touching me in a million different places. 

 

“Hanji,” I say, trying to find out where her hands are. I regret agreeing to this. I regret walking out of my chambers to face this monster also known as Squad Leader Hanji Zoe.

 

“WherethefuckdidyougoyousmelllikesexdidyouandLevifinallybangbecauseifyoudidErwinowesmetwelvebucksI’msohappyforyouYoufinallybangedthegreatLeviwasheokaywithyoursexwasthesexgoodtellmeeverythiiiiing.”

 

“Hanji!” I shout, trying to grab onto her shoulders but ultimately failing. “Hanji, will you please shut up and let me talk.”

 

“LevilooksthoroughlyfuckedgoodjobElliotIbetyourgreatinbednotthatI’deverfindoutLeviisfartooposessiveforthatbutIwantdetailswasheroughorgentleinthesextellmeeee.”

 

“Hanji!” Erwin snaps, and I see one of his eyebrows twitch. 

 

Hanji finally shuts up and she looks happily to Levi and I. “I want details,” she mouths.

 

All of us - including Erwin - roll our eyes.

 

“I’m guessing you spent Levi’s rut with him?” Erwin asks me, and I nod. 

 

Hanji squeals and we all glare at her.

 

“Well, I’ll give you a debriefing of what’s happened while you were gone, and then we’ll plan for the next move,” Erwin says as he motions for us to bring chairs over.

 

We all sit around his majestic ‘Commander desk’ and Erwin begins explaining the situation about Historia and Eren.

 

We’re obviously going to overthrow the government, and we are going to do so with Historia. The real royal family. The heir for the Founding Titan. Erwin explains the situation and I listen, I really do, but my mind drifts when he talks about Historia. Historia Reiss. Illegitimate daughter of Rod Reiss and sister to Frieda Reiss. The one I let live. The one Rod was hiding and the one Frieda and I used to visit.

 

I never found out where the Founding Titan went, where the Attack Titan took it and where the Attack Titan went with it. But as Erwin discusses Eren’s titan and Hanji’s research into his ‘Scream,’ I suddenly come to a horrible realization. ‘The Scream’ stems from the Founding Titan’s ability to control other titans, and it’s powerful enough to control shifter titans when used properly. When Eren used those titans to attack Reiner and Bertholdt, I had felt the urge to listen to his commands. To obey. 

 

Oh fuck.

 

I internally laugh. Oh this just keeps better and better. First, I remember my time with Frieda. Now, I remember my mission. The reason I’m out here. I’m here to regain the Founding Titan and bring it home. 

 

And Eren is the current host of the Founding Titan. Which means that in order to take the Founding Titan from him, I have to consume his spinal fluid by killing him. 

 

“Elliot?” Erwin asks. “Do you approve?”

 

Hahaha what? I quickly glance at the maps and documents Erwin’s pointing at and I take a wild guess. “Armin and Jean should be decoys when we do this,” I say. “We don’t want to risk losing the both of them.”

 

Erwin nods. “I agree. We need to lure out those who know about the royal family, but we need to do so with caution. Arlert has already been mistaken for Historia many a times, so that’s no problem.”

 

Phew. I guessed right. I smirk a little in victory, but I catch Levi’s eye and see him frown a little. 

 

“What?” I mouth, and he looks away. 

 

Fine. Be that way. 

 

The meeting ends four hours later - I know,  _ four fucking hours later  _ \- but we cover a lot in it. Erwin spares no detail and Levi is also meticulous with his opinions and strategies. We have a plan to overthrow the government - a rather good one, if I do say so myself - and now all that is left to do is brief the others on it and then execute it. 

 

Levi and I head back to our room after dinner and the million explanations I have to give to  _ everyone  _ who asks me about Levi and I, and once the door clicks shut behind us we’re groaning and walking towards the bed like mangled titans. We flop down onto the military grade bed - it’s a lot less comfortable than it felt like when Levi was in rut - and instantly Levi is hugging me. 

 

“You are so clingy,” I mutter into his shoulder. She was clingy, too. 

 

He gives me a blank stare and says nothing.

 

I sigh. “I’m not saying I have a problem with your clinginess, it’s just… strange to see you like this. So attached to someone.” It's a legitimate excuse. 

 

“Is it wrong to be so attached to someone?” He murmurs. “To finally find someone I don’t want to let go of?”

 

Blood pools in my cheeks and I swat his arm. “You’re a cheese.” I didn’t mean anything to her. She meant nothing to me. Levi means everything to me. 

He rolls his eyes and drags me onto the bed, spooning me with my back pressed against his chest. “You already think so lowly of me, so I think it’s fine to be like this with you.”

 

I snort. “Such a drama queen.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

I smile. This is the Levi I know and trust. “Are we gonna bathe?”

 

He groans and I feel him nod into my shoulder. “I want Hanji’s grime off me.”

 

We bathe - a simple wipe down with warm water rather than a full on bath - and Levi silently makes me surrender myself to his meticulous cleaning process. Every part of me is firmly but gently cleaned, and I snort a little at how focussed he is on all of this. He doesn’t even look this focussed when he’s killing titans, for Ymir’s sake. It surprisingly doesn’t tickle when he cleans the more tender parts of my body, and I find myself smiling in pride. Usually I would leap ten feet into the air and kill a titan or two when someone touches my waist or feet, but I don’t. I control myself and the images that are now seared into my mind. I know that Levi’s touch poses no threat to me, but it they remind me too much of another alpha’s possessive touch. 

 

This is Levi, I have to remind myself. He won’t hurt you. Not like she did. 

 

I try to clean him in return, but Levi’s a picky alpha who  _ has  _ to do everything his own way, so I let myself me cleaned by him and him clean himself. I’m not complaining about doing nothing. 

 

We fall asleep in each other’s arms again.

 

~~~

 

_ “The world could be yours,” Gale murmurs. _

 

_ “I know,” I say.  _

 

_ He turns to me and frowns a little. “So why won’t you make it yours?” _

 

_ I shrug. “I don’t want to be King,” I say. “To be the King of the titans, that’s a big thing, Gale. I’m happy being the Lunar Titan.” _

 

_ “They’re going to kill you when you go back, you know. The ceremony requires a death.” _

 

_ I scoff. “You think I don’t know that? I’ve been told this from the start, I know I’m not kidnapping the King or anything. I’m killing her and then becoming King, temporarily. Then I go home and give the King away.” _

 

_ “Why won’t they just send a team to kidnap the King?” _

 

_ I sigh “They’ve tried. But it never works, since a team is too easy to discover. One omega in their midst? Now that’s harder. Especially when said omega is courting the King and being so innocent and shit,” I explain, and I grow some armor around my knuckles and sigh. “This is the mission I have dedicated my entire life to. The Lunar Titan is nicknamed ‘the vessel,’ because of this mission. I simply bring the King to whoever the council picks. I am not destined to be King.” _

 

_ “You could be King, though,” Gale whispers. “You could just take the Founding Titan and run away. Or mate the King and be happy as queen.” _

 

_ I shake my head. “That’s not what I am supposed to do. I am destined to carry the King and nothing more.” _

 

_ “But aren’t you scared?” _

 

_ “Of what?” _

 

_ He pauses. “Dying.” _

 

_ I laugh shortly. “I’m terrified, Gale. I’m thirteen and I’ve been told my only purpose in life is to be killed by the chosen King. Of course I’m scared. I don’t want to die, but I don’t really have a choice. This is my lot in life.” _

 

_ “Isn’t there another way to retrieve the Founding Titan from a person?” He asks. “Can’t you just extract some of their spinal fluid and inject into the next King?” _

 

_ “In theory, you can, but no one would. There can only be one King, and taking the spinal fluid like that doesn’t kill the original. I can’t leave the current King alive and the council won’t keep me alive, either.” _

 

_ Gale sighs. “I wish you could just run away.” _

 

_ I nod. “Sometimes I wish that, too. But I can’t. I’m even more terrified of writing my own story than following the one that has been written for me. I don’t know where the other roads lead.” _

 

_ “To be King is no easy feat, Gale,” I murmur. “I don’t want to be King.” _

 

_ ~~~ _

 

Eren is the Founding Titan and the Attack Titan. Two missions in one. If I can take the titans from him and return home with them, everything becomes perfect. Eldia wins. The mission to overthrow the government is in a few days, and I wonder when I should take the King from Eren. How should I take it from him? Kill him? Extract it? Just don’t take it at all and keep living a good life with Levi? 

 

I groan. I really hate having an identity crisis. 

 

The mission is imbedded into my head, and I can’t ignore it anymore. I’ve only been able to live like this for so long because I couldn’t even remember the mission, much less my own name. But now, the only things that rings around in my head is ‘King’ and ‘Founding Titan’ and ‘Frieda’ and ‘ _ mission _ .’ I want to think about Levi and how we’re going to face ‘being a couple’ and if or when we should mate, and if Hanji will make us tell her the sex details and how long we’ll live together. If I’ll tell him about my armor and if I could grow old with him. If I could tell Levi about my titan. 

 

I raise my hand above my face and let armor grow around my fingers.

 

But I can only think about Eren and Frieda.

 

I sigh. It’s hard to stop being a soldier. 

 

But who am I a soldier for? Eldia? Or Paradis? The Titan Legion or the Scouting Legion? My King or Queen? The titans or humanity? 

 

I turn in Levi’s arms and face away from his chest. 

 

The answer to those questions scare me.

 

I want to serve humanity. I want to be like Eren and be the first titan to help humanity instead of doom it, to fight in the name of Maria and scream out ‘I am a human!’ 

 

But I can’t be like Eren. I serve the titans. I am the Lunar Titan and I will reclaim the Founding Titan for my people. I was born to die in the name of the King and I will die in the name of the King. 

 

I chuckle. 

 

King.

 

I was born to serve the King, and I am the King's lover.

 

The King of the titans.

 

The King of Thieves. 

 

Ironic, really. I always bind myself to those I cannot love. Frieda and Levi. The Kings. 

 

“Elliot, I know you’re still awake,” Levi mutters. 

 

I chuckle and turn to face Levi in his arms, and I cuddle closer to his warmth. “So are you.”

 

“You need to sleep,” he mutters. “We have work to do tomorrow.”

 

“I know, but I don’t want to sleep just yet,” I whisper. “There are too many thoughts in my head right now.”

 

“I know. I can fucking hear the gears turning in your stupid brain.”

 

I laugh and kiss the tip of his nose. “You’re cute when you’re mad.”

 

“Fuck off.”

 

I say nothing and burrow into his neck and breath in his scent. Levi made me take off my neck wrap since he’s a possessive alpha, and both of our noses are buried into each other’s scents. He smells musky and human, and it reminds me of the nights down in the underground, when we’d sleep together to share some warmth. Either Isabel and I would cuddle, or Levi and I. I secretly loved the nights where he’d kick Farlan into Isabel’s bed and drag me into his. Life felt so hard back then, but it’s simple compared to now. His touches were comforting and I was safe in his arms. His touch and smell didn’t remind me of the alpha who destroyed me. I was just Elliot, his packmate and someone who loved him and didn’t have the weight of Eldia on her shoulders.

 

Now, I’ve become Harper again. 


	16. To Be King

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I played the part of the needy omega too well and I paid the price for it.”
> 
> I give to you: The not so dramatic climax of To Be King and Elliot’s transformation back into Harper.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ze final chapter which holds only bad plot and angst...

Eren Jaeger has become my mission. I will extract spinal fluid from his spine when he sleeps - or some other convenient time that I’m sure will show up -, and I’ll inject it into myself and go back home. I won’t kill Eren. Humanity needs him and by the time the council finds out I left him alive, I’ll be dead. The new King will have risen and I won't be there to take the blame.

 

I’ll be dead within the next month or two.

 

The mission with Eren and Historia and overthrowing the government goes… somewhat smoothly. Okay, it wasn’t smooth at all because old gross men were molesting Armin thinking he was a girl, and Levi’s old mentor or some shit - who I knew nothing about - showed up and a whole bunch of shit happen.

 

But they found Reiss! Rod Reiss. The one I thought I killed - or the Attack Titan killed - but apparently he’s still alive. Yay. The cowards always live, don’t they?

 

Historia and Eren are kidnapped - see, that’s another part of the shitty mission that didn’t go well - by Reiss and Levi gets really pissed over it. ‘Another failure’ he calls it. Grow up, Levi. Nothing ever goes smoothly for us. Just take a look at my life, for example.

 

But anyways, Historia and Eren are captured and we all bust ass to find them and bring them home. There’s a lot of dramatic shit - I’m not going over it because it’s all just shit after shit and it’s all ‘save humanity’ and ‘save Eren.’ Why do people always have to get captured, for Fritz’s sake? It’s kinda annoying. Although, it’s not like they can help it.

 

The entire time we’re looking for Eren, I’m silently plotting my escape.

 

Escape? Now why am I escaping?

 

Because I can’t the damn mission out of my head and the only thing I can see in my mind’s eye is Levi and Uri and Eren and the Attack Titan and Will.

 

I can’t get them out of my head and I can’t fucking think straight. Everything seems stupid or annoying unless it has something to do with my mission. I wonder if the Eldian council put some sort of drug in me to make sure I can never disobey them and escape their will. Probably, it seems like something the council would do.

 

And then there’s Frieda.

 

I won’t lie, getting my memories back was a fucking nightmare that ripped out a piece of my soul. I failed my mission and literally did nothing positive. No small victories were made. I didn’t kill the Reiss family, I didn’t retrieve the Founding Titan, I didn’t overcome the Attack Titan, I didn’t pass on any important information, I did nothing. Hence why Eldia sent in Reiner, Bertholdt and Annie. I failed my mission. I was weak and I was too late. My heat came and Frieda branded me with her mark and bite. I played the part of a needy omega too well and I paid the price for it. I lost to her. I spent my heat with her and lost everything to her and become dependent on her and became weak.

 

I relied on her to live. To win. To do everything. I was some stupid fucking omega who couldn’t even fight back against her stupid hormones and just stay safe. I couldn’t. I nearly died because of it. I lost everything because of it.

 

Now I rely on Levi. We all saw how well I coped when he slept with Erwin, and just imagine what could happen if he died. If he left me again. I don’t want to die again. I don’t want to give myself to someone and then become entirely dependent on them and then lose again. I can’t afford to lose again.

 

So I’ve come to a decision. I’m leaving before that can happen. And I’m leaving with the Attack and Founding Titan. I’m finishing my mission. I’m breaking free of Frieda’s marks on me.

 

We ‘talk’ to Kenny the Ripper - Levi’s secret mentor who I never knew anything about - and find our way to Historia and Eren. Kenny fights Levi in a very intense battle where there’s a lot of screaming and shit, but he freezes when he sees me. Do I know him? I stand next to Levi in battle stance and make it clear whose side I’m on, and Kenny sneers.

 

“Never expected your kind to side with him,” Kenny laughs.

 

Sorry? Is there something I’m missing? There probably is but oh well. I don’t respond to him.

 

“Fuck off, Kenny,” Levi snarls, his scent exploding around us and making my nose itch. Not the time, Levi. Sneezing doesn’t exactly help in a fight.

 

Kenny laughs loudly and fires his gun at us, sending smoke and us flying around.

 

The fight is quite long, but eventually we get the info on Eren and Historia. They’re being kept in Reiss territory, and I try not to make it obvious that I know my way around the place. The fields haven’t changed a bit, which is a bit stupid in my opinion, but it’s an advantage. Last I came here I was led to a fake church, but back then I didn’t remember everything. Or at least everything about my time with Frieda. Now I do. They’d keep Eren in the titan sanctuary, so I ‘stumble’ across the old charred church and lay out the plan with Levi, Hanji, Mikasa, Armin, and the whole gang.

 

Kenny apparently works for Rod - which is why he might know me, since I was with Frieda, although I can’t say I remember seeing him - and his men all surround the place, protecting Rod and his captives, Eren and Historia. The outside is lightly guarded since they don’t want to be suspicious and shit, but I know that the inside is going to packed with soldiers. Rod may be a coward, but he’s not that stupid. In fact, since he’s a coward, that only doubles the chances of the inside being stuffed with Kenny’s soldiers. There’s a trapdoor and a few tunnels which lead to the proper cavern, so I adapt a plan which prepares us for the terrain we’re going to face.

 

Going back into that place is surreal.

 

The light blinds me as it always has, and I have to blink a few times before my eyes adjust. It’s so blue, and the color reminds me of Frieda’s eyes.

 

We lay our traps and plant our bombs, and we fight Kenny’s soldiers with ruthlessness that only comes out when our own are captured. Hanji gets hit - Levi and I make sure that the soldier who hurt her pays dearly - but we keep fighting. Soldiers fly and shoot and scream and blood is split. Levi and I manage to break through the blockade and into the inner circle of the sanctuary, and then there it is. The sacrificial ledge where I watched Uri Reiss die. Eren kneels there now, chained like an animal, and Historia and her father stand under his ledge.

 

Rod is talking frantically - probably trying to convince Historia to do what he’s never had the courage to do - and even from here I can see her hand trembling with the titan serum in her grasp. She’s scared. And I don’t think it’s because she’s reluctant to kill Eren. It’s because she’s scared of becoming a monster.

 

How do I know this? Well, newsflash, I’m a shifter titan. I’ve been through this shit as well. You see, when your standing there and looking from the serum to the guy you have to eat, you aren’t worried about eating the guy - that’s the easy part, because no one ever remembers it. You’re worried for yourself. Humans are selfish creatures and we are always our first priority. I remember standing there and looking at the young alpha I had to kill, the serum shaking in my hand so violently that the councilwoman had to take it from me for a moment. You keep wondering the price of being a monster, and you wonder if you’re willing to throw away your life and serve something as big as this. Killing is easy, but making it your whole life is a different story. Becoming a titan and limiting your life span, limiting your life choices, your family’s safety, your home, your friends, everything is spinning through your mind and you just beg for it to stop.

 

Then you look at the serum and think, this is what I must do.

 

Rod says something pretty passionate and seemingly convincing but Historia just snaps. She screams something at his face and smashes the vial onto the floor in rage and then she’s running away from her father and up the stairs of the ledge.

 

She’s going to save Eren, I dully note as I cut down another soldier in my way.

 

“Levi!” I shout. “Get to Eren and help Historia! I’ll hold them off!”

 

Levi looks to me and nods.

 

Once he flies away, I grow armor out of my hands into small knives and hurl them at the soldiers. They fall likes tear drops, and I don’t stop until Levi is in the clear. I then fly past them and join Levi with Eren - who’s bleeding from his forehead in a very strange way that I do not recall being a part of the ceremony - and we’re trying to unchain his hands a feet. We release the gag first - it looks like it’s made from metal and must feel like hell against his teeth - and Ackerman and the rest of the soldiers come to help us. Historia files through the million keys on the keychain, and I’m tempted to just cut through the chains with my armor. Kenny’s men are regrouping and we need to act now.

 

Eren’s crying and begging for us to leave him, something along the lines of ‘I’m no good for humanity, just kill me so the Founding Titan can go to someone useful.’

 

Ah that’s right. The Founding Titan’s abilities only work if it’s someone of Reiss blood who holds it.

 

“Historia! Just kill me, already!” Eren sobs. “It’s what’s better for humanity!”

 

Historia scoffs. “I’m the enemy of humanity, then! I am the worst soldier and I am the worst person in humanity! I’m not going to eat you, Eren! And you wanna know why? Because I’m selfish and I’m going to do things the way I want. Not the way everyone else is telling me to. I am making my own choices now.”

 

Nice speech. A bit stupid, but nice. Becoming your own person and breaking free of what people have always expected of you. I can see some of Ymir’s words in her, how she now fights for herself and no one else. I smile softly and think back to the freckled titan who loved Historia. Do all titans find the best in humanity and then love them?

 

We finally unchain Eren, but by then it’s a little too late. There’s a blinding light and steam explodes everywhere, and we’re all blown back against the walls.

 

Seriously. What the fuck is it with blinding lights and titans?!

 

Although, the smoke gives me an opportunity. Carefully - while everyone is distracted by said smoke - I pull out the vial and needle from my belt pack and I stick the needle into Eren’s lower spine and withdraw the fluid. It’s hella tricky and I pray to the three walls and the three queens and to the goddess Ymir herself for this to work. A smooth, yellow fluid flows into the vial, though, and once I have enough, I stop.

 

Holy fuck I think it worked.

 

Eren pays me no mind and I tuck the needle and vial back into my beltpack and focus on the receding light’s source.

 

Ah, would you look at that. It’s a giant ass titan who’s currently breaking open the ceiling. How fun.

 

“Get out of the way!” Levi shouts, and everyone moves. We all back against the wall as we try to shimmy down the stairs, watching Rod Reiss’ titan grow an abnormally large size and how he presses up against the ceiling. Stone begins dropping around us and the cavern groans as the structure collapses. We all move to try to protect ourselves or to escape or to do something, but then Eren is looking at a bottle on the floor and then running. He picks up said bottle along the way, and then he’s transforming into his titan while biting into the bottle - which looks hella painful.

 

“Eren!” We all shout, but then blue is exploding around Eren and we’re being blinded again, only this time it’s dust and the color blue that clouds us.

 

We cough and shout for Eren, but I think we all know that whatever he’s done, we can’t stop him. By the time the dust settles and we can finally see something, we all rush to the edge of the sacrificial ledge and look down. There, on the floor, kneeling, is Eren’s titan. The Attack Titan. But you see, he’s blue. His titan looks like a statue made of titan armor, and I think it is. From his body, spirals and threads of armor grow into a spiderweb which support the no-longer falling cavern.

 

Eren saved us.

 

“Eren,” Mikasa murmurs, and she’s flying down to the floor to find him.

 

We follow her once our initial shock is shaken off, and the frantic search for Eren begins once again. Mikasa and Armin pull him out of the titan’s armor, and he’s awake.

 

“How the fuck did you do that?” Levi demands, and Eren smiles weakly.

 

“There was a bottle that said ‘armor’ on it, so I broke the glass and drank the liquid. Thankfully, it didn’t kill me and gave me armor instead.”

 

I laugh shortly. It probably was one of the original vials that the Founding Titan brought with him. Or… or it contained spinal fluid from the Armored Titan or Female Titan. Could it? Maybe it did, because if my extraction from Eren works, that would change a lot of things. Save a lot of lives. Increase the size of armies.

 

“We’re glad you’re safe,” I murmur, and Eren smiles at me. He’s grown a lot in the past few months, and it’s kinda scary how I’ve missed that. I roll my eyes a bit. I’ve been so focused on my pain and the whole Reiner and Bertholdt thing that I grew apart from everyone. Hanji, Levi, Eren, and the others. Eren looks like a soldier now instead of the gangly boy who kept screaming about titans in the castle dungeon.

 

How much have I missed?

 

We climb out of the rubble and the remains of the titan sanctuary, and it feels so strange to see it in pieces. I was supposed to do that. I was supposed to kill the Reiss family and break apart their stupid religion. Instead, the Attack Titan killed them. The Attack Titan destroyed the sanctuary. The Attack Titan took the Founding Titan.

 

Hanji is recovering with the other soldiers who didn’t make it into the inner rings of the sanctuary, and we all try and rest for a bit. Rod’s titan, though, is in the distance and crawling away. His body steams and looks like lava, and while it’s really worrying where the fuck he’s going, none of us care at the moment. We got Eren back. Again.

 

And now I have to figure out when and how I should escape.

 

~~~

 

Kenny is found near the broken sanctuary, laying in a pool of his own blood and he smiles softly when Levi and I near him.

 

“Eh, the shorty returns,” he whispers before coughing up some more blood. He looks pitiful like this.

 

Levi kneels before Kenny and stares intensely at him. “You’re still here.”

 

Kenny laughs bitterly. “Eh kiddo, you know me. Too stubborn to do anything smart.”

 

Levi says nothing for a moment, but something in Kenny’s great pocket catches his attention. He reaches out quickly and pulls out a small box. He opens it to reveal a serum filled with a yellow fluid. “What is this?”

 

That, Levi, is a serum used to turn people into monsters.

 

“A little gift from an old friend,” Kenny mutters. “I was gonna use it to take the King, but turns out it woulda been pointless.”

 

The King? How much does he know? How much did Rod tell him?

 

“What do you mean?” Levi demands.

 

Kenny smiles, revealing rotten teeth and a horrible stench. “That there turns you into one of them titans, and I was gonna use it on myself.”

 

‘Why the hell would you do that?” Levi whispers.

 

“To become King,” Kenny murmurs before sighing. “But you need to have Reiss blood in order to have the knowledge they have. Doesn’t work on a normal person.”

 

“The knowledge?” Levi asks.

 

“The Founding Titan remembers everything from ever person it’s ever been in. It changes you and makes you wise or some shit.” Kenny laughs but then he’s doubling over and coughing violently. Levi rushes forwards and his hands awkwardly fly around, trying to find a way to help him.

 

“Who told you this?” I ask. “Rod?”

 

Kenny shakes his head. “An old friend… Uri.”

 

He knew Uri. Huh. I guess that makes sense. Probably where he knows me from, but I’m surprised I don’t remember him. Maybe he was just better looking back then.

 

“He was really wise and confusing, but for some reason, he trusted me. He told me everything I asked, even if what he told me was confusing as shit.” Kenny smiles sadly, as if remembering a sweet but distant memory. “I even tried to pass down some of his ideals down to your… hopeless ass.”

 

Levi doesn’t snarl or act offended. “It didn’t work.”

 

Kenny nods. “Trust me, I know. Probably… why you came out like shit.”

 

Levi bites at his lip while looking to me, and he looks tired. Then he looks back to Kenny and says, “Why even bother taking me in?”

 

“I had made a promise… to your mother,” Kenny says. “I couldn’t just leave her kid out on the streets.”

 

“You still did,” Levi accuses. “One day I was under your wing, and then I was alone.”

 

Kenny shakes his head and says nothing.

 

Levi looks at his hands which are covered in Kenny’s blood.  “You… what were you to my mother?”

 

I look to Levi confusedly, but he pays me no mind, his attention focused on Kenny.

 

Kenny scoffs sadly. “Ha… Idiot… Nothing… just her… big brother.”

 

“Then… why did you leave me back then?” Levi asks softly.

 

“I was… unfit… to be… a parent.”

 

And then Kenny’s head falls limp and he’s gone.

 

“Levi?” I murmur. “Levi, talk to me.”

 

Levi stands and turns to me, his eyes blank. “He’s gone.”

 

I stand there and try not to be awkward. He just discovered that this man is his uncle, and then said uncle died, and now I’m not sure whether or not I should comfort him. Levi’s never talked about Kenny before, and I’m not sure if it was a part of Levi’s life he appreciates.

 

“We need to go,” Levi says. “Rod’s titan is heading somewhere and we need to stop him.” He walks past me and I can’t help but feel a little hurt. I know that I have no right to be, but it still stings. I go to him whenever I’m broken, and is it wrong to want him to come to me?

 

I shake my head. No. It’s not. But I’m better than this. I am better than the hopeless omega Frieda saw me as. And besides, I’m leaving. I’m leaving him before he can leave me.

 

“Let’s go,” I murmur.

 

Levi turns his head to me, and I see his expression soften. “I’m fine, Elliot,” he says while walking over to me. He takes my hand and gives me a smirk. “And I know you’re here for me if I’m not.”

 

I blush but I barely feel the embarrassment. There isn’t much of it. Just… emptiness. Because I won’t be here for you, Levi. I’m leaving. I’m running to my grave.

 

We head back to where the others are and the fight against Rod Reiss begins.

 

~~~

 

Eren’s ‘scream’ does nothing against Rod’s titan, so that’s off the list. Rod’s too fucking big and scalding hot to directly attack, so the best we can do is follow him and work out where he’s going, which is the Orvud District. A whole bunch of innocent people which we have to save. Again.

 

And while it’s a dangerous mission to stop Rod from killing everyone in Orvud, it’s one of the worst places to fake your death in.

 

Ugh. I grip the reigns a little harder and try to control the armor growing on my hands and ribs. Why do I even have to leave? Why can’t I just ignore Eldia and move on? Serve humanity and stay with Levi?

 

Eldia is a dream to me right now. Eldia and Will and the family I just started remembering are a dream. It’s not real. The laughs don’t reach my ears and the punches don’t hurt my stomach. It’s all a dream.

 

But I don’t want it to be a dream. I want it to be real. I want to look my brother in the face and feel the claps on my back from my fellow soldiers, and I want to relish in what it felt like to belong.

 

Heaven isn’t my home. Neither is the underground. I thought Levi was my home. But he is my home, right? Why would I leave him, when I’ve finally told him that I’m an omega and that I want him? Why would I leave everything I know for a dream I can’t even properly remember?

 

I know the answer and it hurts me.

 

I’m scared. I’m scared of what Levi could do to me. I know that he would never hurt me like Frieda did, but that doesn’t change things. I’ve become so dependent on him and I’ve already paid dearly for it. If I lose him again… I won’t survive. And maybe he won’t die, but I’m not sure if I could survive in this relationship. It was beautiful after we finally cleared the air and kissed and shit, but then I remembered everything. I remembered what it felt like to have an alpha’s hands on me and what it felt like to burn in their arms. I can’t touch Levi without seeing Frieda in my mind. I can’t hold him without remembering the fire she took me in.

 

~~~

“Harper.”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Why did you join the Titan Legion?”

 

I smile. “You want the propaganda reason or the personal one?”

 

Will rolls his eyes. “The personal one, obviously.”

 

I sigh and lean against the window. “It’s strange, but I promise it’s the truth. I was… bored. I was bored with life here and I wanted more. I wanted to do something and I wanted to stand out. I know it’s really shallow but don’t blame me. Everyone’s shallow to an extent.”

 

Will nods. “Boredom. Okay then.”

 

I shove at his shoulder. “I didn’t want to live as the average omega and get married and pop out babies. I wanted more. To see the world, see Paradis Island.” I look out of the widow and watch the rain fall. “I want to become more.”

 

“You’ve become a vessel,” Will mutters. “The vessel of the King.”

 

I nod. “And I’ve become better for it.”

 

“You’re going to die in at least three years,” Will mutters angrily. “How is that better?”

 

I shrug. “Dunno. I just feel like I’m finally a part of something bigger, and that I’m important.”

 

“You’re important to me,” Will whispers. “To mom. To dad. To Annie. Bertholdt. Reiner. Marcel. Gale. Theseus.”

 

“Is it wrong to want more than that?”

 

I’ve always wanted more.

 

~~~

 

I want more. Eldia offers more. My mission. My home. My family. I want to become more than some stupid omega who relies on her alpha to protect her.

 

I bite the inside of my cheek and the tears blur my eyesight.

 

I want more than this. I was born for more than this. I don’t belong here, and maybe it’s stupid, but I want to find my answers in Eldia. I’ll probably die once I set foot in the country, but I want to go back. I want to see Will, and mom, and dad, and I want to stand in front of the empty throne and pledge myself to the world I was born into. Call it a sense of loyalty.

 

So I’ll die here. I’ll die while fighting Rod and then I’ll go back home.

 

I’m sorry, Levi. But I don’t have peace with the past. I don’t have peace with what Frieda did to me and who Harper is.

 

~~~

 

Rod is fucking hideous when he stands up.

 

The entire underside of his stomach, chest, and face has been scraped off and it’s just the vague idea of something mildly titan. Of course, that’s how we gain an advantage over him, and we throw a whole load of bombs into his open mouth and stand back as the bombs go off. We all fly up to find the piece of his nape which holds his human body and kill it, but I don’t. I do fly up, but once I’ve found a decently sized chunk of flesh, I fly towards it and latch myself onto it, mildly panicking as I begin hurtling towards the ground at a very fast rate. I take deep breaths. This is going to be fucking nasty and painful as fuck.

 

I check my legs and boots, making sure the dog tags are firmly attached to my boots. Pulling out my blades and trying to calm down, I steady my hands and find the right angle to do this. Once I do, I summon all of the strength and stupidity I can and I cut down, efficiently and painfully cutting over my legs at the knees.

 

Holy fuck fuck fuck of Ymir herself that hurts.

 

I am not ashamed to say that I scream very loudly and that I nearly faint.

 

I’m still hurtling at the ground, though, so I manage to operate my 3DM gear and fly into an open window, crying and screaming as I land on my rear. There’s blood everywhere and I can barely think straight but I just know that I need to hide. Dragging my bleeding self across the floor, I make my way into a bathroom - thanking every single god and wall and Titan and the like that no one is home - and I slump against the wall.

 

Holy fuck that really hurts. Fun fact: cutting off your legs isn’t fun. But I need evidence to feed to the Scouting Legion about my death. They’ll search the bodies and find my legs - hopefully - and find the dog tags and assume that I’m dead. I doubt any civilians will die today - not many, at least - but I know that soldiers will die. That explosion was nasty as fuck and someone was bound to have their legs blown off. I’ll just leave my legs and pray that it’s enough for them to assume that I’m dead.  That it’ll be enough for Levi to assume I’m dead.

 

The light begins to fade from my eyes and I shake myself awake. Stay alive and stay awake and be smart.

 

With shaking hands and the smell of blood in my nostrils, I pull out the serum with Eren’s spinal fluid and breathe deeply. I can do this I can do this I can do this.

 

I stab the needle into my arm and release yet another scream. My thumb presses down on the plunger and I see stars burnt into my eyes but I manage. The fire is consuming my body and armor grows everywhere, but I don’t transform. I stay human, or at least as human as I can be.

 

The fire eventually calms down and I pray to Ymir that all will be alright. Darkness envelops me and I dream of blue eyes and grey eyes and green ones, too.

 

~~~

 

I wake up to the feeling of nerves growing in my new legs, and it’s really really weird.

 

I groan and moan and feel like I’ve been born anew, but I see my new legs before me and I can wiggle my toes a bit. I definitely won’t be able to walk for a bit but I can manage. At least I have legs again.

 

The room I’m in is small and dusty, and it looks like no one has been here for a while. I pray that it’s been abandoned and that no one lives here. I still have armor on my hands and face, so it wouldn’t be good if someone saw me like this. I should probably hide somewhere. Hide and then find Bertholdt and Reiner. Find a way home.

 

I crawl into the bathtub and groan as the still growing skin scrapes against the metal. Ugh did I really have to cut my legs off? I mean, yes and no. Cutting off my legs gives Levi and the Scouting Legion evidence for my death, since losing my dog tags might not be enough. Levi needs evidence.

 

Levi.

 

I chuckle and throw my head against the tub’s rim.

 

Right now it doesn’t hurt. Right now, being separate from him doesn’t hurt. I feel nothing. But that’s because this time, I’m the one leaving. So the pain is postponed. Doesn’t mean that I won’t feel it, trust me, I know I’ll feel it. The emptiness and the rage against myself as I wonder why the fuck did I leave him. I literally just told him I’m an omega and I spent his rut with him, for Ymir’s sake. Why would I even leave?

 

I’m stupid. I could be happy as Elliot. Elliot was happy. Elliot had Levi and was content as a soldier.

 

But I’m not Elliot.

 

Maybe once upon a time I was, but not anymore. Elliot was an alpha and cussed a lot and laughed with Hanji. Elliot was a soldier from the underground and was sarcastic and loved Levi. I don’t know who Harper is. But that’s who I am now. I’m Harper. The Vessel of the King and a soldier of Eldia.

 

It’s funny, because I remember most of my life now - at least when concerning Frieda - but the memories don't feel like my own. The girl who went through all of that shit isn’t me. I’m not her. Her scars are my scars and her fears are my fears but I’m not her. Harper was scarred and marked by Frieda, and while the pain and fear is still me, I’m not her.

 

But I’m not Elliot either.

 

I don’t know who I am and I don’t know if I can find the answer to that question with Levi. Is this regret, I’m feeling? Regret of having spent his rut with him? Regret of loving him?

 

No. This isn’t regret. This isn’t the shock of what happened. This is the ache of what never will. Cheesy mornings with Levi, judging everyone silently from across the training field, drinking with Erwin and Hanji, writing in our little journals, bathing together, sleeping together, staying together.

 

I will never become Elliot. I’m not Harper. So I have to go back home and find out who I am.

 

~~~

 

When I wake up again, my legs are in perfect shape and the only thing stopping me is shoes.

 

That’s a pretty important part of the outfit. Shoes.

 

I find a pair of short boots in the house, and they fit well enough. My now very short pants are absolutely ruined though, so I go snooping through the closets and dressers and soon enough I find a suitable brown skirt and a black jacket to go with it. I throw my Scouting Legion jacket out of the window along with the remains of my trousers, and I’m pretty sure I look awful in this disguise. Oh well, it works.

 

I use my blades to absolutely butcher my hair and cut it into a somewhat style of most guys, and I deem it worthy. It’ll be hidden easily under a hat, anyways.

 

Quickly, I exit the house and begin walking towards the nearest wall. My 3DM gear is left in the house and I’m probably going to regret that later, but the gear is too big to smuggle away discreetly. People would notice and I don’t want that happening. I need to be ‘a normal citizen.’

 

People are all walking towards one side of the walls, and I assume that it’s where the Scouting Legion killed Rod. Or at least I hope they killed him. Are they looking for me, right now? How long have I been asleep? It’s still day, but I only have a few more hours until sunset. I need to find someplace safe and then plan my route back to Eldia.

 

I walk against the flow of the crowd, and all of them are murmuring words of praise for the Scouting Legion. I scoff. About time we get some credit. They. Not we. They get some credit.

 

“Harper?”

 

I whip my head around quickly to the sound of my name.

 

The crowds are still moving around me and no one looks at me, so I wonder if I imagined it. Maybe.

 

“Harper.”

 

Nope, definitely didn’t imagine it. I turn around again and this time I face Reiner. What the fuck is he doing here? How did he find me? Does he have some sort of tracking ability that I missed out on?

 

“Reiner,” I say, keeping my voice as even as possible and trying not to sound relieved or panicked.

 

“Follow me,” he says and then we walks off into a little alley. Ah, the classic ‘let’s gossip and exchange supper secret information in a filthy alley that smells like shit.’ Nice.

 

“How did you find me?” I ask once we’re pretty deep into the shadows.

 

He looks this way and that, and I guess that Bertholdt doesn’t know that he’s talking to me. Typical.

 

“Bert and I were tracking the Scouting Legion’s movements, and I saw you cut your legs off.”

 

I’m sorry, what? He saw me do that? Who else saw? Did Levi see? Hanji? Erwin? Anyone?

 

“And I assume that you’re running away.”

 

I look down. “Yes,” I admit. “I’m leaving the Scouting Legion.”

 

Reiner sighs angrily and I meet his frustrated gaze. “Why? Are you hiding again? Running away from all of your problems?”

 

Where is this coming from? “No, actually,” I snap. “I’m running towards it. I’m going back to Eldia.”

 

Reiner’s eyes widen at that. “You remember?”

 

I fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Yeah, I remember. I remember finding the Founding Titan and I remember failing my mission.”

 

“You didn’t-” Reiner begins but I cut him off.

 

“I did fail, Reiner,” I say. “I failed to retrieve the Founding Titan and I failed to complete my mission. I’m completing it now.”

 

“So is Eren dead?” He asks softly, a regretful look on his face.

 

“No,” I murmur, putting my hands into the skirt pockets. “I extracted his spinal fluid.”

 

“The council won’t like that,” he says.

 

“The council doesn’t have to know.” I look at him with tired eyes and wonder whether or not I should bring him and Bert back with me. “I injected it into myself, so they’ll think that I killed him.”

 

“Why would you keep him alive?”

 

I smile softly. “To give humanity a chance against Eldia.” I’m sure I look crazy and sound naive to Reiner right now but I don’t care. “They are a young people and they need a chance in this fight against us. I have nothing against Paradis even if my loyalties are with Eldia. I don’t want them to lose hope and die a horrible death.”

 

Reiner slowly nods. “You still love them.”

 

I eye him carefully. “This isn’t about that.”

 

Reiner shrugs. “Maybe. But you do. They’re your family.”

 

“They’re Elliot’s family.”

 

“And a part of you is Elliot,” he points out.

 

He’s not wrong.

 

He smiles and then changes the subject. “So, you want to go back to Eldia?”

 

I nod. “Do you have maps I could follow? Or could I go back with you?”

 

Reiner shakes his head. “I have a map, but you can’t come with us. Bert is hellbent in killing Eren and he won’t stand for what you’ve done. The council is in his head.”

 

“Oh,” I murmur. “Is he really that cold?”

 

Reiner purses his lips and grimaces a bit. “No and yes. He’s cold against Paradis. We’re better than them, in his mind. They’re just the enemy and nothing more. He barely acknowledges them as people.”

 

I scoff. “They’re more human than us.”

 

Reiner nods. “I agree. But Bert was the pride and joy of the council - minus Annie. He was the perfect little soldier who still loved his country.”

 

“Then can I take a map and a couple suggestions?”

 

Reiner laughs shortly. “Yes. You can do that.”

 

Reiner gives me his copy of the map that depicts the lands between Eldia and Paradis, saying that he’s stuck with Bert anyways.

 

“He’ll never lose his map so we’re set.”

 

I am to go west if the walls and to travel for about a month on foot, or a couple weeks in Titan form. Reiner says that his trio took turns riding on each other’s titans but that it took a lot of energy out of them. Staying in Titan form isn’t something all of us can do, and only the Cart Titan specializes in that. But we’ll see.

 

It’ll be dangerous crossing into titan territory on my own, but it’s unavoidable. Reiner and Bert have to stay, and everyone else has left. Zeke is out roaming the place with Reiner and Bert, and no way in hell am I telling him I left Eren alive. Zeke is a fucking nightmare and I want to live. Reiner tells me that he’s apparently the intended King, so if I want to live a little longer I should go the opposite direction of Zeke.

 

I stay the night at one of the small hotels in Orvud, and I actually pass out a little after my head touches the pillow.

 

Tomorrow, I leave the walls and start a new life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyy part one is doooooooonnnneeeeeee. 
> 
> Part Two, Last of the Kings, is being written and the first two chapters have been posted. It’ll probably update a lot slower than this fic, since school is being a pain in my ass right now. But pleeeeaaaaasee go check it out and tell me what you think of part one! Thank you to everyone who’s read this fic and stuck with it!!!

**Author's Note:**

> Pleeeeaaaaaase leave kudos and comments and tell me what you think!


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